Death looms all around us
from our first moment of existence,
at life’s coalescence,
it shrouds our very essence,
like breath rides with the wind.
Eighteen funerals in a decade,
remembering those lost lives lived.
I find it ironic it’s called a wake,
since they’re never to awaken again.
Being Earth-side is hard and fleeting,
we’re all just trying to survive
until the day that every single one of us
will eventually, inevitably die.
Accidents and illness,
people vicious and malicious,
aging bodies growing old and weary,
with tired minds and over-worked spines,
usher infinite possible endings
to this time we’re merely renting
animating stories out of our control, really.
So we need to lead with love,
and remember to take care of one other.
A dollar, a meal, a blanket, a hug,
a conversation or sharing some of your luck,
these little considerations
have wide reverberations
that make us humans driven
towards connection and expansion,
a purpose forged in our blood.
It’s the humanity in humanity
that saves us from insanity
and provides direction on our journeys
as we crawl through life in a hurry,
wherein mortality we find unity,
walking each another home unjudged.

Many of us grew up imagining what love should be like. I remember eagerly anticipating adulthood and picturing myself with a house, kids, a husband, and those unexplainable bursts of happiness and peace. Now, looking back, I wish I hadn’t been so focused on finding happiness with someone else and instead focused on finding happiness within myself. I went through relationships that broke me to the point where I didn’t see repairing myself as possible. I allowed individuals I loved to dim my light more and more, and not only did they know what they were doing, but they took pleasure in it. I would never wish that on anyone. it upon anyone to experience losing who they are to pour and build someone up while they intentionally destroy you. It changes you in a way that only those who have been through it could ever understand. I want to teach the opposite of what Disney and Lifetime and many other major platforms and music and any other influences that push the narrative of finding love being the top priority and the only thing of substance life can bring you. Instead, I want to push falling in love with myself. Spoil yourself, date yourself, encourage and build up the most important person which is you. Once you master that I know the universe the powers to be will bring what is meant for you to you. You won’t have to question you will not have to dim your light to appease others. You will not have to hurt to know love. If I could tell the youth and encourage those in a dark place right now fighting to see the light again I would say never ever allow anyone or anything to make you lose yourself in proving that you are worthy of love, happiness, or acceptance. I want to tell you that if I love you no one else has. I see your value, I see your worth, you are worthy, you are deserving and you will obtain anything your heart desires. Never give up on the most crucial person, Yourself!!

Breathe in. Breathe out.

Trust not in where you are going but where you are in this moment.

Life is messy. Life is hard. It is embracing the moments in between. Peaks of sunshine in the shadows. Light and hope in the darkness.

We so easily try to reach for what is easy. What satisfies our cravings. Simple pleasures. An infinite, lasting amount of joy that cannot be taken away.

But sadly, it can in a moment.

Through loss and grief I have learned that life is so much more than living for the mundane or seeking something temporary to satisfy my soul.

I lost my husband in February of 2020, prior to Covid when he passed from melanoma. From diagnosis to when he passed was a blur of three months. He had been sick for a few months prior with no answers and when we got it, it slapped us in the face.

But every day I looked into his eyes and into my children’s eyes and knew that it was in those eyes I would find the reason to breathe. And to keep going.

In the space that followed his death I went through the motions of life. Barely connecting the dots. But I knew that life wasn’t about me. It wasn’t about my loss. It wasn’t about my grief that weighed me down like a thick, heavy blanket after my two young daughters went to sleep each night.

Life was and still is about the moments in between the heavy. It was about the laughter my girls brought me each and every day. It was about the neighbors and friends who showed up for me when I could barely keep myself and my children alive when the world was shrouded in fear of a virus.

It was about long walks and rays of sunshine and music playing and birds singing even when I felt the storm clouds inside.

It was and still is about simple prayers and so much grace for myself from a loving creator who gives me a quiet strength each and every day.

It is about trusting in who I am and where I am made to be. It is about knowing we cannot plan for circumstances and that life rarely turns out the way we expect it to.

