Thank you for not giving up when everything was trying to tear you down
You fight unspoken battles every day
I’m so proud of you for not letting it become your new face
You are still finding your place

Thank you for searching for the smallest glimmer of hope to keep yourself around
You have learned to love what is often overlooked
Doing everything you can to find a more positive outlook

Thank you for being the light in others’ lives when you often struggle to be a spark in your own
You thrive when creating their sunshine
You’ll find yours in time

Thank you for focusing on your inner peace when it would be much easier to let your demons roam
How uncomplicated would it be to give in to the chaos
Let your soul turn to stone as your golden heart is squashed
But that wouldn’t be you
You are the gentle sound of an old record being played on a Sunday afternoon
Brightening someone’s day in such a simple way

I’m grateful that you’ve never let your warm heart turn cold
No matter what challenges unfold
In the darkest of skies, you are the moon
Always giving away your light hoping to help anyone who is feeling gloom

It’s in here somewhere, shaking, out of sight—
this gratitude I keep alive for me
that’s terrified by recognition’s light.

See!

It cowers, there. Don’t get too close; it bites,
a mangy mix of actuality
surviving off mere scraps of sacrifice,
resilience, sense, and stale tenacity.

My family gets first dibs on hearty foods.

I feed their inner praise with love-steeped roe,
exotic sprigs of righteousness in bloom,
and loaves of patience-risen sourdough,
ensuring that aplomb is absolute—
oh, look! My gratitude is nearly grown.

I know it wasn’t easy getting through those sleepless nights
When the words he said stuck in your head cut through you like a knife
Stuck in the bottom of the bottle of a nowhere town bar
You said “I can’t carry on” but you stayed strong now look at where we are
You thought his hands had stained you, the wounds were far too deep
Too caught in the flame “i’ll never be the same” your soul was his to keep
You kept your head up high as your world burned to the ground
Through all the pain you broke the chains until freedom was found
But even once the smoke had cleared you still couldn’t quite breathe
The days were hard dealing with scars that no one else could see
When I think back on those days now my heart fills with pride
That you stayed strong and carried on and for it we survived
I’m grateful I walked through the fire though I wanted to run
So thank you, me, for making me the woman I’ve become.

dearest me
By: Jim Kellogg
(The Queer Poet)
10-17-24

dearest me

thank you for…
showing me compassion and clarity
the gifts of understanding and patience
aiding me to uncover
the dirty little secrets
assisting me to repair the anguish
(defying language and raising philosophical questions)
showing kindly regard to my little boy blue –
my damaged and bewildered little soul –
helping me to move on by

your generosity of unconditional love –
a bottomless well –
has moved me to hug
the willow branches of sorrow
has empowered me to express
pride in holding my head up high
has given me bravery to stand-up
to be heard
to be counted
to be understood

because of you and
your captivating power
i have pulled the sharp and jagged knife
from my hemorrhaging heart
i have extinguished the blazing fire
ending the seemingly terminal pain of…
humiliating shame and
prosecuted guilt
i have reclaimed my glorious worth
gracefully facing the storms of life

with love,
me

Hey Leroy, YOU’RE AMAZING, the past few years has kicked your teeth in, you received COVID in a single year, your father passed, friends left you and all you can say is THANK YOU JESUS, the year wasn’t easy, but YOU KNEW in your heart your family needed you, Now as you write this your Mom is recovering from Leukemia and you feel defeated, BUT YOUR NOT, you sat through Hurricane Helena in a single wide mobile home and GOD PROVIDED, it’s easy to quit, BUT YOU HAVEN’T, your car blew up, you feel defeated, yet God makes a way, Your clown ministry made the cover of a Magazine.NO MATTER what you go through, your doing AWESOME, keep up the great work YOUR AMAZING

I understood you to be my security. I understood that you wanted me. I understood that life without me was void of all possibilities. You said you loved me, unlike others. When you gave me visions for the future, you helped me see all your potential. I knew what was normal for me was not normal for others, yet I did not understand why. When the negatives came, I knew it to be my fault, for I had no other knowledge. I questioned how I could have made this happen. My perfection was not good enough to deliver the future you desired. Upon realizing what the future had to hold with my marred life, you tossed me aside.

Disfigured in disgrace, I got up again and was ready to move forward when blow after blow you knocked me down. Again, I realize my responsibility in not delivering your future to you. I look at my open hands and wonder why did God make perfection with a flaw. Perhaps you did, perhaps I did. You made something so perfect on the outside, but when you look into the center, everyone can see the imperfections, the damage, the hole.

