Looking out to the sky
during the day
then after it breaks
few notice,
in between the two phenomenons lies
a rainbow of color
bonding the infinite spontaneous impulses of the universe
Only there,
surpassing time,
interconnected with the universe
beaming down as only a mere concept in another
breaking from the barriers of this dimension
Here only,
I truly feel whole.

When I find myself running from madness
I am always going to the same place
Chasing solace, I run as fast as I can
I run away to the water over and over again

It called to me when I was lost inside myself
When I had lost sight of who I was
Pulled me in and held me in harmony
Helped me to feel small and safe

Wrapped in its motion, my body can be free
I move effortlessly, entirely supported
I speak my greatest fears and deepest worries
Knowing in here, they can be washed clean

Like a child, I am able to play
Like I did years ago
In a lake far away from home
Born a swimmer and bound to the mystical

Above the earth and below the sun, I am one with the world
I belong
No place on land compares to my sanctuary
In the water and inside my peace

The rest of the world is quiet
And so is my mind
Drifting in the open, I can finally surrender
I have no one that I need to be

My problems can’t swim
They sit on the shore waiting for my return
But I swim to be saved
And to shed them for good

I will run from chaos as fast as I can
Running until the road runs out
To where my spirit can rest easy
I will run until I’m able to swim

As the story of life a death goes, the struggle to find peace is always present. Is it a present? If you actually find the inner peace you seek then it definitely is a present, a gift. When I think of peace, my mind is filled with so many thoughts. Often it’s difficult to find that peace without organizing those thoughts into priorities. My first thought of peace is happiness, innately the two go hand in hand. Almost like supply and demand. Peace is found for me first by the love of my family. Family is where some people find that peace. Then I must look to the world and the current state we are in. A global state of peace is much harder to reach. It’s not impossible, because nothing is. I was taught very early in life that “can’t,” is not a word utilized in my vocabulary. I remembered that strategy throughout my life. How to obtain world peace is complicated but again, achievable. Although at times, if you feel uncertainty, it may be related to the peace you have not found. It is a problem but with a relatively easy solution. You have to look deep within to find your center, guidance, and peace. That is easier with maturity. It was for me, at any rate, my life has always been filled with insurmountable pain. I believe I have felt every possible format of pain that can be experienced mentally, and physically I have been blessed. I have my fair share of physical pain but not the worst amount. Comparison and contrasting others’ lives never gave me peace. Instead, it gave me more of an overwhelming feeling that I should conform to society. It’s fortunate for me that conforming never has been my norm. It becomes harder to perform no gain just the beginning of mental anguish and pain. To find my inner peace I realized that I am unique. Everyone has that feature in one way or another. It’s a light that exudes from you. To be unique can come with some hate as well, truly that’s nothing new to me. Just a constant reminder of the chaos we find ourselves in within this world. This perfect fit, or perfect face, maybe even a perfect body. It’s only drip-fed to you through every media outlet or resource you can find. It’s hard for me to imagine a world without that unique part of someone that is simply completely different than another. To me, it would be such a boring, dreary world. In finding inner peace I became comfortable with myself. That battle took me 38 years. I had to find beauty in trauma, beauty in pain, beauty in everything that surrounds you daily. The simplest of life’s beauty is forgotten, we get caught up in everyday life. The 9-5, 16 hours a day slaving away at a career. It’s fairly easy to lose yourself here. At that time I remain aware always. I’m in a constant state of chaos, so I find peace in the small things forgotten in daily life. You’ve gotten. so jaded that you forget to smile, forget to accept breath, and be thankful for that. You forget that having even the gift of sight or the ability to write is a gift, so you give thanks. I’m grateful for every breath taken because the world never stops spinning yet we forget so easily the simple gifts we have.
I find peace in thunder, in rain, in every second of pain. You don’t know if it will remain, what then is gained. Nothing you’ve lost because you couldn’t pause. Lost at what cost? At your own expense, it’s apparent and precedent. Live in pain and sorrow or swallow your pride. Open your mind and let all flow from inside. Examine yourself, look in the mirror. Who may be staring back at you after self-examination? That’s the truth that some aren’t willing to face. If you wish to find peace you must find cease hearing everything but the nature that surrounds you. If this is what created you then that is where your search begins but never ends. It’s a journey to find yourself while seeking to enjoy what you are given. If you ignore those small moments, life has passed you. Time stops for no one. The clock just keeps ticking, so why waste one second missing what’s directly in front of you? In front, behind, and all around at all times. The present is a gift also the past don’t waste too much time looking back. Look forward and enjoy every moment given because it isn’t promised to you. In some places, freedom isn’t given to you. Wars are waged for these things that we so frequently miss. Your body keeps the score and toll for every moment that you hold in regret. Instead, find something that works as a benefit. Anything you find is better than trying nothing at all. Enjoy every single moment. Or waste and watch them pass, they will entirely too fast. I found peace from within, thankfully I use that to help others see gifts they never did. It’s hard to see the light when living in complete darkness. Unfortunately, that is where so many live. Uneasy to forgive, forget the past, traumas that last. Instead, be thankful for the grass the seeds beneath your feet, and what may grow where you can take a seat. Imagine a place that is euphoric for you. Anytime you feel peace waning or fading go to that place, it’s where you will find your grace. Often it’s misplaced by others. Remember to breathe listen to the sounds around you, sing, and dance happiness can only last if you allow it. Try not to deny yourself the highest honor, peace.

