Mirror, mirror
Locked inside
So deep
What do you see
When you look at me
Your only clouded
With your own self-defeat
Judging with the hate
You built for your own face
The answers you seek
When your questioning
Everything
Will never be true
Until you
Discover the truth
Mirror, mirror
Find the key within
Lies and deceit
Keep you trapped
In a cage
You’re simply stuck
In your head
Mirror, mirror
Don’t you see
I’m not your enemy
You perceive me to be
Look Closely
Its merely
Your own reflection
You are seeing

Dear young Me,
If this letter were meant for a mere stranger, I would ask how you are and what has been happening in your life. But I know the answers to those questions; I still remember standing in your shoes and the prayers that stayed unanswered, or the days you spend tearing at your skin trying to stretch yourself open and peek inside to find any familiar goodness and light within yourself, hoping to rip it out to offer as a plea and use it to justify yourself to God and your family, that you were still the little girl they knew, full of bright, dopey smiles, loud singing, and never-ending chatter. And when your heart, which was unburdened before things went wrong, was bigger than your mind and rationality, it was willing to love, show kindness, and acceptance to those around you, even if they were a mere stranger brought into your life with a heart full of love and a mind of naive hope to connect with them .i remember how You clung to how those around you acted, dissecting their speech, their reactions, and even their smiles, trying to replicate them as your own. I remembered how you’d fear slipping up and revealing your true self—the quirky, messy, and sometimes gross interests that captivated you.how our mind would overflow with questions, leading us to express thoughts that didn’t make sense to others, and make them question whether we were just a person like them, or an alien wearing human skin who would one day dissect them to understand and find the answers to the questions that would plague their mind,

Years and Birthdays have passed, and now I’ve turned twenty-two, yes, you read that right we made it to our its funny how, lifes moves pretty fast believe it or not and the days of questioning every molecule that made us up as a person, seeing the bits of family members we could acknowledge and recognize within ourselves, and hating how we could see the destructive anger, the pain, and struggle we saw in those close to us and mourning how our future would end up and how it was inevitable if we were still so young and yet felt so much about the world and how it was shaping us and im sorry that i couldnt understand what was going on with us ut merely trying to blame everything on being merely childish with our sensitivity, Looking back, I wish i could tell you that all those times you felt like an outsider, like you weren’t enough just by being you—those feelings didn’t just disappear even. But eventually, we’ll discover people who resonate with us. You’ll notice those with quirky hairstyles that clash most beautifully, or the girl next to you who immerses herself in a book about an unusual topic, diligently marking her favorite passages. You’ll meet the wonderfully weird friends who fit into your life like puzzle pieces, all questioning the norms, thinking outside the box of ‘normalcy.’ These are the people you’ll come to recognize yourself in, and they will transform your world. The movies, books and films that will resonate a little too deeply and youll find a connection to people youe never met but know so many more other people are voicing how they feel how they view the world and the people around them in the most ground breaking ways, where one may see as a film created to unerve the the audience, youll see it more deeply, Imagine a pocket world where you’re not the only bitter or sour berry in the bunch. In this space, you’ll feel a wave of acceptance and understanding—not just from yourself, but from others as well. And you need to be with those people You’ll hold your head up high, knowing that even if people cannot fully understand you, it’s not your job to be performative like a jester for the world around you and never apologive for you being you, Your only purpose for the rest of your life now is to love and indulge yourself fully in the life that surrounds you. We only live once, and we may neve know if we will have the chance to grow old and reflect on the things we regret or the life we wasted by keeping ourselves packaged up, so younger me keep struggling, keep fighting because the world only gets more colorful down the dark tunnel your in at the moment, and the people who are on the otherside love you. But until then, be gentle with yourself. Growing up will feel like breaking at first, but you’re not. I promise you’re only growing,
P.S. I love you now and always.

Oh dear, pardon me for the fear. It never belonged to you, nor suit you. Who told you to lose yourself in that mirror?
Frolicking in depths of question to a tier. Where did you meet the idea that you were only mere?
How could you marry the enemy? Still clinging to the possibility of being neither here or there… But yet you insisted to continue to borrow from that not so random place that made you insecure.
Forgive me for not acknowledging the facts, how you could be ethereal. Im glad you could surpass the gleaming in your eyes, for the other side.
it’s gorgeous when you learn not to lie.
you didn’t realize the goodness in the midst of your still dance was so sheer.
So my dear, apologies are near.