What is left to do from here? The flaw is unmendable. It is now a part of the perfection you created, and like a crack in a windshield, the shattering is starting to spread across the entirety of the being of who I am. I wonder if others can now see the flaw in my perfection, as I can no longer hide the shattering. I should have been able to stop the disfiguring. I should have been able to be strong enough to stop the shattering. I should have been able to be more, but alas, the flaw has overcome me, and all that is left is a disgraced life. Others will be affected by the flaw, not the perfection. Others will have to see the weakness instead of the strength. Others will see a future so twisted by the past that they have to look away. Thank you for my flaw. We shall live together in harmony forever.

Mis Jess,
Well hello! How are you doing? I know it’s a silly question to ask yourself, but it is good to check-in every once in a while and assess. In case you are wondering, you are doing okay. It doesn’t always feel like it but that’s okay. Thank you for pushing through crappy parts and seeing through to better days. You have been brave through so much, thanking you for getting us this far.
I know one of your favorite quotes comes from Rent. “The opposite of war isn’t peace. It’s Creation!” You have made that such a driving force over the last few years it is beautiful to see. You take the “wars” around you and internalize that pain before you realize it. However, you have managed to channel that energy and rather than allow it to eat at your soul and sour your attitude you have transformed it into storytelling, art, and caring for others.
It is terrifying to be so different, especially from those you love, but you choose to embrace the spectrum of viewpoints you encounter. You choose to see as beautiful. You choose to seek out good in the in the worst of situations and present to anyone who will listen. Even though you sometimes fail miserably at that, you haven’t spent that time focusing on the negative or living in a state of hopelessness, or worse, apathy. Caring can often hurt but you refuse to let it defeat you.
Do you hear that word; that theme in you? You continually choose. It’s got me through some of the darkest times and it will serve you well in the future.
You struggle to see the beauty in you. Don’t we know it? While I wish we could see what others seem to see in us, do you take the time each day to appreciate how much difference you make in the world? Maybe making a difference just means accepting you are different. You are wonderfully weird, my sweet. Love yourself each day as much as I love you in this moment.

Uniquely Yours,
You

Your first attempt
Shot down.
He implied
Success not possible.
Your life-sustaining health constraints
The weak point.
Alternative for you suggested.
Disregarded.
Dream denied.
Your tenacity at play,
Second chance requested.
Humanitarian assigned,
Acceptance granted.
Ultimate goal
Shining.
Despite tough and demanding roads,
Obstacles of academia,
Dates with the machine three times a week,
Your grit and perseverance
Enhanced the drive
Uphill to victory.
The glory of adversity deflected.
Strength of the heart
Reigned supreme.

Since I was young,
I dreamed and dreamed of a day,
Where I’d find adventure,
And it would lead me away.
An experience to take me out of my comfort zone,
I dreamt of adventuring with someone,
Not just on my own.
I made up stories to write about,
I fantasized, romanticized, until my dream of adventure appeared in a time of doubt.
Falling at my fingertips,
There it was.
In the form of another,
Through a screen,
Unexpectedly, I met my dream.
On life’s journey, at the same pace as me,
We happened upon each other,
While in separate countries.
I asked the world; what does this mean?
And it replied that the answer lies in the depth of life’s mysteries.
To know true meaning,
One must immerse themselves in the unknown.
And with that, I leaned in further and further until my heart whispered, ” Let’s go!”
Because dreams and adventure are about diving in, letting go, and figuring it out,
So I dove,
I let go, submerged myself in the murky water below.
I got lost,
And fell in love;
And so began the greatest adventure I’d ever known.
We went exploring,
Saw alligators and Grizzlies,
We hiked the Appalachians and wandered the magnificent Rockies.
We visited new cities and tried delicious food,
We decided on forever and in font of a mountainous backdrop exchanged “I do’s.”
As in many adventures sometimes you lose your way,
He took a wrong turn in the dark,
And I ended up caught in the rain.
Trudging through the mud that wanted to bring me down,
I heard the wind whisper to me that at times we have to be lost in order to be found.
To walk the woods o the unknown,
To weather the rain, the wind, the snow.
To learn that with love there comes pain,
And life’s challenges bring experience to gain.
This is what gives ‘living’ life,
Finding myself in the depths of the mud realizing I had never felt more alive.
I knew now what the wind meant and what I was made to go through.
I was meant to find myself alone and afraid, so once beyond the rain,
I could look at myself and say,
“You are strong, you are brave”
And know it to be true.
Beyond the darkness and the storm,
I viewed my dream in a new form.
I was no longer scared of going the adventure on my own,
And it was when I was afraid that I’d really grown.
I kept walking the path,
Not knowing if our shared adventure would last, hoping we’d find our way back.
Back to each other, changed on our own journey.
And there he was wanting to repair and continue adventuring with me.
We interlocked fingers, walking hand in hand,
We spoke of the hurt and sought to understand.
And thus I had my dream come true,
And the dream hasn’t stopped.
I dreamt of adventure,
And adventure is exactly what I got.