We’re living in a west side story, not knowing which way is wrong or right,soon will have to take a flight.
Too many times ,too many times ,being controlled now it’s time to be free and visualize.
Not really sure how to feel about life, hope to figure it out ,figure it out.
We’re on a mission, we the double(007),we the people of the world.
We’re all just in a rut ,tryna make the cut,
tryna escape the dilemma of the meli,deli,drama.
Oh yeah, oh yeah! They say “Were young and dumb and don’t think of the consequences of our actions”they say “count the cost”!
We don’t count the cost ,living life to the fullest that’s why we wind dead and in the ditches praying for our best friend cause they didn’t make the cut.And if ur not a number your nothing really …
No need to be seeking validation when all u get is trouble and wind up in the rubble now let be on the double.

Chaos all around me.
Where can I go to think?
To calm my mind, to be at ease.
Anxiety constantly knocking.
Refusing to stop until I let it in.
But I refuse to just give in…
To my fears, to my doubts, to the emptiness within.
Where can I go to find peace?
I search and search high and low.
Under a rock? Under a tree? Where can I go to just be ME?
With my friends? At a store?
In this life there’s gotta be more.
Will money make me happy?
The job I’ve always wanted?
A house, a car, the perfect body?
Approval of my peers, gratitude from my spouse?
No, there has to be something else.
The day I first held my daughter in my arms, I cried.
I’m a mother now, why do I still feel broken inside?
Another daughter brought me joy instead of pain.
Is there something more that can be gained?
My husband makes me laugh and smile.
He always knows how to get me out of my head.
When I’m with my family, just us four,
I feel so much peace with these people I adore.
A peace even deeper is when I’m in the great outdoors.
I can feel the wind in my hair.
I touch the grass with my hands.
The shade keeps me cool from the hot sun.
And I just breathe….
A deep breath in, a deep breath out.
Letting go of every single doubt.
My God is with me.
He knows my name.
He’s always there but it’s not the same.
To feel His peace, it sets me free.
When it’s just Him and me.
His love makes me whole.
My broken places are mending.
Whenever I need to calm my mind,
His presence is the best medicine.
Better than drugs,
Better than wine.
I am His and He is mine.
If you could feel what I feel, you would understand.
Nothing else can truly satisfy but the Great I AM.

Sometimes I catch myself thinking back
To the version of me from a few months ago,
The me who sat outside your downtown apartment
For the last time.

I can picture that day—crying, screaming,
My heart, irrational
Begging my feet to walk back up to your door,
While my mind, logical
Pleaded for my hands
To put the car in reverse and drive away.

Long story short, my mind won.

I think of that version of me sometimes,
Like a ghost lingering behind my eyes,
Not there to haunt me,
but to reveal itself once in a while.

Although that version of me
Is not too distant in the past,
It feels like a lifetime ago.

My heart was so sad,
Yet unaware I was on the edge
Of something so beautiful and great—
I just couldn’t see it through eyes blurred with tears.

Now I’m lying in my own bed, alone.
In the green light of my lamp,
Listening to the bubbling of my humidifier,
Surrounded by walls we painted orange together,
But only I now can feel the color’s warmth.

I am lying here with my head at the foot of the bed,
Because oddly, over the past few months,
I have found comfort in feeling misplaced.
I have learned I can feel peace
Even when I am in pieces.

I feel relieved to climb in bed alone,
To hold nothing but my stuffed animal,
And feel no other touch except my own
And my dog at my feet.

I lie here wondering
How could there have ever been a time
When I hurt that much?
In the same thought, I remind myself
I will love something so greatly
That one day I will hurt that much again.

In the meantime,
I can lay here in my bed,
Relieved, alone, and okay.

I stare out at the skyline between his chestnut ears, the heat from his body meets the cool crisp air forming a mist around us. Hoofbeats stop, but they echo through my soul.

The way the snow dusted mountains touch the sky with a simple ease of purely being. They don’t reach. They don’t try. They just are.

The never ending blue hits the white peaks creating an abrupt boundary between infinity and its end. Such a fine line between now and forever.

How we wonder what lies beyond them. Out there in the abyss where dreams hide and the sun sings. We know tomorrow isn’t promised. When might we end up there?

Our two hearts beat in rhythm with the wind as it takes my breath with it. We don’t know where we are going, but we know where we are. This is it. Today is all we need.

I’m learning how to receive
I’m not there for the harvest but i take part in the seeding
Watering fickle trees
I play in the dirt on my hands and knees
Grounding in a foundation that works better for me

Dearest readers,
Mozart once said “The music is not in the notes, but in the silence between.” And in the world we live in today, music is everywhere! It’s in the trees, when the birds sing, when the wind blows and even in big cities like NYC! I feel most at peace when I can hear music in my everyday life. I love trying to figure out the melodies in nature and I love trying to hear every day songs in those melodies also. Music has always been a huge part of my life and I hope it never goes away!!

I feel most at peace when the rumbling of my conscious cease. It’s always been me and my nibbling conscious, spilling words from my psyche to the ink from this pen. It’s Sunday morning and my heart has been ash gray since last May and somehow it’s May again… and somehow I’m here again.

It’s always been me and my nibbling conscious and though she is my closest friend, she is always nibbling… always rumbling… always… always… And she’s loud I may add… and she’s angry I may also add… but more than anything, she’s suppressed, I will lastly add. And maybe rightfully so.

It’s always been me and my nibbling conscious and on those rarities where she is still… when the rumbling quiets down and the ash settles… I feel peace. When my conscious ceases and I’m able to pick up the peaces, that is my peace.