There’s a myriad of ways to phrase it.
I’ve been told that if I can’t stand the heat
I should exit the kitchen-
But it’s the only room in my world
And it’s on fire,
Where the circumstances are always dire,
I’ve prayed that the smoke of the flames may lift me up higher
But I never could seem to escape the safest and only room
In my house.

Winston once said:
“Success is not final- failure is not fatal-”
Yet the both of them tied me up in knots,
Fun is not s’posed to be painful
Yet the both of them placed me in a blender,
And I’d become shredded to embers before
Recognized for being unique
Creativity is a gift-turned curse.

And the phrase:
“It could always be worse”
Never suited me for a second
Because the second I stretched to touch or at least
“Reach for the stars”
A force would come to cut my fingers off
As The Strangers scoff
How could it be worse?
And the stars and I grew farther apart-
An old friend once said “the world must change it’s heart”
But I worry that would never change for me and the other writers
With our fingers cut clean-
While the stars glow brighter than a Dreamer’s ever seen.

I’d opted to a phrase that bandaged my fingers
Years ago, searching endlessly for answers
To and fro but
My life- I mean one Hell of a kitchen
Is nothing but blood and of pain and of stiches
Inside this home-turned-prison
What a grim thing to say,
Though it’s kept me alive to this day:

“Kill yourself, or get over it.”

There will come a moment where you say, “Not this. This is too much.” I say, “Yes, this.” This must be borne, must be experienced to the core. When it is, this core is discovered to be none other than truth itself. – Gangaji

———

A friend once told me that they believed
“That life never gives you more
then you can handle.”
They sincerely believed it and yet,

I could only respond with
“Well then I must be ten feet tall
and bulletproof, because I’ve been
thru a lot more than you can imagine.”

Bear in mind…
We both work at a
residential psychiatric treatment facility
… so I suppose he could imagine a lot.

But he paused for a sip of tea
or maybe three and said to me
“Well then, maybe you are.
I can imagine that, can you?”

I walked away from that moment
buried in my memories of
one of the worst fights for my life
I had yet endured.

I once loved a man more monster than real
his mine shattered into a mosaic
of unconnected thoughts and impulses
later described as a schizo-affective psychotic break.

I couldn’t shake the memory
of going two days, or more, or less
time folded inward on itself
as I went without food, sleep, or water.

Trapped in that apartment with him
we used to dream of a future together in
as he hurt me again and again
with metal, with hands, with words, with…

twisting a tableau of the fantasies
made real by his chaotic mind
and I endured.
and I endured.

And I endured … and I don’t know how
I can’t find the reason why
as I found myself breaking apart
all ego, all sense of self gone

Vanished into the ether
there was nothing left…
except a light
at the core of it all that said

“Endure
You have something to live for
you still have something
you need to create.”

I came back from the memory
wishing to turn back to my friend to say,
“Maybe you’re right.
Maybe I am ten feet tall and bulletproof.”

I endured
and I know I always will.
I still have something
left to create.

Twelve years young when her heart bled
Left out by friends and cast aside
But her dad, he pillowed her pain and said
“Kid, tune out the noise and enjoy your own ride.”

So she danced to her own tune
finding her belonging.
College came soon
and she thought of her calling.

“Be the change you wish to see in the world”
there was Gandhi…so wise in verse.
Drowning in books, her head it swirled
Yet she prevailed and earned the title Nurse.

Today she finds herself,
sometimes up and sometimes down
So she pulls a book from her shelf
– a poet worthy of a crown

Mary Oliver, “Instructions for life”
gracing her with a bit of wit
words to simplify her inner strife:
“Pay attention. Be Astonished. Tell about it.”

So this is a love letter
in its own way,
to the hidden gems of wisdom for better
I’ve so gently tucked away

To live by the heart is the sweetest of things;
To live by the heart is living in honesty with yourself;

It’s to live courageously;
Isn’t it beautifully and joyfully tasteful operating from a place of love and resonance;

To stamp your existence to the world in your own skin daringly, devoid of shame;

Choosing to show up for you for a change;
Allowing yourself to be vulnerable to any and all for the sake of actually breathing your own breath;

Now that’s power;
An innate presence present in us all;
What bigger a disservice committed to ourselves than to mute the SO(U)L;

For to live by the heart is to invite more beauty in both the individual and collective world

When I start to sink it happens in waves
My thoughts weigh me down slowly but steadily
A premonition takes over me
I see myself beginning to drown wondering why I wasn’t fighting to break out
Dissecting the voices in my head like they’re the deep murky waters yanking me down
I allowed myself to stay just hardly afloat
Basking in the depths of the tormenting waves
Finding solace in the solo sea almost refreshing to let my tears consume me
My grandmother once said something I’ve repeated silently throughout this life
Never paying much mind how could I when I was only just five
Never turn your back on a wave
Suddenly the meaning passed right by me while drifting away I lifted my gaze
It was a single red balloon signaling to return to grace
Now 30 and won my battle at sea
I fled to freedom feeling the sand beneath my feet
No longer waiting for someone to save me
Feeling the glimmering orange haze from the sun beaming down on me
I once felt constrained while the Kraken imprisoned me
Now I’m finally safe I feel the joys of life pour back into me
Peacefully floating in rivers now but only in my dreams I feel them cleansing and changing me
Never turn your back on a wave what a simple way to remind me to stay safe
Even your own mind can commit the darkest of crimes
When I feel everything begin to crash down on me
Meet me at the sea I’m no longer afraid to fight even the darkest shadow versions of me

A blanket of black,
A comfort of lives long dead
And the stars breathe life.