No love for man—
We lost it when we lost all respect.
We learned early on love was another word
Used to manipulate those who already had the winning deck.
If a man can convince us we arent enough,
Then he’d be sure to always get another chance.
You told me we’d never fall for that trap,
But without even knowing… for so long
we gave the devil everything he ever asked.
So if they want to know where it began—
We were conditioned to believe we werent enough way back then.
‘Cause in retrospect, the man we were supposed to trust
was already teaching us.
Teaching us all the wrong ways to validate our worth,
how to love others more than our self
And how to pick men who are the worst.
You,
Much like the good woman you knew were busy putting yourselves to the side,
Making sure everyone else was alright,
Unknowingly showing others what we would accept.
Lots of tears, girl, but our tears never demanded respect.
So of course we are confused.
We confused love and settling.
Lust with love
Trading being happy,
For just being numb.
You tried to reflect.
Tried doing the math in your head—
When you added it up, you figured it was evident:
Relationships only lead to depression.
We crave love and to be healed
By the same people who keep breaking us again.
Naturally, we strayed away from emotions,
I pacified our fear with lust
And going through the motions.
Thought for sure this would keep us safer,
But as time went on, I began to notice—
I
I stayed having relations with people
Who just kept us feeling hopeless.
Never searching for more,
Because this is all there is and we both know it—
Till I dropped to my knees
And begged for us to be released
From the vicious cycle we created for me. Now I get to thank the Lord for this cup he took away from you and me.

Dear little seed, one day she’ll see
That she will become who she is meant to be
This is a letter to whom she once was
This is a letter to all the diamonds in the rough

When she was just a little seed
They asked her what she wanted to be
She sat in silence, she didn’t know what to say
Her life was just starting, she still had such a long way

A moment went by, the other seeds were sown
And she was starting to do things on her own
Among the other seeds, she tried to be
And I watched from afar waiting patiently

People began to marvel at what the others became
While she just stayed in the same place
More time went by, many seeds sprouted
Except for her, she feared she’d been forgotten

They merrily went on their way
Off to greater gardens to find their own space
Some became roses and daisies as beautiful as can be
And then I looked back at our lonely seed

She remained alone in her tiny pot
She became the seed that everyone forgot
She started to sprout, yet no one saw
But I was there to see it all

The sun beat upon her leaves so green
She was the strangest “flower” you’ve ever seen
Months have gone by, there were still no blooms
She won’t be entering the garden with the others anytime soon

She was just a plant, she didn’t know who she was
She knew that she’d never be good enough
She had no beautiful colors, just plain leaves
Maybe she was just a waste of a seed?

A year went by, her leaves remained green
But this mysterious plant finally had a change of scene
Into a beautiful greenhouse where the sun was her guide
It kept her warm, gave her light, and love it provided

She grew and grew, but for my eyes only
A beautiful yellow flower from the seed that was lonely
She welcomed the rain and the morning dew
She welcomed bees and butterflies too

This is the story of the seed who’d never be
This little seed used to be me
Many didn’t understand me, neither did I
I thought I’d never be enough no matter how hard I try

I’ve seen others bloom, and into their own gardens they went
But there was nothing wrong with me, my time had not come yet
My flowers took longer, but my leaves remained green
It was God secretly working behind the scenes

Now that I’ve bloomed, I can finally see
That I am part of a story written just for me
My life looked like nothing worth putting on paper
When in reality, I just haven’t found my way yet

Although I can recognize my own colors now
Sometimes my thoughts still get lost in the crowd
Comparison truly is the thief of joy
But this garden in life is for all of us to enjoy

As flowers, we continue to bloom and grow
We were meant to do more than just go with the flow
There’s a place in the garden made just for you
To be just who you are, and to do what you do

Others may bloom faster than you
But keep watering your soil, God’s not through
Underneath is something made with love
And you, my flower, are more than enough

Here lies your inner child. Taken too early, as they always say. A beautiful light snuffed out before it had a chance to grow. Voice crushed by hands of the cruel world. Playful imagination crumbled to reality. Full and loving heart pin-pricked to slowly drain out. Slowly, so you can feel the pain of the emptiness. Adventurous dreams danced in a brilliant mind before they were trampled to dust. A hallowed vessel, nothing more than a shell, is all that is left to dig the grave. All that is left to burry the secrets of an inner child that is now forgotten.

