Being excited about this challenge, I was going to go all out and try to find an inspirational quote and write a generic hook about how I experienced adversity which, in turn, developed me into the person I am now. But hey, how this unfolds has already been predetermined in my eyes. All that to the side, before I share, I want to draw attention to how important it is to not only love who you are regardless but also know you are enough. Period. Point blank. This is a lesson that I had to unfortunately repeat time and time again until it hit me like a truck, and the memo finally planted the concept in my mind. The importance of having self-worth was something I struggled with, because in today’s world, a component of engaging with people has become ‘what can you—as a man or woman—do for them, and can you continue to keep doing it without displaying signs of vulnerability?’ Now, that can be a whole other topic for another day, so let me stay on point.

Hey, I don’t know who you are, and you don’t really know me—not fully. But I want to say while I have your attention, even if it’s just for this moment—thank you. Thank you for listening. This letter is for you, and it’s also for me. It’s a reminder of how far I’ve come and a chance to recognize every step it took to get here, even the ones that hurt. Taking time to look back in retrospect, my subconscious or true self, without getting too deep, always tried to seep out during certain moments of my childhood where it took people by surprise or I was given a label.

As a child, this gave me the feeling that I had to hide this part of myself to be accepted by not only peers but family. It was like I had to trade a chunk of who I was at that time just to feel worthy. Worthy of what? To be honest, I don’t even recall how I felt at that current state, but I know how worthless I felt at that time. Back then, especially in the early 2010’s, that component was actually what made me whole. That’s where the silent war began, because how can you love yourself? How could I feel worthy when I’m consistently shrinking to conform to other people’s perceptions of who I am? So I created a fortress constructed from accolades, fables, titles, nonsensical claims, and a distorted representation of what I was trying to proclaim. But whenever it was time for battle or even a war, I had to stand my ground, prove myself, show I knew how to walk and talk. And I cracked instantly. Though another attribute I possess is the capacity to think and act quickly. This allowed me to win countless wars against those who tried to test my fortress, and I wouldn’t let them destroy what I created. Despite that, I wasn’t ready for the test I put myself through.

There was a day that fortress crumbled. The mending scars of war had come to their last leg, and eventually, that fortress was broken. My ego couldn’t bear witness to what happened. It was like I was stripped naked for all to see, but most importantly, for myself to finally see. To see that beneath all those layers, I was someone I couldn’t truly stand to be. I saw all the pretenses, and it was like looking at a stranger. All that effort, all that armor—and still, I wasn’t enough. The fortress wasn’t worth it, nor were the battles I fought or the sacrifices I made to keep it intact. Now, I don’t have many words left before it exceeds 800, so I’ll give you the short version. It took that moment for me to realize that I had no sense of self-worth, and it took a season, metaphorically speaking, for me to build self-esteem after almost two decades of living. Being transparent, I’m still strengthening the foundation of my new fortress. However, I know that the foundation, as it was supposed to be, is constructed from knowing that I’m enough simply by existing. I’m me, and that’s all it takes

Dear Younger Me,

Hey. I see you sitting there, feeling like you don’t quite belong, like maybe you’re invisible. I know you’re searching for something to make the ache disappear, to quiet that inner storm. You’re drawn to the energy around you, the music, the lights, and the pulse. You’ll think that losing yourself is the answer. But listen carefully—one day, you’ll realize it was never about escape.

Hold onto this: there’s no room for hate on the dance floor. There’s no space for fear, for shame, or for the emptiness you feel right now. Those places, the nights under neon lights, aren’t meant for hiding. They’re places of freedom, connection, and belonging. And one day, you’ll find your place in that world—not as someone fading into the shadows, but as someone standing proud, your spirit unbroken.

You’re going to face challenges that feel like they might crush you. There will be choices that lead to dark roads, where you’ll struggle with loss, pain, and addiction. You’ll spend years trying to fill a void with anything that might silence the hurt. But here’s what I want you to know: none of that will ever define you. Even when it feels impossible, you are stronger than you can see right now.

You’re going to step into spaces where hate, pain, and judgment have no power. You’ll return to the music and the lights, and this time it’ll be different. You’ll make your way to the dance floor not to hide, but to celebrate every part of who you are—the girl who faced darkness, who thought she might lose herself, but who found the strength to stand tall. You’ll create your own beat and make your own way. Your heart will beat to a rhythm that’s pure and real—your rhythm.

