Lace up this heart of mine
with your gentle hands
rather than your toxic lips

The final good bye of a broken heart does not happen in the light but by way of the midnight dark.
I was holding on to all we were,till there were no more words and I no longer hurt I asked you to stay ,I begged,and I prayed but still I was not your one.
Why did you ask for my hand?why did I allow myself to feel as if this was my only chance? These questions are a mystery.butthere they are laying quietly inside of me.
I gave you my all.Even through the lies and the walls.
Through the pain and the sorrow and still I was never going to be good enough for you.
But I woke in the hour of prayer with these words hanging in the air.I did not need you .I wanted you.
I thought you were my person.I thought you were going to be there for the rest of my life.I felt that we would create memories not heart ache and strife.
I tried to be patient,I tried to be kind even when I found out I had been living a lie.The lie was it toldto gain more than I could give? Was it said so you could pretend?or was it a deal to be happy with the cards you had been given? Was it tried but only for a minute? Was your heart true? Or was it just mine? These are the questions asked in the dark ,of a mind not crazy just trying to understand why you chose to break my heart.
Was it anything to you more than words spoken to the air?For me it was a blessing,a miracle,a release from the pain,the the fear,a feeling of safety and so much more.
When you first hurt me I told myself he is young and he does not understand he was not given the chance there was no example to share.He was not raised by a Godly man and only having women to guide and protect him.I had made more excuses then I looked a round and had to put myself in check your doing it again;I whispered to myself in the dark don’t make excuses don’t allow yourself to be put on a shelf because that shelf only holds lies and confusion, deceit and so much more.
You are a child of God not a piece of broken on the floor put your faith in God and look up above this is the source of true undying love.He will guide you and lead you to a new and it’s not a person and it’s not sitting on a pew it’s in the prayers whispered,and cried out loud and screamed.it is in the travail and the love that is felt and not seen it is in the actions of a warrior on her knees this is something nothing not woman or manor beast can give.It is only God that can give you freedom so as I release this heartache and despair I know that I’m ok no matter what when or where My Love will only come from God my true hearts desire and if I can hold on to this truth with a strong faith and a prayer I know even in the darkest hour my God my father my love .
Power comes not from man but heaven above I have more than anyone can give me I have my father in heavens love and with that being said I know I will be ok
Today is a new day cause my God came down in the flesh for my horrible sins he died on a Cross and rose again.
He gave me life and saved me from death so what does he ask of me nothing more and nothing less then what I can give which is only my best .
My faith My love My song My blessings for those along the way .
But not do the rich but for the poor not for the found but the lost ones lying on the ground.
So in closing this I will say my heart may have been broken,but God restored it today ! This is my Renewal! This is my independence day!

Your physical appearance
shined more than
your emotional guidance.
I don’t know to either
be mad or hurt.
You gave the bare minimum
yet took more than needed.
Your form of love was
thru the necessities
of food, home and clothing.
Grieving doesnt feel right
more like hatred inside.
Confusion overshadows
the mind of forgiveness.
Reparenting what was
ignored only comforts
one’s soul leaving
another apprehensive
when in need.

You hype the conversation
with such admiration
In the same breath
you toss out rejection

Special Note: This is a song that God gave me. It is simple and easy to learn. I’m sorry, but I’m not able to share a tune. This is after Matthew 4:19 Follow Me and I will make you fisher of people, (NIV)

Song:
Jesus said, “Follow Me, Follow Me all the days of your life. Follow Me, Follow Me now! I come from Heavenly Father to die upon the cross. To save you from your sins because I love you as the Father does. So, Follow Me, Follow Me now!

Jesus said, “Follow Me, Follow Me, all the days of your life. Follow Me, Follow Me Now! For the world is truly angry. So, tell of His scripture and tell of his might. Tell of His glories from up above. So, Follow Me, Follow Me now!

