Dear friends,

Have you ever wanted to give up? If you’re anything like me, that’s happened more times than you can count. One example occurred last week on my first ever cruise.

I would’ve had no interest in cruising, had it not been for my mentor. For simplicity’s sake, we’ll call him David. Before I found him, I was a loser in every way. No drivers license, no college degree, no “real” job, and no support system. All I had was a rare disease, a mountain of bills, and an artistic talent that everyone dismissed as useless. David, a brilliant but controversial artist in his own right, took me under his wing and encouraged me when I had nobody. The day we met, I made a promise. I would honor his belief in me by becoming someone worthy of it, and I would devote my life to giving back to him because if it weren’t for him, I would no longer have a life.

That promise brought me on a cruise ship. David and another gentleman were teaching classes on communication and marketing; studying under them was the next step to fulfilling my promise. The first day, David gave an assignment: record your shore excursions and post them to social media. I wanted nothing to do with that! Not only do I hate being filmed, but I don’t thrive in warm, sunny beach climates. Due to my disease, I have trouble balancing on uneven surfaces like sand, and migraines triggered by heat and bright light. I knew this excursion would be grueling, but I owed it to David to try.

Onn day 2 of the cruise, I was awake at 5:30 AM. My legs were so swollen it hurt to stand, but I did. I showered, dressed, ate breakfast, and met my excursion group at the designated place and time. A crew member led us off the ship, down four flights of stairs. What?! Nobody mentioned that! My balance issues make stairs difficult, but I was afraid I’d get lost if I took the elevator. Slowly but surely, I made it down the stairs and off the ship to wait for a tour bus. Even with sunglasses, the sun hurt my eyes! My legs felt like they were on fire, but I stayed in line until the bus came.

Two hours later, the bus arrived at the beach. I was so nervous! What if I tried to walk on sand and fell on my face in front of everyone? Cane in hand, I made my way to the nearest chair. I could’ve played it safe and stayed there, but this was my first time on a beach since I was ten. Who knows when I’d get to come back? It seemed a shame to waste the chance to swim in the ocean!

The cane helped me walk on sand, but I couldn’t take it in the ocean. The ground gave beneath my feet. The waves threw off my center of gravity, but I kept going. Just when I thought I’d found my balance, I tripped and fell in up to my neck. Everybody stared at me, some with derision, others with pity. A man offered to help me, but I refused. I didn’t want to look any weaker than I already did. I would get out of that ocean myself or die trying!

I returned to my chair, humiliated, frustrated, and ready to give up. Then I thought of David. What would I tell him when I saw him later? I knew he would forgive mistakes, but he wouldn’t want me to quit. So I tried again. This time, I was able to balance long enough to swim in the ocean and make it back to my chair unassisted. Despite many setbacks that day, it was worth it to see the look on David’s face when he heard what I did. His smile and kind words made every hardship seem so small!

For all my shortcomings, I’m not a hypocrite. I won’t give advice I can’t follow myself, so I can’t tell you to love and believe in yourself. Although I don’t love myself, I love David more than I hate myself. I don’t believe in myself, but I believe in him. As long as he believes in me, that’s enough reason to keep persevering.

My advice is to find something you can believe in until you can believe in yourself, be it a person, a pet, a religious figure, a hobby, a cause, a goal, anything. Dedicate yourself to that purpose, and work for it with everything you have. Maybe your dreams won’t come true the way you planned, but when you serve something greater than yourself, good things will come your way!

Good luck!