You ever try to envision your future — and it looks pitch black ?
Ppl ask you who you wanna be or what you wanna do — when you grow up
Your single mother was livin in survival mode just like you — doing the best she can
Too busy to sit you down and ask —
“Baby, what you wanna do when you get older? — We gotta start to plan”

Before she knew it — your life began
You’re 17 and graduating and the years flashed right before — her eyes

Now her little girl is pregnant & must grow up and time just passed her by

But don’t get sad on me now — momma — just hold on — hang tight

This is just the beginning — This is not the end

Lucky for her — she was never alone, God had her back… & he became my best friend

You see — For many of you in my same situation
I too grew up w/out an earthly father — to help raise me
but as it turns out — I never really needed him — anyway

My heavenly father picked up his slack . . . Im just another witness & reminder of that —

He placed the right ppl in my life
to help guide me down a — virtuous path

I just had to shift my perspective & be open — to accepting his plan

Gods timing is perfect, he’s never late —
he was just waiting for me to take hold of his hand — on the other end

I had to keep my focus on someone that was beyond me & my current situation
Had to let go of any self pity and all excuses I had created
I could say lucky for me — but most my life — it felt far from it

Regardless — It was never luck or chance
Just a shift in perspective & a blessing in disguise
We all have those — everyday — we just gotta be willing — to open up our eyes
So pls — don’t let yourself be minimized

By yourself — or your surroundings
or anything else — you may be lacking
He makes something out of nothing —
time and time — again
Live life — like it’s already yours — and in due time — it will come — you will win

My first step in achieving my goals came from finding my greatest weaknesses —
Had to figure out how to turn my weakness into power — so I laid them — right beneath him

But first — let’s take it back to beginning— before I started winning

It was my big bro & my middle school sweetheart
That’s who did it —

My big bro held a lot of anger inside — while tryna figure out who he was — and what he believed in

As for my baby — He was born into a different lifestyle than mine — and I wanted nothing more than to — save him
I didn’t want to lose him — in more ways than simply just — our relationship

I had To try to prove to myself and to them
why the man up above
was the one to believe in

I’d not been able to overcome and succeed in all that I have — if it wasn’t for God — & his strength in our weakness

I wanted to show them a love — so pure
but first — I had to start — by believing

I wanted to show them his love but I knew — it would take lots of time — and patience — for them to see it

I Had to do it in a positive way
not too pushy— or rushed — or forcefully done
Cus the God I knew, taught me — early on — that’s not what real love was

Unfortunately — my current circumstance didn’t yet reflect the God — that I knew & loved
I was only 15 yrs old & hadn’t lived long enough
I didn’t have anything to prove or show for it — just yet
So I had to put my words into action even tho it was hard
I always suffered from anxiety and lacked concentration and because of it — I struggled bad
I was made out — to always feel dumb
but — I was far from that
The worlds a cruel place to live in — and at times
I believed what theyd sung
But Gods words over me and my life were different
and they’ll also speak life unto yours
So I had to live by the words that I preached
so I too could believe the words — that he spoke
it’s been almost 15 yrs since than and I’ve accomplished a lot in my life that I sought out to do
I’m still so far from done but I’m doing what I can —Lord — to make sure — it all points back to you
So here are some of my goals he helped me achieve — (he helped me come true)

I knew nothing about kids and babies
Not a clue how some day i would become a mommy
So I went to school for childcare
and became someone I’d never known
I became a infant toddler teacher and got to hold lots of babies and watch them grow
I was able to raise my baby boy — good
even tho a few yrs back I would have never thought or knew …
Remember when I sd i used to see pitch black
—Well things changed real fast when
God said to me — nahhh bby girl — wait —till you see —what I’ve got in store — for you

next up— I decided to get certified to become a foster parent
but that’s something I still have to do

I decided I wasn’t done just yet tho
so I went back to school to became a nail tech
Too
& still I thought that wasn’t enough so , I said,
how bout a barber too

Life’s been a whole lotta up down rollercoaster wild ride adventures — this is true
But pls don’t get discouraged by my accolades thus far
cause they come and go the same way we do
They will all fade into dust someday but one thing will remain to be true
My biggest goal that i accomplished & the one that matters the most
is — that even — if no one else will believe—
I proved to myself — God is true

It started with your love of movies and books,
You will read at lunch ignoring the looks,
Mesmerized by the punch line , climax ad hooks,
Diction, characters, performances that shook.

You struggled a bit with word composition,
Was it your honest young views or rough diction,
But when your mind meshed with your creative fiction,
It may take you as far as jurisdiction.

Today your composition is better than all,
You now stand and write books while I stand and walk tall,
Sorry for the long buildup, no more talk,
A youth with books under his name is no ball.