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  • crystalmulligan submitted a contest entry to Group logo of Write a letter to your future selfWrite a letter to your future self 12 months ago

    Because of you: A letter from the future

    Dear Past Me

    “I want to tell you not to get lost in the petty things”- okay actually you know I just couldn’t resist finishing that with a Taylor Swift lyric but, girl you did do a really good job not getting lost in the petty things. I’m writing to you because I wanted to thank you for doing all the heavy lifting. I know it wasn’t easy-it gets really easy though. I know there were times when you doubted yourself, when you hesitated, when you didn’t trust your instincts. I know this letter finds you at a time where you feel a little lost, I want you to know you’re doing everything right and it works out. You’re learning to embrace the lost feeling and appreciate the journey. I think that may be the biggest thing you have left to learn-keep going. I take the lessons you learned with me every day and am grateful that you created me.
    I know you don’t really know me yet, so let me tell you what all your hard work does and who you’re becoming. I am a recovering people pleaser- don’t roll your eyes at me- I am you, remember? Dude, I know that it is so hard to admit because it feels wrong. You have always been a strong hyper-independent woman- how could you possibly be a “people pleaser”? You can be and are both of those things. You’re kind, loving, empathetic, caring, patient, and love to build connections but, you got lost in that. You were so focused on connecting with others- you forgot to connect with yourself. I don’t do that anymore because of you.
    I don’t take responsibility to regulate others emotions, I don’t excuse behaviors because I empathize with them, I make myself my first priority when making all decsions and best of all I don’t feel any guilt when I do this. Actually quite the opposite, I am very proud. I won’t lie. It does get rocky for you and some people in your life can’t handle this change. It may feel really hard but, those are the people who were taking advantage of your people pleasing abilities. As your therapist says “they smell it on you” and you’re good for people and make their life better so when you start to prioritize yourself those relationships shift. Now I only allow people in my life who love me for who I am not for what I do for them and that has cultivated an incredible community around me.
    The relationships in my life are flourishing. I am surrounded by people who also prioritize themselves and understand that it is the least selfish thing you can do. They have their own passions, hobbies, creative endeavors, music tastes, book tastes etc. I know that I don’t have to love all of those things to love them and that they will still love me regardless. I am able to share the things I love with them, without fear of any judgment. They will listen to me talk about Taylor Swift and how I “share my fire” in dance class and encourage me- not because they love it too but because they love me and support me.
    I believe people when they show me who they are. I especially believe them when they tell me who they are *coughs clearing throat*. Not naming names on who wouldn’t listen but, now I know when someone tells you five times by the second date that they’re an asshole don’t argue, they’re an asshole. That person was generous; most people don’t come out and tell you. I let people’s actions show me who they are; I listen, observe and react accordingly. I see things as they are in the moment, not for what they have the potential to be.
    I don’t stifle myself to better fit in. It’s good that not everyone likes me. The most important person in the world loves me, is proud of me, finds me hilarious, we go on adventures, visit all the coffee shops, try new hobbies, reminds me I am safe and doing okay. It’s you; you’re the most important person in the world. I am because of you and I will always protect you.
    So again I want to say thank you. Thank you for doing so much for me, because of you I am living life wholeheartedly. You learned the importance of living for yourself- and just by being you, you have changed the world. You embrace your fear, you are vulnerable, you are not afraid of failure, you share your story. Living this authentically catches on.

    Love Always,
    Future me

    PS: I know I kept things very vague but, you’re still writing the story I’m not going to give away the ending!

    Crystal Mulligan

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    • Crystal – I love your growth. I once had a job where these co-worker tried to get me to do all their work, and I said no. Because if I did their work, I wouldn’t have time to do my own work well, and build my own career. Then, someone new came in the department and they ask her to do the same. And she wanted them to like her – so she did it. Those co-workers did end up liking her and not liking me so much. She came crying to me one day that she was unable to pursue any of her goals at work because she was so busy helping them. I told her she needed boundaries, and that they could do their own work. She did, and eventually they stopped. People will take from you as much as you allow them. Saying no and creating boundaries is huge because people who want to take advantage of your kindness don’t care about your dreams or your goals. And you’re right if someone tells you they are an asshole, believe them. They are basically telling you so when they act like a jerk, they can feel a little better about it and tell you, “well I warned you.” Keep your circle tight, and only let in genuine people. It’s makes life’s journey so much more enjoyable. And don’t forget to love yourself. Keep being you. Give your heart to the people who deserve it. Thank you for sharing and thank you for being a part of our family. <3 Lauren

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      • Hi Lauren! Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. Boundaries and saying no are something I am always working towards. It gets easier and easier every time I set them. Always a work in progress!

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