Hey You
It’s the healed version of you
The six years in the future
Real grown version of you
Started over and all alone, version of you
Been alone for a while, real strong version of you
Grind mode on go
But different in this version of you
Believing in yourself
Established this healing version of you
Looking to God for the answers
In this version of you

This version of you
Just stopped by to let you know that
You were enough
At your weakest, you held your family on your shoulders
Pouring hot water over it all
Brewing a fresh cup of Folgers
Just trying to sip only on the good

You were enough
And deserving of unconditional love
Someone to cherish you
Like the gift that you were
You were enough
To fight for and not fight with
To hold onto with a tight grip
But instead, you had a tight lip
You were enough

In the moments where you
Masked your pain
So no one knew your struggles
Everyone is so used to you being so strong
They just went along
With the fake smile
And the put together look
The “Oh, I got it, do you need something?”
Just another page out of your “I gotta be strong book”
You were enough

Looking back at your version
Realizing that they were only infatuated with the curves of your body
The loyalty and sacredness of your garden
And how you only gave it to them
With a full guide on the best ways to be naughty
The desire to please, cater, and fulfill
Realizing they were only happy with how you loved them
And what you could give them
Knowing now that they never loved you
Just enjoyed the lover girl in you

The trials and tribulations that you went through
God promises to return all the love you gave back to you
In the form of a man who will cherish you
I know that it feels foreign
For a man to care for you
affirm, reassure, and compliment you
But put your fear aside
Allow yourself to be soft
For once, let someone take care of you
Allow him to do what a man is supposed to do
It’s okay to let him do for you
To open the door and pull out chairs for you
To sit in silence and enjoy the company of you
To ensure that you’re always safe with him
Let him be your protector
Take the 45 out of your purse and empty the clip
Allow that man to stand for you
Speak softly, allow him to make the demands for you
You deserved to be loved
You’re the perfect wife
For the perfect man that God has chosen for you

So ease the overthinking of your mind
Stop questioning what he says all the time
Allow him to be a man of his word
And you stay prayed up and in your word
Don’t hold back your love because you’re afraid
Fear will raid
And destroy God’s plan
So be yourself
Keep working on you
So he gets the best version of you
Pour into him
Like you would want him to pour into you

You were always worth it, even at your lowest
I’m just glad as the healed version you
I see it now as true

I know you don’t think so right now, but you’ll survive the next four years. You’ll do so much more than that.
I remember the last big trip to Walmart the weekend before my first semester and how surreal everything felt. As I wandered through endless aisles of school supplies and bedspreads, I wondered how I would ever live on my own. The thought of living so far from home tied my stomach in queasy knots.
I remember saying goodbye to my family by saying “Maybe I’ll see you tomorrow for breakfast,” because it was easier than saying “I’ll see you in three months.” After we all hugged, I trudged to the dorm and didn’t look back, even though it was all I wanted to do. My elevator ride to the seventh floor was the longest elevator ride ever.
I remember my first night in my dorm room, as I sat in the dark. Anxiety raked my mind so sharply I couldn’t even cry, even though I wanted to. It haunted me when I woke up for class, and followed me to every single subject. I could barely answer questions when I was called on to do so.
I especially remember that first Thursday as I walked to lunch. The past several days weighed on my heart like three years—three years of an anxious fight for survival. I was on the phone with my family, and I hung on to their every word like a lifeline. My legs could no longer support the weight of the world on my shoulders, so I found a bench and sat down.
My mom’s voice chirped on the other end of the line. “Are you gonna be okay?”
Amidst my own worries, I had never asked myself that question. Would I be okay? Could I do this? Or was it really too much for me? I took a deep breath and collected myself.
“Yeah, I’ll be fine.” For the first time, in a small corner of my soul, I believed it.
I remember hanging up the phone shortly after that, and slowly getting up from that bench to go to lunch. As I walked, I noticed how green the leaves were on the trees overhead and the lush grass. Anxiety loosened its grip on my mind with each step.
So much beauty, love, and laughter would have been lost if I had given up on college before it even started. I survived that afternoon before lunch, and I can promise you, I more than survived the next four years. In fact, I don’t know if I could have survived without them.

