Hello younger Donna! I know this sounds crazy, but I am you from the future. I am 21- year-old you to be exact. No, we don’t have flying cars, or talking houses. We do, however, have self-driving cars and robot dogs.
I believe that you are 13 now, and are getting ready to go into the 8th grade. I know you are excited because you just went to Disney World, you are on the cheer team, and you are expecting another little sister; but I am going to give you some advice for this school year and the years to come. 8th grade is going to be the hardest year of your life. Not only will your classes get harder, but you are going to learn some hard life lessons, but a good thing to remember is this year is going to make you stronger.
You will learn many new things this year that are hard to understand, like how the people that are closest to you will most often be the ones that hurt you the most. You will lose many friends and family members this year. Some chose to leave you, and some had to leave you; although you may not always know the reason why. Keep in mind that everything happens for a reason.
On Thanksgiving, towards the end of your family’s Thanksgiving celebration, something scary will happen. Your sister will be born 10 weeks early, at 1 AM Friday morning. She will be the smallest, cutest baby you have ever seen. She will have to spend 6 weeks in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. Your parents will finally be able to bring her home in early January. You will have 2 weeks with her before the unexpected happens. Just know that when this happens it is not your fault, and there was nothing that you could have done, it was just her time to go.
The next few months are going to be the hardest for you. Some people that you are close to are going to leave you. Just remember they did not mean to hurt you, and to be your forgiving self and don’t hold a grudge. You will later find out that you are expecting another little sister, and she will be one of the best things to ever happen to you. Your life will start to turn around for the better.
I also remember you wanted to go to the same college mom did, and start working at the Veterans Affairs (VA) hospital. I don’t want to give too much away, but I will say that not everything will work out the way that you planned it to, but it will work out the way that you need it to. You will end up doing something that you never thought you would do, and you fall in love with it. You still help the sick and injured veterans and their families who served, you will just be serving alongside some of them. You will make not only yourself, but those around you proud, because you will achieve some really hard accomplishments.
Your goals in life will change, as you grow in your career. You will want to do things that you never would have thought of. Yes, these goals are going to be hard to reach, but I know that you can do it if you really put your mind to it. As I finish off this letter I will leave you with a few words of advice. Remember to always be yourself, and stay true to who you are. Always forgive people for their mistakes, and never hold a grudge.
Donna, First things first. Thank you very much for your service. I am so sorry for the loss of your baby sister, but I am glad you have another sister and found joy and love in that relationship. This letter is very well written, and you clearly have a lot of strength and resilience that should make you feel quite proud. Thank you for sharing your…read more
Lauren, Thank you so much for your support! And thank you, it was definitely the hardest time of my life. But on the flip side I feel like my sister came when my family need her most. I am not trying to sound egotistical, but I am proud of myself. I decided to tell this particular story to hopefully inspire other people, and show that things do…read more
Thank you so much for your service. You’re younger you would be so proud of where you are today. Not many people can gain such a comeback in life. Especially the struggle of eighth grade it’s always hard moving up because that’s when things start to get a bit serious in life. I’m glad you were able to withstand it all and be strong.
Thank you for your support. And thank you so much, I try my best to make her and the rest of my family proud. I shared this story to hopefully help other people in a similar situation to show that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that they are not alone. Thank you so much for the encouragement and the support!!!
Donna thank you so much for your service and thank you so much for sharing how losing your baby sister affected you(and my deepest condolences). I don’t think it’s often that we get to hear the perspective of loss from the child’s point of view and that says a lot. Thank you for sharing that with us! You are so strong and I hope that we’ll hear…read more
Thank you for your support!! I shared this story in hopes to reach someone who may have been in or are currently going through it, and let them know that there are people out there that they can talk to. And you diffidently will hear more in the future, as I continue to grow in my career and be inspired by those around me (those who do and dont…read more
Ahh yes…writing to myself as a youngster. So many good times, but yet, the main thing I want to do is grab you and shake you and say “cmon man! get in the game!” lol. More on that in a bit. But moving on. I remember you being pretty shy in your high school days. Not always. But painfully shy in some instances. On the basketball court or on the baseball field, you were as much in your element as you could have been. Outside of that, not so much. You weren’t crazy about getting called in in class, and I wish you didn’t worry so much about giving speeches that you almost made yourself sick thinking about. And if a girl liked you, that was a GOOD thing. Not something to avoid, young Jim. I remember you purposely avoiding girls that liked you in junior high, or even friends of this person. Because you didn’t want to deal with them asking “did you talk to Michelle?”. I remember you hoping that the teacher wouldn’t call on you in some classes. But in others, you were vocal. Why not all the classes young Jim? Well, now young Jim, at my job, I actively seek to give my opinion on things during meetings. I have the confidence to state my case on things, even to people higher up on the chain than you. And guess what? I’m usually right. And guess what again? YOU probably were right and informed back then, younger Jim. I often say “if i could relive my high school days knowing then what I know now, it could have been more fun”. Thats true too. Don’t get me wrong- I enjoyed what we did in high school. We had fun. But young Jim, coulda been so much more fun Not just talking with girls, but classes would have gone better, been more fun. I guess we just weren’t quite ready to take on the world quite yet back than, huh?
