Heart of gold but a mouth sharp, led by a mother whose depraved childhood was her fatal flaw. Wise but sometimes cold, taught by a father who found peace with the emotionless demons. It’s not easy to think about all the things I want to say to you because you were always someone who walked to the beat of your own drum. Those drums have been sharp and bold, as well as soft and gentle, and as time passed it changed to sometimes melancholic and quiet. Your drum at one point stopped thumping and turned into a silent audience. A drum grown tired of being the black sheep, a drum that would rather sit in a stadium alone than to turn into another follower of the marching band. There are a few fundamental truths that I want you to know because as time passes, and you grow, you will learn that the world is far more complex than the playgrounds you once stood on and that people are far more disturbing than the usual school yard drama.

You will see that those in which you share blood can become the sharpest knives in your kitchen and even though they will defend you, and care for you, they can also hurt you and leave you with scratches. I don’t mean to frighten you but this is just the reality of living in a world designed for people who don’t look and move like you. You will see that when you are built to move differently people will start to look at you funny and that creative outlets will be your safe haven, but don’t be too hard on yourself. I say this now because I know later you become a perfectionist and become the master of self sabotage.

You will learn that the systems we function in are flawed and to change those flaws would mean a lifetime or two of dedicated resistance. It would mean tearing apart a foundation and making a whole new blueprint. In time you will learn that identity runs deeper than the surface of the skin, and you may not understand it all right now but later you will dive deeper in what it means to be “you” which will be easier to accept than both of us could either imagine. Beyond the valleys of mistakes and lessons you will learn as you progress through life, that pain is more than the cuts and bruises of falling too hard in the schoolyard; pain comes as a result of harsh words and rejection. You will see that one song can make a world of difference in a time filled with sickness and doubt. Those songs will become both your heartache and your savior when they play heart shaking melodies and lyrics that hit too close to home. You will see that true emptiness isn’t always found in an empty stomach. Sometimes it’s waking up and seeing the ghost of people who no longer can sit with you. You will realize that a year or two can feel like a lifetime when nothing is going right and I’d like to tell you it gets better but really it just gets manageable.

You will find that friends are not always friends but sometimes they are seekers that forget the values of give and take, so when they take they might take a little too much of you and that’s okay because that is when you will learn boundaries. These lines will become your inner peace and they will become the catalyst to learning how to fill into your own cup first before We fill into anyone else’s. The stories of so many people dear to you will be filled with thorns and barbed wire and it will shake you to your core, but it will also reignite a fire in you that you lost somewhere along the blurred lines of growing and existing in a complex world. That drum that lost its rhythm with the growing pains of life starts to thump again just a little and it will continue to grow until this very moment. You will grow into yourself after being met with a lot of challenges and a lot of unlearning of complacency. The losses will be just as great as the gains and you will do more than just survive. You, We, will learn what it means to thrive, and we will take nothing less.

This is an open letter made for You, and Me and Us and We and All the in betweens because this is something we’ve always needed.

To the younger generation coming up

My name is Brian and I’m 37 years old and I’m writing to the younger generation coming up, especially my little boy who is 8 years old. I had a great childhood with two parents, siblings and family that loved me and supported me in what I wanted to do. I grew up in Cleveland, Ohio (I live in North Carolina now) and loved it there. Tough winters to get thru of course. The spring and summer after the harsh winter was so worth it. We knew spring was coming when baseball season was starting.

Brian as a child

Speaking of baseball, I wish I would’ve played in school. I thought about doing it, but I never pushed myself to do it. I might be sitting right now in a huge house with two cars and waiting on spring training. I might’ve just been coming off a World Series win. That is one regret that I have about my life. But maybe it wasn’t meant to be that way, me playing baseball. I played a few sports in school, don’t get me wrong, I just wish I would’ve kept going.

I was a really shy kid and I didn’t often socialize very much with my friends outside of school. I was really focused on school stuff, which of course is not a bad thing at all because you need your education. It is really important, stay in school no matter what! It pays off the older you get. More jobs and more money. Do the best that you can because like I said, it pays off in the end. I had a great time in school. My friends were the best. We’ve all grown up and grown apart, but with the advent of social media we can connect and talk to one another. That is really important also.

Develop your friendships and make connections everywhere in your life. It will help you immensely because there are going to be hard times. I’ve been thru a lot of them. Life is tough and hard to understand at times. If you just try to process everything that is happening, be happy or grieve, you will be able to deal with anything that comes your way. If you have great friends who will listen to you and give you advice, it will help you so much more. My friends that I have now are exactly who I need. I love them and I would do anything for them. I can go to them and they can come to me for help and advice. You never know when you are going to need it. Everyone falls on hard times. Some more than others. Just be kind because you never know what another person is going thru

I don’t know if I would have made it thru those hard times if I didn’t have them. It is so important to make connections. Yes, I know I am shy and I’m sure there are other shy people reading this letter, but if you take the time to get comfortable with people you will open up and begin to make a connection with them. It is so important to be kind to people and if you are able to help them in any way, do it because you both will be rewarded.

