The current weight of the state, that I left me in; almost done me in.. How did I get here, AGAIN?! Ah, I see.. I lost the traction to believe – in ME; Not the ‘me’ imprisoned by fear, failure and lack; but the young one, tucked way deep down in the back.. The back of mind, heart and core; laced up with ribbons of dysfunction, pain and trauma from all the years before; Her voice ever softened crying out for solace- HELP ME! I plead.. save me from this space – place seeded in me – help me escape this world- this construct; empty and fake. I can feel the echoes of her small trembling voice reverberating in my ears; “Why can’t I be like my peers?” Heart and eyes swelling with tears.. arms outstretched longing for someone to hold me, console me; not scold the the unsalved bits of my soul.. It’s deafening and it’s taking it toll; pushing with a force, a steady strength and pace.. ever inching to the ledge; the edge of my escape or fate? Then I hear it, my voice of most high ”Remember who you are! You will not roll over, give up, throw in the towel or say goodbye! For salvation, peace and true freedom is nigh.. Your work here isn’t finished, there’s still so much left for you to do; You my sweet child have NOTHING TO PROVE! Just share your truth.” Here is the secret to dismantle the chaos: When you’re standing with your back against the wall; looking into the eyes of those awaiting your fall – release the breath you’re holding; dreading the notion of having to start again at a crawl.. Let the cards and mask, drop, fall where they must – without a whimper, tear or fuss; for you are not alone: and there ARE ones you can trust. Let them hear you my darling; for this is your calling! Can you hear me, my tribe? NO VOICE is too small; It’s why we have each other in this life; after all.
*With all my unconditional love, Shell*

a line we draw,
Ever changing yet-
Rarely executed as conceived.
An idea beyond your skill level-
You draw the line,
You make up your mind-
You’ll accept nothing less…
Then it stretches and breaks,
You’ve got a chance to draw again.

It takes a lifetime of mistakes.
Or perhaps one very enlighteneing day-
Your lines are yours to draw,
Your choices yours to color.
bounadries are yours to make,
With each relationship or day-
They change…
that’s okay.
Some people never find them,
Some never pick up the pencil-
To draw a line for their being-
To ask themselves what they believe in,
Draw your lines- confidently.
Devote yourself to them
As if you are someone you love-
Stick to them unfailingly.
Just like an etch a sketch-
Always feel free to give them a shake.
When YOU are compelled-
Your life is yours to draw the lines & create.

Half a lifetime ago,
I buried a future
in these woods.
 
Vowing then 
never to return.  

Refusing to revisit
a painfully lost vision
left broken in a history
full of revision and derision.  
 
But, tonight 
I returned.

To seek forgiveness,
from the lost life 
I buried alive.

Drawing a deep breath,
I stepped into the past.

Following old instincts
down lost winding trails
in the late evening heat.

As songbirds flew quiet overhead,
and dry leaves cried under my feet.
 
Rushing, familiar winds
      howled in both ears,
feeding old, tired fears.
 
Everything has changed, but still 
everything is the same.

I walked through mangled 
forgotten trees,
that ceased being haunted
but were clearly diseased.

Her screams cut through my anxieties.

She remembers me.

I ran, frantic, 
without thought.
I still knew the spot. 
 
Dropping to my knees 
as dark clouds stole
the last light.
 
I dug.
I clawed.

I fought to find
the part of my mind
I was working to refine,
but buried alive  
before its time. 

Is this it?
Is my future over?
Is this the end? 

A deep coldness
crept over my skin,
as I began to give in.
 
It was then.
She took my hand. 
A fiery grip from within.

Light rushed into my heart.
And courage flashed in my eyes. 

For the first time in so many times,
I stood with a rush of adrenaline.

Finally, 
ready to live again.

Love still lives on

There are promises that surpasses this world,
often filled with things in life we can’t comprehend.
Yet when we take a moment to be still and believe,
there is a song that’s being played on the wind.
When the breeze caresses your tear streaked face,
when you grieve in despair that they’re gone,
we must remember that love never dies
in the light and in our hearts love still lives on.
When the raindrops fall and mingle with tears,
when the sun rises and sets on days hard and long,
allow the rays of God’s love and light to engulf you,
for in God’s embrace is proof that love still lives on.
That random butterfly or strange cloud in the sky,
that whisper or suddenly you hear that special song.
Our loved ones are always near and with us,
giving those signs that their love still lives on.
To grieve is human and we know,
that the process is never a straight line.
There are moments when you can laugh and smile,
there are moments when you may feel out of your mind.
Beloved feel what you feel when you feel it,
for each of us will grieve in different ways.
Yet be compassionate to others and yourself,
it’s a path we all have to walk and ultimately take.
Allow your village of lights to surround and lift you,
may the Lord comfort your hearts all along,
for the word says “I will give everlasting life”
that’s a promise from God that love still lives on.
Fill your spirit with affirmations and memories,
know that in the midst of life’s storms you are never alone.
May God strengthen you always with heavenly kisses,
a reminder that love never dies when love still lives on.

