Prison
Peculiar place to prelude a poem
Puts people in position
gets your attention, makes you sit, down shut up, read along or listen
Our intuition associates it with pain
Prison paints a picture of perps in pain put plainly in the pen
Pens used as pockets of positivity in efforts of peace and objection of further penalties
an agonizing assignment
punishment pushes people furthest with
Solitary confinement
Did you know this is considered torture? Humans require social contact. Especially if you want them to interact with human beings again with the ability to react in a way that’s not over
If you want them to shy away from addictive addictions and stay sober
Isolation invites issues
mental, physical & psychologically
the only thing just as lethal might be a family tree
When the trunk dies off, so the the branches break free, it all falls to the ground and there is blood on the leaves
the only fruit produced has no choice but to be strange
In exchange for the lack of knowledge & loss of history except the straps on the boots
outside of slavery & bravery , no recollection of roots
Relationships that are real
When everyone dies off, there’s no big mama, no meals, no feels
But it feels lonely, isolated
That’s how people be dating they cousin without even knowing they related
I didn’t grow up with the fortunate concept of a big family
Was kind of a lonely kid
Guess it depends on how you look at it
I was good at making friends
Granny taught me young, she would take me to the park
Tell me she wouldn’t always be here, so if I wanted people, ‘time to start’
& then she’d hide, which used to piss me off at first but I’d be fine
Force me to meet people on the spot
Spark socialization up my spine, palms sweaty though I’m not hot
I’m heated those humans ain’t hail from my home
But my grandma was right, cause when she was gone
I Ain’t find solitude so soothing
When I was alone too long I felt like I was losing
So I was choosing to chase
Family members, friends, love even when love laughed in my face
In this case, anything to not be alone
Used to be my biggest fear, it was uncontrollable
Clogging up the prayer line asking why was I born unloveable?
Happenstance wasn’t happy
But then something good happened
I learned to love just chilling with myself , I really had to tap in
I accomplished all my goals, the hero in me had to zap in
Little me see big me, she on her feet yelling, clapping
Rapping along, her little fingers she be snappin
Singing soul songs cause this poetry be a soliloquy
Full of empathy, & sympathy
Can’t control the things outside of me from imprisoned in my mind to isolation that surrounded me
Learning to let go, forgive & chill all by myself is new this year
But younger me would be so proud I found my freedom in my fear

Like they always say, “You will forget you chose this.”
You will wander far just to go search for yourself again.
But it’s this exploration that will reinvigorate you.

You will exist again.
The blur will clear slowly, and subtly you will start to notice things again.
Beauty will return to your world in the simplest ways at first.
Then, you will train your mind to seek out the complex.

Of course, hindsight will be 20/20—
Once you have cleared a path through the bramble, you will easily turn around and look back to where you came from with clarity.

I know your world is trying to convince you otherwise, but this was not your fault.
Your only responsibility was to grow up, and that’s what you did; that was ALL you did.
You will understand morality and love more than the adults in your life, but this will also never be your fault.
You will feel this truth deep down inside your core, even when the rest of your being wants to extinguish that belief.

You are charismatic, creative, intelligent, magnetic, unique, and so much more. Who wouldn’t fall in love with all of that? This will also never be your fault, but they will try to blame you anyway.
You will try to hide all of these beautiful things because you will believe you are the source of their sin.

One day, you will offer yourself the grace they forced you to give him.
You will see the truth of what he tried to take from you, rather than the sainthood he tried to wear.
For now, you will only feel it—a quiet unease, a whisper of your truth waiting to be heard.

When you want to quit because the emptiness is too much to bear, look inward, and you will feel a longing, like a rogue thread you can’t quite locate—let that be your guide.

Slowly, you will find yourself and bury all of your old beliefs.
Then, one day, you will grow the most breathtaking flowers from these experiences and live in pure awe of their magnificent blooms.

Hey there, you, or should I say me?

Remember how cripplingly shy you once were? Can you recall those times where you’d purposely leave to use the bathroom at a restaurant so someone else in the family would have to handle your order?

I can still see you standing in a McDonald’s bathroom with the door cracked, peering out , making sure your brother had ordered for both of you before coming back out. I can still imagine that beet red face after a teacher called on you to answer in school. I can still feel the warmth and rush of blood filling out those cheeks when your turn came to share. I can still taste the countless words that you swallowed because that seemed easier than sharing.

