Infidelity,

Inside the shadows, you rest. Watching and waiting for two individuals to become one so you can then prance in between their love. What fancies you about my family? Rays of many blue moons have tinted my skin, while I search for your silhouette in the stillness of my room. Your fragrance lingers on the walls of my childhood room, yet your hunched frame camouflages you. Although I sense your breathing over my shoulder as I write, this letter is dedicated to Infidelity. For I am writing to you — not to surrender, but to defy you.

I remember you first appeared as a gust of wind that sat on my brother’s bed. As I entered the room, I took in your uncanny smile, waiting for me to sit next to you. You wanted to capture my sweet tears to feast on as I heard the regret in my brother’s girlfriend’s voice through the screen. You had paired up with Alcohol the previous night and agreed to puppeteer her turbid conscience into tempting her to a stranger’s bed. Years went on and you visited us once more. Convinced my brother-in-law to welcome another lady into his marital bed with promises that my sister would never find the unmade bed or the empty wine left on the bedside table the next day. I wonder how our tears taste, for they must be sweet enough to entice you to steal drops from tender eyes. Sneaking into the guest room to comfort my inconsolable nephews as screams bounced from wall to wall in the living room was not the most grueling — it was to keep calm as I saw your shadow standing over young souls. You introduced your belongings into my siblings’ wedlock homes, toppling over them like dominoes. I have seen your harsh work — leading those into my room when the ticking of time is the loudest, lurking behind my siblings’ whispered confessions, settling into my mind.

My dreams have changed throughout, yet my desire for love has remained constant. Although I yearn to feel warmth envelop my hands on cold, shaking nights, I hesitate to reach for the hands of a devoted partner — fearing my hands will freeze over theirs. I scrutinize every feeling, every attachment, loathing the thought of opening a door for you.

With all the fear in my heart, I write with valor and dedication that I will not allow you to topple my future matrimony. I will wed someone who not only offers me a partnership, but whose family also welcomes me with open arms. I vow to search for a spouse who provides me with a friend, boyfriend, husband, and father to our future children — a man who offers me a second family. I long for a partner who reflects my faith — Someone who has been cut from the same cloth as the One Eternal Power who humbled Himself for us by becoming flesh. That way, our love will live for the Word: ‘Love one another as I have loved you.’ I will choose someone who clothes himself in the image and likeness of God. Infidelity, I’ll make sure you stumble over your steps and panic clouds your vision. For in the unity of two souls, rooted in faith, you cannot stand. Sacred love: A bond that serves as a sanctuary under God, impenetrable to evil schemes.

I come from a worn-out tapestry, but I am not the same thread responsible for the mistakes of the past. My fated love will be woven into a decorative design, hard to pull apart. I will take responsibility for my weaving. You hold no power over me, for I will not let you see me through the corners of emptiness. My story is my own. I, with the Lord watching over my home, will not welcome you into my life. Your steps will not resonate on the floors of my heart’s dwelling.

You might have haunted my past, but I do not wish to carry you into my future. Infidelity, although I felt no pleasure in knowing you, I allow myself to admit: Your presence has taught me the importance of committing to someone and the value of falling vulnerable to someone. I desire no attempt to cross paths with you, yet your teachings will follow me throughout. I am leaving regret and doubt behind me, Infidelity. As I cut the chains off, I say: ‘Farewell.’

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