Attention: Fear of abandonment

It is time that you leave my thoughts and my being. Abandonment, like it wasn’t bad enough being tossed at birth. The most raw rejection experience one could know. I let you in to my space all these years, ruling my life, lurking as my identity, behind my decisions and my being. How was this possible when the worst rejection already occurred? What more could happen? Nothing if I control it my way.

I turned your rejection into overachieving. In every aspect, I did the best. The best career, the top of the top, accolades and promotions. I made a family and they grew their family. My lineage had the best of the best through my fear based enabling. Gifts, money, and cars. I collected “best friends” who appreciated my huge generosities. I took marching orders from them all,as you know, they could have left me at anytime.

After 33 years of this I have said, enough. It ends. I left the career that worked so well with my need to not be able to have a solitary space to think through my own thoughts. Now that I am developing boundaries with the people I mantled in my world. Guess what happened? Some of the family are rebelling now and I can handle that. Some of the “best friends” are gone. Solitude will be vital to rediscovering myself. I am walking alone in many aspects as I listen to my inner healing voice. I will replace the tapes of rejection with healthy tools. Abandonment, you no longer exist as my primary resource of identity.

I am not sure where the new me will journey to without the baggage of your label. I do know I will never live in that space again. Let them leave, let them think they are not getting enough. I am enough.

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