But even when we find ourselves buried under the weight of it all, that doesn’t mean we can’t find hope in the very moment we are afraid of. There is beauty if we open our eyes and our hearts to it, but we have to let it in.

Since 2020, I have found more hope than I ever thought possible. The biggest lesson I have learned in this life is to not give up when it gets hard, but to lean into the mess. To know that even the biggest challenges we face are temporary. It is so easy to let our circumstances weigh us down or stress us out. Even when I haven’t seen the way out, I have known to trust in someone so much greater than myself. I have known that I am made for and worthy of beautiful things.

When we trust in where we are, when we open our eyes and our hearts to hope, it is easier to see the gifts that surround us. The light and beauty offered through grace even when the journey is hard.

So let go, my friend. Lean in. See the beauty that surrounds you. You’ve got this.

Remember change is necessary for growth
It can rain all day but prone to flower’s survival
The heat of the sun will come again
And the rain will have already sucked in
More buds
More roots will spread again to make something even more beautiful
Trees die but new ones are planted
You can put your seed in whatever is necessary and good for you
And if not, you can pick it up and plant it elsewhere
Make a new, cozy home for it
Protecting it at all costs
Living with the peace
Focusing on the good
Releasing the bad
Don’t let bad roots stay intertwined in your mind
Release them, cut them, do whatever you need to do
Otherwise you will stay stuck and broken
Clouding what is the greatness of life

an ant would crawl on my desk
tempted by fate to seek food
and with a few crumbs in view
it scurries on with finesse

the ant would wonder and ponder
what to do and how to go about
bringing home this tasty treat
to share with those without

there are many ways to take
and several paths to avoid
such as the old spider’s lair
lurking around the corner

despite the ant’s careful planning
it remained unaware of my presence
and with a swift pressure of my thumb
it was relieved of it’s existence

the ant was sad for it tried it’s best
yet no amount of planning would help
for there are always higher forces
who are on a much different quest

We are all on this merry-go round called life. It has its ups and downs. But it’s always been around. I’m grateful for the memories, despite the distance now. Being alone is the only thing I can do now because you are just a shadow that hangs over my house. I can see a new horizon underneath the blazing sky. I’m grateful for the life that I gave myself back.Longing for the love I had, but it won’t come back. I wish I could turn back the hands of time.

I’ll forever cherish the moments, etched in my mind. You were all my world, and the only thing that’s ever left. Now, I must navigate this world I’ve never known.In this empty space, I’m craving a feeling of home. I know I am alone but I’ll be so far from the things that I never known. In my heart, your presence will forever be shown.

All the life that I had was turned to empty space. There’s so many twists and turns but, I must find my inner grace. I can’t take this anymore and I cant give up and I just cant go on. Cause im caught in the motion ive had enough of feeling this gone i’ve been caught. Here and now I see the world through different eyes I see the things that remain. So instead of holding on to the things that I cant erase. I live to see that I am strong. I gotta take it all in stride for what the future holds because I’ve been looking for what purpose is.
And I know that I will never let you down
I have to thank you for letting me be myself again.

Though I know I would never let myself become what I want longing to feel alive again. Just so I can see the beauty in this world. If I could live another life and learn how to live as I live to be. And even if I have to change, I know I am not perfect and I can live without you there for me.
I know that I will never be the same as anyone else with my learning disabilities. Unfortunately, the brightest light in the world is not enough to take the wrong path. Time to take care of everything I have reaped.
I find myself already on the ground I wont retreat. I will rebuild everything you have taught me and fulfill my dreams without any illusions. I understand that life isn’t always what it seems I’ve got to get it really isn’t.
I’m taking back all my doubts and
I’m thankful for the love you bring, it’s my lifeline.