We don’t have a lot of time on Earth some of us, but while we are here, we have to make the most of it and help our fellow humans and fill the world with love. We need more of that, we do.

Dear Little Olivia,

I’m sorry I didn’t put you first. I’m sorry I didn’t choose you every single time because you are so worthy of a safe, healthy, valuable love. I guess every great story starts off with that one simple line… I met this guy/girl. The problem with that was, I found him and lost me. I suppose I’ve always been attracted to broken birds and perhaps I thought enough honey could cure the sting of that buzzing bee but boy was I wrong! Turns out we can’t fix anyone. In fact, the only one who can transform the heart of a man or a woman is God.

My name is Olivia Summer Hutcherson and I am a 32 year old hopeless romantic. I am a 3X cancer survivor and metastatic thriver plus a dancer, singer, poet, published author and lover of life. I adore human connection and all that that means. I enjoy sharing my art and heart out there on the New York scene. I have made a million and one mistakes and am still learning every day but the few things that I have gathered along the way are yours to take.

Putting God first in all that you do is key to a peaceful and successful life. Having a relationship with the Lord does not mean that problems will not arise but He will give you the grace and strength to get through it all. I have learned this from personal experience time and time again and can honestly say that Jesus is my best friend.

On that note, He has taught me to be a lot kinder to myself. One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is that we are all masterpieces created in His image. That means that every single person on this planet has a unique design and divine purpose over their life. There are no two fingerprints, minds, souls, or hearts exactly alike. I wish I would have embraced this more in my youth because I was very consumed with the comparison game and there is absolutely no need for that because it is clear that God created each individual with a special calling on their life that is connected to their gifts.

We must learn to build one another up. This includes ourselves, our friends, our family members, our co-workers and even strangers. Life is challenging enough so each day I make a conscious decision to speak kindly to myself and speak life into my situations. Every cell in our body is listening to the messaging coming out of our mouth. Get into the habit of thanking your body for getting you through the days, focus on the good and try not to compare.

Stay active no matter what. I used to dance 6 hours a day and now I go for nature walks but the point is that I keep moving forward.

Feelings are like visitors. Let them come, sit, have tea and visit but do not allow them to stay. Another way I have heard it put is that every rainstorm runs out of rain eventually. Cry when you need to cry, laugh when you need to laugh, be quiet when there is nothing to say, etc… If it comes let it, if it goes let it. Just don’t stay there.

Surrender that which you can’t control. Get on your knees, lift up your hands and sing when you feel like crying. There is no substitute for good old fashioned worship. Even if your voice shakes or you can only muster whispering the words. Declaring the promises of God over your life is a weapon. Releasing the pain is part of the healing process. Sometimes we just have to let it

Make time to have a little fun. Each day carve out a moment to smile. It can be the smallest thing like having ice cream or going for a bike ride with your best friend but whatever it is… be in the moment. Time is passing us by faster than the speed of light and if we don’t make time to enjoy the journey then one day we’ll look back and wonder what it was all for? Take little pauses for you along the way.

Last but not least forgive anyone who may have hurt you and take it a step further, pray for them. Hurt people, hurt people. Forgiveness is not for them, it’s for you. Get in and pull the roots out so they don’t have a hold on you anymore. You deserve freedom, you deserve peace, you deserve the love you so freely give and in case no one has told you lately….God loves you and so do I. You have always been 1st place to Him.

Love,

To All the childhood Versions of Me …

To those who felt unloved and seldom seen, know that I see and I Love you too.
Know my love comes without condition, or need to prove yourSelf, to anyone (especially me). For I know and Love All of you, unmistakably, and unconditionally.

I know you are wise “beyond your years”; but I also know its trauma that’s brought us here. I know your family were all wounded too, and passed these traumas onto you.
I want you to know, beloved ones, that all of Me holds you, in place of your tormented family. For they couldn’t love you, more than their trauma or pain. They refused to learn, and passed these things onto you, with much distain.

I tell you now and I tell you true, that pain was never meant for you. You needn’t work so hard to be, a beloved savior, or perfect Me; and you needn’t prove yourSelf worthy to receive your basic needs.

Yes, in a sense its true, you came to heal what they would not, but a martyr or a savior you need not be. You did not come to struggle, or to save them and spite yourSelf. Its time to take your divinity off the shelf.

When you want to cry, or need support, when you fear their feelings, or are turned away, by their manipulative or judging arms, know that you have mine. You have my arms, to reach across space and time, and love on you, hug you, judgment free, and always unconditionally.

I pledge to listen, love, thank, and honor you, for all you are; and encourage you, with all that I am. For I could not be me without you; but we are so much more than you think we are (or can be).

I want you to know, that when it all feels pointless or too much, when you feel alone or unsupported, helpless or unsure, know that I am here, and we are more. We are always, (and always have been), more than enough; and never, never once “too much”.
Those who called us ‘too much’, were only those who do not yet know how to love the muchness in themselves.

Those who would judge, or only love, appreciate, or use us for our gifts, are only those who fear, or are unready to embrace their own.

Those who make us feel inadequate, are those who pass on wounds of inadequacy, rather than heal within themselves.

Know this.

