Dear Superhero,
Do you remember when you would tie a makeshift cape to your neck sporting another kid’s underwear as a mask? You thought the bravest thing anyone could do was be a superhero. You were convicted that with enough imagination, you could be a real life superhero. Do you remember how you used to find wounded bugs and animals in nature? How you would take them home, nurse them back to health and mourn them when they left? I fiercely love that your love has no bounds in form either. To you, the spider is of equal importance to the fly. You’ve always had a profound connection to nature simply through your own unconditional love but you would never place judgment on an act of Nature. Honestly though, you are my superhero. I’ve never met anyone else who could walk through hellfire and still love the ones who put them through it. Your super power was loving everyone and everything even in the depths of quicksand or calving glaciers. I won’t lie, there were many times I thought you wouldn’t prevail. Just like a superhero you always came out on top, smiling victoriously despite brushing against all consuming darkness. To this day, I’ve never seen someone have the audacity to stand up for innocent people simply just because they were people. It didn’t matter who they were, where they came from, how they dressed, how much money they had, you always took a stand. “Tiny but Mighty,” is what they called you, because even though you were a small girl, you always managed to come up swinging any time you were down.Your superpower was alchemizing demons and turning them into sweet symphonies. Every trial and tribulation was a testament of the perseverance of your heart, and instead of being angry or upset you found ways to love even the darkest circumstances. I remember the boy in class that the teacher would always be cast doubt on, making the whole class burst into condescending giggles. You didn’t even know this girl, but you still stood up in such a way that they backed down. Do you remember when two girls pinned you to a brick wall because you told them not to pick on that kid? I don’t even remember the kid, but I remember your passion and your kindness. Or the boy who was being bullied by a group of grown men and you intervened? Better yet, you did that for everyone you saw no matter how small, because you had the strongest moral compass I’ve ever seen. Further yet, I’ve never met someone who always chooses compassionate truth, even when it meant losing everything. I’ve never met someone who cared enough about people, to love them in all their flaws and all their nooks and crannies but still cared enough to try and pull them out of the fire. So many times you were told you were too forgiving, too compassionate, too caring, but real superheroes are the ones who stand in the face of adversity and rise up through it rather than letting it pull them down. I know that if you could heal every broken heart, every scrape and bruise in the entire world that you would, even if it meant revisiting the flames. You don’t know how to give up, and I love the fact that even though you knew you had the choice, that you’d choose it again. I admire that every time life told you to bend or to break, that you had the audacity to stand in your own aliveness. You are the best superhero I’ve ever been blessed to meet; you are unbreakable, you love unconditionally, you are a healer, an alchemist, and a love story that the world desperately needs to hear. I admire how you never placed your narrative on another being. You knew your own pain and would listen to the broken hearts of lost friends with the most exquisite compassion. While Spiderman, Clark Kent, and Wonder Woman might not exist, you do and you continue to have the audacity to choose to be a superhero even when you don’t feel like you are. I love you more than any words on any paper can ever say. I know I put you through your own version of hellfire as a coping mechanism, but trust me when I say I will treat your body as a temple, your mind as a sanctuary, and your soul as a portal to universal love, because that’s what every superhero needs. I know you’ve still been hiding behind the mask of pretend and play, never wanting to take credit or cause too much attention….but the world is ready for you, I am ready for you. You can take off your mask, because it’s okay and because I will protect you and love you just as you do for others. I will do everything in my super power tool box to do what I couldn’t do then, protect and cherish you more than anything in the world. You deserve at least that. Thank you, for being my superhero and continuing to inspire everything that I do. I wouldn’t have made it without you.

Love,
Me

My innocent smile of childhood
Is what I miss most from long gone
Days where naivety, fun fumbles, were good
For a laugh with family, friends, undone

By the simplicity of the life of a child
As you went about cheerfully hopping
From one daydream to another, a hidden bard, flipping,
Hiding in plain sight, forgiven for being a child.