Suppressed inconsistencies. Unmatched premonition of self loathing and overwhelming destress. Patience steers the wheel of evolution and science fiction. Within belief I’m stricken. Pulsating convictions with immediate results. Camera shy actions of an insult. Take in criticism like a daily vitamin, with self love as your kryptonite and effective communication as a weapon of might, so use it wisely knowing that patience is working in your favor and is usually reciprocated, allowing for forgiveness which frees you from the intercepting vengeance of bondage, while building character, for joy should be effortless, so don’t just exist, live. 🫶🏿

In January 2022, I turned 40 years old. After a yearly checkup, my
primary care physician asked me to go for my first yearly mammogram. I
made the appointment but due to unforeseen circumstances, I was unable
to make that appointment. I then prolonged the appointment for as long as I
could, as I had heard many stories about it being painful and uncomfortable,
so I waited it out. In August 2022, I drew up the courage to finally go. It
wasn’t as terrible as I expected, and the staff was great. About 2 weeks
later, I received a call explaining they found a mass and they wanted to have
more images taken and an ultrasound done on my right breast.

The week after, I went in for the appointment and they discovered
calcifications after several images. They explained I needed a biopsy to
ensure it was not cancer. They explained normally since this is the first scan
and have nothing else to go by, there was nothing to worry about. A few
days later, I went in for a biopsy. Once I was done, the nurses at the facility
explained that my primary care physician would call me to come in for the
results, whether they were good or bad. I received a call the next day asking
me to come in the next day. When I got there, I went into the room with my
head high thinking, “I’m only 40. I’m too young to get this. Everything will be
fine.” When I went back, my doctor came into my room and asked if I knew
why I was there. I nodded. She had given me the worse news I had ever
received. The biopsy came back that I had DCIS or Stage 0 Breast Cancer. I
was devastated. I had 3 children and was a single mom. I was shocked about
the news and broke down crying in the room with my doctor. She hugged
me and gave me hope and a book explaining what breast cancer is and
exactly what I was to expect. I left there and didn’t know what to do or who
to call. I called my sister and cried with her on the phone on my way back
home.

When I got home, my children were all there and saw that I had been
crying. I couldn’t even look at them. I ran upstairs to my bathroom and
locked the door until I had the courage to come out with a clean face. When
I went back down, I asked my children to sit together so I could speak with
them. My youngest sat next to me while my other two children sat across
from me. I explained my situation and my oldest son (12 years old at the
time) began crying and asked if I was going to die. I hugged him and
immediately told him I was going to be fine. I explained that I needed
surgery to take out the cells and it would be a process going forward. I
showed the children the book that I was given and explained to them what
was expected to happen. They calmed down.

When I went to the oncologist shortly after, she explained how
important it is to keep up with yearly mammograms. She said if I had waited
any longer, the cancer could have been worse and/or spread. At this point, I
am glad that I did not wait any longer to have it checked. On October 21 st ,
2022, I had a lumpectomy of my right breast to remove the calcifications
and have been cancer free since. After the surgery, I was tested to see if I
needed chemotherapy and/or radiation. After they tested the cells, the
radiologist came back with wonderful news. The cells came back that I only
had a 7% chance of the cancer returning with or without radiation or chemo,
so she stated I did not need either

My message to the world is to keep up with your appointments and
your health. Ladies, please do not wait to get a mammogram. You may not
feel any lumps or have any issues currently, but it can still be there.
Gentlemen, please ensure your sisters, wives, girlfriends, and any other
woman in your life, goes to see their doctor to be screened. It can be a
matter of life and death.

Dear Unsealers,

Before you decide death is the solution to relieving your depression-move to that new town you always dreamed of living in. Separate yourself from the traumatic memories that were created in your current home. Take your child or your best friend on that road trip you put on your bucket list when you were ten years old. Apply for your passport and plan your trip to that country you always wanted to vacation to. Leave that one sided friendship. Create an exit plan for your toxic relationship.

When I was laying on what I intended to be my deathbed, I replayed all the moments in my head that led me to my decision to end my life. I thought about my friendship with my sweet, beautiful nana. She gave me my first journal, she taught me how to cook, and she introduced me to arts and crafts. She simply talked to me. She was the only one who truly made me feel heard. However, our time together was cut short when she was diagnosed with liver cancer. She passed away a couple months after her diagnosis-two days before my fifteenth birthday.