The mistakes you have made
Need to seem foreign to me.
It’s not who I am.
It’s not my identity.
You lived in a warzone from the very start.
Lies spoken over you like a
Burning arrow to your heart.
Let the lies fade
And in peaceful
Waters wade.
Let your lighthearted soul
Shine forth and ring true
Be the person you know you are
but never knew.
For you are enough. I combat those lies. With your Dad you cut all ties.
See you are more than enough. You’re strong brave and tough.
You had it rough and weren’t meant to carry their heavy stuff.
Projecting onto your heart
Should’ve been a crime.
Now let your heart sing like a beautiful wind chime.
They hated your light
For in the darkness they spewed hate.
And made this life tough and
Confusing to navigate.
But you’re not them.
You never were.
Now you’re strong, enough, and secure.
The world needs your beauty
In all of its glory.
Now bold queen come forth and share your story.
If enough had a name Jennifer would be it.
Now embrace your light
Climb put of that pit.
Love,

Dear 10th- grade me,
Moving has got to be one of the biggest heartaches you’ve felt. During your middle school years and your first year of high school, you’ve felt alone and confused. You yearn to go back, and the constant thought of “what if we never moved” plagues your mind from the first minute you’re awake. In 7th grade, you struggled with a crush on a guy who barely acknowledged your existence. In 10th grade, those feelings consumed you like deep water. You felt as if you had been drowning in your feelings and the only way to stay afloat was to make a move.
Because you felt this way, you did the only thing you felt, you had to do. You confessed and shot your shot three times. Each time you were disappointed and the bitter taste of sheer foolishness burned in the back of your throat. You were confused, and your heart ached for someone who never bothered to reciprocate your feelings. You sought closure, and instead, you got nothing but silence. Cold and unwavering silence. You still reap the consequences and the fragile confidence you once had shattered like glass. You struggle to pick up the pieces, and you suffer silently. You give too much to people who don’t deserve it. Your fragile heart craves the comfort it’ll never find in him. You don’t cry over him, or even get angry, but he still lives in your mind rent-free. Every person you meet is a blessing or a lesson in disguise. A guy who made you doubt your self worth isn’t worth all this heartache.
Besides the boy drama, you also dealt with the intense feelings of not fitting in—that what-if haunts you like a ghost behind a closed door. Every day, you imagine a different life, one where you hadn’t moved. The school atmosphere was swirling with toxicity and fakeness. And soon it took its toll on you. You stopped caring about your social life and poured your attention into your grades. Being the most intelligent person in the class gave you the confidence that you lost—piece by broken piece. Instead of seeking validation from friends, the A+ you got made you feel worth something. To your parents and to others.
Learning to love yourself is the first step in overcoming insecurities and becoming more confident. Learning how to stop caring about what other people think about you is also crucial. But this isn’t something that will happen overnight. Discovering your own self-worth is a personal journey that everyone has to go through at some point in their life. No matter how put-together someone may seem, there is always a facade and cracks under the surface. Everyone at one point in their life has felt as if they weren’t enough. However, they learned to overcome their insecurities and grow, ultimately shining brighter for the better, and you can too!
High school is like a rollercoaster. It has many emotional ups and downs, many twists and turns, and it can be unpredictable at times. But it’s important to remember that high school only takes up 4 years in your life. They can seem long and grueling, but what matters most is that you focus on yourself. Anyone talking about you behind your back reflects more about them than it does about you. You don’t have to take responsibility for other people’s immaturity. If they want to talk badly about you, that is their choice. In life, you won’t be able to please everyone or even get them to like you, but the ones that do like you will show it by being there for you and supporting you through your highs and your lows.
You’ve already made it through the first 2 years of high school and are doing a fantastic job! You may feel further behind than others but always remember: God has a plan for you and his timing is always immaculate. The last two years may seem like a long period, but before you know it, you’ll be going to college—free to make your own decisions and make new friends. Everything happens in your life for a set reason and moving turned out to be a blessing in disguise. You made new friends and discovered your passion for writing. And eventually, you’ll meet someone who’ll love you for you. They won’t make you doubt yourself, and they will prove repeatedly why they chose you, through their actions, and their words. You’ll learn to love yourself and you’ll find someone that loves you for you. All it takes is time and patience. Keep going and keep trying. I believe in you.
Sincerely
Your older Self

A feeling too familiar.

To Drift like a ghost in the wind.

Falling for false claims from those who often say.

They love me.

They support me.

They’ll be there for me. (Right)

But leave without a sound or notion of why. (Is it me?)

You blame yourself.

You try to come up with reasons on why people leave as fast as the seasons go by.

Spring, Summer, Fall & Winter.

As we enter the realm of our mind, I eagerly hear the questions.

Will I ever be enough?

Enough to be loved?

Enough to be cherished?

Enough to be heard?

Enough to be seen in a world of obscurity?

Enough to stay for?

Within me, I can see how heartbreaking the mind can be.

The gut punching facts that the mind speaks of tragedies or feelings of hurt.

They remain to remind you of memories that make you doubt yourself.

You think a good thing is a bad thing.