I am not where I come from
That’s not my identity
Though it somehow fashioned me

The way I talk and the way I walk
Always looking round me
That’s that city mentality

But it doesn’t fully define me
I am more of where I’m going
The place that awaits me

The welcome mat of glory
That’s my destiny

The beginning was just the start
of this journey that takes me
to where I long to be

It was a time and place for which most will forget
But that which lies ahead,
That’s majestic yet

So it doesn’t matter where or how I started
What matters is where I will be
Eternity

This tainted skin
the crevices found on my body
the cuts and scrapes
the tears that remain

the weight on my shoulders that pressed down so deeply
That I could barely breathe deeply

None of that fully defines me
for this is just the journey

And yes there is value to this journey
You gotta look around and breathe it in take it all in
Still what matters most is what lies ahead in the distance, in the horizon,
The shining glory,
that’s where I’m going to be
that’s me

“We’re led by a force that we believe is outside of ourselves. Pulled to the most beautiful things, we subject ourselves to experience the most wretched—duality in and of itself. Each experience separate from the meaning we assign to it, unique to every one of us. And so, in the end, when all of my life is behind me, I will still never know yours—except in passing.”

The rarest personality trait in the U.S. making up 1-3% of the population
Although very cool, it gets hard to find those who you can truly relate to or be open with
The quote says, “with great power comes great responsibility,” so off days must bloom even when I feel off
Quickly collecting myself like “where is my super suit?”
I have incredible things to do
My superpower sports a cape of compassion like a brand-new bowtie
But they can’t see me when I graze the clouds
Because their mirror gets ignored for parts, they wish to see for themselves in everyone else
Judgement then gets passed at a surface level, but my mind is only comfortable in the sky
My secret identity is me, myself, and I
But they never see passion behind the why
I’m a pretty good judge of character after about three goodbyes
I can dissect the parts of your heart that need surgery, the parts that make you cry
I can feel the shift in your breathing from across the room
I can tell your mood based on the way you’re walking or talking
I can stop the bleeding with my words of wisdom
Words that have traveled around the world and seen multiple lives
Lives that have ended early, lives that couldn’t find purpose, lives that found love and happiness, lives that weren’t treated fairly, lives that only saw hell or some lucky few only heaven knew
All these residences a hundred lifetimes could never see
My intuition breathes on the daily
It’s exhausting but I’ll never get tired of helping others
I’m an empath so my path encompasses the needs of others, I’m still learning to acknowledge my own
I’m observant on a microscopic level so it feels as if I can predict the future when I just notice the behavior patterns most glance over
The keys are in the details, but no one reads between the lines, people only want the cliff notes
Well, pull out your pen, I’m going to bring success to you
1. Love others more than yourself and true love will be attracted to you, you won’t have to keep searching for it only to find pain
2. Gratitude is the only peace that last longer than self-care or a vacation, stop stressing over the things you can’t control
3. Fear and Comparison are cousins that shouldn’t be in your family tree, they are poisoning your roots; so, have a conversation with the two and watch how relatable the confidence you thought you never knew begins to bloom
p.s. my superpower is learning to be a better version of me…

When one turns their back on the suffering of the world,
they are no longer sorry
Sunrays break in the crevices of the dark hole in which grief has buried them

Darkness is an old friend of theirs and they find comfort in not having to use their eyes
Just like the swollen blisters of the heart which keeps one in comfortable sorrow

The erasure of shame and the dirty work of healing is a prayer
They pray for discomfort
They pray to feel a cold sweat trembling down their spine
And to have feelings again

The cave keeps one safe
When one tells themself that they belong in this cave,
they cannot be perceived by the world’s creatures

They cannot be scratched or bitten
At least if they are the one to hurt themselves, control still lies within hand
And when one labels themselves as a victim, it allows them to pursue life unseen and perfectly irresponsible

But there is a light at the end of the tunnel
And they realize that they were never a victim of the world’s suffering
They crawl
They beg
They pray for discomfort
To see the world hanging upside down as the bats fidget and swoop
out of the darkness into the light

This cave no longer serves them
Their sorrows will kill them
Their soul longs for a greater meaning than the dark,
damp walls that this crumbling home has provided

Creeping on their hands and knees, they bring the light closer
The moistened air becomes cold and the light becomes blinding
Their tears are sparks of what overstimulating joy could be

Coming out of their cave dragging their feet behind them
They see the world for the first time and the great expanse before them
The illusion that the cave was the only part of this universe flees away in dismay

How could they have stayed in the darkness for so long?
The world is too big for their eyes and their heart
It’s cold and dangerous with people who speak a different tongue
But passion burns through each and every single one of their souls
The cave dweller makes a decision
This discomfort will save them
Transitions the coldness of their heart to the goosebumps of their skin
With the blinding sun rays that caress their cold little body,
they are alive and perfectly stunned

When the trees lose their leaves,
their vail falls away.
They stand before us, naked,
and the skies all turn gray.

Trees don’t go out looking,
for something to fill the space.
They wait through the winter,
wrapped in its cold embrace.

They don’t waste time worrying,
wishing that they were warm.
They know it’s just a season,
and soon new growth will form.

I’m sure they miss the foliage,
they had the year before.
But when God takes something away,
He always gives back more!

So when you face a loss,
that brings you to your knees,
know that it’s just a season.
Like when the trees lose their leaves.