Never let your smile drift into the sky,
Let it balance your mood, don’t brood.
As you smile, cheer will surround
Your every move as you inspire joy that’ll fly,

Flinging your dreams into reality
As your positivity you embraced,
Will endow you with being graced
By happiness, a comforting embrace.

©️Malak Kalmoni Chehab ©️

Inner child
My second child
I never got to raise
Thank you for the smiles
On my darkest days
My biggest fan
That never turned away
My secret safe
That holds my scars and pain
She held on tight
To hopes and dreams
I could not see
I love the free
The spiritual version of you
That I could not be
You were there for me
Now it’s time
That I be there for me
I love that you were not a mistake
Our burdens I took to His alter
Now He handles us with grace
With arms wide open
There is no more need to be broken
I’ve surrendered you and I
Child of mine
You are strong in me
Abba healed both sides of me
My second child I love
Yes she is me
I love that your
Priceless like a diamond
Now shine so the world can see

Written by: Leslie M Rivera

I hesitate to write the words.
This is something I haven’t faced
in a long time…

You see, there’s not a single
time I’ve had… where the
relationship didn’t blow up in my face and made a really big mess

And I grieved every last one of
them. Very deeply.
And each one of them, afterward,
I tore myself apart…
searching for what I could do,
Who I could become
For love

She was born…very young
She did all the right things
to be loved. After all, it worked
for her parents and everyone
that came near
Eventually, the survival mechanism
wore out

So,
about this young lady.
She was the sweetest person
you will ever meet. Her heart
was bigger than the entire Sun.
She cared about everybody,
she cared for everyone.
She remembered what you liked
and would surprise you on your
birthday
She was the sunshine in the rain,
ignorant to her own glow.
She was sensitive to the injustices of
the world.
She fought for what was right
She fought for love; she believed love could save her
She was the kind of girl that lifted you up and only ever saw the
good in you
She never asked anything of you
and did everything for you

She was gold

She’s been with me for as long as
I could remember
So it’s painful,

But I’m letting me go.

Because, well, we don’t have to do
things to be loved anymore

This is one of our hardest lessons ever learned, that, there was nothing wrong
with you and,
There’s nothing you can do to make
someone truly love you

And to the Universe,
this is my surrender.
Please bring back to me;
but better.

To my 13-year-old self:

It was late one October evening.
I still remember the site of the blood.
And I can still feel the sting of my tears rushing down my face.

You were bullied relentlessly at school,
And your stepfather was an abusive alcoholic.
You were made fun of for your clothes,
And for your choices of friends.

Your mom would argue with your stepfather late every night.
All for the sake of being right.
You wish she would have left him and chose you instead,
It felt like nowhere was safe.

After surviving your first suicide attempt, you hoped for a better future.
You wanted to be popular and finally feel accepted.
So you changed yourself.
You changed yourself to fit their mold.

You changed your clothes, and even who you called your friends.
You started wearing makeup to feel more beautiful.
You were 13 going on 30.
And I remember their words, but they were wrong about me.

I thought changing these things about myself would make me feel beautiful.
But the truth is, the most beautiful I have ever felt was when I was thirteen.

My thirteen-year-old self was resilient and brave.
That’s what I love most about her.
After all, she is why I am here.

I remember you always wanted to be thirty.
But now that you are about to be thirty, you wish you were thirteen again.
Just know your life will be worth living, and it won’t always be this way.
Joy will accompany sadness through all of your tribulations.
You will be happy again.