Even when the world tries to pull you down, remember you are loved and worthy of all the joy and freedom that life can offer. You’ll find peace where there was once chaos and purpose where there was emptiness. One day, you’ll dance, no longer bound by the shadows. You’ll be free, whole, and fearless.

Stand tall, girl. The world is waiting for you.

With all the love you’re still learning to give yourself,

I am the version of you who overcame. I am the version of you that is currently healing. I am the version of you that didn’t let the pain become me. I I wanted to tell you I love you. I wanted to tell you that you are enough. I wanted to tell you that you have a purpose. I wanted to tell you you are not what happened or what will happen to you! I wanted to let you know that you are not your present, past, or future, but you are what God called you. I wanted to tell you the pain will be worth it. I wanted to tell you that I am healing for us, for you, for our family. I wanted to tell you it was for a purpose. I wanted to tell you that God loves you. I wanted to tell you to keep your head high. 
 
I want you to know that what you do from here on out may be rooted in pain, but you are going to change. You are going to heal those versions of you that were broken. You are working towards loving people. Don’t give in to life’s circumstances. You will always overcome because you are strong. You can’t be broken, so do not wallow in your hurt. Push forward. You can heal. Never let any battle deter you from walking your path. Take a break if you must, but keep going! You are beautiful. You are smart. You are worthy of love and blessings. Don’t worry because I got you! God had you in every season of your life, whether you felt him or not. It happened for a reason, and you are still God’s child. You are still pure!
 
You will change your family’s generation. You will break generational patterns. You will heal areas no one has touched, and because of that, suffering will be there. Grief will be present. Loneliness will stop by, but you will forever be protected, cherished, and loved by God. Despite the pain, keep going. It will get brighter, and so will you. I love you! 

Dear Mars, my girl…

It’s been a tough 26 years, huh?
Your biological mother was on drugs and drinking for seven months of her pregnancy with you and had five abortions before you.
Your biological father was in prison, also on drugs when he came out, and the abuse toward you? Physical, sexual, and mental. Only a monster is capable of that.

How are you?

I know you were adopted by your grandparents, who raised you. You called them Mom and Dad. That was an easy transition, but wait… wasn’t your dad diagnosed with cancer? And when he passed, didn’t your mother give up on you and the routines that kept you “normal”? Didn’t she become abusive herself? Calling you names, telling you you were just like your biological father, her son, who you once saw beat her within an inch of her life? How tragic, the person who was supposed to love you… saying such nasty, cruel things. You were compared to the person who abused you… you aren’t him. You were never him. No matter what she said.

Dad’s cancer was rough, and losing him was a lot rougher. You got that tattoo, though. Only one still, huh? Yeah, figures. Even though you weren’t granddad turned dad and granddaughter turned daughter by blood, you took after him. Maybe that’s why Mother sometimes used you as an emotional crutch.

You’re an adult now. A mid-twenties adult at that! After trying to take your life thrice and beating the odds of being your parents… you managed to make it further than I expected. And I’m grateful for you.

I’m grateful that you’re still curious.
I’m grateful that you still believe in love.
I’m grateful that you’re still hopeful.

You still want to help people by telling your story, no matter the mistakes you make or the times you fail. You believe you could be working to “fail” more, but you’re working at your pace. Keep going.

You still want to inspire, entertain, and make people smile.

I’m grateful you are still here. Life hasn’t been easy, and it hasn’t been easy for anyone, but you’re hopeful that people, humanity, and love remain and that light reigns.

I’m grateful for you because your story is one of millions that has already helped people more than you know.

Mars… I’m grateful for you.
Keep being you.

You’re not stuttering like you used to; well, I guess still you do
But it isn’t what we’re used to.

You’re not going nonverbal… well, I guess you still are.
But that’s okay; we know it now, and sometimes it’s cute.

But really?

You’re not sitting in a corner drooling,
Like the doctors said, you would.
Every specialist and therapist was sure,
of the quality of life to be lived.

Keep speaking,
Keep learning,
Do your reading and writing, too.
You know these things help you.

It’s okay to cope, but don’t forget to breathe.
This world is scary, but you can be full of glee.

And hey…
I’ll keep protecting the girl you never got to be

Dear Younger Me,

I know how hard it is. The world around you seems so big, filled with voices, laughter, and sounds you want to join, but can’t. You have so much to say, but it feels trapped inside, like you’re watching life from behind a window you can’t open. There’s frustration, sometimes sadness, and a worry that maybe others won’t understand you.