I thought about the first time I ever cut myself. I was so angry with my mom for always taking the side of her boyfriend and their daughter. I ran upstairs after the argument and just cried. I couldn’t catch my breath, my heart was rapidly racing and I was sweating profusely. I went into my bathroom, grabbed my razor and shaved and shaved and shaved until the top layer of my wrist turned red.

I thought about the violence that was normalized within my family. My mom told me stories about how my father was always in and out of jail for drugs and assault. She told me stories about how my father would beat on her as well. Unfortunately, I got to witness my mom get hit by her boyfriend, who was also my youngest sister’s father. I watched from the crack in my room door as he slapped her and made her cry. However, that wasn’t the last time we saw him. My mom ended up marrying him.

I thought about my father and how his inconsistency in my life, normalized inconsistency in my relationships. I didn’t date a lot of people, but the people I did date, treated my life like a revolving door-coming in and out as they pleased-and I let them.

I thought about my very first abusive relationship. For an entire decade, my ex sexually assaulted me, manipulated me into going back to him when he felt me trying to move on, argued with me from sundown to sunrise and, at times, physically assaulted me from sundown to sunrise. He would hit me in places no one would notice like my arms and thighs. I started to hit him back, but that just made him angrier because he wanted the last hit.

I thought about the people that I dated after him. Instead of healing, I jumped into another situationship that left me heartbroken. I tricked myself into believing that he was good for me just because he wasn’t physically assaulting me. This cycle continued of me dating the same men in different bodies until I met my second abusive ex that ended up being the boiling point to me wanting to end my life.
I thought about how I should have been sent to therapy when my depression first started in middle school. Had I gotten help earlier in life for my trauma, the likelihood of me trying to end my life would have greatly decreased. However, my community and family did not believe in therapy. They had it ingrained in my head that therapy was only for “crazy people.”

I thought about how my family and friends would feel hearing the news, but I just wanted the pain to end.

So here’s a thought- instead of ending your life- end that toxic relationship. Instead of ending your life- end the negative stigma surrounding mental health. Instead of ending your life-remove the people and things in your life that bring you pain or add to your pain. From someone who tried ending there’s-I am glad that I wasn’t successful. I get to try one more time. I get to try one more day. I learned to find joy in removal before removing myself from this life.

My Dear Handsome Husband,

I have a confession to make. One that I cannot even accept as true!
Do you know I’m cheating on you? Do you know you’re cheating on me? I know for a fact we’re cheating on each other. Do you? I know you are cheating on me. I’m not sure if you know I am cheating on you! How ‘bout them apples?
To be together 37 years and to realize now, at this stage of our lives, there’s cheating going on simply baffles my mind and my heart. I keep telling myself it isn’t true! It’s impossible! Us? NEVER in a million years! It just cannot be true!
How can we still be so deeply in love with each other and have this happen? I know I still love and adore you with all my heart and want nothing but happiness for you. I believe you feel the same for me.
Yet, here we are in the thick of it, not knowing what to do, where to turn, what to say, how to fix it. Obviously, we’ve been broken for a while. We really don’t talk as much as we used to. We don’t share too much of anything anymore with each other. I feel so alone. I know you do to. When did we and our communication break down?
I’m not sure when you started cheating. And, here I go. I started cheating on you within this past year (or two). Why? Because you became distant, quiet and kept your feelings in – as did I. We’re the couple that can’t keep their mouths shut and we chatter it up with each other all the time. The quiet is so deafening loud inside. It’s so weird not talking like we used to hence, we are cheating cheaters.
Ok, without stalling any longer, I wholeheartedly own I have cheated on you. I’m cheating you out of the life you want and deserve. How? I feel you would not have the problems, the stressors and the thoughts you have each and every day. It’s true. You would be free to do as you want when you want and not worry about all the things you worry about. You would deny this I’m sure.
You are cheating on me, out of my hopes and dreams that comes with tears almost every day. I may cry for five seconds, five minutes. It doesn’t matter. The tears fall. The breathing gets tougher. The suffocation lingers throughout the day, every day. I try hard to be upbeat, positive, and helpful. I can’t stand feeling I’ve let you down but honestly, I’m gotten real exhausted acting like everything is okay when it’s not. I am tapped out.
When we come right down to it, we are cheating ourselves, and on each other, out of the life we talked about years, YEARS ago. This life right now isn’t what either one of us wants but, my love, this is it. You know it as much as I do. I don’t know if it’s too late to salvage us.
I’m willing to wipe the slate clean and start fresh. The rest of our days cannot continue this way. It isn’t a life anymore. I believe, with our hearts, our love and commitment to each other we can stop, take a few deep breaths and rewrite our story. We can reach a place where our hopes and dreams we had can come true. At least some of them. We deserve this for each other. We’re better than this. Please, let’s not waste any more time. Life is too short and we are in the fourth quarter of our lives. I hope you agree and want to jump into a new chapter with me. We’ve got nothing to lose and everything to gain for the rest of our days. It’s time. IT’S OUR TIME!
If there’s a funny part to all of this, it’s the whole cheating on each other. It makes me kind of smirk a smile because we’ve never cheated on each other with another person and when the words cheat, cheating, cheated is brought up, nine out of ten times it’s automatically assumed it has to do with another person.
Well, my hubby, let’s do this! We’ve got each other and have what it takes to do this and I, for one, am 100 percent in! Thirty-seven years is a lot of love and what do we always say? “No matter what, LOVE ALWAYS WINS!”

