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  • Telina shared a letter in the Group logo of Mental HealthMental Health group 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    The Imperfect Version of Us

    To whomever this reaches,

    In a society that tells us that we have to be a certain way or look a certain way, it can be easy to lose ourselves in trying to be perfect. There is an image that we have to portray to the world because of it. Anything different is called weird. I grew up not being the person who was apart of those perfect crowds. I was a loner and I had so many insecurities that all the stuff that I looked at was very damaging to my self esteem. I learned to remain quiet, and to never speak up about how I felt about things. It didn’t help that I was disciplined by my parents for speaking up, So I never talked about my feelings with people. I tried to be the perfect daughter for my parents, and I still in a way felt invisible. So as an adult I never told anyone how I felt about things. This need to be perfect caused me to become a perfectionist, and nothing that I ever did was enough for myself.

    It wasn’t until recently in my 30s that I stopped trying to be perfect. I released the hold on what I thought being perfect meant. I realized that I had to create my own imperfect version of myself. I had to shed the old beliefs that were rooted in my subconscious. I had to start from scratch and retrain my brain to be more gentle with myself. Unlearning those things is difficult because they are taught by our parents, and their parents taught them. This vicious cycle that goes on and on can be very draining because you lose yourself in trying to be someone that you are not. We are never taught to be ourselves or express who we are because it might be weird or different.

    We are all unique and weird in our own ways and sometimes being imperfect is beautiful. The flaws that we have make us who we are. The imperfect version of ourselves gives us this freedom of being who we are meant to be without masks or shame. My strength is that I like to sing in the shower and spin in my room listening to music. When I do this I reconnect with my inner child, and this inner child used to feel invisible so I spin to make her feel seen.

    Imperfection is beautiful and allows us to feel secure in ourselves. It allows this trust to be built into who we are. To feel a connection to the version of us behind the mask that is reaching out for the light. To be seen and heard just so we know that we are important. I honestly am a work in progress, and I am constantly trying to understand why I do what I do by delving deep into my childhood and past. I am shaped by what I learned and I can reshape myself by learning something different. My love of self is rising up further in me because of my imperfections, and I smile more and more because I am becoming a version of me that I don’t have to hide from the world. I embrace her for all she is.

    To all of you reading this I hope you understand that what you bring to the world is very unique and beautiful. There is definitely no one like you so allow your imperfections to shine because you may just inspire others by the stories that you tell.

    Sincerely,

    the imperfect version of me <3
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    • Wow! I totally relate to this. I was always a perfectionist. I wasn’t so much a loaner, but I always felt like I had to be the best athlete and the best student and be the skinniest and the prettiest. I felt this insane amount of pressure to live up to some expectation that I had set for myself. And in the end, I could never truly live up to any of it. When I started following my heart and just going after things that made me happy, I felt a lot more relaxed and I was able to enjoy life a lot more. I think living life as an imperfect human, is the perfect way to pursue life. Thank you for sharing!

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      • @theunsealed

        I am glad this related to you so well. To know that I am not the only one who feels this way is great. Many of these traits are hard to shake and can be very tiring. I am learning that following my heart is very important in order to just be my own unique self. I appreciate you taking the time to read my letter. <3

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        • of course! I loved reading it. Keep writing. Keep sharing. Keep being you! The world is better when people stay true to themselves and let their own beauty shine through. I think at some point in our lives we all have to learn that lesson. And sometimes it’s a tough lesson to learn. Thanks again for sharing your story <3 Lauren

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    • Telina,

      This letter is so touching and beautiful. A lot of my struggles in my life are born out of this. I’ve fought myself for my own identity for a lot of years and I twisted and changed myself to try to fit in or make people like me. It has always made me feel kind of invisible, a feeling that persists even now.

      I’ve always been sort of a loner in my life. I’ve hidden things from my tastes in music to my feelings from a lot of people in my life. I have felt trapped by this inexplicable fear that people will mock or hate me.

      I started active therapy earlier this year to help me get a handle on some trauma relating to grief in my life and my counselor and I are working on things like this as well.

      As I get closer to 40 I am realizing that I pretty much wasted 20 years of my life trying to be what I thought others wanted me to be. I, with help, am trying to undo one of the darkest periods of my life and it’s realizations like you shared in this letter that are helping me understand and unlock the person that I have wanted to be all along. I’ve come to terms that I may lose some of the friends I made while living a charade of who I wanted to be. I can’t live in worry of the actions of someone else anymore.

      Thank you for sharing this letter with us.

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      • @oneturbobenz
        I can understand those struggles and having to pretend to be someone else. I am glad you finally found yourself and love that version of you. I would say you and I have had similar journeys in life and I am glad I can relate to your story. Life in general is really just growth and learning how to appreciate the growth for what it is.

        Releasing that control and allowing life to just flow helps. Flowing into yourself is what I see you doing. I am glad you found happiness for yourself. We all deserve it and not allowing anyone to stop it is great. The right people will always gravitate towards us who are meant to be in our lives. Thank you for taking the time to read my letter. I appreciate you.

        Thank you,
        T

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    • Wow, your message is amazing. Everyone in society now focuses on how to be perfect but not embrace their imperfections. That’s the thing today everyone is always focused on the internet which is a huge factor in why many people don’t embrace their imperfections they see the change that many celebrities do and apply it to themselves because that is what they think they needed at a point of time. I feel that if they just understand that no one is perfect it’s a lesson that they can cope with and work on understanding that no one should focus too hard on their imperfections but learn from them.

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      • @kayjahlorde

        Right, being imperfect is frowned upon in some circles. and I feel like this message is what is meant to come out. To teach the younger generations of women that you are not your body. You are your mind and what makes you happy. The idea that being perfect is forced on people is horrible. I am glad this inspired you and I love what you had to say in return. You are correct no one is perfect and learning this lesson can be hard when that’s all you have been taught for so long. thank you for taking the time to read my letter. I appreciate you.

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        • Friend

          I will listen to you with love and respect.
          I will recognize your sorrows and celebrate your joys.
          I will let you grow and change without judgment.
          I will be your friend.

          I will not resent the others whom you choose to love.
          I will not undermine you with hidden barbs.
          I will not deny your pain or belittle your faith.
          I will be your friend.

          I will respect your choices for yourself, even when I would not choose the same path.
          I will honor your view of yourself, even when I do not see through the same window.
          I will value your perceptions, even when I cannot perceive the same vision.
          I will be your friend.

          You are a gift to me; a jewel in the diadem of my life.
          You reflect the blessed sunlight; you illuminate my days.
          You let me touch the stars and bask in the silver glow of the moon.
          You will be my friend.

          © Kit Minden

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          • @kitwriter
            I love this poem it was beautiful and I thank you for writing it as a friend. You write really great poems I can’t wait to hear more of your poetry. I also write poetry in my blog and it helps me to release all that feel so I can heal myself. Feel free to send me anymore poems.

            Telina

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