Love Always,
Your 29-Year-Old Self About to Be 30

What to do when the shades are filled with blue with colors of black that stain you front and back,
Where you never come back from the paint smeared on your face colored red and black.
Always looking for a place to stay, a place where you felt less gray. Shaded in the back when all you wanted was to be the star at the front of the stage.
The only place that felt equally similar was you.
The person who was the little kid that you had once upon a time, that lit a blaze in your eyes. The type of eyes that made worlds unite, and come alive.
People change, where at times there faced with the gray parts of themselves as they grow up they also fall apart, because everything you thought that you were was just as muddy as your gut. Where you are cursed with the mess instead of being blessed. In the end we do it to ourselves.
Not listening to that truth inside you that guides you. That never left you, it’s a seesaw of left and right and a kind of yellow and blue a queasy feeling you get when things just don’t sit right. YOU are the standing ovation to put in your heart and rest in the end of all the pain and suffering, you find that little blue place that was inside of you all along, that pulled the strings in dancing to songs that made you happy, having a passion that drove you to be the main character in a movie, like a garden full of laughter and wonders of things that grow old. A inner voice that called for more to do more to be more, and ultimately inviting a new story. I had {correction}, still do a fiery yellow energy of gold skies and blue star dust.
That helped me stay pure and in my light. never letting things go in spite of what others said or did to make me into them. To get back the little fireflies’ that lit up inside, is tough when the world has turned me into something so unfair, where the world was to hard to bare, because a love like mine with a touch of magic and comes so rare, its something no one could dare change, being bold and wild and full of joy. I wish to bring my inner child back to the surface holding her hand and bringing her flowers, giving her that one chance to finally live again. To embrace the inner child it must be where you give that love to yourself again, to look in the mirror and repeat “I love you”, but really mean it to hug and cry with yourself, to rebuild that joy inside that has no end. With every twirl, comes a flash of softness that brings her back, for she was never gone, she just needed more love. ]
the end.

To my younger self,
Let me begin by telling you that I admire your perception of your life.
You see your world as normal and happy…I’m so thankful that you can’t see it for the chaotic mess it is in reality. I love that you see in the good in everything and everyone. I wish that I could tell you that you’ll always see the world through rose-tinted eyes.
Younger me, you don’t realize how much inner strength you have within you. You take care of your little brother and you shield him from the unpleasant things going on around you. You protect him the best you can and I admire you for it.
You aren’t scared to be yourself, even when it goes against how everyone else acts. You don’t care if people say you’re unique or quirky or even weird. I’m happy to tell you that even when you grow up, that won’t change. You will come to embrace it even more. We were never in fear of not only marching to the beat of our own drum, but creating our own music to dance to the beat.
Most of all, little me, I love your resilience and your independence. You have and will have to stand on your own a lot in your life, but it makes you who you are and who you will become one day. You have been through a lot of not-so-easy times already in your young life and there are many more difficult times to come, but you will overcome any obstacle you come across in your journey through life.
Love yourself a little more right now. Cherish moments with the people you love before they’re gone. You’re a good kid with so much potential. Never forget what you are capable of doing in this world. I love you.

All you’ve ever wanted was to be understood
But the forces of evil and the forces of good
Were born within the people who claimed
“I love you”

Which wasn’t true,
Because to be loved isn’t to be used
Or be turned black and blue
Your skin doesn’t deserve a single bruise
Yet the lies that lied in the home you grew up in
Called you
“A punishment”

And it does hurt, doesn’t it?
When the ones you pray for at night
Laugh at your existence?
Your life feels like a curse
And it is,
Every second felt like a nightmare
And it was,
You continued to pray for a God up above
To save you from a horror show that some call
“life”

You don’t know which day it is
Unless it’s Sunday and Mom’s away
You call for her as if she is near
And the animals say
“Mom isn’t here”
And you want to go home
Yet the only home that you’ve ever known
Was a cage and the animals prod you with sticks
Ignorance truly is bliss
The realization that life shouldn’t be lived like this
Will hit you like a ton of bricks

The thing is-
Those animals don’t love you
All they do is to drain all the blood from your neck
And laugh while you scream,
And love when you’re weak,
And buying you scissors then cutting your wings-
You have potential that animals can’t see
They want to see your castle crumble
I know that it’s hard now
But you have a mind of titanium,
And the strength of a lion,
And the tongue of a nail that will lock his dark coffin-
And you’re not the problem,
Ellie, I love you and can’t thank you enough
For staying on earth
And not going home.

