Dear younger self,

I wasn’t so fond of you in your teenage years. In fact, I rather not recall the million and one traumas. It was a tough space for a long time. Years of disappointment, loss, and instability. So, if it’s alright with you I rather take a slightly different approach. As I prepared to write this letter to you, I decided I wanted to reintroduce you to some of the people who played a big part of your life. These people were there to watch you fail, achieve, learn, make mistakes, lose, win, transition and evolve. I have learned that seeing ourselves from the perspective of the ones closest to us can be so refreshing. And teenage self, after all you’ve been through, you could surely use some tender love and care.

Your dad was and has always been there for you…even when you were a rebellious child. A child who constantly fought the overprotecting love of a father. He loved you especially in these moments. You made him proud then and you always will. He describes you as intelligent and when he speaks of your many accomplishments and achievements, he does it with an enormous amount of joy in his heart. The oldest and the only daughter, no wonder he held onto you so tight. Especially being a teenage father himself, he only wanted what was best for you even if he didn’t always know how to express it in a way that didn’t require you keeping him “out.’” But no matter how hard you tried to shelter your emotions, he knew the places that cost you the most hurt and disappointment during this crucial time of your upbringing. Again, he wants you to know that he is sorry for never giving you the opportunity to say goodbye to your grandmother when she passed. Dad saw the wall you built around your heart after losing her. Never having your mother, the way you needed her only contributed to the bricks you built so high around your heart. He saw it and so did everyone around you. You struggled to trust, and you were always afraid to lose. I guess that’s where your anxious attachment came in (by the way we still need to work on that.)

Fast forward as you approach your thirties, dad wants you to know that he is still so very proud of you! In his eyes you are an overcomer, strong, and courageous. He admires the mother in you, and the girl that is after the Lord’s heart. Lastly, he wanted me to remind you that no matter where life takes the two of you, you will always be his little girl.

Your aunt, who stepped in to raise you at the most heartbreaking time of your life, wants you to know how much you are loved. Helping put your heart back together after the loss of your grandmother was not easy but she wouldn’t change it for the world. She describes you as ambitious and is proud of the many ways you excelled in school. Growing up she saw every side including the moody, distraught child whose thoughts and trauma consumed her. But she loved you through all of it. Even in your silence, her connection to you interprets the hurt. Remember, she has and will always be there.

Since 12 years old you and her have been inseparable. Regardless of the distance your friendship has never wavered. She has played such an important role in your life. She has seen you at every stage and has truly been your unpaid therapist. I am sure you can’t imagine what life would have been without her love, sisterhood, and support. And to no surprise out of everyone she had the most to say. Even though you always describe yourself as the “needy friend”, she sees you as a constant in her life, one who has never wavered. She understood you then and remains part of the very few who understands you now. From adolescents she saw how much you struggled with the dynamics of your family. In your hurt, she shared your feelings of being overlooked and invalidated. From the attitude to the uncontrollable emotions, she was able to navigate through all of it and she always will. Through her eyes you are a true and loyal friend. You are determined (and persistent). She admires that no matter how broken you have been, you always find the courage to pick yourself back up. And yes, there were times that she wished she could shield you from causing yourself unnecessary hurt by giving you a little bit of her strength. If there is something she wants, you to know and never forget it’s your worth and how amazing you are.

I know the road to get here wasn’t easy. Looking back, I know it was one of the hardest years of your life. One filled with heartache, loss, and trauma. All I ask is that when you look back at your younger self, embrace the good. On the days when you don’t think you were enough, loved, or lost, cling on to these memories. Rest in knowing that in the eyes of the people who mean the most to you, you are nothing short of amazing. You are loved and admired. You are strong, courageous, and an overcomer. You were that then and you are that now.