I remember seeing this light off in the distance, a light so bright and beautiful but, it was so hard to explain. It’s like this light was a sign. I told my husband someone is coming, I don’t know who or when, but someone is coming.

You see my husband and I were foster parents. We had put things on hold because we had one of our godchildren living with us. One day we get a call from our social worker asking us if we want to stay certified. She said we’d have to take our classes online by Monday, it was FRIDAY! We did everything and got up to date for another year.

Monday comes and we get a call…. We have a 14 year old that needs a home. Without question we took her. She came to us timid and meek but, hard as ice. Hard as ice meaning she had been through things that no child should ever face. We LOVED her from the moment we got the call. She came to us on my Mom’s birthday.

We went to my Mom’s for some cake and everyone met her and welcomed her. When we got home, I remember seeing her in her bedroom barefoot and I thought “she’s home”. We had LOTS to learn and work through.

I remember taking her school supply shopping, her social worker was supposed to meet us to pay for her supplies but, she never showed up. Brittany thanked us for spending our money on her. She said that most foster parents would not do that
I remember one of the nurses speaking to Brittany instead of one of us to make a doctors appointment and when I called to reschedule because my husband had an appointment that day, she was expecting us to drop her off and I said HELL NO! This is my child and I’m not just dropping her off, I’ll be with her at every appointment!

I remember Brittany leaving our house in the middle of the night, we’d be sitting up worried sick until she came back. We had no way of knowing where she was or who she was with, no cell phones back then. I remember being frantic every time she left the house.

I remember my husband saying “Brittany you’re going to pay for that screen” she thought he was talking about cash 🤣. He meant you’re going to work it off. Ohhh did she do some pouting. She had to rake the yard for her birthday party that weekend. I went to my Nanny’s to borrow a rake and told them that Chris was having a Daddy moment. Years later Brittany remembered that lesson.

I remember having words with Brittany and she wanted to leave then SHE decided to stay with us.

I remember Brittany seeing a boy and the changes that came about in her life. While she spoke to him she didn’t leave in the middle of the night, she was more emotionally present with us etc. Her whole attitude changed. We spoke to said boy and he knew under no uncertain terms we would not play with him if anything happened between them.

I remember her 15th birthday party, she played games with everyone. I can still hear her laughing. I saw a young girl blossoming. I saw my daughter, I saw an angel before me.

I remember my husband, her Daddy and her Pawpaw Tony taking her fishing an how she laughed and told fish stories like the best of them.

I remember her making friends with girls from school and them coming over to swim and hang out.

I remember a girl who was fierce and timid all in one. I remember a girl who loved with all she had. She showed compassion and empathy towards others like no one I’ve ever seen.

I remember going to the grocery store and her asking for those soft iced cookies in the bakery. She loved sharing them with Neila. She would laugh because her tongue turned blue. I still think of her every time I see those cookies.

I remember when she was removed from our home because she was seeing an older boy. I remember being told that we were supposed to stop her interest in older boys. I told my social worker…. You tell me how. You just tell me how.

I remember her leaving her next foster home because she wanted to be with us!

I remember the calls late at night asking me to come get her. Oh how I wish I would have!!! I remember the calls on HER BIRTHDAY!! She called me at my job on her birthday! 😢 I remember the gut wrenching pain of knowing there was nothing I could do! My hands were tied, legally that is!!!

I remember that the system failed her!! I remember that I failed her!!

After she turned 18 she did come back. But she was not the same, she had to learn survival skills. She was stuck in survival mode.

I remember her seeing her Daddy lying in the hospital bed dying. I remember seeing her break down for the Daddy that she only knew a short time. The Daddy she longed for, the Daddy so desperately needed.

Once my husband passed away I remember telling her that I would not tolerate drugs in my home. I remember telling her that I loved her but, she had to go. I tried everything that I could but, I could not risk my life or the lives of my family because of drugs. I didn’t want someone to come around looking for money for drugs and end up hurt or killed.

That’s the last memory I have of my daughter! Putting her out because of drugs in my home. I’ve thought about her OFTEN over the years, I’ve wondered how she was, if she was ok??

Now all these years later I come across her obituary and it brings up all these feelings of despair. I cried! I said WHY GOD!!! I so wanted a better outcome!!! My heart hurts!!!

Brittany I have never, nor will I ever stop loving you! You were a light in my life. You brought such joy to my heart. You will forever be my guardian angel.