When you get tomorrow morning, it may not be the best, the car doesn’t start, your breakfast is cold, you will go to work and people may not talk to you, you ask WHY ME, it’s not fair, Stay focused, you want to scream at times a loved one is sick and THERE’S NOTHING YOU CAN DO, STAY FOCUSED, you will make it, YOU CAME THIS FAR, finish strong and STAY FOCUSED

So I had a dream about my wife,( the problem was I wasn’t married) I had looked continuously and came up unsuccessful, my assistant pastor, told me to quit looking and give half my cell phone bill to God and put on there GDS( GOD’S DATING SERVICE) and I did , well I decided slip and call a dating service ( my cell phone bill was a 1,000 dollars) but I met a girl from South Dakota I’m from SC, well she told me about her friend and her friend and I hit it off, we talked for 2 hours minimum every night.On August 8th we would finally meet, we spent the week together, i decided to drive her home unexpectedly in my 94 Nissan truck and I didn’t check NOTHING, I met her family and we hit it off ( AMAZING PEOPLE) Connie would move down with me and on Feb 25, 2005, we would get married.She is my best friend and my dream wasn’t fake.NEVER DOUBT GOD.

It seems like every day a dream comes true.
I get to wake up
feel the warmth of the sunshine on my skin
take my first breath of the day
lift my arms, wiggle my legs
take the biggest stretch I can
Filling my body with so much love
Every day is a dream.
It’s another chance to make someone smile
or to laugh
To feel all the bubbly emotions inside
To embrace who I am
to the fullest
Allowing myself to shine
Expressing my passion through art
or words
Sharing myself with those I love
I am living my dream
I get to wake up and be me
with no shame or judgement
and no fear of trying to be someone I’m not
This whole life is a dream
It’s a chance to explore me
The real me
The one who gets to dream

Blessings swirled and danced and wove themselves through the lives of my capable friends, but seemed so unattainable, amends unavailable, to me and my sick intents.
Most days were spent in a thick, foggy haze, plagued with the side effects from alcoholic ways.
Ever drained from manufactured chaos.
Long nights with short payoffs.
And I was cocooned, bound and corrupt, drowning in my poisoned cups.
Doomed to combust.
Further fast-tracking my funeral once I discovered the stronger drugs.
But one day, BAM, a clarity!
A lightening bolt of serenity.
It just hit me – this mystery – a jolt to rewrite my history.
A new journey to heal after a decade of trouble and tragedy.
I could really feel.
This was a miracle I was too long scared to acquiesce; that is until I became more scared of impending, ultimate death.
I had found my hope and I wanted to really live, not just cope.
But I harbored so much jealousy and envy, it pooled and boiled within me, resentments lengthy. I was bitter at social media posts, vacations and dinner toasts, and those who were joyful and friendly I saw as an enemy – such a manic psyche in frenzy, anger too plenty.
So I took a personal inventory, being fearless and thorough as a moral explorer remembering to not rest on my laurels marching forward with decorum.
Apologies were spoken, forgiveness was given, and something that was broken within me now awoken, a new beginning.
I couldn’t believe all this emotion, the cosmos burst open for me to be free to see reality, breathing sober breaths.
Many people helped pull me up and out from Hell’s deep despair depths to where I could be content simply living in the present.
The cliche’s like, “poor me, poor me, pour me another,” I’d discover, were just one of the many clever motivators to help me recover.
In time I would find on this brighter side that if I did what was advised and followed my spirit guides and applied principles learned and tried to purge the pain, then blessings would emerge and inspiration would surge to unlearn a lifetime of my survival skills that no longer served.
What was once inconceivable, an existence so unbelievable, finally made achievable, and with a lot of effort and belief I processed my trauma and grief.
I entered into a new season of mind, something divine, one of intentional design after the old me died.
And happiness and sobriety were not just a naïve fantasy, but an actual goal I could and did achieve.
Today I can say I’m proud of who I became without shame or blame and reframe my past as a gift I purely needed to unpack.
I’m thankful for the positive impact that negative experiences can refract back.
I no longer lack or feel trapped or need to distract from life’s ebb and flow because I know no matter what I undergo, even a heavy blow that can knock me low, will only bestow lessons through which I get to grow.
This meaningful life, once a dream, is now a very real thing, and at the center of my world, with clenched fists unfurled, I embrace all the love that I’ve always deserved.

