“Hold on, even if it means losing your sanity. There’s nothing more beautiful than seeing the strength of someone who can endure the depths of hell, and still remain an angel.”
Holding on during a time where there seems to be no hope can feel like an impossible task, at any point in our lives. It’s learning to live and adapt in less than optimal circumstances and trying to be strong through all of it at the same time. These are the moments no one prepares us for, because no one really can. We all have an idea of what life should be. We all have this image of what we want in life, who we want in life, and who we want to be; but life seems to always have its own plan and way of changing things. Sometimes it’s to teach us new perspectives. Sometimes it’s to teach us the true meaning of strength and in these moments we learn the meaning of perseverance and how to embody that character to survive mentally during all times in our lives. The good and the bad. These are the moments in our lives, which usually start at a younger age, where we learn how to read our surroundings. Where we learn that people around us don’t always mean what they say or do the things that they’re supposed to do. We learn with time, that let downs are a constant part of life, and it is crucial in these pinnacle moments that we learn to stand tall and remember that we also have to look out for the best interests for ourselves and our own well being at the same time. Knowledge like this never comes easy. It never comes without a price that none of us are willing to pay, but at the same time we have no choice but to face it head on when we are confronted with it.
One of the first things I learned, is no one has life figured out. We all face battles within that no one else knows about; and even if other people do know what you’re going through, life is merely perception based to each specific individual and experiences they live through. Even if they know what you’re dealing with, there’s no way for them to understand it. They may empathize and try to be there for you, but without experiencing life as you have, they can never fully understand what you’re going through. It’s important to let people in and let them be there for you anyway. Life already has the potential to be a cruel and vicious thing sometimes, when we have people who are at our sides, willing to try to understand and be there for you, it is important to let them. It’s a lonely road without having or allowing this support. I learned that the hard way. It is important to let people care about you, even if your trust has been broken. Love, no matter how fickle it seems, is the only thing that can ever truly heal us. Love, no matter the form of it, is something that we crave as a human species. I’ll forever stand by the notion that humans were made to love, and it is the absence of it that causes pain and turmoil in our lives internally. I think anyone grown will also tell you the same thing.
It is important to speak up and not bottle up our emotions. No one that truly cares for you wants to see you hurting. And even if they can’t take that hurt away, the people around you who care about you will do their best to protect you from experiencing anymore pain. And if you didn’t (or don’t) have many people who can genuinely be there for you in your darkest times, like I didn’t in my youth, it is ok to learn to become this for yourself as well. When the entire universe feels like it’s against you, you must teach yourself how to be your best friend, how to be your biggest protector, and become the person who loves YOU the most. More times than not, most people have no idea what we battle inside. Some of the people with the biggest smiles who appear to be the happiest people on earth, face demons that no one would ever guess. It’s seeing and knowing that broken hearts and traumas are the equivalent to living with broken ribs; you’re injured, you’re in imaginable pain, and no one else can tell by just looking at you. It’s knowing that something is broken and you feel the pain of it with every single breath you take, and no one else in the world can see it. Or feel it.
Self love was something I didn’t learn until later in life as an adult. I wish when I was younger I had someone to show me or teach me just exactly how much pain I would endure in life without it. It took unmeasurable tragedy and me staring into a mirror asking myself how I even got to that point, to even realize that all of the love I was seeking out in the world (in all the wrong places at that), was all the love that I was missing in myself, for myself.
I was never taught how to see past the truth that other people paint for themselves. I gave everyone the benefit of the doubt. When you’re young and innocent, we assume that everyone means what they say, and does what they say they’ll do. We assume everyone has the best intentions as we do. We are not taught how to react to betrayal. We are not taught compassion or how to be gentle on ourselves when our trust is broken by the people who are supposed to love us; be it from our family at a young age, or our very first heartbreak in any form. These are the moments that we learn what pain is, where we endure tragedy to our hearts, where we see for ourselves that the world is far more cruel than we could ever imagine. Some of us lose ourselves along the way in this process, and it’s ok. We are all human. We all have to know at the same time, we can come back from anything, too. And sometimes, we have to learn the hard way. Sometimes we are rash and hard on ourselves or other people. And all of it is normal at first. This is where we learn and gain real knowledge of forgiveness and strength; all of it comes in the moments that we decide and choose to be better than the people who are inflicting pain onto us. It’s those moments that we decide, that we can choose to learn from all of it and choose to be nothing like them. It’s the decision to not become the monsters that torment our hearts and minds. And sometimes, just sometimes, it’s only after we’ve let it change us. Sometimes it’s not until it’s too late, or at least it will feel that way. It will feel like we’ve messed things up beyond repair with our reactions or our words. But let me tell you a secret, it’s never too late.
It’s never too late to forgive yourself for not knowing any better. You did the best you could at the time, with what you knew. This is where grace comes in. We must learn grace for ourselves, to get through it. It’s never too late to choose to learn from the pain. It’s never too late to decide at any moment, that you’re not going to let the pain control you anymore. Acknowledge it. Sit with it. Grow from it. Learn from it. This will be your rebirth. This will be the day where you learn the meaning of the word ‘Redemption’. This will be the biggest fight of your life. You will have to battle demons within that were hiding away in the deepest corners of your soul, finding the roots and source of their control over you and shining and pouring light into that part of yourself first. Growing and maturing as we get older comes with learning that we have everything within ourselves to overcome all the things we thought would destroy us. It never comes easily, and more times than not, most of us try to fight it. We try to reject what it is teaching us because we don’t want to accept that ‘this is really happening’. Sometimes we act on avoidance because it is easier to pretend it’s not there and it’s not affecting us, than it is to face it and fix it.
And you know what? All of it is ok. We are all merely human.it only makes sense that we live and love like one. We all make mistakes. We all do things we never thought we’d do or say. Tragedy can put us on a fight or flight mode, and without any guidance it’s easier to come off track. Life doesn’t come with an instruction manual. Even those of us who are older who appear to have it all together, even those of us who look like we have it all figured out; I promise, we don’t. We are all learning. We are all growing. We are all on similar parts of our own journeys, trying to do better. Trying to learn more. The warriors with still faces. The empaths with bleeding hearts. The young souls who are still trying their best to navigate through life at the best of their ability with everything that life has thrown at them. No matter how graceful they move, there too was a time where we were self destructive in their life and had to learn things the hard way.
I’m here asking you to hold on. There’s so much more life left to live. There’s still so much more knowledge for you to gain, and there’s still so many people out there that you’re going to save with your story. Your testimony. Your legacy, even if your legacy is just your heart. You impact way more people in this world than you can ever comprehend. And I can’t wait to hear about your journey after. Hold on, because no matter how tragic, life is still beautiful. Love is still beautiful. It won’t be easy, none of it will be, but it will be worth it. The light is reachable even if you’ve lost it for some time. The dark can be beautiful and can teach us more than the light ever will at the same time. We need both to grow. We need both to truly live. We need both to truly love. It’s the paradox to life.
“They say all good things come to an end. And even though it may seem like a dark statement, I see hope in it;
Because there’s always a balance to life, to the universe. The yin and the yang to everything.
If good things must end, then that also means that all bad things eventually do too.”
-B. Vigil