Jesus said, “Follow Me, Follow Me all the days of your life. Follow Me, Follow Me now! I come from Heavenly Father to die upon the cross. To save you from your sins because I love you as the Father does. So, Follow Me, Follow Me now!

In the stillness, a man sits alone,
Twiddling thumbs, lost in thought’s heavy stone.
The weight of desire twists like a vine,
For the comfort of medicine, a lifeline divine.

Yet, in shadows of doubt, he grapples with fear,
Relying on others is a thought too austere.
The freedom he craves feels just out of reach,
While reservoirs run dry, with no hand to beseech.

Each moment weighs heavy, a silent despair,
For the solace he seeks is elusive, rare.
In the labyrinth of longing, he searches the sky,
Hoping for solace, though the well seems to dry.

Lost for words, I wade through a pool of sand,
Where time drifts dimmer, like shadows hand in hand.
The whisper of the breeze carries a gentle sigh,
As the bowl of burdened thoughts is cleansed, set free to fly.

To some people a man is someone that tries so they do what it takes cuz they have to get by
To some people a man is someone that don’t quit even at the Rock bottom they just deal with it and they keep on going without having to knowing but they climb
out of the hole and continue to keep going
To some people a man is a guy that don’t cry he’s too tough to show emotion so he buries it inside but we know he has feelings that he hides in a place but no matter what it won’t show on his face
To some people a man is a full-time single mom who takes care of her kids cuz Daddy is gone and maybe he’s in the picture and maybe he’s not but we have to understand that Mommy goes through a lot
To some people a man is someone that puts food on the table who works day after day even if they’re not physically able and maybe their health has got them feeling weak but they’ll provide for their families even if they sell drugs in the street
To some people the man is someone that simply had enough and maybe it’s because he’s been through so much so he works up the courage and finally walks out and becomes brave enough to put a gun in his mouth

Maybe I am a monster
After all, I do scare you at times

Maybe I am untrustworthy
After all, even while making eye contact, that in which I say or do is still questionable

Maybe I am cold
After all, I’ve influenced tears to fall upon such a beautiful face more than once

Maybe I am immature
After all, I do allow myself to become lost within my Gemini energy quite often

Maybe I am selfish
After all, “I” has become the center of my L(I)FE, continuously neglecting you of the presence you once considered to be a friend- your best friend

Maybe it was all a mistake as you stated
After all, 10-11 years of friendship became undone with just a single choice, a single phrase, within a single moment

Maybe it was never true at all
After all, I was in a desperate phase of my life when I approached you in our high school’s library

Maybe I never truly loved you as much as I had declared

After all, whenever met with a certain aspect of yours, I tried to change it because I thought that it would make things better for me

Maybe I am a parasite
After all, you have been the financial powerhouse within our relationship and in your absence my ship would’ve sunken long ago

Maybe I am reckless
After all, I’ve been working since 2016, yet my savings account looks as if I just starting working last week

Maybe I am a murderer
After all, I’d watched you die internally when I decided that our marriage should be no more

Maybe I have a substance abuse issue
After all, I took a sip from a flask labeled “freedom” and have since grown addicted to its taste to the point that I’ve sabotaged and squandered countless opportunities in its pursuit

Maybe I am a dog
After all, I’ve allowed myself to become emotionally attached to other women, seeking feelings of completion, though you were always there

Maybe I lack empathy and compassion
After all, you told me of your fears, insecurities, and anxieties, yet Instead of consoling you as I had once done, I distanced myself as a means for me to maintain my higher vibes

Maybe the devil played a trick on you by placing me within your life as you stated

After all, look at how much I’ve disrupted, the chaos I’ve ensued

Maybe I am a coward
After all, I throw smoke bombs and vanish whenever conflict arises rather than indulging in acts of reconciliation

Maybe my presence within your life presented no benefits at all

After all, you’re still conflicted by the same things you were conflicted by when we first began

Maybe you shouldn’t have responded to that email I sent you, then we wouldn’t be where we are now

