It’s craaaaaaazy to think how my biggest fear has become to never live a life without you. For 39 years, we’ve been in lock and step with each other. Like on some, “Heeeeeyyyyy Twin” type-ish. And no shade to you because I played my part too, but respectfully, I’m done with you. I see how you’ve kept me from not wanting to be seen, experiencing unconditional love, accepting help from others, and even asking for help. I see how you’ve kept me playing small, afraid to shine the light that is so bright within me. There have been situations where I should’ve popped out and showed […] but instead I remained silent, not creating boundaries or advocating for myself. You’ve kept me from the truth, seeing it and speaking it and from living a fun and spontaneous life. Your chokehold has stifled my creativity and made change feel cumbersome and challenging.

It’s been giving, very Scary Spice, very Keeping up with the Joneses, but also very do you not know who TF you are?!!

The codependency of our relationship has made “letting go” some of the toughest and hardest pills to swallow. It’s kept me around people I had no business being around, questioning my own abilities and intellect and making me emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually, and financially insecure. Our relationship has made me untrusting of others, but more importantly of myself, leaving me in a constant state of survival.

Last summer, my therapist asked me do I love myself? And as hard as it was for me to admit, I had to say, “No.” Admitting that cut me the deepest, because our relationship and my fear of abandonment made me believe I’m not loveable and good enough just the way I am. It made me believe people-pleasing, and being agreeable, never bucking the system, and always compliant, made me deserving of love and acceptance. I believed I was keeping myself safe when, in reality, I was dying a slow death, trying to show up and give others what I so desperately needed to give myself—LOVE.

We’ve literally been through it all. And I love you, because you have been a part of me, and I’m learning the importance of loving all of me, but today I release you with love. We go no further because just having this attachment is keeping me from being who I’m supposed to be—HER.

I’m writing you this letter, not to shame or guilt you but to liberate myself by choosing to release any residual anger for all the times I did not choose myself. To manifest the type of person and life I want to live, continue to heal and alchemize the pain I have endured and turn it into purpose.

You see, God has been reprogramming my mind and spirit to know and believe in something other than you—ME! She has been showing me the covering and protection over my life and how divinely guided I truly am. And through this unveiling, it has taught me how to trust in her divine plan and timing over my life. I believe when God has a specific calling over your life, it’s going to keep chasing you until you surrender to it. God’s been trying to show me why nothing else is going to work, no matter how hard I try. Our souls already have its divine purpose, its divine assignment and when you’re walking in your purpose, you don’t have to do anything but BE.

Now I’m going to be honest; I still don’t know the direction in which my life is headed. God has kept me cloaked from previewing that information, and I’m okay with that. Excited and anxious AF while waiting for it all to make sense, but still okay; and let me tell you why. I’m okay because I have worked diligently to make amends with you by digging deep and going into the depths of my shadows to identify the origin of your birth so I could heal every part of me affected by your presence. I’m okay because as I’ve gone through my isolation phase and endured every tower moment thrown my way, I see how God has been preparing me to step into a higher timeline by cultivating this unshakeable confidence, Omarion-like unbotheredness, and a magnetism only a Goddess in her divine femininity can create in me. He’s been developing my main character energy so I can be FREE to show up unapologetically as my authentic self. God said, “Genét, you are HER! And I chose you to be her because I’ve put a light and love inside of you to inspire and encourage others to see the same in themselves. But I need you to choose you too because you can’t choose you and fear? Not where I’m trying to take you. So, who is it going to be?”

And I chose me.

Style Score: 100%

UNMASKED FEAR

Dear haunted mind, muted in silence, filling in anger.