You think you are not good enough to feel joy or to even relish the thought of peace.

You no longer want to feel.

You want to be still.

The breakdowns severe, it feels as our hearts trying to escape your chest.

Questioning my worth, that I have worthy embedded in my skin.

Hear when I say.

Yes, you are ENOUGH.

You will loved & cherished.

The support you receive will be with no question.

The one you truly love the most will see you.

You are enough to stay for.

We are divine beings whom deserve peace, joy and love.

We Are Enough!

Ms. Sarah Ann,
I won’t write to you like a child, I know you’d laugh at it and put the letter down before the end of this sentence if I tried. Because you’re not a child, not really, not anymore. As much as you might argue with me about it, and I know you would, you still should be. You deserve to be a kid. Just because you don’t get to be doesn’t mean you deserve to grow up fast. I know you say you don’t care, but I do.
I ‘m going to be honest with you, writing this letter to you is hard. Sometimes I like to pretend everything that happened didn’t, that we’ve always been how we are today, that it didn’t take being completely unwound to be stitched into something beautiful. But that’s not fair to you, is it? You deserve to be seen. You deserve to be remembered. And so I see you. I see you in the hiding spot under your bed so all the bad things can’t touch you. I see you flinch as I hear the footsteps, see you hold your breath as he steps in the room, trying to look casual, trying not to tip anyone else off. But he can’t find you there, he’s too tall, and, later, I see your tears when no one else comes looking. I feel the knife twisting when you’re called a liar for trying to tell adults what’s happening. I hear you trying to reason with yourself, “He hasn’t been here long, maybe it’ll stop. Maybe he’ll go back and see me as a little sister. Maybe he’ll hate me. Maybe he’ll leave.” I see you carrying the mark of a medusa tattoo long before it is ever etched into your skin.
You are surviving, and you are doing it with the strength that will serve you well for the rest of your life. But that is the kind of sentence people try to comfort you with after all is said and done. The patronizing kind that insists everything has a purpose like somehow that makes everything okay. It doesn’t, and you are the only one who gets to decide if the strength formed in the fire is even a worthy consolation prize for the third degree burns. It doesn’t have to matter who this turns you into, what matters is that everything happening to you shouldn’t be. You should be allowed weakness. You should not have to get up every day at age eight as a warrior. You should be getting to make-believe being an adult with your friends, not pretending to be a child you no longer are to make the real adults happy.
And baby? It’s not your fault. And I know you repeat it to yourself nearly every night as you hide under that bed, you sing it softly in your head before you fall into nightmares, it’s a tiny whisper of hope you feel seep through your fingers like sand every time you’re screamed at, every time you’re held down, every time you’re scared to come home. It’s a plea when you say it, a beg for absolvement, a desperate attempt for someone, anyone, to recognize that this should not be happening to you. But Sarah, when I say it, it’s a fact, it is power. When I tell you right now that this is not your fault, that nothing you could’ve ever said or done would have stopped this, I’m telling you that one day that conviction will hold you gently when all you’re used to is being hurt.
And sweetheart? One day, that won’t be the only thing holding you gently. You’ll find kindness, you’ll find friends who hold your secrets like glass: softly, carefully, safely. You’ll find a boy who loves your sharp edges, who files them down with consistency, with care, with love. One day the edges being formed now won’t cut you so much. They won’t cut others either. And on days when the world feels too big and you’re eight years old again, hiding under your bed, you have people who will come and find you. Because you were always worthy of being found.

