Everyone in the inner circle seemed to assume I’d be sad when you passed
But I wasn’t.
If anything I was more upset to learn how much pity you received
While I was frozen.

It doesn’t make sense does it?
The night of your death became the password and the key
to unlocking every single thing and door
That you walked me through.

They never had pity for me like they do with you.
I kind wish they did, but I know they never will-
So I just stare beyond my window sill
And wait for you to admit it to my face
I would’ve gotten lost in the paint
But I was worried, that my bedframe would break
I’ve tried to understand you and it worked and I forgive you,
But the aftermath of your death was a tragedy for us both.

I’d always believed that if I shared blood with a vulture
Then surely I was just like them;
The ones that slip beneath the surface and devour you
Before you are dead
Because surely, if they can’t have patience
Then I must be a monster too.

But now that we know that true vultures don’t engage in torture
And feed their lust by feeding off the innocent
This is no circle of life, it is a cycle of hell.

True vultures eat the deceased, so they cannot be monsters
And you aren’t one either,
The mistakes that you made were paved by fate
And while they are stains already made,
It is not a adultery to your kind
To love the vultures for who they are,
and hating the monsters for what they’re not,
Nor loving yourself, for being a true vulture.

There’s a myriad of ways to phrase it.
I’ve been told that if I can’t stand the heat
I should exit the kitchen-
But it’s the only room in my world
And it’s on fire,
Where the circumstances are always dire,
I’ve prayed that the smoke of the flames may lift me up higher
But I never could seem to escape the safest and only room
In my house.

Winston once said:
“Success is not final- failure is not fatal-”
Yet the both of them tied me up in knots,
Fun is not s’posed to be painful
Yet the both of them placed me in a blender,
And I’d become shredded to embers before
Recognized for being unique
Creativity is a gift-turned curse.

And the phrase:
“It could always be worse”
Never suited me for a second
Because the second I stretched to touch or at least
“Reach for the stars”
A force would come to cut my fingers off
As The Strangers scoff
How could it be worse?
And the stars and I grew farther apart-
An old friend once said “the world must change it’s heart”
But I worry that would never change for me and the other writers
With our fingers cut clean-
While the stars glow brighter than a Dreamer’s ever seen.

I’d opted to a phrase that bandaged my fingers
Years ago, searching endlessly for answers
To and fro but
My life- I mean one Hell of a kitchen
Is nothing but blood and of pain and of stiches
Inside this home-turned-prison
What a grim thing to say,
Though it’s kept me alive to this day:

“Kill yourself, or get over it.”

All you’ve ever wanted was to be understood
But the forces of evil and the forces of good
Were born within the people who claimed
“I love you”

Which wasn’t true,
Because to be loved isn’t to be used
Or be turned black and blue
Your skin doesn’t deserve a single bruise
Yet the lies that lied in the home you grew up in
Called you
“A punishment”

And it does hurt, doesn’t it?
When the ones you pray for at night
Laugh at your existence?
Your life feels like a curse
And it is,
Every second felt like a nightmare
And it was,
You continued to pray for a God up above
To save you from a horror show that some call
“life”

You don’t know which day it is
Unless it’s Sunday and Mom’s away
You call for her as if she is near
And the animals say
“Mom isn’t here”
And you want to go home
Yet the only home that you’ve ever known
Was a cage and the animals prod you with sticks
Ignorance truly is bliss
The realization that life shouldn’t be lived like this
Will hit you like a ton of bricks

The thing is-
Those animals don’t love you
All they do is to drain all the blood from your neck
And laugh while you scream,
And love when you’re weak,
And buying you scissors then cutting your wings-
You have potential that animals can’t see
They want to see your castle crumble
I know that it’s hard now
But you have a mind of titanium,
And the strength of a lion,
And the tongue of a nail that will lock his dark coffin-
And you’re not the problem,
Ellie, I love you and can’t thank you enough
For staying on earth
And not going home.

No one saw you stare out that window
And lose yourself in the wind-
They never noticed those blades for nails
You replaced to survive while
Replacing such horrors from your fairy tales
It is your escape now, and you’ll understand soon
Those birds that nest in your bed
Are vultures and they tear you to shreds;
Just because they are blood does not mean you owe them love,
A myth that is destroying you,
You have every right to be confused and to cry
In the arms of yourself when Mom’s not around
That animal breaks all your bones,
And while she wastes time out the house,
Your fear is his throne;

And while he cries wolf
You lick your own wounds
That doctor who should’ve protected you
Feeds on your pain-
Lovely girl, people are refusing to see all those
Horrors inside your world
Like the monsters that hide under a child’s bed when they sleep
Though it would always be a dream,
For you this is different
And people aren’t who they claim to be
The one in your closet is real
And it’s scary
And you’re anything at all but the cage of a word “crazy”
I know that your memory is hazy
Just know that doing nothing to stop it
Does not make you lazy
Oh Ellie, it makes you stronger than diamonds
And shinier than gold
And brighter than the shooting stars you wish upon
And a price that can never be sold;

You pray every night that those monsters that
People call blood are nothing but
Swordsman with the kindest of words
You make sure to name every name of these people-
Who claim that they love you,
And Baby Girl, I hate to break it to you-
But love does not mean begging for forgiveness,
And it doesn’t mean letting him have his way with you,
And it doesn’t mean accepting that maybe you’re worthless,
Because you are anything but this
Ellie, your light is so much bigger than
You dare to understand
It makes sense that you throw it away
Don’t blame yourself for feeling cold
You lose yourself in the plaster above you
Because it’s all you’ve ever known;

Ellie my dearest,
You’re a princess in shining armor
Etched in perfection
It’s not their business what lives beneath that skirt-
And please do not blame yourself for
Not knowing why this is happening
And when they tear at your gowns
Just know it is FAR from flattery
You are beautiful and chosen
The fabric of life that you’ve woven
And the seams that they’re ripping with ease
And with greed and while crying
They destroy your castle of a body
Ellie, you’re not a temptation at 8 years old
You were also never asking for it
You were just doing what you were told;

And Ellie my love,
Your lips were crafted to bring judgment
Speak poetry
Sing sonnets-
Your hands were made to paint murals
Build castles

Change planets-
Your mind has been gifted to hail justice
Fight fire
Love endless-
Ellie I promise you this:
It is going to be okay,
Someday you’ll be safe,
You’ll get it when you’re 20 years old,
And you only have the animals to blame.

Sincerely, You from The Future