Nights were filled with nightmares as my mind fought to scream, only to produce sweat in moans and groans. Upon awakening, I pondered my paralyzed voice and its inability to scream precisely what I wanted to say. What was its cause, and where did it come from? I sought and confronted this monster with my tools gathered over the years. To confront the deep-rooted fear I believed was squatting in my being, I used meditation, reflection, acceptance, therapy, coaching, forgiveness, prayer, and all the things. The name burst from the hollow of my lungs one moonlit night during this journey. A scream so ice-clear it woke me from my sleep. M*****F*****.
The acquainted stranger only revealed its name, not its face, cause, or origin.
Could this mf be the face of my father’s volatile red anger? Or the knife of betrayal marked by the yellow fingerprints of a beloved best friend? Perhaps it was the thief in the dark night entering from the basement to steal the family stereo and sense of security. Or maybe it was the bruising rejection of not being allowed to participate in a Catholic first communion ceremony because my family is Presbyterian. In a child’s mind, this is beyond comprehension. Was I not good enough to marry Jesus? Would I need to be a saint without needing confession or forgiveness? That would be white perfection! Maybe the mf was the first hand to offer me the exhausting despair of a mind-mood-altering substance. It’s possible it was the disingenuous behavior of my children’s father who painted over me in a dismissing grey, fearing the reality of complete removal. Or could it be the father of lies who stalks and whose greatest feat is making the world believe he does not exist? Or even darker, maybe the fear is the monster within sabotaging self from being all God created me to be… a revealer of his enduring love.
The healing journey involved surrender, awareness, acceptance, trust, and a more profound forgiveness and all the things. Then, a dream in the moonlit night took me to a place in my mind where I waited for the terrorizer ascending from down within, basement-like, to the first floor of my heart. I stayed at the top as the mf climbed towards my mind. When it reached the top, with my right hand, I removed the mask, revealing a faceless emotion. The mf was not just one thing, event, or person. It was a feeling of danger, threat, and pain. The pain was my greatest fear and will undoubtedly accompany me in this lifetime, but God. And I felt its grip fading. Fear is not something I’ll get over easily or necessarily aspire to because I no longer fear the pain. I walk closer in my faith during these uncertain moments, looking for the color of the stained glass of life and my purpose. Giving thanks, I can endure for the sake of others.
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”-Isaiah 41:10

Spirit-Fill
Melinda

87%

Dear fear of the unknown,

I’ve put your name in lowercase to foreshadow how small of an impact you’ll have on my life. I’m sure you’ve frightened many a perfectionist and inferiority-complex ridden individuals in your time, and this has included me. I’m sure you’d love the assurance of my going down memory lane and telling you how I’ve feared you since I was a little girl–how you began as a fear of darkness and later resembled something like a terror of failure, to now, when the future shouts at me from an unknown expanse and I can’t see what’s in front of me. Now, how I’m reminded of my childhood self again, how I recognize that familiar feeling creeping up inside of me.

I thought you should know my company let me go recently. After receiving a near perfect evaluation on my performance review for the seventh year in a row, my boss told me my position was being eliminated. He slid the review across his desk and said it was mine to keep after giving me the news in the most sincere way he could. Even though he told me it wasn’t my fault, there wasn’t a way around the difficulty of that conversation and the feeling of being phased out.

I thought you should know you haunted me that first week after receiving the news and recurrently after, as I’m hurled into the deep end of an unknown ocean. I find myself scared of the future, this fear taking the shape of a broken job market full of horror stories from others seeking employment. Not being able to see what’s on the other side of this door frightens me.

They’ve said to keep in mind I’m not the only one going through these kinds of things. They’ve said to remember that there are others experiencing just as bad, if not much worse. But what good does that do me when I’m alone in my room at night trying to fall asleep to the soundtrack of my life? What good does that do me when I’m sitting by myself in the spare bedroom of my home in the light of a blazing afternoon, as the day quickly shifts and the sun disappearing from the sky tells me I’ve run out of time. I should pack up and try again tomorrow.

But then I look out at the birds soaring in the soft blue sky, hovering around the sunlight. I see them gliding on the wind with their wings outspread as far as they can go, and, deeper than all of the fear and worry and anxiety, I have an even deeper feeling that I’m going to be okay. I’ve got a weight that’s more like an anchor inside me, never weighing me down, but in the midst of my most untamable emotions, holds me steady. And if moving steadily forward means first being grounded and stable, what I’m tethered to–or who–keeps me in His hands, holding the universe and my world in His nail-torn palms.

Where He is, is where I’m supposed to be, and I think I’m going to be okay.

Because maybe, just maybe, what waits on the other side of this door isn’t terror or fright, but wonder. Could it be that this fog hides something more breathtaking than I could ever think of? That someday soon I’ll discover it is little more than the cloak that covers the beautiful unknown before it’s revealed in all its glory?

The truth is, I know the ending of this story. Because it’s already written.

And if I stop for a moment and look around, I can see there is someone else beside me in this furnace, the same One who halts the stormy seas with His voice, who, when He calls out to the wind and waves and tells them to be still, they must cease. The One the fiercest storm bows to, even the storm of my own emotions.

