agggggggh!!!!
Screams are silent as to not let anyone hear
so loud inside that they are deafening
as I uncontrollably scream
with my eyes sealed shut
tears stream down my face
and my body shakes
as i let my head fall back
throwing my fists in the air
only to slump forward again
with my arms beside me in defeat
not long ago I was good
and then somehow
i managed to end up in this place
my eyes twitched
as I stared blankly in the distance
i’m felt lost and disgusted
how could i have let that happen to me
knowing that I wouldnt ever
Let that happen to anyone else
where did that even come from
how could I not see the evil in his soul
how i could I not see the hate in his heart
i wrapped myself in the darkness’s embrace
and slowly rocked myself back and forth
as to self soothe and help my mind grasp what had happened
oh the things that I had been through
with the holds of a choke
that almost crushed my throat
I am surprised I am alive today
but not without consequence
the after affects come out of nowhere
sudden moves and i jump
hands up and I cover my head and face
my drifts out of reality
bring me back to that time
and the emotions overwhelm me again
But here I am
Here I still stand
permanently scarred
but able to see through the dark
and able to be aware again
here i am smiling and laughing
eating and drinking
dancing and singing
here I am able to breathe
enjoying my offspring for days upon days
being their safe space, their light
away from anything sent to harm them
I don’t have to hold my breath
I don’t have to walk on eggshells
I don’t have to silence myself
I don’t have to hide
I don’t have to wait
I don’t have to keep wondering what I did wrong
to deserve punishments as such
I don’t have to question how many more times
i would have to deal with his undeserving behavior
I am free
I am finally free
I look in the mirror and smile
wiping the tears from my eyes
no more cries the moment
until the pain again hits the rise
it will take time to heal
and try to keep these tears out my eyes
I know
emotions will come ago
and sometimes I will be so, so
but I lived to see another day
and another moment
so satisfying and pleasing
on my remarkable journey
if I may