Dear Young Friend,

For the longest time, whether I was at school or home, I felt like a big dummy. I blamed myself for not being as smart as everyone else. Learning came especially hard for me. I could easily get an A for effort, but I had a difficult time grasping even the simplest concepts. Taking a test was my greatest fear. But I found that the best way for me to feel less frustrated with the struggles I had in school was by putting my thoughts down on paper.

As a sophomore in high school, I still vividly recall one painful experience. My history teacher left the room for only a few minutes when one of my peers grabbed a letter I was writing to a long-distance boyfriend. She stood up smirking from ear to ear and started reading it aloud to everyone as I pleaded for her to please stop. A girl sitting behind me, a classmate that I had never even taken the time to know, finally spoke up and stated firmly, “That’s not nice; give it back to her.”

It wasn’t a mushy love letter but was rather like revealing the vulnerable words of a teenager’s locked diary. At first, I tried to suck in my feelings of humiliation until my classmates started laughing uncontrollably. Their laughing at me just made me feel dumber. Then totally out of character, I just got up and walked out of class.

Feeling like I had nowhere to hide from my embarrassment, I made my way timidly to the counseling office. Wiping away my tears and between sniffles, I asked the secretary if I could talk with my school guidance counselor. I thought I was in big trouble and knew my parents would never understand.

It’s what my high school counselor did not say that afternoon in his office that gave me so much respect for him. As I told him about being humiliated and walking out of class, he listened wholeheartedly without passing judgment. In a soft-spoken voice, he pointed out that I was being too hard on myself. I believed everything which had happened in the classroom was all my fault. My counselor didn’t force me to return to my history class that day, nor were my parents notified of their teenage daughter falling short of perfection.

From this role model, I learned that no matter how difficult a predicament seems at the time, we must not be afraid to hold our heads up high.

Over the years, I’ve been in contact with many young people and love rooting for each of their life journeys. Sadly, I know my “complicated” childhood is not much different than your lives are today. Some of you are struggling with the same tough issues I did while growing up. In our family, we weren’t allowed to talk about our deepest feelings that come from the consequences of adoption, alcoholism, divorce, and serious mental health issues.

I encourage you to find your inner strength through journaling, drawing, or other productive ways. From my own experiences, I believe creatively expressing yourself can greatly help the learning process. The valuable lesson that I learned from not being the smartest student academically is to feel good about who we are as individuals. That should have much more significance than achieving straight A’s. It’s not what we are taught in the classroom that stays with us forever.

My young friend, I cannot stress enough the importance of mentors who take the time to listen to your feelings, without prying. What I learned from falling short of perfection back as a sophomore in high school is to be able to find positive, encouraging adults to talk to, feel safe with, and not judged. Although it was a long time ago, my school guidance counselor made a difference in my life. At the time, he believed in me more than I did myself. He helped me to understand what it feels like to be valued in this world, the same thing I hope this letter of caring and encouragement does for you, as well.

Sincerely,

JoAnne Bennett