Peace was a dream
When we wake
Its pain and chaos

Peace was a goal
While we hope
It often feels lost

Peace was when I’m sleeping
As I float
While deep breathing

Peace was a sigh
That we let out
After we cry

Peace was a lie
As I ran
Tried to hide

Peace was at least
Was a fictional
Treasure piece

Peace so I thought
Was attainable
If a long shot

But then..

Peace found me
And held me
Oh so tight

Peace made love
Fire wishes
It burned so bright

Peace is pure passion
Pure hearted
And loving of fun

Peace is what
I hope you feel
Cause you are warmer than the sun

My peace is air hockey
The hotel pool
The Halal Guys near school

You deserve
The peace that
Makes your sweet soul feel full

Because of you
I now know peace
Is more than just a dream

So thank you
For existing
My peanut butter Queen

Sometimes I catch myself thinking back
To the version of me from a few months ago,
The me who sat outside your downtown apartment
For the last time.

I can picture that day—crying, screaming,
My heart, irrational
Begging my feet to walk back up to your door,
While my mind, logical
Pleaded for my hands
To put the car in reverse and drive away.

Long story short, my mind won.

I think of that version of me sometimes,
Like a ghost lingering behind my eyes,
Not there to haunt me,
but to reveal itself once in a while.

Although that version of me
Is not too distant in the past,
It feels like a lifetime ago.

My heart was so sad,
Yet unaware I was on the edge
Of something so beautiful and great—
I just couldn’t see it through eyes blurred with tears.

Now I’m lying in my own bed, alone.
In the green light of my lamp,
Listening to the bubbling of my humidifier,
Surrounded by walls we painted orange together,
But only I now can feel the color’s warmth.

I am lying here with my head at the foot of the bed,
Because oddly, over the past few months,
I have found comfort in feeling misplaced.
I have learned I can feel peace
Even when I am in pieces.

I feel relieved to climb in bed alone,
To hold nothing but my stuffed animal,
And feel no other touch except my own
And my dog at my feet.

I lie here wondering
How could there have ever been a time
When I hurt that much?
In the same thought, I remind myself
I will love something so greatly
That one day I will hurt that much again.

In the meantime,
I can lay here in my bed,
Relieved, alone, and okay.