To stop drowning
You must go under
To pull yourself out
You must sink deeper
To get back to her
You must defy protection

A predator is frozen in her path
She can’t see around him
She can’t see the world waiting for her beyond him
She can’t see that he is stuck, not her

Because you left her behind
And it was too hard to go back

To wake her
T…read more

“I have done nothing all summer but wait for myself to be myself again.” Georgia O’Keefe

I don’t know where I go in July and August.
My soul goes on vacation
But it feels like an evacuation
A fire drill.
My body fumbles through the motions
Numb, blind, senseless
And then there I am,
Waiting in September.
I resent her for abandoning me
Unti…read more

I think about the Sea Isle house: the steep steps to get to our upstairs unit, the deck that overlooked the bay, the hot air that hung in front of our eyes before we got air conditioning. I think about the Horsham house: the rainbow driveway, the garage converted into a playroom, the green plaid couch on which I spent my days. But mostly I think…read more

There isn’t an enemy you can’t evaporate with your strength
A cold you can’t drive out with your warmth
A person who can’t be changed by your love
A chaos that can’t be quieted by your leadership.
The magnitudes are already inside of you
Bred into your blood and etched into your bones
The strongest you’ll see in anyone is already yours.
But…read more

In this chapter, I’m brave
Toe to toe with my greatest fear
I don’t win every battle
But I won’t fail.
In this chapter, I’m awake
Thawed from the ice
Turned inside out
Not a beginning, a reclaiming.
In this chapter, I take it all back
The life I said I didn’t deserve
Because in this chapter,
I suffocate the me I created for protectio…read more

Dear Unsealers,
It’s still dark outside when I click off my alarm. The air conditioner above the bed suggests I pull the covers up and roll over but, without hesitation, I swing my feet to the cold tile. Bathing suit on. Hair pulled back at the nape of my neck. Without breaking stride, I grab my dive watch and bandana and head to the dock. Thick h…read more

Drowning in plain sight
Smiling, lunges burning
My body begs for the escape of sleep
My mind rests on substances
Neither my own
My will spinning, sputtering
My grip weakening
Relief would be to make it all stop, to just let go
But I’ve survived this endless night before
More times than I can count
Coming back is never easy
But, it’s not as s…read more

My perfect day
could be fall or spring
at home or exploring
solitary or spent with the people who embody my joy.
There is nothing to be earned
no aesthetic to be achieved.
Perfect,
I am outside
connected with the earth
moving my body
in the ways that empower me.
I am cocooned at home
connected beyond the physical
using my creativity
in the ways…read more

Every year she asks.
I peel off my skin
scour for shortcomings
failures.
Pen to paper before the deadline
when two arms reach for the heavens.
One night makes us new
clean.
This night defines our goodness
our worth.
2024?
What will I feverishly change
reject
in the name of betterment
self hatred?
2023.
Magic came as pain
pain as fog
disguised…read more