Subtitle: Love Conquers All 💙🤝🌎

Your Love is — truly “insane”
Hard to explain —

Hard to believe —
You would have — such — Amazing Grace

It makes me — choke up — to think about —
How Great — Your love — truly is

I just wish — the rest of the world — would be open — to receiving it

So they could also — watch you move

So they can see — we’ve all been — chosen

Not just me — them too

The “righteous” route — is not an easy one
but neither is — thee other

At least with you — my pain — won’t be in vein
& I know — one day — I will recover

I’m so thankful — for the life — I currently live
Illness & all — as hard — as it may get

I’ll take it — over a life — without You — any day

I have truly — began — to believe & to see —

You will always — supply me — with adequate strength & resources — to push forward & succeed

I can’t stop myself — from getting emotional —
thinking about — all that — You Are

— & all — that — You’ve Been

You Are —
The Way, The Truth, & The Life 🙌🏼

Our Father, life long Partner, & Friend 🫶🏼

If earth— has the capability — to feel — this good — at times

I can only imagine — how eternity — in Heaven
— next to You — could’ve been

Adam & Eve — deprived us of that — from the start —

but I know — Everyday that we choose you —
we’re that much closer — to joining you — at the top

At the top of — “The Staircase”

I was never really sure — how we — would make it —

But you told me — all I had to do — was take
“The Next Step”

So here I am Lord — to give You back 🤲🏼
Your Glory & full credit 🙌🏼

I could’ve never done it — without Your loving care & detailed instruction

To Our Creator of the universe — The Most High — Jireh

I can’t wait — till the day —
we finally get to see — for our selves —

A world — where joy meets — no end
& “Love Conquers All” 💙🤝🌎

***Quote to live by***

“Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase” —MLK

“Pain is weakness leaving the body”

– Lieutenant General Lewis Burwell “Chesty” Puller

oh how my body aches
and how my mental faculties
are full of distraught,
agony and suffering

yet i hunger for more,
nothing seems to satisfy me
for as soon as i reach my peak
there’s another valley soon to follow

this push and pull of forces
has me wondering about it all
is there something i am chasing,
maybe a mirror on the wall?

regardless, i press onward
for the only way out of this world
is by facing what i dare not dream of
for even a whisper could wipe it away

this pain is simply weakness
leaving the body ever so fluidly
and i welcome it as a friend
standing alone at summer’s end

There is one particular positive affirmation
which speaks the most to me;
“You are exactly where you need to be”.

Focus your energy on the here & now,
stay in the present moment.
For the time will pass
regardless how you spend it.

Set yourself free
from feeling as though
you are never anywhere close to being
where you want or need to be.
You are.

First is first- as Jesus says:
“Come unto me, and ye shall find rest”!
Also saying, “The Truth makes free”…
This jailbird found his heavenly wings!
Also many blind are now made to see!

Made is not forceful-Made=Cause,
Because of the great goodness of Him-
We are compelled to keep his laws…
Even if it’s alone it’s perfect for this Tim!

Because the law is Love, I can trust that,
Grace from above to all of us Street Rats!
He sent, He lives, always did exist-
The self-sufficient King,
In need of nothing on his list…
Except you! He carries in hand,
You’re his priceless Jewel –
Please understand.
He gave His life for you to live,
Eternity passed all, please come to Him 🙏

Be pure and be true
To this God- man who made,
I know it sounds cruel-
But by His blood we’re saved!!!
For all eternity He changes not His mind,
You were on top of His every thought-
When death closed His eyes…

But only for 3 days,
He walked right out of the tomb,
In hell he made his bed-
Like a weekend hotel room.
Yes he suffered God’s wrath…
And he suffered for you!

Again you are all this King of kings need,
Take him at his Word
Your restful soul is guaranteed!
He prepares for you a special custom place
Fitting you so well just let it be,
Perfect beauty placed in heaven’s seat!

Nothing in our hands-
Everything He gives,
Come to His Fountain of Life…
And buy these 2 quotes live!!!

9-25-24

Don’t let your trauma define your aura.
The whispers tell of a different era.
A time where self-love came theta
Fast forward to today, I emulate that if I may
Don’t let your trauma define your aura.
The whispers tell of a different era.
Fake it till you make it, peace like they can take it
Bound to you fruitfully as they can make fit
Don’t let your trauma define your aura.
The whispers tell of a different era.
Truth fills the soul in every corner
Binding to divinity, all holy trinity
Spreading light internally then outwardly in my vicinity
Don’t let your trauma define your aura.
The whispers tell of a different era.
Look at my past, the era of trauma.
Swiftly ended generational curses among us
Love, light & soul ties made it to karma
Don’t let your trauma define your aura.
The whispers tell of a different era.