Maybe I was guided towards your light because my SOUL wanted to know what it would feel like to shine with another

Maybe this pain that we’re experiencing serves no purpose, or maybe it’s an indicator that peace is a possibility

Maybe this is the end of what I considered to be everything, or maybe this is the first chapter of the book we’ve desired to tell the tale of the lives we fantasized for ourselves

Maybe the chaos of this situation also holds within it a beauty like no other

Maybe these walls were meant to come crashing down, and this house burn til it’s no more so that we may finally build the home we each desire

Maybe this was never designed to stand the tests of time

Maybe the death of this marriage, this friendship, is what enlivens us

Maybe this is all by SO(U)L’S design
If so, then I’ve put myself through this pain with the intentions of realigning with “IT”

Through tears and confusion that seemed as if it would never end, I’ve finally arrived where I desired to be all along-HERE

Here and finally with love for who/what I AM becoming

Maybe that’s the message embedded in this marvelous disasterpiece we’ve painted- To return to ourselves

Special Note: In the following poem, we are studying Psalms in Bible Study, and this poem came to me. Pastor Jeremy Fort knows Hebrew, and he is very knowledgeable. He teaches us a lot. He helped me to organize my poem. There are only 150 Psalms in the Bible. God gave me this, and I felt for me it was my special verse, so I call it Psalms 151. If you don’t know a lot about Psalms, they use the word Y’all in several passages. Enjoy and God Bless.

Psalms 151
1. The glory of Yahweh,
2. Y’all, we are the sons and daughters of the world.
3. And our reward is to be His children.
4. Y’all, we once were lost, but now we are found.

See,
5. It is like the SON shining on our faces and hearts.
6. As such, we have salvation for our Nephesh.
7. Y’all, our blessings come from Jesus Christ, dying on the cross for us.
8. Y’all, our hearts and bodies jump for joy because of Jesus’ action.

Acts 4:12
12 Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to mankind by which we must be saved.

In life’s dark underbelly, where the filthy hide,
A tale unfolds of hearts untried.
Where pain descends, it’s grip so tight,
A struggle fought both day and night.
Amidst the thick smoke, there’s a clouded maze,
Where the soul embarks on darkened days.
In search of purpose, and lost within,
Caught in Addictions Iron Sin.
A dance with fire, a twisted game,
To numb the ache, and hide the shame.
A battle waged within the mind,
A vicious fight, trapped in time.
The highs that once were pure and bright,
Now feel like darkness and sleepless nights.
What once brought joy, now brings despair,
Became a prisoner, all while unaware.
But I light remains, just a flicker still,
A strength within that bends his will.
And for every moment, and ever tear,
There’s a chance to heal and preservere.
To reach for hands that want to save,
And stray away from this promised grace.
So with support and strength, you will see,
True happiness awaits both you and me.
So let this poem be an inner voice,
That will win this battle, and give you a choice.

I need to find the reason why,
I walk this earth alone.
I need my life to find a purpose,
And a place to call home.
I’ve searched within and deep inside,
And lost myself again.
It really hurts to realize,
I am my only true friend.
What are friends? Where’s my family?
Not a soul to love or trust.
It’s desolate in this cruel reality,
Feel less than a speck of dust.
I’ve grown to be so easily forgotten,
Standing in plain sight.
I’ve strayed away from who I was,
I’ve lost my inner light.
I need to find the reason why,
Happiness does not exist.
I need to stop getting high,
But this craving will still persist.
If I ran away from here,
I can’t promise I’ll be back.
I might as well already be gone,
From this life I’ve become detached.

Being the single one
in the room full of healing tools
Can be extremely overwhelming.
Yet, breaking cycles is far more fulfilling.
Feeling the breeze of peace
Flow thru the cracks of walls
Lets me know, I can’t break a fall.