Things have improved through the years. Your confidence has picked up. You’ve taken a “what the hell” approach to things at times. The unknown has become less of a fear for you. Same w change. You have adapted to change more lately. You’ve tried new things. New experiences. You have come to the belief that you are as good as anyone. That you don’t need to defer to anyone. At times, you are realizing the silliness of being so shy back in the day. But also, because you are so much older and wiser now (wink,wink), you also realize that maybe if you were brimming with confidence, that maybe cautious and unassuming young Jim might have been replaced by cocky and confident Jim..and maybe some bad decisions may have been made, and maybe some trouble would have been gotten into. So all in all, no regrets. No point in wishing away things about days that have already transpired, right? I think we have come a long way and made a lot of improvements. We are still working on that eye contact thing. But hey- step by step right? I promise you young Jim, older Jim is gonna keep growing. We’ve done good
Jim, you’ve shared before about coming out of your shell. And I am so glad you did or you probably wouldn’t even be a part of The Unsealed. I am glad your confidence has grown and you’ve become more outgoing. Your a great person and the more people you interact with the better. 🙂 Thank you for sharing ! -Lauren
Amazing story Jim. I know sometimes shyness can be nerve-racking. especially when it comes to sports that you truly like. I’m glad you ended up coming out of your shell a bit more as you grew older. I myself wasn’t really a shy person but I was pretty shy when it came to performing like what if I mess up type stuff. I think it’s a natural thing…read more
Hi Kayjah. Thanks so much for the kind words. Funny thing is, sports was the place I Felt the most comfortable actually. Especially on the baseball field. And it was the unknown that made me uncomfortable. Like people I didn’t know. That’s when I was the most shy. Performing? What kind of performing do you do? Thanks again for the kind words. By…read more
Jim I was so clumsy in high school (even in basketball). It made me so worried I’d do something embarrassing that I was so serious and didn’t get to have the fun that I wanted. Somewhere along the way, I realized the worst anyone could do was laugh at me so I started finding what I thought embarrassing funny. It helped me relax a lot and realize…read more
Hi Jael. Nice to meet you. Thank you for the kind words too. Funny thing is on the basketball court and on the baseball field was where I was the most comfortable. And I wasn’t brutally shy, it was only around situation that I wasn’t familiar with. If I was around people in my comfort zone I wasn’t as shy. The unknown was what got to me. that’…read more
I’ve been writing now for about two years because of everything I have experienced. I don’t think we ever felt the whole dear diary thing. I think writing these letters is a concept worth trying. After all those years of struggling with prompt writing around 2016 it no longer existed. Hopefully this letter will make it a little bit easier to navigate through your twenties and obtain that degree.
Identify your toxic traits, we don’t have a lot queen trust me. You have to be consistent with being better versions of us in order to help others do the same. That toxic behavior will not pour out into your thirties. Let’s start off with my favorite Mom. If anybody knows mom like me it’s you. Yes it’s safe to say mom’s love was a bit smothering. Not all the time, but I am proof that no matter what we go through emotionally I will never regret putting mom first. I was with mom until the very end it definitely brought pain with peace. This healing journey I began in 2017 has really helped me thrive in our thirties. Mom will forever be our greatest teacher of life she also liked to write. Ask her for help in writing her stories I forgot so many and of course I’m missing those. There will be bad days but don’t ever leave moms side no matter how hard it gets. I highly suggest taking more breaks it is more important than you think. Especially for our mental health, please take the time for yourself! Not on anyone else, alone time with you. Not on those late night drives either. By 22 you already understand deep down how those types operate so try not to attach too many feelings. I tell you this, the love that you need will find you it will find us even when it seems like you failed. I will say this we didn’t even have to waste all that gas queen! Speak up more and keep asking for help with mom as well. I cannot exactly get into details of what’s to come but you and that bullfrog will be caring for mom in her last years of life. Very few regrets, on my bad days the list might be a little longer. Yes I’m sorry but we have those days. Days where we feel defeated and let depressive thoughts fill our days, weeks sometimes the whole month. The amount of time I spent on certain things like depressive thoughts and certain people could have been poured back into us somehow. But knowing what I know now I’m trying to spare us a little bit of heartbreak that I’m still struggling to heal in our thirties. We try not to be reckless over here, meaning we react less. Leave people where they want to be left and really focus on what it means to love unconditionally. A losing season will come and the hurt will be unbearable you do become vulnerable a short period of time. But again, it’s all part of our story. It will not make sense right way but believe you me I can bet you a bottle of Hennessy it does. It will be okay, you stay blessed in so many ways and most importantly we overcome so much because of our faith. Stay committed to the church. I admit not making it a priority in my twenties has made me delayed with being closer to my church family. The love is always there, on time and most importantly it’s unconditional. I’ve learned the power of prayer which helps me stress less and pray about literally everything. Always be grateful for good and the bad. Our values may not be for everybody and that’s okay. I have yet to find a soul that’s as deep and genuine as ours. Caring too much will be a distraction and will consume your time in trying to save people. You can love and support people from afar, remind