I look at her,
in all of her thirteen year old glory.
in her thirteen year old gloom.
I wonder what it is, that I could have done different,
to save her.
To show her,
that life is not as unforgiving as it may seem.
I know there is not much.

She looks back at me,
in our twenty-four year old glee,
our twenty-four year old frustration.
I know she is proud.
She knows we are still trying,
and she looks back at me every time I look in the mirror,
and I see her, us, and me.

We look at each other,
in this unyielding era,
she knows that we are finally free.
I know this is something I can give her,
she knows this is something worth waiting for.
So she waits, to become me, and us, and her.

Little girl
Why do you cry?
Is it the thundering storm outside your boarded up window?
Is it the lingering chill you feel without a blanket to cover you?

Little girl
I know you’re scared.
Mommy brought home another bad man.
Another man who hurt you in many ways.
You lie in your bed, cold, naked, and alone.
What did you do to deserve this?

Little girl
Did you do something wrong?
Did you make too much noise in the silence?
Did Mommy take her angry shot?
Does Mommy hate you?

Little girl
Please don’t cry.
You are loved by me,
I am you, but in another time.

Little girl
I remember the cold nights.
I remember the hunger.
I remember the fear.
I remember how much you hurt.
How much we hurt.

Little girl
I love you.
I’ve always loved you.
I’ve loved you since we were born.

Little girl
The life you’re in is hard.
It’s scary, lonesome, painful.
Nobody can help you escape just yet.
The time will come, I promise.

Little girl
You are so much braver than you know.
You are so delicate and imaginative.
You feel and give with everything you have,
Even when you have nothing.

Little girl
I love how strong you are.
I love how you smile at the sun through the cracks of your boarded window.
I love how you dream of running in the warm summer light.
I love how you laugh.
I love how you cry.
I love you, even with the bruises and scars you have all over your small pale body.

Little girl
I love you.
Because you made me stronger.

Little hands, little feet
So shy and quite, when you first meet
Big blue eyes, but behind them hid
Pain and fear, but we can open the lid
For the longest time stuffed down inside
Thats where endless cycles, of toxic behaviors reside

Just a little girl, but like a bull you were strong
Those who said different, they were wrong
You suffered through so much pain
Still ran outside to play in the rain
A little free spirit, connected to earth
Always a wild child, rebeling since birth

As everyone left you, by death, or by choice
Along the way, you lost you voice
You learned to suffer, by yourself, in silence
The amount of days, you daydreamed of violence
But you’ve always had you, you’ve always been there
You shouldn’t have had to be that strong, I know its not fair

I’m here with you, in the shadows now
I’m setting you free, I know how
I thought I was stuffing down all of the pain
But, it was the little girl, who danced in the rain
I stuffed you down, so I didn’t have to feel
Come out my darling, its time to heal

Little girl, wipe your beautiful eyes
See through the blurry vision and quiet tears
You have stayed silent all through the years
Time stops like a clock
But the years seem to fly by without a moment to pause
Stuck in the trauma and worried mind
Come to Jesus, He will meet you where you are
Little girl lift your head, be transformed.
Heaven is your home and God is your Father
Run to Him for shelter
This world has too many lies
You wither and fade
But in His image, you were made
I love your smile and you always try your best
You try to make the world laugh by your humor
And you hide it all so well
You persevere and love all truly
This home you feel is just a place
And a soft place to lay your head
This world may bring you comfort but then again
Little girl this won’t always be
This moment is temporary and then you’ll see
The lies were given and the hurt was told
But God has you in His arms to hold
So little Sabrina don’t you fear
When you look back and see
You have made your Heavenly Father proud
Well done child.

When the first fireflies of the summer light up your eyes,
I still see you.

When the flashing blues and reds and greens of Christmas bulbs twinkle their reflection in your eyes,
I still see you.