Long Ago
I wrote a poem
I titled it ‘My Lovely Dream’
It spoke of tears that fell from me
After life was ripped from womb
And I was told
I would never have my life’s dream
But….
As the world shut Down
A mystery solved
Missing puzzle piece found
You were living
Growing inside of me
Tina Marie
Told so many times
A Mother – A Mommy
I would Never Be
My Sweet First Born Son
You Have Became
My Loveliest Dream

One message I have for every person in the world is don’t take life for granted because tomorrow isn’t promised anything can happen to yourself or your loved one. I for one took life for granted and I lost my soul pet, you may ask what you mean by that well If I didn’t go out as much to be with friends or be busy with work and had taken care of my Mitsu aka my black cat he would have still been here with me and not get sick too easily and quickly. One thing I regret is not taking him to the doctor’s first thing instead I waited until he got worse, he was always meowing at night in pain and I always thought he wanted attention, but he was just in pain I think about how I failed as a cat mom because I couldn’t do much at first but overall, I loved and cared for my Mitsu he knew that because everyone abandoned him, abused him, locked him in cages but with me he was free to do whatever and he was happy. I remember every morning he would come into my room by opening the door with his head and get on top of the bed waiting for my mom to give me my breakfast which was tea and biscuits and Mitsu waited for my mom to give him biscuits and once she did, Mitsu ate all the biscuit he could. All the memories I have of Mitsu are blessings I’m glad that I could share my life with him, and that he could share his love and commitment with me, he showed me a pet’s love is pure and more trustworthy than a person’s love because a pet is more loyal than certain people. My message to everyone in the world is don’t life for granted because life isn’t promised tomorrow, life is precious and people and pets are also precious I took life for granted and lost my Mitsu but God gave me another chance on make things right with now my Mocha aka my black kitten spending lots of time with him, taking care of him and making my Mitsu proud from heaven.

Three times I’ve prayed over a vision You, the Lord of hosts, have shown
First You said “trust Me” second “just be” third You said, “you’re not. I am. Just sit back and be amazed at what I’m going to do.”
And however “it” is to be, I have not a clue…
But You said I was going to Russia, when others told me the idea I should abort
Because they were leaving in two weeks, and I had not a passport
Yet we were all baffled when it came in a week and a half.
Or when You said I was going to the Middle East
But as to how, an idea I had not in the least
Only to sit in a church, with the specific destination You said on the screen
And the pastor reading genesis 12:1, “Get out of your country, from your family
and from your father’s house,
To a land that I will show you.”
Therefore I knew, You mean what You mean
Only to visit another church, for a man to introduce me to a woman
She said they were leaving for there in three weeks
But in my spirit, I knew it was the journey I was to take
And my job, security, and life I was ready to forsake
Or when I awoke, and You said Guatemala while I was still in a daze
No money, no means, but a trust in Your ways
Only for people You touched to give me money to go, and to buy the ticket for my plane
Or how I still find it insane
How You’ve sent me back three times to the desert sands
Without a dollar leaving my hands
Downtrodden and feeling down on my luck
Praying because I needed to find a new truck
But You already know the needs that I have before I ask
And I found myself basking in Your glory with a huge grin
When I test drove a truck with a sermon on the radio and my name in the VIN
Thinking back to when my book I knew not how to publish
Yet You sent a long lost friend, who randomly told me how to fulfill my wish
But that is not all
For You care about the big things, but also the small
Like when I needed stove top cleaner
And not a soul on this earth knew but You…
The joyful demeanor I had when I came home to find it hanging from my door
I could go on, for You’ve done so much more
But as part of my story has been unfurled
The message I wish to share with the world
Is just what the Lord said… “trust Me.” And “just be.”

