Dear Fear,

Hey it’s me again. I thought I got over you, but somehow, I’m still afraid to win. Like we been together so long, I tried to be so strong. I thought we were done. I was so confident, I shined like the sun. Fear you, done a number on my dreams, I allowed you to mute my screams. Suppressions caused my brain too much stress. Somehow still trying my best. I overcame the shame, the pain, the abuse, and the misfortunes. One thing that remains is the distortions of altering time. Trying to accomplish goals, meanwhile, filling the holes of emptiness, somehow, the fear of failure is something I can’t digest. I try my best, I fail, I’m like Jill, looking for jack with the water pail, he walked right past me on the trail. Every time he doesn’t see me, it’s another depiction of invalidation, I’m so thirsty and have me waiting. The fears of lack of love have me hating, raging, in anger, now every time I speak, I’m in danger. My thoughts out loud. Schizophrenic head in the clouds. Fears of the unknown, and the unheard, I’m never quite, I get on my own nerves. So alone, but strong. I keep going, never will I quit, I’ll admit I was so scared to fail, probably because I never had anyone to wish me well. So much pain my brother died in a cell. Now I’m locked and my mind is the jail. But God was the lawyer, the trial was this mental disorder, and I will make it out. I will soon win, I won’t always be in a drought.

Fears of failure? Outside in a world looking for your treasure, but the whole time you’re the treasure. Your gold, it’s so much beauty in the pain you hold. Be bold, and don’t live in fear, although they live in facades, they have problems there.

Dear fear, you will never win. I have this resilience built in. I’m in the season of succession, destined to teach people all my lessons. Dear fear, fuck you! I have better things to do.

Sincerely,

Lu