When your eyes fill with wonder as you gaze at the sunrise over the ocean
or at the mountaintops that tower far above you and appear to kiss the sky
or anything else that reminds you just how remarkable the world really is,
I still see you.

Although this body has gotten bigger and older and some parts have become saggy and wrinkled, I stare into the mirror and ponder the depths of my own eyes and—
I still see you.

With every day that passes, your presence may fade a bit more.

But when I catch a glimpse of you, I drink it up to quench my thirst for that pure, unbridled vivacity that I crave to experience again and again.

And to the extent that I am able, I bottle it up to store in the wells of the eyes of my own children.

Fearless wonder
Instilled within
Small bones.

Not ever quite finding
What felt like home.

Courageous child,
Strong and mild
You were raised by wolves
But didn’t let them make you wild.

Beautiful girl
With the world at hand
Skipping and playing
Within your own magical
Wonderland.

Mud pies
Fireflies

You were never alone
Although you felt like
It when you cried.

Chlorophyll eyes
Light bursting inside
You kept yourself
Soft and sweet
At every road that felt like defeat.

Although others never said they
Were proud,
you didn’t hide your head
Up in the clouds
Instead you decided
To live your life out loud.

Hiding from the crowd
Blanketed in a protective
Shroud of innocence
And love.

My inner child
A gentle peaceful
Dove.

Is your willingness to love
Your wide-eyed mystical stare of all the wonders that bare
The soft, warm embrace from your innocence that escapes
Only you felt the comforts of the world with eager arms wide open, throwing yourself into the unknown
Allowing yourself to fall deep into the depths of it all
And although it gets cold
From time to time
I want to remember to hug that little part of mine
Because without that fearless truth
That life engulfed you with unconditional light
I’d battle these dark knights each night
And still bottomless, you push to resurface
Because it’s only you that could hold that part of mine
The ugly parts that forgot your wondrous eyes and the smiles wide
To abandon that life that was once mine
I’ll fight each day to regain it
For you.

Hey there, it’s me, the woman you grew up to be. I know you’re scared right now, terrified actually. I also know you’re hurt beyond belief. That’s okay. I’d like to ask you to listen to me though, I have some things I’d like to tell you. Mother may not have known how to deal with you for a good majority of our lives. Hell, she’s still struggling. That’s the thing though, she is also struggling. The way she was brought up, shaped her into the adult and mother she became, kind of like us. In no way am I excusing the things she said and did to you, I am just saying it is more complicated for you to understand as a child. Her lack of emotional intelligence, nurturment, and capacity to understand, was more than detrimental. I know you didn’t have a safe space to turn to, I know you felt like you meant nothing. You didn’t deserve it though, any of it. You deserved kindness, compassion, empathy, help, and most of all, love. I have to tell you something pretty amazing though. Even though she didn’t give you, us, those things, those are all the things you learned back then, and have become today. Speaking of people who did you wrong, I want to talk about that boy. The one who took advantage of you. The one who took your purity, and turned you into a rebellious teenager. As hard as it is for me to say this because it has been a belief in us for so long, it was not your fault. And you did not deserve to have that happen to you. He was an unsafe person, with horrid intentions, and he acted upon those intentions. You did not ask for it to happen. All you were trying to do was take a break from our mother. You survived though. I have to tell you, things turn out to be pretty decent in later years. Yes, so many other things happened before now. You started coping in negative and dangerous ways at fourteen. You had to deal with your mental health on your own, or at times, at the hand of our mother. You met a boy, one that turned out to be an extremely painful relationship. I want to talk to you about him. Please know, that it’s okay to speak up and talk about him and everything that happened between you and him. It’s okay to let go, even though he is attached to our daughter. We need to work through that portion of our lives, just like everything else. He started as a great guy, but we both know how quickly that shifted. You dealt with copious amounts of mental and verbal abuse. To be blunt, he screwed with your mind to no end. Also, a huge part of your life, that you did not deserve to live through. I’m telling you, it’s okay that we talk about it. It’s okay to cry about it. It will be okay. If it’s okay, I’d like to tell you about some people in the present, who love and accept us both. Even though we fight sometimes, we have a very supportive and loving husband. He accepts us for who we are, nothing less. We have five beautiful children. We may not have given birth to three of them, but we are their mom too. That’s right, mom, not mother. Our doctor of nearly five years now, she’s another person who accepts us. She has taken care of us has been patient with us when needed, and has been one of the most helpful people on our care team. The last person I want to tell you about is the one who has been the most helpful to us. After close to twenty therapists since we were twelve, we finally found one who doesn’t push, beat around the bush, belittle, or look at us with disbelief. She has gained my trust, I think it’s time she gains your trust as well. She is a safe space for you to let your thoughts and feelings out. Please, trust me when I say we can heal all of these wounds. She is here to help us. I hope you found some words of encouragement throughout this letter. Maybe even some words you needed to hear from me, not just other people. I have to say, you turned out to be a pretty great person. Yes, there were times when I was toxic, didn’t have boundaries, and made mistakes. But that’s life, we’re still learning things. Just know, from the bottom of my heart, I love you.