LYMA (Love You More Always!),
Your Dear Wonderful Wife
xoxo

When I was a child, the word most often applied to me was shy. Not true. I simply enjoyed watching. Everything. Every night, I would write in my book, a book I had liberated from my father’s store. An order book. Lines and spaces. I could print very well by the age of five so I considered myself a writer because what I printed looked just like the books I read.

Writing has been my best friend since childhood. My bedroom window opened onto a gigantic oak tree with a notch I would climb into once I got rid of my parents, an easy task since they were people who did not necessarily want children. Before therapy became the response to those of us who were non-conformists, and journaling became the go-to for all forms of wretchedness or well-being, I held readings from my book about what I had seen, what my dreams were, and who was mean. My audience was the man in the moon, the stars, the trees, whomever or whatever else was out there. Always a friendly crowd. I still have memories of my father trying to calm my screaming mother when they found me out there in the morning, asleep.

My “formal” writing started with messages stuffed into my father’s empty whiskey bottles, rare commodities since he was a shot-with-dinner guy, and I would set them free in the ocean across the street. I also had my notes to Santa which I stashed in milk bottles my mother left in a container that sat on the doorstep because I heard the delivery man was Catholic and, therefore, a Santa person. I learned that connection in Hebrew school. I was raised in an Orthodox Jewish family, so the Santa-et-al thinking, along with the bacon my mother stashed in a Tupperware container she labeled “broccoli” in our highly kosher refrigerator, were early signs that I was destined to live a life of creative non and real fiction. I also wrote my own (fabulous) absence notes for school since my mother had withdrawn from a great deal of parenting. Apparently, no one read them or perhaps they knew our lives.

I immersed myself in A-level papers throughout the thousands of years I spent gathering degrees and debt. Eventually, and at times simultaneously, I produced ardent and (hopefully) articulate political protest letters (an ongoing effort), sold some short stories, and even built a life in New York publishing. Prose was my go-to and then, after a ten-year silence brought on by wars private and other, poetry emerged. The shy girl now has two voices.
Carl Jung says that each one of us carries the collective, so I now consider my writing an a cappella chorus. Does anyone else find it funny that the quiet one is now the mouthpiece? My father the gangster is out there laughing somewhere. He always introduced me as the jail-house lawyer to be. Maybe he was a visionary.
Now my title is psychotherapist. People tell me stories all day. For more than thirty years I have been listening to stories. I tell people to keep “talking” no matter the form: Write. Paint. Dance. Grow flowers. Bake. Fold the sheets on your bed as neatly as you want or don’t want. Keep magazines that are 10 years old because you like the memories. House neat, house messy – you need to feel satisfied. Shame is given to you by others. Happy is given to you by you. You decide how much or how little you need the words of others to bring you joy or peace or laughter as much as that bad brownie you baked or the new purple stripe in your hair.