But I want you to know something beautiful: you will find your voice. It will take time, patience, and moments when it feels impossible, but slowly, those words will come. One sound at a time, then words, then sentences you’ll start to share everything you feel. You’re building a bridge to the world, one that only you could build, and it will be worth every step.

Overcoming this challenge will shape you in ways you can’t yet see. You’ll understand what it feels like to be unheard, and that understanding will make you compassionate. You’ll meet others who struggle, who feel lost or different, and you’ll be able to reach them because you understand. And one day, you’ll stand in front of others, using your voice to make a difference for those who feel unseen.

So keep going, little me. Take each small step, and know you are stronger than you think. You’re on a journey that will make you powerful in ways you can’t even imagine, and the world is waiting to hear what only you can say.

Thank you for the kindness shown,
For every cheer as I’ve grown,
For moments big and those so small,
You’ve lifted me through it all.

From lessons learned and paths unknown,
To seeds of strength that you’ve sown,
With each step I’ve found my way,
Held by support day by day.

In every triumph, every fall,
Your belief has stood so tall,
A guiding light, a steady hand,
Helping me to bravely stand.

So here’s my thanks, from heart to pen,
For helping me to rise again,
In gratitude, these words I share,
For the love you always bear.

Dear Becky,

You’re loud now.

That seems ludicrous from your position. Right now you’re small and shy and you listen to your teachers. You don’t talk back; you don’t try to think outside of your bubble. From where I’m sitting I know it’s because you’re afraid of failure, of shame in the face of our father’s angry disappointment. You’ll get over that.

But you’re loud now. You have opinions and you share them. You laugh at stupid things. Honestly sometimes it’s concerning what gets you giggly, but you’re not worried about looking foolish in public anymore. You jam out at your work desk to silly songs and rock ballads and musical numbers, and you don’t care who spots your horrible dance moves as they walk past. You dance in grocery aisles, in full view of other patrons! You laugh at yourself and don’t mind when others laugh when it’s all in good fun. You’ve embraced being silly and dorky without any concern of your pride or ego being bruised. You dress in bright colors, in clothes that make you feel good; gone is the all-black wardrobe. It’s not nearly as flattering a color as people would lead you to believe.

You’re loud now, and you’re better for it. We spent too long hiding in corners and behind our insecurities. That’s not to say some of them aren’t still hanging around and probably always will. But you’re louder than them now, you drown them out with your smile and your laugh and a confidence that, at one point, seemed truly unattainable.

Your anger is louder too, but that’s a good thing, I promise! Because it’s not just your anger that’s louder. Your happiness is too. Your joy, your curiosity, your empathy, the whole spectrum of emotions breathes deep in you now. You feel things. You let yourself feel things, even when they’re hard. It’s not perfect – nothing is – but it’s further than you thought you’d get.

It’s kind of funny when I tell people what we used to be like. “I didn’t talk,” is usually how I start my explanation, trying to paint a picture of this shy bookworm who strove for perfect grades and wouldn’t dare talk back for anything. You’ll get there, I promise, to that point where mingling with strangers doesn’t make your skin tight and your stomach clench anymore. Where you know that your voice not only can be heard but should be heard. To where standing up to even the most intimidating of authority figures is a challenge but not an outright impossibility.

You’re loud now. You take up space in people’s hearts and minds, in the world around you. It’s chaotic and frustrating and frightening, but you’re not hiding from it anymore. You’re not going back. You’re loud now and you’re going to keep the volume up.

Love,

You, Cranked Up To 11

Dear little me, I’m sorry I hurt you.
But I don’t wish to take it back-
Because God likes taking trash, and recycle/reform…
He Loves you more than ever. I do though wish
I could have told you that-
While you were still…A fine strapping-young lad!
You know what they say, A chip off the ol’ block…
You had no regrets…without even a pair of socks!
You were so happy! Please forgive me,
I’m 45 yrs. old now-but you’re still crying inside of me…
it’s kind of embarrassing sometimes young Timothy.
But it’s also ok, Because you’re facing all this
stuffed down in your past-where high enough couldn’t exist…
You know you can come out of the waiting room now young man.

You now have gone, from beer, TV, and the old lady,
To Beautiful wine, woman, and song-Even though it’s really just grape juice…
On high demand at her command!
It’s ok, I got to get back to work-I’ll speak more when I’m done.
But yet till…Thank you for forgiving me…That’s your Super Powers!
And it’s all A-ok, Please believe me-that Super Power is in you!
You wouldn’t want doubt to steal it away from you, would you?
No way! for you’ve finally found your Savior, Shepherd, and King…
Jesus Christ the Holy Righteous One-never let your bad go to far,
in anything.

