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melindagodoy1 submitted a contest entry to
Write a letter telling the world about what makes you strong 2 months, 2 weeks ago What I couldn’t do
MelindaI wanted to tell someone but I couldn’t .
A child in her quiet bed with the hand across her mouth.
Trying to scream, to run, only to find myself bound by the fear of being heard.
Blame
Blaming myself for all that I couldn’t change.
Blaming and banging my fists against a chest begging to stop. But no-one hears me.
Not a single soul.
Time
Heaviness
The screams and scars are carried on my back like sacks of heavy boulders.
Walking through everyday with pained knees, back, and heart.
Wanting to be alleviated from the the torture I am
Dragging
Crawling
Weary and wandering in the world full of oblivion and disregard not knowing why
Not understanding who I am
Not knowing why I became who I am.
Pounding
Thrashing
Wrecking though life in search for my identity
Not finding it.
The boulders weighed, I fell
Crawling, clawing digging my nails into the earth
Drowning myself in bitterness, self hurt and blame.
Blame that wasn’t mine to carry,
I swallowed the boulders holding a hand full of lilies
I pound and shatter the boulders into tiny pieces and swallow them, hoping and
Wanting them to sink me into the earth.
Awoken
Rising
Waking from the darkness
finding that I could scream
That I could be heard,
the hand fell from my mouth.
Truth
Reality
No one likes to hear it simply because it hurts.
It breaks hearts and destroys everyone involved.
I remembered all my fears and terrors, anguish.
I cry about them and wish that all and everything could be erased, forgotten.
Forgiven
I shed the heaviness
The guilt and the shame of all that was done to me.
Again I tread alone
Walking
No longer crawling and pounding my fists at thin air
Walking with my head high full of tears and regrets
Wiping the saltiness from my cheeks
No longer wanting answers that were never given
No longer caring if they are sorry
No longer wanting for explanations
but searching for the child that was stripped from me
Looking to the heavens for grace and forgiveness
That’s all I have, my heart fixed on healing
My body from the abuse given and taken
My mind from the memories
My soul to salvation.Voting is closed
Melinda, This is so powerful! This part really hit me
“No longer wanting answers that were never given
No longer caring if they are sorry
No longer wanting for explanations
but searching for the child that was stripped from me”
For me, I thought the most important part of healing was letting go of who hurt me and focusing on myself and doing whatever I could do to make sure I felt better. Abusers don’t deserve any of your energy, Keep pouring your energy into healing, empowering and, most importantly, loving yourself. You are so strong. And there is still so much greatness inside of you. Keep pushing. <3 Lauren
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Absolutely! It’s been a journey and I’m still working on those things that make me, me now, and it’s never easy. sometimes I wish that I can erase everything and start fresh. Then I think to myself, you can and that’s what I’m trying to do.
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Melinda, I love your letter. So sorry we have to have such disgusting people like that walking the earth. I also went through a similar situation when I was in foster care. He also did it to my younger siblings too. Imagine I was in middle school at the time in 6th grade. But I learned to heal from such a horrendous past. I’m glad you were able to heal but I’m so sorry your childhood was taken away from you. I am glad though that as an adult you can grow and try to fulfill yourself with better memories of the present and future.
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Thank you for your feedback. It’s been a process and it hasn’t and isn’t easy, but we continue in thing called life and live it the best that we can.
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I’m so sorry that horrible people exist. We often blame ourselves for thing we didn’t cause. I’m glad that you are healing. Thank you for sharing your poem.
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