Today I decided to write a letter to myself. However, I wanted to be honest in this letter, I wanted to be honest about the process of coming to love myself and how it’s all coming together. Loving myself hasn’t always been easy, in fact it’s been one of the scariest journeys I’ve ever embarked on. I know for others loving themselves may come naturally. However, for me, loving myself has been a process and loving others always felt so much easier. This is why instead of loving myself, self-sabotaging and people-pleasing came more naturally to me. Growing up I did not have the luxury of being taught the gift of loving myself, to honor myself, respect myself, or cherish my own thoughts and feelings. I wasn’t taught to truly value myself and my own opinions. Although I did not possess this gift early on, I always pretended that I loved myself unconditionally. However, deep inside I would scold myself for making simple mistakes, like saying something “dumb” or never being on time for anything. Or even not being the perfect parent, spouse, etc.. for years of my life, I wore a facade that covered how I truly felt about myself. I struggled with accepting myself. I struggled with comparing myself to others and I also accepted all the loud intrusive thoughts about how I wasn’t good enough. So, you see, loving me hasn’t always been easy. Nonetheless, I cannot help but think that even in all the chaos, even in the facade and the intrusive thoughts, the only one who has been able to keep me afloat is me. I was the only one who continued to show up for me every day. Which leads me to think that maybe I have not given myself the truly deserved credit, in this process of loving myself. So, if I had to write a soppy love letter to myself today and answer the question of why I love me, I would say “you have helped me to push through all the lies, doubts and fears of loving myself. Because you did not give up on me, even on the many days that I wanted to give up. You did not lose sight of who you truly are regardless of the lies, me or others told you. Over the years you have given me a new perspective on loving and accepting me. Other qualities about you that have helped me through this process, is your resilience, your strength to endure and your ability to take every false word about yourself and turn it into something good. Over the years I’ve learned that although, I wasn’t born with or taught the innate gift of loving myself. I have a choice to love me anyway! I have a choice to love myself every day. I could choose to love myself beyond what used to be a rooted fear and disbelief of myself. I could truly take off the facade and love myself for the great women I have come to be. For starters, I am a mother, a sister, a daughter and a friend and before any of those things I am honest, open, loving, accepting of others, caring and very passionate about the things that I love the most. I am a creative person, who enjoys turning the ugly things or not so good things into something amazing. I enjoy telling stories and getting lost, freely writing and expressing my feelings. I am someone who sees the beauty in everything and everyone. Now, I realize I can be all these things and more, because this is who I am at my core.. No longer do I have to People-please to seek validation, or self-sabotage because of disbelief. I can truly love myself in a way that is self-assertive and unconditional. No matter what mistake we, so happen to make, we can look past that mistake without wearing it as a tag to our overall self-esteem. I think that I would say to myself going forward that although this journey can be scary, uncertain and sometimes even lonely, don’t ever quit or stop acknowledging all of your small efforts of loving and honoring yourself daily. Don’t get too caught up on your hang ups, but instead, remember that loving yourself always begins with the decision/choice to choose to love you above all else, beyond all the lies. Even the ones created by you. These days I would say that I am more accepting of myself, more patient, more kind, more loving, gentle and overall good to me. This has been the process in which I have come to love myself, and now it’s time to love my neighbor as I love Me! 😉
P.S
A letter to Myself