His name is Jesus, and He’s already won this victory for me. All that’s left to do is walk forward and meet it in the future.

Sincerely and never yours,

( 90% style score)

Dear fear, you’ve been a great friend. You saved my life more than once. You’ve kept my feet on the ground when I wanted to fly. All my life I approached ledge after ledge and you kept me from going too far. I didn’t fall from the jungle gym because you advised me not to climb it in the first place. I didn’t follow the stranger with candy because you pointed out that I didn’t know where he was going. I didn’t drown in a big body of water because you took my breath away just looking in.
You’re the reason I lived past my childhood, but since I’ve grown up you’ve become a debilitating hindrance. I didn’t go to that party because you told me I’d stick out like a sore thumb. I didn’t pursue my interest because you told me I’d be an utter fail. I didn’t do a good deed because you said people would look at me weird. I didn’t follow my heart in love, because you said it would get ripped from my chest. I didn’t attach well to people because you said they’ll betray me anyway. I didn’t allow intimacy in relationships because you said it would hollow out my soul. I haven’ t done a lot of things that I really should have because of you. I’ve been learning more about you. About how you make yourself seem bigger than me, How you seek to control more of my life. Your voice shouts and clamors for more and more attention. You’ve convinced me many times to make ‘rational decisions’ that drain my soul of any joy. You have blinded me to my decision making abilities and strength.
Allow me to introduce you, my dear fear, to my God. My God is love, and his perfect love will cast you out. It’s time for you to pack up your half truths and go. You are no longer welcome here. Your voice is silenced when your lies are exposed. You are nothing more than a small monkey with enormous feet, hiding in the woods where creatures run in fear when they see your footprints, but laugh hysterically when they see your small stature and hear your simpering voice. You keep hidden, using only your footprints and long shadows to intimidate and terrify. Your raspy voice whispers lies to those cowering behind the boulders. They become yours to control until the truth exposes you for what you really are.
So now that you’ve gone from my life, I will do things I’ve always wanted to do. I know how to assess risk and make smart choices without being terrified. I will try new things and not be afraid of failure because trying again is the pathway to excellence. I will climb, because the view at the top is amazing. I will love deeply, knowing it’s better to be heartbroken than not to have loved at all. I will learn intimacy, knowing and being known is true connection. I will do good things and not wonder what people think of me. That’s not my business, anyway. I will not cower in safety while the worthwhile things in life pass me by. You will no longer keep me from experiencing abundant life, and the joys of living unfettered by the lies you tell. You whisper and woo, promising safety and comfort, but those soon become isolation and loneliness. Depression becomes constant for lack of purpose, you seem like a good thing, a good training tool for children, preventative harm, but you have become my box of shame and turmoil. I know the truth now, and it has set me free. Death is one of your favorite threats, but really, a life not lived freely, joyless and without wild abandon, with feet that cannot move, a heart that cannot love, a life that can’t be enjoyed, is to experience death without being dead. So as I go through my life with you banished from my presence, I will see your big footprints and know that you are on the run, for I have seen you in the light and laugh at your existence. You’ll have no power over me and I’ll no longer be yours to control. You’ll be on the run, hiding your shame in caves and I’ll tell others of your footprints and the tiny little liar that makes them.
With power and sound mind, no longer yours, Lisa
Style score from pro writing aid-100%

Dear Depths of My Fear,
My heart feels tight as my eyes see what is before me. I touch my chest as though that would help the feeling disappear. I thought a little at first. But as time passed, I noticed it creeping up more and more.
The beauty of the ocean is magnificent. The sounds of the water can be calming. And yet, thoughts of what lies beneath the water make my heart tighten. What seemed like nothing at first had only gotten worse.
How do you tell people that the depth of the ocean brings you this fear? Photos, videos, and even movies bring the smallest of fear into my body.
Fear–that one word that lingers in my mind. Can I overcome this? Is this going to overtake me? Or can I grasp this fear and face it head on?
Like the ocean, this fear was deep within me. I did not know it was there, or maybe I ignored it. Thinking it would go away. However, it was there, finding its way to the surface. I did not want to live in fear. I wanted to enjoy things like others do.
In my mind, I felt like the ocean could swallow me whole: the fear of the unknown.
I want to overcome this fear and not let it run my life. My mind wonders at the idea of overcoming it. Like breaking chains from a prison that only I was in. If I can comfortably watch a movie without the tightness in my chest… if I can tell my sister I feel comfortable swimming in the ocean… if I can just no longer feel it overcoming me. If only.
I stand strong as I prepare to face my fears, starting with where they started. The images that made my body feel haunted. It will be a slow process; this is something I know for sure. But with time, I will chip away at the fear that once controlled me. No longer keeping a hold of my mind…of my body.
Sincerely,
No Longer Afraid

