hey you,

do you remember, a few years back, when you could only find your identity through being attached to someone? by having that strict, on paper or social media confirmation that you were worth something in this world, because you meant something to someone else? the word itself was simple, but the girlfriend title meant everything to you.

can you see it now, how wrong you were?

can you remember what it felt like when you climbed into the grave you’d dug for yourself, and let everyone else have their turn shoveling the dirt in, enough to choke and suffocate you, while you tried desperately to breathe?

when they were done burying you, you laid there for days, for weeks, for years, half asleep while your heart was barely beating, until you finally somehow found the voice they’d tried to silence. you clawed through the dirt and mud you were covered in until you started to see the sunlight make it’s way back in, until you were able to take a deep breath of fresh air. your fingernails were broken and bleeding and it took ages to scrape the leftover grime out from underneath.

you took everything bad that had ever happened to you, every hurtful, degrading word someone said to you, and turned it all around. you ripped off the skin everyone else had painted on for you all those years ago and revealed everything hidden underneath, all the things you thought you were supposed to forget. i could tell you that you’re currently doing things you’d only ever dreamed of doing, but the truth is, you were doing them all before, and you can keep doing them for as long as you have a place on this earth. you are seeing things the way you used to, the bright colors and beauty in everything and you’ve been crying happy tears full of so much emotion more often than you’re crying the ugly ones. keep going and i promise you will be so amazed at the things you’re capable of doing. i promise.

love always,
your past, present, and future self.