You Are More Than Enough

To the me that felt unseen, unworthy, unappreciated, unloved, not good enough, forgotten and even unhappy. I want to say to you, you do matter. You mattered then and you matter now. If I can go back in time and hold your hand. Hold that adolescent and free soul in my hand. I wish I could heal you. The version of you that desperately wanted to be understood and perceived as good enough. The me that so desperately wanted to turn myself inside out so people could see that I was who I said I was. As if I had to prove myself to these people who bread crumbed me and who are these people? People who made me feel small. The very people who counted me out. These people I so desperately wanted to be seen by.
I wish I could have been there to teach you, you are enough. Matter of fact you are more than enough. You constantly wanted to know “Why? Why this treatment? Why look at me with disgust? I’ve done nothing wrong. Why?” If I could give you an answer as to why these people will never acknowledge you, well it’s because they don’t want to see you morph and change into something new. They don’t even want to change, so why would they want that for you? I remember the times you were bullied in school, I remember the times you had to fight for yourself. I even remember the times in which you had to hold back tears of hurtful words being hurled at you from your father.
I remember all the depressive nights we spent writing and reading our woes away. I remember what we lived through. I remember who we were. But understand we have come a long way. We have looked the devil in the eyes and won the battle. All the restless nights of our parents arguing. All the sleepless nights and nightmares that followed. All the late nights of hard labor trying to afford your way through college and through life in general. I know how gut wrenching that was. But just know our faith has kept us strong. If I could give the younger me reassurance I would say that God has over floweth our cup and we don’t ever have to feel that way again.
It was a lot on the human mind to cope with but I’m glad you made it out. We didn’t have the hottest or newest fashion or the latest game console, but what we did have was a sense of self, a personality, humor, ambition, perseverance, good company and knowing who we were. All these characteristics and catastrophic events made us who we are today. The scars that we carry are a testament to how much strife we had to go through. The many people that saw something in us and wanted to snuff out our light before we even knew what we carried within us, all the days wondering whether things will change and get better, all the unspoken words you held in your throat in order to keep the peace, the resilience you showed.
Is proof enough of how strong you really were. If I could go back and speak to that child I would say, “you did a great job at staying true to yourself because all of those events were the catalyst of change.” Those restless nights, those wet rainy days with rain pitter pattering on the window. We have uplifted many people and showed others they are worthy. We turned that pain into a rhythmic flow of abundance. A symphony in our mind, a plethora of ideas. I jotted them all down and used them to fuel my creativity. The mind of a depressed child made for a life filled with character development. Yes, unfortunate events occurred but looking back on our growth we have crafted the life that we wanted.
Our scars are now a story for the unhealed and healed. If you ever wanted to know, you are enough. If I could go back in time I wouldn’t change a thing…ok maybe I wouldn’t have warmed up that leftover pork steak before catching the school bus at 6:30 am buuut look on the bright side. We lived through many days of hard labor and unfair punishment but everything happens for a reason. I didn’t think I was worthy of enjoyment. As an adult I have learned to love myself, my scars, my flaws. They make me a perfectly imperfect person and that’s the beauty of me. As a religious woman, I know I am wonderfully made. So to the younger version of me, oh I would say we are more than enough.

-Sincerely, a worthy child

The girl in the mirror felt like a shadow of who she wished to be.
For as long as she could remember, she’d hoped the girl staring back would one day be happy.
One day, she would smile—and mean it.
She would know love—and it would be real.
She would be enough—just as she was.
Accepted. Whole.
What she didn’t realize was that her hopes weren’t too far out of reach.
Years of fists and harsh words built a wall—not one others could tear down, but one only she could break.
The mirror had shown her a reflection, not her own—an illusion shaped by what others believed she was.
And each time she looked, she whispered: Eventually.
Eventually, she’d be successful.
Eventually, she’d find love.
Eventually, she’d be enough.
And then—one day—she was.
The light at the end of the tunnel appeared.
She was no longer trapped in the dark.
The girl in the mirror looked back—and this time, she saw the truth.
She was enough.
She had always been.
Eventually had finally come.

I want to hug you one more time.

I want to leave things with how we loved each other once upon a time.

I want to follow strangers on Instagram after screaming at a concert together one more time.

I want to watch horror movies and banter until dawn one more time.

I want to go to your jazz concert one more time.

I want to kiss my dog one more time.

I want to sing karaoke YouTube videos with my dad one more time.

I want to push the shopping cart while my sibling puts in cookies n cream ice cream one more time.

I want to make blueberry bagels for my neighbors one more time.

I want to drink cranberry and guava juice one more time and lay on the porch swing, listening to your memories one more time. Accompaniment composed by the birds vocalizing their frequency of residence at your fairy garden

I want to live this art that life imitates.

Naked as you came, Saturn was there.
Down the line, you’re smelling twenty-seven blown out candles, cutting the cake. Shocked to see her return. She takes a piece and I’m disoriented. Why is she dressed like this is a sleepover? Rolling in luggage with a houseplant in her other arm? She’s humming while bringing in cardboard boxes and I don’t remember giving her a birthday invitation nor will she pay rent.

And her birthday gift on your birthday to your birthday party on your birthday with a birthday gift was glass and champagne to the face.

She points at my chest and tells me to “get fucking real.”
Growing up is just removing layers and layers of iron coats nature and nurture have styled you. Of course, you never asked for them. But, you chose to be fearful AND still walk. Barefooted while others were born with boots. On rocks, unfinished cigarettes, broken concrete, broken glass. Though some have come with boots, they may have not been born with spectacles as you do. Each and everyone one of us are the same because each and every one of us are different.