Know that we who dwelled in sickness, will learn to heal. We will learn for others, to heal and bless others; but then I promise, we will use this power for us too, for all the versions of us that are, were, and will be.

Know that the trauma, judgement, and pain, doesn’t have to stop us anymore. We get to heal; and needn’t punish or limit ourselves the way our family did.

You who thought, and were told that we had to be ‘responsible’, be all love, and all light, at all times, will get to stop running from the darkness, redefine, and embrace it. We will not hurt or be hurt by it, we will instead find light, strength, wholeness, and truth there.

And you, who all too often kept yourself in darkness to be a beacon of light for others, will stop martyring yourSelf, and learn to be the Light for *you… and then for the world, from your overflow. You’ll stop feeling like you have to choose a side, and find that the balance between light and dark, is where life truly lives. You are not the yin or the yang, you are both … as sacred and divine in your dark as in your light, in your masculine, as in your feminine, in your human and in your Divine.

Love who (and what) you love. You need not seek approval, or fear others’ judgements. Know that everyone you love, you love with purpose, and it’s a blessing each time you do.
Know that love doesn’t have to be hidden, and it doesn’t have to mean pain. You can love differently. You can love others, and still have boundaries, or not have them in your life at all. You can love you, and know I love you too.

You are not selfish.
You are not weak.
You are not responsible for others, their behaviors, or actions.
You are worthy of your needs; and they, nor you, are ever “too much”.
You are worthy of everything you want and need; and its my honor to help you have that.
You are amazing, I Love You, Enjoy your Life.
With LoveLight and Light Codes…
Danielle, #DAMCL ™ , @DsEnlightenedEdits ™ ®
© http://www.DAMCLDesigns.com ™ ®

To my younger self and the next generation,

Write or type out your pain. Use your pain to fuel your purpose and you’ll be surprised at what you gain. To my inner child, my inner voice, to the little girl with the glasses and braces who is awkward but means well, the one with a naturally inquisitive mind, this is for you. Here are some tips that can help you on your path of life:

• Healing is a journey and not a destination. Wise people will tell you, “I am healing everyday”. Every day is a step towards betterment of yourself.

• If you feel like you didn’t get “enough” done today, give gratitude for the day and what you did get done. That’s self-compassion – which is difficult for those of us who can be very hard on ourselves for the things that we should’ve done or would’ve done with the knowledge that we have now. Don’t spend so much time beating up yourself. Reflect and move forward.

• Ground yourself. As you gain knowledge, your instinct will be to get even more knowledge than you currently have. But by doing so without grounding yourself, you may get anxiety or make your current anxiety worse than it already is. Find out how to stay grounded and get a therapist or some other kind of professional help if needed.

• Always go with your intuition, even when it doesn’t make sense to the outside world. One of the most important things that you can develop is to learn the difference between your ego and your intuition. Your intuition could be something very simple (Go home after the grocery store…so that you won’t get into that car accident that will happen later) or something more complex (This job is too much for you).

• Learning how to set boundaries is a life changer and will save you from a lot of headaches in life. Read articles and books about boundaries. They are so important, especially when it comes to preventing burnout. You’ll see soon enough.

• Forgiveness is hard but holding onto resentment is even harder. I know it’s hard to forgive people who refuse to acknowledge what they did and offer an apology. Deep down inside, we all want to be acknowledged. The most important and yet most difficult step that we can take towards forgiveness is learning how to forgive ourselves. Forgive ourselves for not knowing better or doing better in the moment. Remember, healing is not a linear journey. Be kind to yourself.

• Nurture yourself and your inner child by doing all the things that you used to enjoy or wanted to try doing. Start doing things for yourself pertaining to your love language (i.e., giving yourself gifts, or repeating words of affirmation towards yourself). Go ice skating, get an adult coloring book, and/or just take time to be still. Enjoy each moment.

• You will get to know people by their ‘fruits’/their actions. Watch how people treat others or talk about others in their life. They will almost always do the same to you. Surround yourself with the right people. They rub off on you whether you realize it or not.

• It’s better to just drop a seed of advice than to force people into doing what you think is best. They may start to resent you if you do so or feel embarrassed when you’re right and may be afraid to tell you things in the future. Let God, The Universe, or whatever you believe in teach them the lesson that they are due for. Some people are determined to learn the hard way or having to go through some stuff to learn, instead of learning by observing others.

• Don’t focus so much on others that you forget about yourself and don’t expect you from other people. Prioritize yourself and indulge in self-care. Don’t worry about grind culture or whatever else is popular. You are a constant giver and have done more than enough for people.

• If your life got better after someone came into your life, keep them around, at least for now. If your life felt better after letting go of someone, let it stay that way, even if it hurts. It doesn’t mean that don’t care about them anymore, but it’s time to let them go. You come first.

• Finally, pass your knowledge down to the next generation, like what I’m doing now. They can benefit from your greatness and your strength that you didn’t even know that you had. Enjoy your life and dance in the sun or rain. Look at the moon and the stars, sunset and sunrise and all of God’s creation. It’s amazing. Despite all the chaos in the world, there is still beauty in it. Take out time to enjoy it.