And yet, I also remember a young boy who had not even the slightest problem with sharing things loudly and proudly at the dinner table. A youngster who would crack jokes and imitate Johnny Bravo’s famous “Flex the pecs” move at home. I seem to recall that at times, despite their best efforts, your family could not keep you from sharing your voice, your jokes, your energy.

You were seemingly two different people.

The truth, though, was you didn’t believe in yourself unconditionally. When you were at home, surrounded by family, you felt safe(r) to let your freak flag fly, to let your authentic self forth, and to share your every thought- be they silly, serious, or some combo of the two.

I’m not sure that you ever thought about that or consciously grasped that it was a lack of true self-love that created this discrepancy. I am sure, however, that you seemed to most of the world to be a shy guy. Not that you thought of this a bad thing- it was what it was. You had your tribe with whom trust was strong enough to drop the protective shy façade and engage.

And yet, there were times, talking to a cute girl (you married Carmella by the way!) or an adult you admired, that you wished to break through that fragile facade, but it seemed to be almost a force of habit- the demure tone, the fumbling for words, the downcast eyes automatically engaged in certain situations. As did the pools of nervous sweat.

Well, my young friend, I’m here to tell you, you’ve broken through those instincts, although the sweat is still real (sorry kid!). You’ve made the change. You’ve spoken at graduations, instructed thousands of kids, shared your voice through poetry, rap, and song with complete strangers no less. And just how did this happen?

Finding an unconditional love for yourself. Accepting who you are and realizing that you’re no better or worse than anybody. You are you, and you deserve to own that as much as possible. Does this mean those old habits don’t still creep in? Does this mean you handle each interaction with consciousness and confidence? Not yet, my young friend, but I promise you, I’m working each and every day to reach that mountain peak. When we get there, my what a view we’ll have. And if we never do, well, I can take comfort in knowing that I’m walking forward with purpose, and that I’m carrying you with me with each step I take.

A Poem For Future Me

Would I change my past, if given the chance?

What would happen if I took different steps in this dance?

Lord knows I’ve stumbled, bumbled, and fallen face first like a fool.

Lord knows I’ve struggled to utilize properly each trick and tool.

Especially those of used for speaking with strength,

And those for engaging with power to go any length,

And when cashing the checks I should take to the bank.

I now know better, got more fuel in my tank,

But I’m still on the journey of becoming, and if I may be frank,

I think part of overcoming a challenge is less about leaving it behind,

But rather making a peaceful relationship with it in your mind.

The shy guy I was, and the confident me, they are intertwined.

One’s not to be praised and the other maligned,

Rather, I must remember to both to be kind.

Not just kind as in nice, but the other meaning too,

To recognize that every little part of me is a kind of you.

Thus, I must speak, yes, to overcome this hard task,

But I must also learn to listen and ask.

Silence is valuable, and it speaks just as loud,

As the rapper with the microphone, moving a crowd.

The key here for me is to steer clear of fear,

That way I can drive in the highest of gears.

Thank you for being you, and for helping me to become me,

Love always,
Paul

Dear Little Me,

I don’t remember exactly what age we were when we realized there were men better than our father. I wish I could recall it now, but maybe you know.
I’d always known it, maybe, or I like to say I did. You would tell me that too, that you’d always known it. But false maturity got the best of us and we found love in men just like him. We still do. We still try not to.
You remember, of course, when we wrote those letters to him, our future husband, with expectations, or more so standards, of who he would be. He was nothing like our father, and we were treated better than our mother. We fell short of that. But we felt it, didn’t you? I always knew you’d leave.
When our mother left him, and we were twelve years old, you didn’t understand the strength it’d take out of a woman just as sentimental as us to do so. We were excited about the change, the new house, we were excited to be in a place he wasn’t. A place without a constant fear that we were doing something wrong.
And you’ll hate me when I tell you this, we put ourselves right back in that place at twenty-two, tip-toeing around a man for the sake of love for two more years that we didn’t even have in us.
The realization crept in throughout the summer, brewing from the previous spring where we’d grown to hate him—the boy we’d called love for the past two years. The realization was rooted in the strength of our mother, and her hope for us. It bloomed from the love our best friend’s (you know, the one from hat day in fourth grade) husband showed her—showed us, even. We saw a reality that you’d never believe was real at the age of eight years old, where normalcy was set in an angry man in the home.
You’ll read at eighteen,
“if you’re raised with an angry man in your house,
 there will always be an angry man in your house.
 you will find him even when he is not there.
 and if one day you find that there is
 no angry man in your house—
well, you will go find one and invite him in!”
And at twenty-two you’ll believe it.
But now we know, at twenty-four, that it doesn’t have to be. We can take that angry man, and tell him goodbye. We can still have love for him, but know it is not our burden to hold. We can feel that anger in ourselves at times, but make peace with it in the end.
We realize again, at twenty-four, that there are men better than our father. I’m sorry it takes us so long to leave.