(Style score – 100%)

I fear it is fear I do not lack.
Just a big scaredy-cat with panic attacks.
I react, such a strong impact,
the dread in my head on this body it attacks.
What was and wasn’t said, or may be fact,
or misread. I contend
with logic and reason, but anxiety
can be such a cancerous lesion.
It overtakes and takes and takes;
I feel possessed by a demon.
Such high stakes. It seems
a mutinous nervous system
has mastered its treason.
But to defy and spite these odds of plight
I battle my fright leaning towards the light.
Yes, it’s in the fight that we just might
us humans discover our animal bite;
true grit, to wit,
strength reminders that
we’re gonna be alright.
Fear is a catalyst and placeholder,
igniting a passionate motor,
and it summons forth our courage
while holding space for bravery to flourish.
I keep deep gratitude for the fear
and all it does dear
as it provides a clear need
for a solution to appear.
On the other side we find
hidden powers of the mind,
and the wisdom that is gained
is not earned in vain.
For all we attain through the pain
is too invaluable to complain,
and the hard-learned lessons remain
long after fear’s temporary reign.

Style Score: 73%

Prowriting Grade: Goals 68% Improvements 67%
It doesn’t like poems apparently,
and that is likely a good poem in itself, once written….

WHO WINS

Taking a photograph
of an empty picture frame
arranging the ponderosa pine boards
a wooded surround meant to be exactly right
around the nothing inside of it
fretting over the far off, distant speck
that could be a house or ranch
might be too much
subject matter in the photo,
everything had to be
Just Sooo…
or the addict would seek refuge
in the addiction
and the fight between the not-addicted
vs the addicted personalities
now stand eye to eye
nose to nose
the fighting almost starting
with the addicted’s steely little eyes
in a slanted head staring
into the focused non-addicted eyes
looking straight back
that is fraught
with an orange, determined compassion.

There, a cute woman
looking at me
short upturned nose
she was a part of something bigger
than herself.
She filled me, breached my stone redoubt
wanting a respite
even tho she pulled me towards her
with a silken rope
bit away from
but towards-to
hailing from me and returning
to me. We were both naked
making the intense attractions o much stronger
and dancing some primeval waltz
that energy exchange
alluring in close contact moist
nakedness bouncing, wiggling
wild hair not covering much
this intense attraction between us
to bond us,
“I am An Addiction” she says in a soft sexy, alto voice
finger slowly motioning to come hither
“I call to you to follow,
participate.”

Sometimes the addict wins
always the non-addicted is aware
of the hungry yearnings, the orgasmic attractions
each incidence is an empty frame tho
surrounding distance composed
wether, or not,
into a fretful awareness
of a grey, cloudy decision
on that perpetual blackboard,
was that another derision?
Or, just another carefully chalked mark
one two three four crossed slash-mark makes five
on the Self’s scoreboard information.
None of it a literal depiction
and nor is it a literary description
this being, the Self’s realization.

Dear Fear,

I see you. I always have, but since my daughter was born, you’ve been a lot less subtle about pushing your way into my head.

A long time ago, you told me that with my own poor mental health, I would be just like my own abusive mother. I believed you for the longest time and thought the only way to stop you was to never become a mother. It took a long time to realize that letting you control my life like that was the only way to guarantee you would always win.

Now, I have a person who makes me want to be better and gives me faith that I can break the cycle. I have my daughter now, but with her I only won the first battle and not the war.

You still show up like a stalker in the night. I see you in my lifeless, tired eyes in the mirror. In the shrillness of my voice when I yell at my crying baby, I hear you. When I have to put my baby down and walk away during a tantrum, I feel you in the tension of my muscles. You whisper, “See, I told you. You should never have become a mother. Now you are just like her.” And for a second, I believe you. I believe that one day, I will hurt her. That one day, I will see fear in her eyes when she looks at me. That I will be the reason her spark fades.

