I stand battered and bruised just for a moment. Turn to face my reality from where I just came. To stare at a monstrous land. A landscape full of dark, gnarly woods. Swamps of tar that boil and sputter. Thorns are ready to pierce the flesh. Full of shadowy creatures that lie to grab anyone in their path.

This land that I have created from an enormous imagination. For my fears give it fuel to thrive. Fears through every stage of life. One fear from childhood is of not being loved. Where it was said three magic little words. There was no amount of action behind those words. All in extreme opposite of your loving home.

A fear from adolescence is of abandonment. Have been denied in public and denounced as a daughter. My grandmother who gave her last breath. Being left behind and all alone. Another would simply be atelophobia. Multiple regrets as the past rears its ugly head from young adulthood. The most gut wrenching fear is losing my sanity again. Where all my nightmares come to play with me. My fears rule supreme in my very core.

Fear generates its evil intent. To destroy peace of mind, even your self-worth. How is it? That I have made it thus far? I must truly appreciate my family and trusted friends. Who shown me a love that I can trust. To those who were patient with me. Strangers that were kind. Loved ones who saw my struggle but believed in me. I must not let them down. Fight instead of flight just to be whole.

My faith has always given me hope. A hope that overcomes the fear and stills my pounding heart. By realizing my truth. That I am no longer a victim but a survivor of circumstance. Noticing events were out of my control. I stopped blaming myself. Determination was a major player in taking back my power.

As I look back over that treacherous terrain. I realized how I managed fear through it all. By carrying on my journey through life. I turn away to face a gargantuan mountain called healing. Towards an astonishing new horizon. My journey from this point onward begins anew.