To my greatest fear,
I love you. I mean, how could I not? You’ve kept me safe from the horrors of what I could become, what I surely would become without you here to protect me. I love you for it, and everything else you’ve shaped me for. I thought you should know that.
Years have gone by, standing in your shadow, trembling in the cool comfort of the darkness cast because of it. We exist in a harmony like none other I’ve experienced, and I am forever in your debt. I repay by only knowing what you’ve allowed me to know: I can truly be safe in what I find familiar. That and never more.
The heat could have taken me out. The sun could have blinded me. It could have burnt me to a crisp if I dared reach into the world around me. With every step, I trusted your judgment. I knew you’d lead me into a new city, one away from dangers, from prying eyes, from the light that would surely hurt me if even a finger got caught in the rays.
In time, I’ve grown to enjoy it. At least, that’s what my captive mind has told itself. How could I understand true, unfiltered joy through the lens of false security you’ve given me so graciously? The rose-colored glasses you glued to my eyes turned out to shield the unknown and the scary and the horrors, but also the feeling of freedom every soul in the world longs for. That’s when I knew I had to crack the shades.
Believe me, I saw it when you protested. You contorted in every way to keep me under your belt, ignoring all the times I told you I wanted just one hour in the sun. Really, it made me wonder who I was without you, if I even knew the person I could be out of the shadow. Your words played like a broken record over and over, again and again. “I can truly be safe in what I find familiar.” That reassurance had gotten me through years of hard times and missed opportunities, and I turned out alright. So, what’s the issue?
I wasn’t happy. Iron chains turned into your iron grip, holding me back from a wonderful life I knew I could have if I only broke free. Tearing off those chains to see the light was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Trying to find peace in the unknown ate away at my sense of self, or what I thought that was.
The beautiful thing is: the light warmed me. Gentle heat radiating on my skin eased the shivers and tears and shallow breaths. I inhaled the air the sun had touched for the very first time. Sure, the path ahead was bright, casting a ring of white into my eyes so I couldn’t see over five feet in front of me. Sure, any monster or creature could be lurking outside my periphery. If I’d hidden in my shadow, I wouldn’t have seen all the beauty this world could, and does offer to those willing to look.
We, as real, authentic people, are handed fear to protect us from the dangerous things; some that could kill our bodies and some that could kill our hope.
Even so, I am you, and you are me. Accepting a fear like you to live with, learn and grow with, and explore who I am outside of is nothing but a blessing. I promise you that.
Sincerely, me.

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