The final level is the “imaginary”. Two realities where my benefits lie in optimism. Where some view it to be delusional and naive, it’s a method of survival.
I refuse to believe I am a fool to dream of a world full of love.

The magic you try to chase through fantasy and escape,
Is right in front of you.
My biggest grief was the greatest gift of clarity.
It’s no longer imaginary.
I know I am happy because I wouldn’t be able to value love without the boulder, the one whose fingers slipped from Sisyphus’ callused, bloody grip.
The serenity in accepting the push just to fall. The serenity in choosing to be happy.
“What punishments of God are not life’s greatest gifts?”
My Surrendering was my greatest victory.

I don’t want to die anymore.
I want to live.

And I will take my terrified, traumatized, horrified younger me, and hold her hand while I show her that because even if it’s all in complete darkness, It does not prove that there won’t be greater things waiting for you in the sun.

But you have to keep walking.
To come home to the sanctuary within you.

“Glad you made it safe! I’ll see you tomorrow <3”

Dear You,
Yes you. If you found this letter that means you’re finally ready to answer my question. And yes, I’m talking to you, the one who was fired from her job. The one who couldn’t keep her house together because you could hardly get out of bed. Yes, you, the one who had to stay at her best friend’s house because you didn’t feel safe alone. The one who loss weight and whose hair fell out from stress and pretending everything was okay. Yes, you. The one who literally, truly, worked her hardest to be perfect at everything…. because perfection is everything, right?
And so, you worked and worked, and you hid behind a mask, and you gave and gave KNOWING you were slowly becoming a fragment of yourself. Until you broke. Until you finally realized there was nothing else to give. Yes you, I’m talking to you. So, if you found this it means you have started writing again, maybe even working on your crafts but overall you’re doing the things that make you smile and you finally understand what those around you have been telling you; your brokenness relies in the fact that you allowed yourself to forget your strength and the strength you give others.
What you saw as broken, they saw as beautiful which is why the scoffed every time you said “I’m not enough” because for them, you have shown a strength of thousands. You may not think you are enough, but in their eyes and the eyes of a little girl who wakes up sometimes just to kiss and smile at you; you are.
So, if you’ve found this letter it means you’re finally ready to answer my question. Have we finally figured out we are much more than enough? We are the embodiment of the beauty that comes from the pain.
-Us

My dearest Natalie,

Life goes by so fast
To think at age 17
You thought you’d never last.

Adulthood seemed so forbidding
Who knew you’d go on living?
I know it’s all so tiring
So lay your head to rest.

As you look in the mirror
What do you see?
Every flaw, scar and heartache?
My dearest Natalie

Though the doors keep on shutting
And your walls are being built
I love you unconditionally
I love you, my younger self

I hold you in my arms
And tell you I’m so proud
You made it to age 24
You are strong, without a doubt

Live to see another day
I promise that it’s worth it
and always remember
There is nothing like the present

Hey, sweet girl.

It’s me. It’s you. It’s us. It’s always been us. I’ve always been here, with you, protecting you. Even when life felt scary, unsafe, confusing, unfair, or impossible. You were never alone. And you were ALWAYS enough.

But what does that even mean? What does it even feel like to Be Enough? Is such a thing possible, or are we all just faking it as much as we can to make it through the days? Are we thriving or just surviving? I know we didn’t grow up with the money or privileges others had. In high school and college, you were told you weren’t skinny enough to be a dancer. Multiple heartbreaks have left you cynical, questioning whether you’ll ever find love or be able to trust deeply again. You watched as your twin sister got married and had twins of her own, starting a fully new family right in front of your eyes. You’ve questioned your worth as a woman in this world and fought hard to take up space. And that’s just naming a few battles. Surviving it is.

Life has come at you hard, babe. Despite all that, you’re here. And I am so proud of all you’ve gone through and everything you’ve overcome. It breaks my heart, though, to see how all of that has dimmed your beautiful light just a little.

Well, I’m here to tell you that soon you will thrive in a way you never imagined possible. And not because you will have money, or your dream job, or a ring, or anything materialistic to “prove” your enoughness. But because you will thrive in a place that you believe in. A healing place. ALL the people who made you feel you weren’t enough will disappear. Their words will no longer hold weight. You finally chassé across the stage of life again with sparkle and swagger. Those traumatic memories will be a thing of the past, and you will finally see yourself the way I see you. Grounded in love, safety, and power!

