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  • melindagodoy1 submitted a contest entry to Group logo of Write a letter telling the world about what makes you strongWrite a letter telling the world about what makes you strong 2 months, 2 weeks ago

    What I couldn’t do

    I wanted to tell someone but I couldn’t .
    A child in her quiet bed with the hand across her mouth.
    Trying to scream, to run, only to find myself bound by the fear of being heard.
    Blame
    Blaming myself for all that I couldn’t change.
    Blaming and banging my fists against a chest begging to stop. But no-one hears me.
    Not a single soul.
    Time
    Heaviness
    The screams and scars are carried on my back like sacks of heavy boulders.
    Walking through everyday with pained knees, back, and heart.
    Wanting to be alleviated from the the torture I am
    Dragging
    Crawling
    Weary and wandering in the world full of oblivion and disregard not knowing why
    Not understanding who I am
    Not knowing why I became who I am.
    Pounding
    Thrashing
    Wrecking though life in search for my identity
    Not finding it.
    The boulders weighed, I fell
    Crawling, clawing digging my nails into the earth
    Drowning myself in bitterness, self hurt and blame.
    Blame that wasn’t mine to carry,
    I swallowed the boulders holding a hand full of lilies
    I pound and shatter the boulders into tiny pieces and swallow them, hoping and
    Wanting them to sink me into the earth.
    Awoken
    Rising
    Waking from the darkness
    finding that I could scream
    That I could be heard,
    the hand fell from my mouth.
    Truth
    Reality
    No one likes to hear it simply because it hurts.
    It breaks hearts and destroys everyone involved.
    I remembered all my fears and terrors, anguish.
    I cry about them and wish that all and everything could be erased, forgotten.
    Forgiven
    I shed the heaviness
    The guilt and the shame of all that was done to me.
    Again I tread alone
    Walking
    No longer crawling and pounding my fists at thin air
    Walking with my head high full of tears and regrets
    Wiping the saltiness from my cheeks
    No longer wanting answers that were never given
    No longer caring if they are sorry
    No longer wanting for explanations
    but searching for the child that was stripped from me
    Looking to the heavens for grace and forgiveness
    That’s all I have, my heart fixed on healing
    My body from the abuse given and taken
    My mind from the memories
    My soul to salvation.

    Melinda

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    • Melinda, This is so powerful! This part really hit me
      “No longer wanting answers that were never given
      No longer caring if they are sorry
      No longer wanting for explanations
      but searching for the child that was stripped from me”
      For me, I thought the most important part of healing was letting go of who hurt me and focusing on myself and doing whatever I could do to make sure I felt better. Abusers don’t deserve any of your energy, Keep pouring your energy into healing, empowering and, most importantly, loving yourself. You are so strong. And there is still so much greatness inside of you. Keep pushing. <3 Lauren

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      • Absolutely! It’s been a journey and I’m still working on those things that make me, me now, and it’s never easy. sometimes I wish that I can erase everything and start fresh. Then I think to myself, you can and that’s what I’m trying to do.

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    • Melinda, I love your letter. So sorry we have to have such disgusting people like that walking the earth. I also went through a similar situation when I was in foster care. He also did it to my younger siblings too. Imagine I was in middle school at the time in 6th grade. But I learned to heal from such a horrendous past. I’m glad you were able to heal but I’m so sorry your childhood was taken away from you. I am glad though that as an adult you can grow and try to fulfill yourself with better memories of the present and future.

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      • Thank you for your feedback. It’s been a process and it hasn’t and isn’t easy, but we continue in thing called life and live it the best that we can.

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    • I’m so sorry that horrible people exist. We often blame ourselves for thing we didn’t cause. I’m glad that you are healing. Thank you for sharing your poem.

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