Do wish though-I could of told you then,
But you know man…I knew not then myself.

Love-your wife and kids’ hero.

*The glory of children are their fathers*
*And a Virtuous wife is the crown to her husband*
…Holy Bible

Hey, by the grace of God, you survived to tell this story. It’s interesting what a piece of ice can do for one’s life; how a piece of ice can be used as such a valuable reminder to not panic. You were so young, not even in the double digits yet, if memory serves me well. You were in the kitchen drinking Kool-Aid that was chilled by ice cubes. Sometimes in drinking, one will capture a piece of ice in the mouth and play around with it, enjoying the coolness and the hardness, before spitting it back into the cup.

That is precisely what you were doing and it was something you’d done many times. However, this time was different. One of those ice cubes got lodged in the back of your throat, immediately making it difficult to breathe. A sense of dread grabbed hold of you, even more so, because you were home alone. “What do I do?” At the onset of panicking, you calmed down and collected yourself, dumping the remaining contents of the cup into the sink, before turning the faucet on for warm water. It was as if you were a completely different person (this calmness something you would later attribute to mercies of the Almighty God). You allowed some of the warm water to fill part of the cup and, once done, tilted your head backward and dumped that warm water down your throat in hopes of melting the ice that was stuck there.

Thank GOD. It worked. There was some soreness after, but you lived.

You probably never would have guessed the volumes this would speak to you in the future. It is a story that you often remembered and sometimes told. It helped you through a very difficult time in your life, during and after the loss of Papa and, coincidentally, it is now serving a purpose once more for you today. No, not today in an all-encompassing sense, but today, October 31, 2024.

May the essence of this story echo throughout the rest of your life when it gets overwhelming and you have many reasons to panic.

Peace be.

I am grateful for you,
for every sunrise you rise to meet,
for each step you take toward dreams,
even when the night felt endless,
and hope was dim.

Thank you, for every quiet moment
you chose kindness over blame,
for how you held steady
when the storms came,
and trusted your strength to carry you through.

You work so hard,
building a life with bare hands,
molding your future
from lessons and losses,
from grit and grace.

I am grateful for your courage,
the way you’ve let wounds heal into wisdom,
the way you face fear and wear it down,
your voice growing stronger
with every hardship you’ve turned into growth.

You are resilience in motion,
a story of perseverance
that unfolds with each new chapter.
Thank you for believing in possibility,
for becoming someone you’re proud to be.

And as you journey forward,
know that I am grateful for every choice
that’s led you here,
to a life of purpose, strength, and joy—
to a life that is uniquely yours.

Dear Younger Me,

I know that you’re carrying a weight that feels unbearable—a pain that you haven’t shared with anyone, maybe because you’re afraid they won’t believe you, or because it hurts too much to say aloud. You’re trying to protect yourself, piece by piece, from a world that has hurt you in a way no one should ever experience. You feel scared, lonely, and maybe even ashamed, but I’m here to tell you: you didn’t do anything wrong. This pain isn’t yours to hold alone, and it doesn’t define you.

I want you to know that healing is possible, even if it doesn’t feel that way right now. There will come a day when you look back on this moment, not with the same pain you feel today but with a sense of strength and pride for having survived it. That inner strength will help you move forward, piece by piece, as you learn to rebuild trust—in yourself and in others.

You’ll come to find people who support you, who understand your story, and who will help you on the days when the memories resurface. You won’t feel this burden alone forever. Therapy, self-care, and the support of people who truly care about you will help you learn how to live again, free from the shadows of what happened. And through it all, you’ll become someone who has a deep well of empathy and resilience, someone who uses their experience to bring compassion to others who have been hurt too.

It’s okay if the healing process is messy and complicated. There will be good days and hard days. But one day, you’ll recognize how strong you are for surviving. You’ll learn to love yourself again and to embrace the parts of you that you felt you had to hide. You are resilient, worthy of love and respect, and you have a future full of hope and healing waiting for you.

When you’re ready, reach out to others for support. You don’t have to face this alone. There’s a whole life ahead, one where you reclaim your happiness, your peace, and your sense of safety. Know that I’m proud of you, just as you are, and that you’ll grow into someone who is courageous, compassionate, and whole.

