Dear Mom,
It’s me, your oldest son…Junior.
I should speak to you more through prayer, but, I haven’t, which is my fault.
It’s hard to fathom, but, it’s been 20 years since we last saw each other on Earth. The world has changed a lot (good and bad) since you passed away in 2001.

For a long time, I struggled to talk about you to people I knew when they would ask about you -  because the deep sadness & emotions I felt would rise up within me.

I would do my best to remain as stoic as I could, but inside, that confused 12-year boy was crying to be released and to express the overwhelming feelings he had when he lost you.

It felt like I was going to see you cook those wonderful meals, watch you shop for things that you wanted forever, or see you watch those soap operas you loved. And then one day I see you in the hospital thinking I was gonna see you recover to be your normal self, only to learn that it would be the last time I would see you.

I’ve thought about that moment throughout the years, and each time, it makes my grief stronger. I wish I could see you somehow or hear your voice. It’s gotten so bad that I can’t remember what your voice sounded like. That makes me really sad.
I grieve for you and how you were robbed of getting to live a long life as Betty White did. I also grieve for the many lost experiences that we never had together & the positive ones that you would have made with so many people you had yet to meet.

Your untimely passing was the ultimate lesson in how unfair life can be. It was also the first major step in shattering how the world was in my optimistic head. But, I take some comfort in knowing you have great company up there with you.

For years, I was in denial about an obvious truth, which is, I missed you, and wish you were still here in 2021. You must be smiling from heaven at your four children. Your two grandchildren must also have you smiling with their bubbly & kind spirits.

Dad talks about you more now than he has in years. Each time he mentions you, it’s in a positive way.

You’re missed mom, by a lot of people. Even though your life was short, you left quite an impact on me through your loving demeanor.
I just hope I’ve made you proud so far, even though I still have a long journey ahead in life (God willing). It’s been a tough road trying to figure things out, but, in recent years, the road has gotten smoother than ever before.

Every day I honor you, by being the best person I can be, doing good to others, uplifting others who need it & emphasizing with people who had similar experiences in losing a loved one dear to them.
I hope to see you in the spirit someday, until then, I’ll honor you as long as I’m around in the flesh.