Chaos all around me.
Where can I go to think?
To calm my mind, to be at ease.
Anxiety constantly knocking.
Refusing to stop until I let it in.
But I refuse to just give in…
To my fears, to my doubts, to the emptiness within.
Where can I go to find peace?
I search and search high and low.
Under a rock? Under a tree? Where can I go to just be ME?
With my friends? At a store?
In this life there’s gotta be more.
Will money make me happy?
The job I’ve always wanted?
A house, a car, the perfect body?
Approval of my peers, gratitude from my spouse?
No, there has to be something else.
The day I first held my daughter in my arms, I cried.
I’m a mother now, why do I still feel broken inside?
Another daughter brought me joy instead of pain.
Is there something more that can be gained?
My husband makes me laugh and smile.
He always knows how to get me out of my head.
When I’m with my family, just us four,
I feel so much peace with these people I adore.
A peace even deeper is when I’m in the great outdoors.
I can feel the wind in my hair.
I touch the grass with my hands.
The shade keeps me cool from the hot sun.
And I just breathe….
A deep breath in, a deep breath out.
Letting go of every single doubt.
My God is with me.
He knows my name.
He’s always there but it’s not the same.
To feel His peace, it sets me free.
When it’s just Him and me.
His love makes me whole.
My broken places are mending.
Whenever I need to calm my mind,
His presence is the best medicine.
Better than drugs,
Better than wine.
I am His and He is mine.
If you could feel what I feel, you would understand.
Nothing else can truly satisfy but the Great I AM.

Dear Younger Me
Worried.
Worried about the future.
Who will I be?
Where will I go?
Will I be alone?
All these questions in my head fill my mind with dread.
If I could go back and know what I know now-
things would surely be different somehow.
Dear younger me, it’s going to be okay.
Enjoy your life and you will see along the way.
Just how awesome it will all turn out.
The joy and peace you experience will wash away the doubt.
Life will always be full of problems-of this I am sure.
Don’t let that hold you back for all that is in store.
You will overcome even when it feels like the end.
Your broken heart will one day mend.
You’ll discover what is truly important.
All the other things will fade.
What remains is love. So let that fill your heart, not hate. Not anger.
Not regret.
Not mistakes.
Dear younger me, it’s going to be okay.
I promise you.
Just take it day by day.