Love always,
A Stronger You.

A little girl so sad and blue.
Back then, you didn’t know what to do.
Your secret sat sunken in your core.
It festered like a swollen sore.
No wonder you failed to sail the skies, to soar.

Oh, woe is the existence of the depressed.
Always failing to be impressed
By life’s joys and wonders.
Forever taken by falls and blunders.
Will light ever break through the stormy thunders?

That little girl so sad, it’s true.
She had a grim grief no one knew.
Tears flowed inside her tired soul,
And death became her only goal.
The girl grew old as living took its toll.

Farewell sad self from long ago,
Back when you had nowhere to go.
You squandered your soul
And knelt inside a lonely dark hole.
Did you think you’d ever see us whole?

Now you sail the sordid seas.
Brave and bold you bring monsters to their knees.
Stronger now and in love with life.
You don’t back away from strife.
Who knows just where you’ll be
In the years we’re yet to see.

I have always struggled with expressing my emotions
I would typically just bottle it up and explode on someone eventually
The path of self destruction was a path i knew all to well
As a adolescent the first lesson i was taught was men do not cry
So i would bottle up my feelings inside until the invisible ceiling would shatter the glass of bottled up emotions i kept inside
Perhaps it was my ego and pride that would not step aside
Truly over a decade in and out of therapy and 6 years of going consistently has really gave me a second to see
The perspective i had was all a lie
Men live a life that we are programmed to lie and say we are fine and move on while negative feelings linger inside
Why you think we smoke ,drink and link up with women or men
We need that quick fix of an escape to create distance between the victims and the blame
Guilt and shame while we try to hide the pain
It is anybodies guess well its a guessing game like charades
I began to journal in 2020 , in 2023 i start writing poetry and not only that but performing in public stages
In front of dozen and hundreds of people at a time
Now i’ve performed at dozens of open mics and it changed my life
No longer hiding behind the stone wall i build leaving the old me left behind
Having a open mind ,saying whats on my mind and i have such a great feeling inside
Holding myself accountable ,facing my fears and having the support of friends and family all made a difference
Never know who can you inspire with you your self , you may even inspire yourself

Little one,

You’re going to make a crazy life changing decision .It’s going to be scary for a while .
There will be times you want to give up, but you’ll never regret it.
Mom and Dad they did their best.
You’ll be upset for a while but you’ll come to understand that they had their own life experiences and only could do what they knew how to do.
When you leave home just know it all works out.
Even as a kid you navigated the world and all its hardships with strength and determination.
Easily you could have made some bad decisions.
But it wasn’t in your character to take the easy way. You’ll have to work very hard for a very long time.
Even as a grownup things will be hard but you’ll understand more and you’ll get a sense of who you are and your place in this wild world.
You’re not going to be alone. You’ll have life long friendships with people who stand with you when you can’t stand on your own. They will love you when you can’t do it for yourself.
Home is a place you finally come to in your 30s.
It took 19 years but you get that warmth and safety you looked for , for so long. It took a while many homes that didnt feel like home,but you’ll understand why you had to take this path to get to where you finally belong .
You’ll find solace in music and in nature and with your made up family.
You’ll reach out to mom and dad over the years and you’ll learn forgiveness you’ll ask them to tell you their story.
They loved you the whole time. You were loved the whole time , but you did what you had to do and you become a beautiful person because of it.
No matter what life throws at you, you are resilient. No one can take away your love for life no matter what happens. All the love you gave comes back to you.
You’re an oracle of light
You’ll get it right.