But you’re wrong. I am not my mother. I make mistakes and I am growing. Breaking a cycle does not mean I will be a perfect mom every time. What separates me from my mother is that I am seeking help. I know that my actions and choices are not okay. I want better for my baby.

Fear, I’m not saying you are a bad thing. You remind me to keep trying to improve. But you will never win because I will not let you keep me from loving motherhood and enjoying every chaotic second.

100% Style Score

My dearest fear—

Food, I am sorry for how I have treated you over the years. I have been told you are divine but my wants have always been elsewhere. Your presence always felt unconventional to me, which is why I kept my distance. Yet, I know I need you.

I’m defeated each day by the hateful things you caused to be said about me. Someone recently commented on my appearance, saying I look too thin — is that a compliment? I know now we need to come together, separating ourselves from the words spoken about how we need to be. The rules put on us are not laws. I will no longer let the negative thoughts of you win.

I say now; it is my best interest to find peace between us.

I find when you shape-shift into cold chocolate chocolate chip ice cream; you give me chills of joy.

Or when you warm me up with exquisite spices, in a delicious broth, with long, perfectly boiled noodles. 

I feel at peace with you in these moments.

But — I do not always trust you, and this brings me fear.

Though, I want to give you three reasons it is so hard to have trust in you—

1. You are always shape-shifting. 
Every time you are different. My life lacks consistency; please show understanding.

2. You do not always satisfy my needs.
When you interest me, it is only for me to try and face you. I wish you could do something to draw me in.

3. You cause more damage than good at times.
You multiply my fears. Why can I only have certain kinds of you without the thought of illness?

Maybe now that you know why I fear you so, I can find a way to trust you — at all times. I will learn everything there is to know about you. I will face this fear the world has gifted me with.

I have love for myself — this is why I need to face you.

Forever, I have asked so little of you. Now — I will ask for more.

Best,
Hannah Light

P.S. My best friend and I both have ARFID. This photo is us sharing our comfort food, french fries, on the subway to her house in NYC. It was taken by our friend sitting across from us. We did not know the photo was being taken at the time but we now call it our favorite photo, because anyone with ARFID knows, when you feel safe with the people around you and safe with the food, no matter where you are, it will feel like home.

ProWritingAid Style Score: 83%

Long Time No Feel, Fear:

I wasn’t sure of my response and/or reaction once I faced you again. Would I shyly overtly gaze while deflecting the awareness of your presence, or would I cower in my spirit as I’ve done many times before, allowing the paralyzing effects of you to make me run away and be silenced?

Writing this letter to you seems like an out-of-body experience. It’s amazing how time can heal all wounds, especially the residues that have sat in the crevices and recesses of my heart, mind, body, and soul.

For 45 years, I’ve allowed you to keep me hidden and silent about what others may say or how I look to other people. Fear, there’s no escaping the fact that you were a blanketed companion of mine that kept me safe from confusion, abuse, shame, lies, abandonment, and whatever else life has thrown at me.

I vividly remember our first real encounter on my 6th birthday with the Cabbage Patch Kids theme. Surrounded by my mama, cousins and friends, that day was to be one of the best days of my life. My dad was in his shop working, but it wasn’t any surprise to him that he wasn’t attending.

Once everyone left and Mama was cleaning up and asking did I enjoy myself, she said under the same breath that we needed to talk. Overly excited and giddy, I just knew there must’ve been more surprises that she had for me. Although, nothing could’ve topped this day in my world. She brought over a picture frame with our family photo inside that has been sitting there since I could remember.  She flipped over the frame and handed me a photo of a beautiful, small-framed woman that shared my smile and eyes.  

I looked at “mama” and she said, “I’m not your mama this is your real mama.”  Tears overflowing, I cried and apologized for being bad and talking back to her.  She smiled a little and sat beside me and said, “it has nothing to do with that. You need to know that this is your real mama.  She passed away when you were two years old.  Also, the lady at the church that you say is always looking at you with tears in her eyes is her mother so that is your grandma.”

In that moment, Fear, you remember you held me up even with everything running through my mind.  I questioned who was I?  I was inconsolable because what’s real and what’s fake if this picture has been sitting up there this entire time?  What does passed mean, is she coming back and needed a break from me?  Is my daddy my real daddy and it’s that why he’s not around me much.  My grandaddy who preaches is my dad’s father but is he even my real family?

