Meeting with Terror

I wake and I wonder
What to do with terrors in the night
Moments of fear that seemed to linger
For years away from the coziness
Of sweet sugar plum dreams.

And I yearn for gentle streams,
Gleaming and sparkling with rays of light.
I know that even darkness holds its place in this life,
No matter how painful, scary, or beautiful it may be.
Perhaps I should offer it a cup of tea?
Cover the room with rose petals and burn incense,
Ask why it has come to be in this space,
Even as this gesture seems out of place—
Maybe this is exactly where it should be?

I ask terror, “Why have you come?
Why does it feel as though my peace has been undone?”
The terror replied in a low tone,
“Peace is not yours to own, nor light, or beauty,
Or even the glittering streams.
In the grand scheme of it all,
The only thing you will hold is change.
You may sit in the sunshine,
But you will be met by the night.
Likewise, you may sit in the moonlight,
But inevitably be greeted by the break of day.

Your peace will come in the understanding
That with heaven, will also come hell.
To find the water, you will have to break down
Below the surface and find a well.
Peace comes in the reverence of chaos,
For holding on too tightly to the idea of stillness,
Will have the slightest breeze
Bring you to your knees.
Wondering why you have become shy
To the idea of moving waters.

So here you have found yourself in a current,
Wondering why peace has gone and I have come.
Maybe, my dear one, you should ask yourself
Why you hold on so tightly to things
You believe to be set in stone,
When even that becomes grains to the wind in the end,
Never truly to be the same again.
Change is the only thing here to stay.
So I return a question to the sender,
In hopes to ignite flames from embers,
And I ask you… Why have you come to me?”

I took a moment to reply.
I sit and I ponder, and again I do wonder,
Not why I’m in this moment here,
Or why peace is not near,
But why I’m caught at the crossroads
Of dark and light, joy and fright, wrong and right.

With each passing hour and each evening shower,
It all passes away to be something new.
Yet here I am caught in a shade of blue,
While life continues on in every hue,
Because this is what I have chosen to hold on to,
Instead of opening my eyes to see.

I live in a disguise of illusions
When I hold on too tightly to it and have been,
When once again, change will come,
Undoing what I believe to be done,
Inviting me into new spaces with love.

As I reflect on the seasons of my life,
I see that it has all brought me here now.
Every high and low, every joy, every tear, and even every fear.
I speak up and look terror in the eye—
I give my reply, “I now understand why we have come to meet,
And while I cannot say it has been the most pleasant greet,
I have been made to realize that life truly is grains of sand,
Slowly passing through our hands, but I can now say,
They have each been my friend.
They were each formed by change, nothing will stay the same forever.
But in this understanding I will grow, and peace will once again show… so I thank you.”

And the terror replied,
“Now I may go.”