Don’t be afraid, even though it is scary. Go towards it. Bravely. Just like you have gone towards everything in your life that you’ve had to fight for. And you will continue to fight for your dreams and to find love and for a life as exciting and bright as you are. But you will do it KNOWING you are more than worthy of anything and everything this life has to offer. You’re a tiny dancer with big dreams. And when you no longer feel the weight of the “not enoughness”, you will burst like a firework and light up the sky just like you were created to do. I see it. I’m living in it. And I’m here to tell you that every single thing this life throws at you is a lesson to learn, not a brick to build a wall. 

Stay bright, my sweet girl. I know our light dimmed for a moment there, and we got lost. It was scary and confusing. Hey, you’re only human. But like I knew you would, you found your way through. And on the other end was an evolution of you. A version of you that was patiently waiting to be found. You’re becoming. I am so excited for you to feel YOUR light. And THAT is what enough feels like. A firework that is unapologetic about doing exactly what it was designed to do. Light up the sky. And just like Elvis, I can’t help falling in love with you.
Now, enough is enough!

From You, With Love

Sweet Angie

What does it mean to be enough? 

Enough for who? Parents? Grandparents? Teachers? Peers? Colleges? Coworkers? Jobs? Bosses? Society? The World?

The fact is… you weren’t the best in school, with your decent grades accomplished with late nights finishing homework and studying for tests. 

You weren’t the best at making friends either, usually missing out parties, sleepovers, and hangouts. 

To be honest, you didn’t particularly stand out in sports, music, art, and you weren’t the prettiest either. 

From the outside looking in, there’s nothing special about you. 

So that means you were never enough for your peers, being the weird one that was a little too genuine; or for your teachers, getting mediocre grades according to their standards.

On paper, there was nothing special about you either. Colleges just saw the average grades mixed in with millions of other students. 

Then there was the military and there was really nothing special about you.

So … what does it mean to be enough?

Well, your life isn’t a sob story, but just because you faced difficulties that may or may not have been more difficult than others’, doesn’t mean your struggles are invalid or wrong or unjustified.

Everyone struggles.

Everyone’s life is hard.

But for you and your life… you are enough.

I know that you love with your whole heart and you aren’t afraid to show it. You love so much it hurts.

I know that your family at home depends on you. You are exactly where you should be. Your siblings and your parents still need you, too. 

You don’t need to be the best mom, or daughter, or sister. You just need to be there – and you are. You need to be kind and loving – and you are. You just need to be you.

I also know that you work hard every single day of your life. I know that sometimes that means the hardest days are just getting out of bed, battling depression. Sometimes that means the hardest days are working from home, being a stay at home mom, working drill on the weekends, cleaning the house and making sure there’s food on the table every night. 

I know you feel like a failure when you make a mistake, or you get a little too angry, or don’t show enough affection, or even by saying the wrong thing. 

But regardless of what you think or what you’ve done, you are worthy of love, compassion, and happiness. 

You are enough being you.

Style Score: 84%

Dear 20-year-old me,

So, you flunked out of college
And lost your one true love.
You think you’re lazy, dumb, despicable –
Another useless maggot of our society –
A cancerous tumor bulging up,
Pressing upon our dying Mother Earth.

I know you’re sadly stuck
In the ultimate, existential catch 22.
Claim death,
And stab a dagger in your parents’ hearts.
Keep breathing,
And burden them all as you suffer.

Hold my hand and listen close
As I tell you of another way.
I will show you a path to living.
You can shed your sickly skin.
What is held within you
Is brighter than the darkness
Blacking out your soul.

The trick is not to push harder,
But rather to ease into yourself,
Relax into all that scares you,
Recover what hides and haunts.
Only then can you dig out the dirt.
Take time to purge, so as to heal.

Be patient with the process.
Transformation is within your reach,
But the grabbing is slow and arduous.
Like the alien-nymph buried in the mud,
You will one day emerge anew
With wondrous wings to take flight.

Oh, the lands you will discover!
Your adventures are only beginning.
Every part will piece you together.
Each experience, food for your growth.
You may think you’re outrunning the beast,
But really, you’re steering your wild heart.

Someday you’ll be the touchstone,
The teacher, the leader, the inspiration
For those you’re yet to meet,
But who will find their own way through you.
Your butterfly effect will ripple forth,
Brightening the worlds of many beings.

So, please, my dear former self,
Don’t discard or disregard who you are.
There’s more to us than you know.
You’re a dragonfly in waiting,
Temporarily buried in the muck,
Simply preparing for life in the sun.