Freedom…
Can I please start by telling you, it was one hell of a journey to get to you. It took me going through hell and high waters to get here. I failed so many times trying to get to you; I began to think I was wasting my time. I wanted to write this experience off as impossible to achieve. I wanted to quit and just except defeat however the Elohim of me wouldn’t allow it. Now that I arrived I can sit with you and explain what it took to get this to this point.
After my last fall from the near top, I just laid there numb defeated and hopeless. I didn’t go back; I didn’t even get up. As I laid there, little by little my mind began to clear up, my vision became clear, my hearing had syphered through the noise and my taste for victory had came back.
See, I decided to fully focus on what was blocking my path; and like clockwork, my ADHD activated and triggered something fierce. I began to get an annoying itch around my ankles making it hard to concentrate. As I looked down, I noticed the safety shackles I was wearing were no longer safe or comfortable. They weren’t long enough for this journey; I had outgrown them. Safety and comfort had to go. The keys were somewhere in one of my packs. With a sigh of irritation and the very last of my hope, I poured out all my bags to look for the key to unbind myself. As I sat there looking at all the stuff I had neatly packed away for safe keeping, I realized most of it was junk.
I sat there at the foundation of you, with all my junk spilled out like a busted suitcase. For the first time, I took a real hard look at the baggage I had been carrying and realized not only was there a lot of junk, but 98% of it wasn’t even mine. I took one more scan of the mess in front of me, breathed in a deep breath and knew it was time.
It was time to sort out the mess of a life I had been collecting all these years. It was time to separate the old from the new, the junk from the treasures, the past from the present. I found wads of shame, stacks of crumbled guilt, sticky and gluey low value and esteem from the words stuck to me from others and even myself. I took a step back, found a clearance in the mess and sat down. I began to cry, I began to pray, I began to battle within. After some time, I decided that I just couldn’t. I wiped my eyes and as I stood up to walk away, I seen something catch the reflection of the light. I kept my eyes fixed on where the shimmer and glimmer were coming from and for the first time the pile began to get brighter.
As I got closer, I seen beauty, I seen self-worth, I seen purpose, I seen my desires, I seen resilience, I seen my voice, I seen change, I seen perseverance, I seen victories. I stood there so confused because where did all this come from. I rushed over to the pile and realized this was the foundation of my being. I could only see a little beneath the rest of the rubble so I quicky yet carefully began to sift through the junk again. The more I removed the clearer the foundation became. As I kept piling up what was salvageable and new, the pile kept growing and growing and growing. I was so confused, how did I never see this? When did it get here? Why is there so much but the load was so light? None of it made sense. However, I figured the answers would come as I continued the sifting. Eventually I only had two piles. One of junk and one of purpose and life. The baggage was sifted through, yet I still didn’t come across the keys to the shackles.
Until I picked up the save pile. Underneath the keep pile was the key. Something so small held so much power and change. I placed the keep pile back into one of the bags and went back for the key. Once I unshackled myself, I picked up my one bag of goodness, my last bit of hope and journeyed back up your side. And now here we are freedom. I am with you, and you are with me. Now I can breathe and see from your view, from here I can see why it was all worth it.