Yes, there are boundaries, and, yes, there are rules. Find your space (mine was in a tree) and celebrate the life you make. Tree notches are everywhere.

The Master Key

Art is a critical piece for sure, mindset, movement, so much more. The master key is enjoying life no matter how you feel

The journey real
Each breath we take
Out we give
We make mistakes

Perfectly imperfect
In so many ways
Seeing ourselves
Moving through the days

Hell in our minds
We have a choice
Breathe out
Choose to rejoice

The gift is here
For you and me
Here lies the treasure
Of ultimate peace

Forgive and let go
Look in the mirror and say
I love you
Each and every day

Perspectives we have
Each special for sure
Sharing physical space
Each in a virtual world

The gift of pain
Drives presence awake
Opportunities to rise
Time to intake

The Masters have shown
So many ways
Pathways illuminate
In darkness we find the rays

For each who seeks
The answers are inside
Your hearts compass
Is a true guide

Into the unknown
With courage step forth
Choose to forgive
Choose to thank

Ultimate forgiveness
For all that forsake
This is the way
To open the gate

The gate of the mind
Way to uptake
The beauty of life
Choose and unlock destinies fate

Dear Unsealers,

“Fake it until you make it.”

I think this motto is disingenuous to the human experience. Here is a modified version which I live by:

“Do until you become.”

Why do I prefer this motto over faking it?

The first motto implies that you are trying to be something you are not.

My preferred motto sounds as if you are stepping into a suit that is custom-tailored for you.

This motto saved my life recently. For months, I had been suffering from severe depression.

I was even admitted to the psych hospital for two weeks.

One day, I decided that this was the last straw. I could not keep living like this –

Experiencing no joy in activities I normally love.

Having trouble getting started on tasks.

Constantly worrying about money.

Hurting myself because I hated myself.

Thinking many times a day about ending my life.

Feeling hopeless that nothing in my life would change.

I thought about everything wrong in my life.

Then I discovered a self-care app that changed my life.

At the risk of sounding like free advertising, l will not reveal the app’s name.

This app helped me develop coping skills.

It kept track of my goals and special projects.

It built my support system.

It made me stay busy so depression would leave my mind.

It gave me motivation and strengthened my will to live.

I’m not going to say that this app worked right away. That, too, would be disingenuous.

It took a few weeks of using the app to feel euthymic again.

Tranquil and stable instead of highly anxious and severely depressive.

My head is now filled with positive affirmations.

When I have a negative thought, I ask myself “Is this thought helpful to me right now?”

If the thought suits me, I do something about it.

If it does not help me, I table the thought until I can take action, or I let it go and replace it with a positive thought.

“Do until you become” almost always involves a slow burn, but it is effective when I work at whatever change I desire.

It can help you, too. It may take weeks or months to see results. Be patient. You will find the outcome you need.

Dear world,
The message I’m sending to you today may sound indelicate, abrasive even, and I sincerely apologize for that. I’m a part-time people pleaser trying to unlearn the more negative aspects of that personality dynamic, one of which is the notion that people should be kept happy AT ALL TIMES. That being said, I will forewarn you that my message may not make you feel happy,, but I promise you, it will bring you joy- that joy which is an abiding and abundant reality, always awaiting our approach, deliberately desiring our determined efforts to dwell within its keep.

The only way through to this true joy, requires the swallowing of a veritable buffet of what at first glance appear to be bitter pills- the first of which is the fact that you will suffer and you will die. When you swallow this truth, you free yourself from fear and despair. Suffering has the potential to be our most powerful teacher, and it can become a friend, if we are brave enough to reach out a hand. Now get me wrong, I don’t want to encourage you to intentionally seek out opportunities to get hurt or to cause suffering for others. What I mean is, suffering may be inevitable, but we can choose to transform its energy within us to strengthen ourselves and to bring that same gift of healing to the world around us as well.