I am my father’s daughter
To the girl whose daddy was her Superman without a cape
The girl who spoke with reckless abandon,
So strong and steadfast in her truth
Her mind, a reservoir
Her throat a cracked damn
Her lips chapped concrete
Spilling, overflowing, words dripping
Rushing, bursting at the seams
Getting swept up in the current
You know that feeling unloved is a thirst you feel in your bones
So you’ll let the water flow freely for others so they’ll never know the aching of going without
My dad taught me how to swim by tossing me in a motel swimming pool with no warning or explanation
My dad taught me about anger the same way; no warnings, no hesitation
My father, my family, passed down second-hand rage with the expectation of learning how to carry it the hard way
To the ghost of a little girl’s childhood past,
You’ll learn that your anger is self-love set on fire, and standing up for yourself requires burning people who try to get in your way
That the heat is just as cleansing as the water
That drowning in a saltwater sadness won’t prove your worth to the wrong people
And the flames will make you stronger if you let them
Being broken and down and built anew
There are so many versions of yourself you’ll get to fall in love with, over and over and over again
I loved you as a rebellious child
I loved you as an arrogant teen
I loved you as the uncertain woman in her 20s
I loved you as the mother with little to no support
I loved you as the addict without a place to call home
I loved you as the grief destroyed you
I loved you as I watched you rebuild again
I love the parts of you that you hate the most, and the best parts of you that you don’t even see
I’ve loved you in a million passing moments, and I’ll love you as a million more pass by again
The part that I love the most is finding the love that I’ve been searching for within myself
And knowing that I’ll always, always, always be enough
To keep myself afloat
To keep myself from drowning
To keep myself from bursting into flames

If you had told me long ago,
what life would be like today;
I’d stare up at you, legs crisscrossed,
with a bright and stary gaze.

The dreams I’d had, the love I’d seeked;
all things that I’d once felt were far too out of reach.
Miles ahead by leaps and bounds.
Things that after all this time,
I think I’ve finally found.

You had it within you all along,
you silly little girl.
Your kindness and your love
that was meant to save the world.
Far too naive to see the bad
in any living thing.
Far too trusting to turn your back on an injured, wounded being.
Far too loyal to be painted in the eyes of your peers.
Far too gentle to know that you are wise beyond your years.

You’d never believe the stories I could tell,
of the experiences of how her enchanted crown fell.
But after all of that agony and pain,
you’d be proud to know how she got back up again.
The world may be a cruel and unforgiving place,
but the world gets a little softer when you bless it with your grace.

So stay that sweet, tender-hearted girl
and never let the relentless world unfurl
The spark
The Sunshine
The glimmer in your eyes
The passion
The Innocence
I promise it’s your birth, not your untimely demise.