Dearest mind of mine.

 You’re broken. 

 You’re destructive and harrowing. How I wish I could drown you out with deafening melodies that speak life, yet you seem so selfishly unaware. You’re contradicting, racing, and overthinking thoughts flash before me like a demon. Torturing my sleep, stealing love away from my grasp, and mocking me for it.  

This isn’t life. This is suicide, unwanted. A slow death caused by a tug of war between hope …and hopeless. This game has me wondering if we will ever truly live in this life.

I have tried to change you, dismiss you, dissociate from you and drown you out with songs of hate…and of healing, yielding no success.

My dearest mind, you win. You win because through all the years of attempts to destroy you as you have attempted to destroy me, you’ve survived. I’ve survived. Strengthened even. I no longer desire to change you. Instead, I choose to fall in love with you. These things you do to me… I can’t fight them anymore. There was a time they helped me. Kept me alive even, but dearest mind, I ask you to realize… we are safe now. 

You may always remain broken. The tug of war may never end. Love may always be maddening, and I accept this. I will love you more and accept you as you are. We will survive.                                         

        With all I am,

        The one you call…yours

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