With all my love and strength,
Your Future Self

Dear Justin Barnes,

This letter is to travel to the past to where you are in your time. In the future, I wanted to thank you for a challenge you will eventually overcome. One that has put many halts on improving your heart and soul. You will realize that the world is not as scary as it should be. You were born with some trauma, as many other people do in this wild world. This world is full of hardships and failure. There are a lot of disappointments and embarrassing moments. However, this letter is not about that; instead, it is a challenge you will eventually overcome that will change your perspective on those mentioned earlier. A challenge that I have endured and overcome in the future is the challenge of risk-taking. You are probably scared and believe that this is illogical, as I know myself better than anyone. I know you will be objective and that this sounds dramatic. Taking risks is a part of life; if we do not push our limits and risk failure or rejection, we will never learn or better ourselves. I played it safe when I was your age. I could have become a doctor, experienced new perspectives and cultures, learned new ideas, and even learned to be a better husband than before. If there is anything that you should take from this message, please take risks. Even if they hurt you, as you will learn in the future, it will better you. You will become stronger, wiser, and more intelligent as a result. More opportunities will occur as a result of this. Do not mistake this message as a message of regret and unhappiness. You will become something great. Maybe even something greater will happen in the next five years. With all this said, what do you need to do? The answer is nothing because if you change, I change as well. Just know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that one day, you will have the opportunity of your dreams, a lovely wife, house, children, and even the profession of your dreams. Just know when the time comes in 2015, begin to take those risks as it will change your life, and those 22 years of uncertainty and depression will melt away. You are destined to overcome this challenge, so fear not, and your time will come.

Sincerely, your future self.

Dear Justin Barnes,

Please understand the intent of this letter, as it is not to come off egotistic. However, my best internal desire is to thank you for who you are. Thank you for changing your life around and giving love a chance. Thank you for taking the risks you deemed too risky to take. Thank you for having that hunger and drive to improve yourself and prove that you can benefit society. Thank you for your hard work and resilience in working with patients daily. Thank you for becoming a nurse and working in the intensive care unit, which would be a passion you enjoy. Thank you for trying to fix all the problems that you can. Thank you for trying to listen and be empathetic when you are not perfect at it. Thank you for being brave to trust and have children with the love of your life. Thank you for admitting your faults in prayer. Thank you for your failures, as you may learn from them. Thank you for realizing your faults and desiring to be better. Thank you for knowing how to say “sorry.” Thank you for sacrificing your mental and physical energies to provide for your family and assisting in pursuing opportunities for your family. Thank you for attempting to take time for your family, even if it is hard on some days. Thank you for staying late at work and being by that patient in the most challenging times of their lives.
Thank you for giving your mind, soul, and body to figure out your patient and family’s problems. Thank you for helping your coworkers and listening to their ideas. Thank you for taking the risks of buying a home in which the economy has been unable to optimize for a family. Thank you for caring for yourself and seeking care at the doctor when possible. Thank you for continuing to pursue your education despite the hardships it brings. Thank you for working full-time while being at school. Thank you for trying your best to help as much as possible around the house. Thank you for trying to keep your connections as strong as you can.
Thank you for having your peers and friends in this world. Thank you for attempting to be fair regarding arguments. Thank you for always being there for your loved ones during challenging times. Thank you for enduring all your trauma in your past and dedicating your life not to pass it on to your children. Thank you for loving your father and mother even if they were imperfect. Thank you for realizing that you are not perfect, nor will you be the best, but you desire to be a better version of yourself every day. Thank you for helping others in need, even if you do not know them outside of work or family. Thank you for voting, even if you believe the statistics won’t add much. Thank you for being spiritual and hopeful for a better future. Thank you for praying as much as you can in this world.
Most of all, thank you for not giving up or giving in to the dark urges of your past, which would have most likely led to a premature end to your potential and the changes you can bring.
Thank you for being you, Sincerely, yourself.

Lets begin with Thank You
I thank you for letting me be free
Thank you for loving me
Oh what i would do without you
There would be no me without you
Thank you for letting me express
Thank you letting me me cry
Thank you for letting me jump around & dance
Thank you for finally standing up for yourself
Thank you for allowing me to receive love
Thank you for letting me show love
Thank you for not disregarding my feelings
Thank you for caring for me
Thank you for peace
Thank you for kindness
Thank you for smiling
Thank you for me
As i enjoy the breeze in the air
And Smile immensely in the now
I thank you for all you’ve done