630 in the morning
Mind is swirling
Twirling with dreams
Swaying with possibilities

Self sabotage peaks
Thru the shades
Hoping to jump thru that window & crush such

Flipping the script
is what motivates one
to fulfill these dreams.
These goals.
These self improvements.

Courage.
Let’s go!

Check in with
those closest to you.
Okay. I will.
It’s just who I’ve become.
Checks messages,
Casper feeling.
Nothing.
Am I not that
Important
As I consider you?
Am I not worth
The seconds it takes
As I give to you?

Check in with
those closest to you.
Nah. I’m good.
Let them come
to me.

Those who love and live in Christ have a better chance at everlasting life with the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Sons and Daughters arrive in the light. Peace within and not in fright. He cares for us more than we delight—struggles of each day cause the heart to steal away. In the darkness of the serpent’s path, we fight and argue in dismay.
But once we find that perfect Holy place, we no longer need to be afraid. God’s love is great, strong, and sure. We know He will protect us each day. We must remember to stop and pray. Asking for help with every little thing that we do and say. To make sure Satin does not get in the way. His light is in us, and darkness is far away. Thank you, God, for all that you do.

How precious is the life we have? The savior came and bled for thee. The cross to bear so we may live with the Gardner for eternity. As humans go, we must ask for help along the way. He is there just for us; all we must do is stop and pray. You God our 3 in 1 The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit for your everlasting love that set us free, salvation born, salvation dies so we can grow love and live with Christ.

A silver dove stretched out its shimmering wings and flew across the midnight sky. Wings touched the sky’s luminaries; the past’s remnants became transient. It gently glides to the earth like a bolide. The dove was beautiful as it played, cooing and swaying to each star. At one point in his flight, he kissed the moon’s hue. This happy little dove turned and looked at me. He gently came, landed on my shoulder, kissed my cheek, and left in the glistening of the moonlight. Never have I seen such a beautiful sight. I understood that a generous gift of God’s love was bestowed on me that night. I knew then I was in his care. I was to spread the story of God’s unfailing love.

Boundaries mean I don’t have to people-please to keep the peace around me.
Boundaries mean I can use my voice—and finally stand up for me.
Boundaries mean I’m no longer bothered by those who are no longer around me.
Boundaries mean I’ve made peace with being alone, even when I feel the urge to flee.

Boundaries are understanding that fight-or-flight is no longer the rhythm of me.
Boundaries are not needing to jump out of a moving car just to feel free.
Boundaries are no longer dreaming of screaming in a crowd that can’t hear me.
Boundaries are no longer disassociating from the feeling of being absentee

It began to greet her
and dance with her
at six years old..
The belief of the lie
that she wasn’t beautiful..

Inviting itself in during her
tea parties and sleepovers
and even as her innocent
and delicate eyes observed
life all around her..

This violence reached her…
when all she was reaching
for… were charm bracelets
and babydolls..

At six years old all she
knew were charm
bracelets and babydolls..

Yet the lies that communicated
that brown skin wasn’t as valuable,
worth it, or worthy as those
that had other skin tones,
lighter skin tones, especially those
with whiter skin tones, those lies
began tip-toeing in through
the back entrances of her
six year old tea parties..

Echoing those lies that anyone that
had her full lips, her hair texture,
and her shaped nose were
people of lesser significance..

How could such violence
reach her… when all she
was reaching for…
were charm bracelets
and baby dolls?

Her six-year-old little fingers,
grabbing the undertones of
society that showed up
without welcome.. and those
lies were placed in her unaware
hands as she accepted the
poison she had no idea
she’d even accepted..

And while her family kept putting
out the wildfires of society that
was teaching her to hate herself
by teaching her how beautiful her
brown skin was, her value, and
how to love herself- yet messaging
that opposed this often was louder..
Because it was simply everywhere
she went.. and everywhere
life presented..

And so her innocent conscience
displaying mixed reviews
of her own worth..

How did such violence
reach her…when all she
was reaching for… were
charm bracelets
and babydolls?