It was so hard in that moment to grasp all I’d been told; but most of all hidden truth unveiled on my 6th birthday.  The next few days, I heard “mam” begging my dad to take me to see my real mom grave.  She said, “this will always be a special place for just you and your daddy.”  Still so many questions, exhausted from all the information in such a brief time.

Eventually, I began to decipher who was blood-kin to me and who I’m known to as their stepdaughter, step cousin, stepsister and just friends.  Once the exposure of the hidden truths, I found out that after my mom passed that I stopped talking until about aged 4 or 5 years old.  Now that I think back, you have been with me before I even knew myself.  I’m sure that’s why you’ve hung onto me so dearly as a protective mechanism that pacified me as the years trudged on.

As you well know, this year marks my 46 years around the sun and I’m feeling good. I’ve been on a spiritual journey that has allowed me to heal responsibly in every area of my life.  You can let me go now, I speak from my heart as a conqueror.  You are recognized as my shadow and a teacher; but there have been times that you have groaned louder, more insistent, and very controlling.  You are a constant reminder of what has hurt me, and it has shaped my decision-making and created procrastination within that I let go of.  You are released from hovering because I have a grasp on life and all it entails; you will no longer define my path.

Sincerely, 

My Soul’s Memo

General Styling Score: 71%

My dearest fear,

It seems strange how you can appear before me. You come up with just the right words, even tones, to make my mind spiral into little crumbles. Yet here I am, sat in front of my typewriter, clueless about how to confront you. It’s not an occasion that pops up often. A person’s first instinct isn’t to stop running, just to turn and face what terrifies them at their core.

You can mock me, even call me a poet, but it’s the only way I can crack open my heart right down the center. Fear you don’t haunt me, even though most would say so. You break my heart, starting at two pieces, ending in shatters. I wish you haunted me because it’d be mercy. The heartbreak is torturous to me.

When you fill my brain with thoughts of potential failures, results in my gut wrenching sobs, enough to fill the entire ocean, it doesn’t end until my eyes burn red. I hear the laughter of people who enjoy my lows in life. They view me as their personal circus animal, there to cheer them up with my sorrow. I listen to the disappointment in my loved ones’ pained voices, hoarse from all the pain they’ve had to release from their tortured souls, all because of ME!

Yet you can’t really break me, couldn’t keep me stuck like glue. It burns fury in your heart, thus a war breaks out. A war I would have never imagined in my wildest dreams. I will tell you fear. They lied to me about you. They told me if I faced you, it would be the end of the fight. Now, deep down, I guess it’s not the truth.

Once the dust has settled and I’ve turned my back, you throw your first knife straight into my heart. In pure shock, I grasp at the handle to pull it out. You take the advantage and strike me with your second knife while I’m kicked to the ground. In this exact moment, I learned that fear you are not a fair fighter, even worse, a sore loser.

I couldn’t back down just like this. Had to give it my all and attack right back. I won’t let you mark my brain as your personal battlefield. So I build the strongest shield to deflect your knifes of destruction. I build a catapult to throw stones of positive. Last but not least, I build an unbreakable brick castle to act as my safe space protected away from your fear tactics.

It’s over. You’ve lost the power you have over me. You crumble and fall to the floor. Understanding your reign of terror is over. You look over at me, shock in your eyes, piercing mine with the question “how”. With a smirk on my face, I declared to everyone that I would never quit until you were defeated. Now the sound of applauds grows louder and louder while I realized I won the battle. I’ve grown to know fear is a part of you. Deep down in your heart, you control and demand fear.
(100% style score)

