Oh fear,

You’ve been with me for a long time. First things first, let me thank you for the times you’ve saved me- letting my mom know I was hungry, keeping me away from poisonous spiders, dangerous heights, and sketchy situations. You can be a lifesaver… but you and I both know that you can also be a life sucker. In fact, I think it’s high time we had a chat about that.

You’ve held me back many times, even when I know you are often:

False

Evidence

Appearing

Real

And yet, how easily I can believe you to be true. How easily I can surrender my sanity in the face of your mirage. How quickly I can lose my authenticity in the face of your false ferocity. You know how to get under my skin. You know just how to hijack my best intentions.

Despite all this, I’m committed to making you my friend. I will continue to pray and meditate, so that I, like Scooby and the gang, can remove the terrifying mask you wear.

I will fight to see beneath your facade, gaining a glimpse into the lesson you wish to teach.

I will deliberately choose to breathe in life and love, removing the sting of venom in your bite.

I will remind both of us that you are my coach, not my boss.

Do you remember how you drove me to avoid letting people down? That palpable compulsion to say yes to every request anyone asked? I would do anything to please people with you at the wheel. More and more, I’m putting my hands at 10 & 2 on the helm. Time, practice, and my partner in crime led me to see your roots.

At your root was a little boy who feared that love had to be earned. A boy who saw love as a one-dimensional thing equivalent to a boat that never rocked. As a man, I have seen abundant evidence that true love remains in turbulent waters. In fact, genuine love can only bloom in the face of such obstacles. As a man, I know that love’s abundance means I don’t have to earn it. I know I am loved, and that truth has set me free. Free to say no when it’s what I mean. Free to save enough of that love for myself rather than spending every last penny for others. Free to walk my path and disregard sideways glances cast upon me. Free to be.

We also need to talk about how you inspire me to live with purpose and intention. I worry about losing the people I love in a tragic and unexpected fashion. Contemplating the fact that they could disappear is paralyzing. And yet, I want to meet you rather than push you away or let you consume me. I thank you for reminding me to live fully present with my loves while they’re here. I thank you for making me see in the wild works of nature how the cycle of birth and death is a beautiful dance, both elements necessary and magnificent. You remind me that I have indelible marks on my heart and soul made by the ones I love, and in that way, they will live in me as long as I draw breath. In this way, you have become fuel for me to make a more purposeful life.

So, fear, my multifaceted friend, let’s keep this conversation going. I will keep asking you who you really are, so we can make a habit of seeing each other eye to eye.

**My style score is a 72%, and the achiever in me hurts a little in accepting a “C.” But I have good reason for it. The thing bringing me down in that category is my use of repeated words/phrases at the start of sentences. I am a big believer in anaphora, as I see its power to drive home a message and bring my voice through the page. I really enjoyed using this tool though, and I see how I can create my own style rubric. I will have to continue to play around with it. Thanks for the opportunity to use this resource and to share my writing once again!**