Depending on how we approach the wounds we bear, we can choose to shape a future of growth and evolution. Through the shattering capabilities of grief, loss, and evil, we can learn to truly appreciate the beauty of life. That is the balancing act, seeking gratitude for life despite its myriad challenges and afflictions. We have the power to transform our hurts into growing pains.
Although, we can just as easily turn them our slowing pains. These wounds can fester and rot, weighing us down with crushing regret. What makes the difference between the two outcomes? How do we choose the better way?

We must summon the courage to swallow the bittersweet pill. I found it through writing and being still. Now I’d like to share (bear with me if you will). More words onto this page are ready to spill. Watch now how they turn to a poem. I pray they may help steer you back home.

Yo, is it true? Do I have the world’s ear?

Then the first words I’d disperse would be about fear.
Our greatest nemesis; it lives in the mirror,
Love alone beats it and can help you see clear, And without love, living’s so cavalier.

It’s hard to believe that…

The mere marvel of living, of your being here,
Can be so easily swiped up and stolen within fear’s hostile grip,
It’s right at your feet now, tryin’ and lyin’ to make you trip,
It tells you you’re tiny, an insignificant drip.

Just a
drop
in the sea.

That’s a lie, an illusion, a thought we must flee.
It’s a curse, a delusion, and we’re born just to be,
Something much greater, Dig deep and you’ll see,
That you are surely a drop
But of your own degree,
And that makes you much more,
In fact, that sets you free.

You must believe that…

There’s a little bit of you in every me,
There’s a little bit of sadness in every glee,
An infinite universe in each little inch of a tree,
A little bit of bitter coupled with every sweet.

And once you start to believe that…

You’ll come to see…

We’re shaped for our spot, and where we stay to our zone,
You’ll find in those “ruins,” that you sit on a throne.
Not just the word,
But the meaning inside it,
Abide now in peace, ever beside it.
Let the words guide you, as you grow on your way,
Let them reveal themselves like the light of new day.
Now gently breaking, now a luminous bloom,
This presence now here that could fill up a room.

The power of healing lies in each word you lay,
To learn where love’s leading, let there be no delay,
It’s calling your name, to be bold if I may,
Here’s what you have, and here’s what I pray:

You hold in your hands one moment, one day,
And I pray you’ll unfold the wonder within it, That you’ll embrace the buffet,

And in those moments of sorrow, when living looms grey,
Let the love that still lingers reshape you like clay.
Feel the power of love’s fingers arranging a novel array.

Your greatest teacher and your greatest friend lives still in the wallows, in the shattered remains of your heart,
And that broken heart within you isn’t the end,
love, it’s the start.

Dear World,

It’s hard to choose my most impactful life lesson, as I’ve had plenty thus far. Sometimes, I feel as if my lessons up until this point could fit into an entire lifetime for someone else. I know they’ve all been necessary for my evolution because I believe a significant reason our souls are here is to learn, grow, and evolve into a wiser version of ourselves.

Adversity in life can diminish us to ashes, but we can choose to rise into a more empowered state. Multiple moments in my life have felt like the death of my old self and the rebirth of a new version of me.

I’ve learned the importance of compassion, kindness, respect, consent, and the necessity for authenticity, even if people around you disapprove. To be true to yourself is to respect yourself.

Anxiety, rumination, and incessant negative words to myself have taught me to give myself compassion, even when it’s challenging. I must habitually interrupt negative thoughts and redirect my mind toward the door of kindness. Being my own best friend has been vital.

Learning to hold space for my pain has been pertinent as I’ve navigated people telling me that my pain is unimportant and minuscule, even though it isn’t. Mine isn’t, and yours isn’t. Our pain matters, and we must create a safe emotional space. I must honor my pain even if the world doesn’t care. You also must honor yours.

I’ve learned it’s okay to feel uncomfortable and state if I don’t consent. Whether or not it matters to anyone else, it matters to me.

