We Still See Dead People

Dear me,
First things first. We are still in a wheelchair, so front of the line at Disneyland is still applicable.
We just had a psychic reading. One of five. I am here to tell you that they all said that we need to get out of our room.
We are 29, four months away from 30, and we are definitely not where we want to be in life. The good news is is that we’re leaning more into our spirituality, and the gifts that we had when we were children. You know, the ones where we could see dead people, and feel them and talk to them? Those gifts are very much alive and well, we just needed to take the time to see them. And now, the dead people are us. Me. You.
We still love Gilmore Girls, and Starbucks Chai tea lattes, but today, on the 1st of November, I think we realize what is missing from our otherwise quiet and quaint existence.
Life.
I’m happy to say that today is the day that I’ve decided to change our life. We’ve been living in a cyclical type of hell ever since UC Davis. Ever since they refused to accommodate our disability, leading to our hospitalization, and ultimately, leading to us leaving the university and allowing so much of our self-confidence to be tucked away. I’m happy to say that today we decided that we’re tired of living, if only to exist. We’ve signed up for a gym membership. It has a pool with a lift, so we don’t have to worry about how we’re going to get in and out of the pool. We found a new coffee shop and it’s actually better than Starbucks, and has better holiday flavors. I didn’t think that we would ever say that, but here we are.
I guess I just want to use this letter to apologize as well. I want to apologize for abandoning US, you, me. I always envisioned my ideal self being stronger than this. And I never thought that I would have to work this hard to become her but I guess that’s what trauma does. I can’t wait to get back into motivational speaking. Remember how much we loved that? We have our first official speech back after five years on hiatus, and I’m happy to report that we still have the same nervous butterflies that remind us why we started it in the first place.
I’m sorry for abandoning you when you needed strength the most. I always had it but I let people take it away from me, for the last seven years. I’ve allowed myself to hide away, to hide my body and wear baggy clothes. I stopped eating because I was hungry and started eating because I was bored, because I was sad, because I felt dead inside.
That ends today, my future self. I can’t wait to meet you one day. I’m confident that you’ll have the man, the baby, the business, the empire that we dreamed of when we were kids. But right now, I have to do the work. I’ve decided that I want more so I’m going to give it to myself, to us. This is just a reminder that our world it’s still beautiful, and we have every right to love it.

P.S. This is also the first writing contest that we’ve entered in three years. I’m back to writing that book series. The world will need it one day.

Let’s live this life,
Miranda