Dear fear,

You’ve been my side for so long. A confusing companion,you were always whispering sweet terribles in my ear. You did it all with a smile and and a nod, as if I were supposed to thank you for it afterward. Every slight move I made, there you were, like clockwork, whispering in my ear as if I’d never heard it before “You will become this”. Such a warning that often caused me to put my guard up in whichever endeavor I was embarking on, be it a conversation or a hobby, an event. You were so terrified that I would quickly, or slowly, become a different person who was obsessed with this thing or idea. You could see the dateline episode now: “She lived a normal life, until she discovered (fill in the blank) and everything changed.” Followed by a she went crazy or ended up in a ditch. Fear, you’re very predictable in that way, the endings to your stories always end similar to this.

But what you don’t understand, fear, is that when you whisper this in my ear, I put my guard up, I make myself balance my mind and my time, which makes me feel healthier. But the terrifying feeling doesn’t go away. I still
think I’m one move away from insanity or death. I don’t trust myself or my ability to discipline myself and keep in check. It’s driven from fear instead of from love and respect for myself. The other thing to consider, fear, is that some areas need focus, immersion, practice, and I cannot do that with you
or the shadow of you nearby to remind me that if I play too much, I will
neglect my family, forget all of the things I have to do and not pay my bills
because I’m too focused on the piano. This keeps me from doing anything that takes more attention than just one attempt.

I know you’re trying to help and have good intentions. You’re just trying to keep me safe. So here’s my proposal: I will make a list of all of the important things to do in my life. On that list, I will leave a space for new hobbies, new ideas, learning, music, etc. But this list will remind me if and when I get tunnel vision, exactly where this lies on my priorities list. I will put the list up so I can see it every day and it will remind me. So you can rest and be ready
for when I need you for something bigger. And you have to trust me that when I look at that list that I will re-calibrate and make sure to stick to the list and be the healthiest I can be.

See, fear? You’re not going to be asked to leave. You’re important. You just need to rest and I will take care of this one for us. If we can learn to work together, we will feel great and do great things.