I’ve learned that it’s okay to feel how I feel, even if others wish I felt differently. It’s alright to be sensitive; the world needs more sensitivity because compassion comes with it.

I’ve learned the importance of self-forgiveness. I have made mistakes throughout my life, and I imagine I’ll continue to. Giving ourselves grace and recognizing the lessons that come with our errors is essential. Most importantly, we must wake up the next day and try again.

I’ve learned that if people disrespect me, I must counteract that disrespect with kindness toward another while keeping a boundary with the person who disrespected me.

All of these have been vital lessons for me thus far, and I imagine I’ll learn many more, but one lesson has reared its beautiful head amongst all the rest:

SPEAK

In a world that wants me to be quiet, I must speak.
In a world that wants me to follow the status quo, I must speak.
In a world that wants me to keep its secrets, I must speak.
In a world that wants me to hide myself to keep someone else content, I must speak.

Maybe this isn’t your most significant life lesson, but it’s mine, and I ask you to consider it. The world wants us to pretend we’re fine while crumbling inside. In my experience, the world wants us to remain quiet while people disrespect us. People expect us to allow this disrespect because God forbid we tell someone we don’t like their behavior. They’d have to look at themselves if we spoke up.

Too bad, I say. It’s time to look.

I learned to accept and use my voice by allowing people to disrespect me, tell me my feelings don’t matter, tell me I’m not allowed to feel them, and tell me I should be quiet.

I learned this as I lost sleep at night, wondering why the world wanted me to hide my feelings and myself.

I learned it when I said yes to things I wanted to say no to and when I said nothing when I wished to object.

I learned it when I was looked in the eye and told my feelings and pain don’t matter.

I learned it when I finally asked myself who was holding me back: the world or my own fears.

I will no longer cater to the world, protect people from what they don’t want to hear, or play politics in a world that desperately needs humility and authenticity.

I will learn from my mistakes, as I have in the past.

As I do so, I will speak.

Will you speak?

I want to hear you,
Rachael

Appreciate yourself and enjoy being you.
A quote, I created which embodies embracing your original being.
I’ve experienced persons ridiculing me for the way I choose to live my life.
Like what does the clothes I wear or the way I choose to comb my hair have to do with you?
Just let me be, and that is the way I choose to live;
to appreciate myself natural self.
After all, everyone has their likes and dislikes.

Dear World,

I see now that my anger which once was my great protector, now is my captor. Here’s my story:

Anger wraps her roots around me.

Always looming
Threatening to pull me down if I don’t feed her.
Always suffocating

She pretends she’s my fan, as she picks my pocket.
If she were a drink, she would be Dark & Stormy.
If she were a lover, she would be Delilah.
If she were a plant, she would be a Venus Flytrap.

She has barricaded herself in the deep recesses of my heart.
Lying, telling me I am safer with all these locks on the door.
Reminding me that no one can get in.

But I can’t get out either.
Like my computer passwords, the only one I am safe from is myself.

She’s been here so long; she feels like she has squatter’s rights.
We are married by common law.

She reminds me I can’t make it without her.
She tells me you tried that remember and your heart was broken.
She says you’re better angry – trust me.
She feasts on my peace of mind.
She robs me of my creativity.
She tells me I need no one besides her.
She has a stronghold on my mind and my heart.
She cuts me off from my magic and synchronicity.

With me, you never have to grieve.
You can avoid your thoughts & fears.
I sustain you; I built you, without me your success will fade.

She burns my house down, with me locked inside.
It’s time for her to go.
She cannot be defeated with fire, only love.

It’s time to let her go. I realize that all the locks on the door to my heart are on the inside. Only I can unlock them, one at a time. Here’s my releasing anger meditation:

Slowly…
Patiently…
Breathing deeply…
I unlock each of my anger locks.
Anger, I love you – I set you free from my mind.
Anger, I love you – I set you free from my body.
Anger, I love you – I set you free from my heart.
Anger, I love you – I set you free from my grounding.
Anger, I love you – I set you free from my healing and creativity.

It was she who was afraid, not me.

Finally, we are free.