promises and good intentions,
all made in wintertime
will find the spring, then
summer heat,
and autumn’s cooling breeze
then wintertime and promises
that either came to stay or
faded when the gold June moon
seemed tethered tight
and goals had half a year
to come to stay in place

so just this year…

I will set aside the rules and lists
of what I need to do, and
will instead allow the things
I want to do to take their
place in hours where chores
have had their way with me
for decades past their usefulness
I hope to celebrate the days I live
and not what I accomplish
for when I’m gone, who will care that
my laundry was always done?

Dear (Younger) Jody,
It is often said that youth is wasted on the young. I also say that wisdom can sometimes be wasted on the old. So thank you, Old Jody, for wising up, even at this late date.

I say that because I’m no longer trying to deny the scuff marks left by passing years. I can also say that because the epiphanies that seem to hit me at 3:00 in the morning often involve people who have been dead for many years. And my sudden bursts of insight frequently reveal that if I had not been so reluctant to avoid seeming impolite or confrontational, my life could have been spared some very unpleasant side trips.

Why didn’t I tell the seafood restaurant owner in the little New England town that requiring me to wipe his sweaty back with a paper table cover before he’d give me my final paycheck – the one that would get me home again – I would tell the hostess, who was his daughter? And I was very sure that because she was Greek, her mother also would be very interested in how he was treating the youngest of his summer employees. As it was, I got my final check and I made it home, but I have also had the “icks” for the past 55 years whenever I think of him. I’m sure he’s dead now. If he isn’t, he deserves to be.

And when I got a “real” job — why did I just accept that I was paid considerably less than my male counterparts – even ones I was training to do the same job I had? I do remember asking the HR director why, and he said that women weren’t the breadwinners and men had to support their families. Besides, it was state law. I was still very young, although I was beginning to get the first glow of a white-hot anger.

Why did I go ahead with a marriage I was quietly afraid was going to be unhappy because I didn’t want to disappoint all the people who had invested emotionally and financially in pushing me down the aisle with a man who didn’t love me, even though he pretended that he did? Why didn’t I just refuse to go ahead with anything, pack a bag, and leave town? I eventually had to disappear anyway, but only after I’d lost what was left of my self-worth and belief in true love. And after he’d tried to kill me. There was that, too.

And years later after I married a good man, why did I let the leaders of our local school’s PTA pile work on me, yet not invite me to their bunco games and their holiday cookie exchanges? Why didn’t I tell the ladies in their expensive Christmas sweaters to take their fundraisers and their mini-vans and go straight to where no jingle bells had ever jingled? Why did I care if I offended these women? They did little else but offend me.

And now that I am old, why do I remain silent when somebody runs up the backs of my heels with their shopping cart at the store when I pause to try to reach something? I have quit apologizing, which I suppose is progress. But there was a time when I would have said to somebody driving into my flesh, “Oh, excuse me.”

Why? Why? Why?

So here is what is going to make the rest of my life so much better, even if I don’t make it to Super Bowl 2025. I’m going to remain civilized, dignified, and courteous because those are characteristics I value in myself, and others.

However, I will NOT be so damned polite to the ones who have no respect for my worth, or the worth of any of my aging companions on this final winding road of life. I will raise what is left of my voice, and my fist if my shoulder will let me, and say, “No!”

You deserve better, and always have. Thank you for finally coming to that realization.

Old Jody