To my fears,
You’ve dictated most of my life. You emerged from my mom’s protective nature of her only child, and outside factors that snowballed your strength. I speak about you in therapy all the time. You’re a part of me I wish wasn’t so large. I’m grateful you’re there- you’ve saved me from reckless decisions. But I wish you didn’t have such a tight grip on everything else. Sometimes you take over my psyche so much it becomes paralyzing. I never want to get rid of you, but I want to reduce the amount of strength you have over me. I’m creating a balance with you so we can start living together- our dynamic hasn’t been sustainable.
 I’m understanding you more through my sessions. The OCD diagnosis gave me an understanding of why I was afraid of my speaker exploding if I left it charging overnight. Or that every trip my mom made to the store would be her last. Watching tragedies on the news fueled you more than I’d like to admit. I avoided movie theatres for years (now one of my favorite pastime activities), and I couldn’t sit in class without thinking of where to hide or exit if a mass shooter barged in.
 I shared your thoughts with my friends and family. Their reactions told me I was a paranoid person (so the diagnosis wasn’t surprising). My therapist has helped me realize that I’m having a stagnant existence. I’m not living my desires or goals, I’m not living quite at all. I am afraid of everything, and of things that haven’t happened yet. I’ve been in survival mode this whole time, and I didn’t even know it. I want to live, and I’m learning how for the both of us.
 Speaking out about every thought you deliver to me has helped beyond words. No matter how much the logical side of me clashes with you. Saying the words out loud doesn’t make it real, but it helps me slowly filter them from my subconscious. Therapist, the loveliest lady, appreciates you coming out to ring the alarm bells. She reaffirms what the logical part of me has been saying. But we aren’t disregarding you. We are evaluating where you are coming from, and if it is strong enough of a reason to stay away from something. And we’re grateful for you being so protective of me.
 
I go to the movies all the time now. My nerves still get a little high when it’s a packed theatre, but I buy tickets near an exit. I tell mom to drive carefully when she goes anywhere, and to pause for a moment before going through her intersection. Those few seconds of delay can save anyone’s life, including hers. I’m not in school anymore, but I’m relieved to be going to big events when I see security surrounding the area. Mom and I went to a parade downtown for Christmas, something I’d never thought I’d do.
 Google’s my savior, too. I learned that many devices have protections to avoid overcharging, and will stop when a battery’s entirely charged. Looking things up when I’m afraid of them has become a superpower. It’s not just the two of us all the time now. And as we’ve learned, you grew a louder voice than I did. My new ways of coping with you had never put you at ease completely. But it’s definitely helped, and that’s the one thing I can guarantee. Thank you for everything.
All my love,
Mercy
100 style score

Fears not welcome here

Fears a loser, a poser a really big hoser! Fear can’t win if we don’t let him in

He’s a big bully but we’re stronger
He attacks us but we hold on longer

Fears a bulldog a big white whale
We have our Faith so fear can go to hell

Fear comes like a behemoth growling loudly as to eat us

Love tames the beast rising within us stirring and calming the storm that rushes

We make no room for fear in our future we see clear

Fear is not welcome here

You were a monster we didn’t speak of unless we had to. For generations you have been lurking & we knew you might attack. The very thought of you for years scared my family & I. We only spoke of you in a hushed tone. Since had you had preyed on so many of us. Then one day you made yourself known to me & at first I was afraid of you. Now though I’m prepared to fight taking my life back. You can effect my vision & cause problems with my eye. Yet I’m still alive with people & places to see as I go. Spreading hope & awareness helping others realize they aren’t alone. Nobody will fear you anymore & you will be defeated Keratoconus!
Style score 100

I’ve always had a fear of never being good enough. Whether it was in love, life, or friendships. I didn’t grow up with a comfortable upbringing, so I never felt good enough to fit in. Once upon a time, I once felt that my honest, quirky self wouldn’t earn approval, preventing me from being myself. I’ve always felt pressured to pretend to be someone I’m not—perhaps more outgoing, perhaps more conventional. I always felt uncomfortable being anything other than my authentic self, maybe because I was born to stand out. Leaving that marriage, where I felt pressured to conform, even though it hurt me to my core, was the first step toward discovering my true self. Once I was on my own again, I could tap into my true potential and create the life I’ve always wanted. I overcame my fear by embracing change and stepping out on faith. I can’t lose by betting on myself! My fear of not being good enough won’t win because I’ve been through worse and still found my way out. I’ve faced setbacks and disappointments that felt crushing, but I learned and grew stronger. My fear won’t win because I now believe in myself, capable of anything I set my mind to. Everything I do from now on will be from my heart, with the kindest, purest intentions! I am enough! A million times enough!

(Style Score: 100)

Dear Heights,

You seem so near and yet so far. I see you all over the world; I look down over a cliff and there you are. I look up at the sky and there you are. I cannot help but think you are always there. You want me in the clouds above so that I can dive into my own vivid dream. You want me to take risks and exceed all expectations. I declare to you this; I will hit new highs and beat the lows. I will not be afraid of a few challenges. I will conquer my troubles, and in doing so, I will be a brave man who resists cowardice like no other. I will be there to do as you say, Heights.

Yours truly,

Michael Delianides