Our purpose in life isn’t random
Our dreams are made from the elements of
Our soul
Our passions
Our experiences
Our God given gifts

My dream to become a Mother has been in my bones since before I can remember
But it isn’t just biology
My dream was built on my infinite capacity for love
It was built on my naturally nurturing soul
It was built on my caring nature
And compassion I hold for all
The grit I have to persevere in hard times
And the confidence in myself to tenderly raise a human
In this world, that while beautiful, is not without cruelty and suffering
A human who could meet that world both strength
And a heart for love, too

I was in a marriage
That was akin to two puzzle pieces forcing themselves to fit
That made me feel alone, even when in the same room
And as years passed – so did our shared dream of parenthood
He no longer desired children, with me at least
Nothing crushes a soul more than a broken dream
And I questioned; how will I move past this
How will I ever be blessed enough to have a love required
To make my dream a reality

But our soul’s desires don’t fade
I managed the courage to leave
No matter how shaky I was packing those bags
And calling that lawyer
And going on dates: something I never thought I would ever do again

To my surprise
The love I’d been seeking for a decade
Was waiting all along
And the surprise of a lifetime
Turned into my dream of a lifetime
As I type this, watching my little miracle fast asleep
My sonshine will rise again this morning
The light of my dream sitting right in front of me
Will never cease to amaze me

A childish dream…
A simplistic scheme…
To be not a man but a myth, or rather a man who doesn’t exist
A silly desire that continued to persist
But as to how to pursue, I had not a clue
Until I realized, I’m the point in which two bloodlines converge
And I loved the way their names sounded when merged
Thus Donald M. Clyde was born
To hide myself, he was my mask worn
Under his guise I started to write
And as people responded, my heart was full of delight
Until I started to write under my God given name
Only to see life play a sick little game
The bitter irony of using a pseudonym…
To see people not like me, as how they loved him
And thus I’ve found myself taking up his mantle again
And see myself as a man who’s been enslaved by his pen
Just wishing that the world would know my name’s….

I’ve had my share of dreams and goals
throughout this skyward climb—
have hustled, slaved, and sold my soul
at least five thousand times—

all rocket fuel injection founts,
plans realized or not;
ascension parted clouds of doubt
for me, the astronaut.

I soared past childhood fantasy,
explored familial moons,
then looped a distant star or three—
my focus all-consumed—

in search of true enlightenment
to sate the blackest hole;
event horizon’s discontent
demanded full control—

devouring each new career,
each studied course with verve;
I never dared to interfere,
rode stardust’s shimmer surf

until my suit was frayed and dull,
my helmet webbed and chipped;
the time had come: a glowing hull
endured re-entry’s trip.

Adventures through the universe,
though shaping, took a toll;
when fragile bones touched down on Earth,
they garnered strength from scrolls—

the very scrolls I’d long outrun,
entranced by distant skies,
so sure of fate beyond the sun—
a poet in disguise.

What did you want to be when you grew up? A doctor? An astronaut? Maybe a police officer? When I was little, I always said I wanted to be a “typer girl” or a pediatric nurse. But, as I grew older, I realized that I really just wanted to be myself. I was always bullied and gossiped about in school whenever I stuttered during prayer before lunch or when my best friend and I had a secret handshake or when I said I love the Titanic (1997) film. From the music I love to sing to the company I keep, someone always had something to say about it. But, after so long, I learned to ignore those who didn’t like the real me and just focused on those who loved me for me. My advice to is: JUST BE YOU! I always introduce myself as a proudly weird person because I would rather just be myself than someone I’m not. So just remember, always be yourself and don’t ever let anyone tell you any different!