To write about leaving my comfort zone I feel I should first talk about how my comfort zone was created. A handful of years after I was born my grandparents took over the responsibility of raising me. I grew up on a farm in a traditional household with my grandfather working all day and coming home to dinner on the table and news on the TV. He made the decisions, and we lived in his house. That being said, my grandmother shaped me… She taught me to be kind and to try to understand and offer help. My grandparent’s lived complimentary, somewhat separate lives, that intertwined throughout the day. She was subservient, quiet, respectful, and this is the world I was raised in.

Growing up, and even to this day, the go-to description of me seems to be “Nice and quiet”. Which is true, I am very guarded. In my early childhood I heard a drunken man scream at a woman almost every night and that made the young lady in the next room learn that keeping your mouth shut keeps you safe. Even after he quit drinking that fear lingered inside me for so long. One time when I was a teenager, we were arguing about something and he lifted his hand to open a cabinet door and I flinched, he was confused. And rightfully so, he had never hit me or even threatened to, and he didn’t know the fear I associate with conflict. To this day I find safety in recluse. My anxiety loves to avoid confrontation, and that’s best done by staying quiet.

Where had being quiet gotten me? It led me into a couple of dangerous relationships while simultaneously tossing my dreams into the wind. In a way, leaving my ex-fiancé was leaving my comfort zone because I left a relationship that mirrored one that I already knew. But I had been living in that “comfortable” space for decades and that environment can be deadly. Footsteps of bruised and battered women led me to my best friends so I could create a sanctuary. To a life where I can be a little louder and my smile can grow with the comfort knowing the people that truly love me are right here. I lived a life I was meant to in my hometown, a life of exploration, and finally achieved my goal of leaving home.

Even that comfort zone was easy to leap from… so many people don’t leave the area around my home of 500. It’s a dream, but more often than not it doesn’t become reality. If it wasn’t for my grandfather, who once scared the living daylights out of me, I would still be there. He recognized that I needed more than what the eastern shore had to offer and when I asked for help, he gave it. Our relationship has transformed ever since. I moved to Music City in 2019 and with the help of my late boyfriend I created a new comfort zone. When Mac passed away, I delved into psychology and experimented with my career, eventually coming back to the restaurant industry I had been so happy in for 15 years. In 2022 the Tennessee GOP began their slate of hate, and this is when I started finally to challenge my comfort zone.

In the past had been to Black Lives Matter protests but that was the extent of my advocacy. I went from 10 to 100 by joining an LGBTQ+ rights organization and going to the legislative plaza twice a week. This was a new world to me, I needed to learn the logistics of how our legislature works while also trying to make connections with people in different non-profits organizations; this was a learning process that my anxiety is still shaping around. On top of that my grandmother’s teaching to help when possible shined through. The Tennessee Equality Project helps people understand harmful legislation put forward in our legislature. In 2023 the Tennessee GOP introduced over 20 discriminatory bills, and I testified against 3 of them. I used my writing skills and understanding of psychology to fight for human rights under 2 minutes to the faces of the evils that created the legislation. A bill attacking gay marriage, a bill allowing teachers to misgender/bully students, and a bill allowing teachers to deny implicit bias training with no adverse action even if the school previously required this training. It became clear to me that the southern government was not only attacking the LGBTQ+ community but specifically children. Making the decision to testify against these bills was easy, it was the testimony itself that was hard.

Quiet and nice needed to transform into loud and stern. The days I testified in those committee rooms were nerve racking. I had my speeches typed onto paper and those papers was shaking as I held them. My heart was racing, and I felt hot, my anxiety was taking over… “RETREAT!” … But I didn’t, I couldn’t. Because my grandmother taught me to help when and how I can, and that one of the best ways to help our community. Sure, my grandmother showed me how to be quiet, but she taught me to speak when necessary. I apply this almost daily… when I go to an organization meeting or event, I look for an organizer to connect with. I reach out to people when I need understanding or help. I speak first now and that has never been comfortable for me.

Leaving my comfort zone in the beginning of 2023 was the hardest push away from a safe space I had ever forced myself into. I have had to realign my understanding of life and take on challenges that I thought were left in my high school halls. I’ve pushed my anxiety to its limits and if I hadn’t of done that I would not be where I am today. Fighting against legislators who are harming our youth, fighting for a myriad of human rights like it’s a full-time job, learning how to better shape an inclusive community, connecting with organizers so I can stay involved… then connecting those organizers with others to expand their causes. I have left my comfort zone many times throughout my life, but this leap feels to have paid off the most.