them you’re still rooting for them. Prayers are the best form of love you can give. Go to church queen learn the Bible just listen already! Utilize the world wide web. You can be anything you put your mind to be. Go to school focus on your career, your education that’s something I’m definitely missing that in my thirties. I will be a college graduate in our thirties I owe this to us. That degree(s) will take us places I know it will. The feeling of going back to school does not compare to previous first days of school. Do you remember being in elementary school and those writing prompts would always make us want to cry? We thought something was wrong with us because we couldn’t tap into our creative side? If the elementary version of us could see me know she wouldn’t believe that I was a future version of us. I enjoy writing so much now and I know you would enjoy it too. You can start by writing me a little more if you have the time. I’m not a fortune teller but I would love to make the time to respond and be as helpful as I can be. Remember we’re not changing the future. Because I truly believe we were meant to go through everything we have gone through so far. May you stay grounded and positive take that walk you have been itching to take. You know the one that park with the lake. Remember stress less and pray about everything. May you be blessed always in all ways. Hope to hear from you
Beena, I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. Sounds like you were lucky to have her and she was lucky to have you. And I am so glad you found a love for writing and make the time to write. Writing is incredibly healing. You are clearly a strong and resilient woman. Keep growing. Keep healing. Keep writing and keep being you. The Unsealed…read more
Wow. I want you to know that you are a very strong person and that your mother is very proud of you. She’s definitely reading this letter in heaven. You were so strong and brave and your writing is such a healing. I want you to continue to inspire others with your writing. Life isn’t easy but we always have a healing process.
Dear Bk,
You have gone thru many difficult situations but you have come out strong. I am so glad that the power of prayer and your love of writing has helped you to navigate life’s challenges. Keep up your faith and positivity and you will accomplish all you set out to do. I wish you the best of luck in all your future endeavors.
Bk I LOVE how you’re immediately like “identify your toxic traits”. That is such good advice! I’m striving to be the best version of myself as well and I’m super excited to be reading about your journey. I feel like you’re speaking directly to me! I’ve struggled with depressive thoughts in the past as well (( years + of depression) and the best…read more
It is all okay
No matter what you or anybody says, no matter what happens
No matter if you belong to that group or that club or have that job
Or stay married to that man or woman even
It is all okay
Consider the lilies in the field, they neither toil nor slumber and God takes care of them
And tomorrow will take care of itself, just take care of today
For all your life, each day will be starting over
Each day will be a new opportunity to be alive and to be happy and joyful
That is your contribution
That is what the world needs
That is what you will always need
Do your meditation
Go meet Thich Nhat Hanh (pronounced tick not hon)
Do your exercise
Go find teachers and trainers
Ask questions
Don’t know the answers
Keep asking
Warning against getting your feelings hurt and feeling useless and depressed
That is why the meditation and prayer, and Bible and exercise is so important
You were gifted with incredible parents
Use that gift every day
Be aware of it
Not everybody had that gift
It is yours and cannot be taken away
And you can give from that deep reservoir
Sense of humor
The Tattooed lady Song
The lasagna and and garlic baguette
How to hammer a nail and grow a rose bush
How to be a moderate drinker
How to weigh the same thing all your life
Water skiing
And snow skiing
Cooking and entertaining
Tracking things
Having goals and projects and lists
Part 2
Your younger self could be in a war, or hurricane or flood,
Even then, these lessons of being present apply
Even when your brother dies at 20 in a car accident and your father said a prayer of thanksgiving
And your grandson doesn’t want to go on
And your sweetheart just criticizes and ultimately leaves and your brother teases
And you gain so much weight
Still haven’t learned Spanish
And your attic or basement or garage may be full
Just stand up and be and contribute your best loving self for the war and turn your other cheek to
your sweetheart and brother
They love you
They are where they are
You have infinite wisdom that life is a joy and we are forever learning
Tell your children and grandchildren and friends how proud you are of them and that you love
them. In law children too
And expect nothing in return, no credit, even being ignored is fine
Be a space for healing and wonder and nobody knows what hit them but they are all good or as
the grans say
All good bro
Have a meditation and writing practice
And follow the one day at a time rule
And keep it simple and easy
It is amazing to be a human being
And there are so many versions to observe, learn from and write about
Everybody is your teacher, especially the ones who are hard for you
So no shortage there
Nancy, your letter is so sweet. I am sorry for the loss of your brother and some of the other hardships you address in this letter but it seems as though you have remained strong and extremely kind hearted. Your family is lucky to have your heart and your wisdom. Thank you for sharing this beautiful letter. I am looking forward to reading more.…read more
Amazing work. I’m sorry that you lost your brother but I’m glad you remained very strong. I love how you considered how humans can be stronger than lilies in the field. God takes care of his people and just like the lilies we will never slumber or toll because he is watching over us and protecting us from any harm that will cause us to fall.
They Have Lasers for That: A Letter to Little Jessica
When I was a child, I was chubby, had a perpetually flushed face, and was the least athletically coordinated human on the planet, or at least the worst at Saint Joseph School. In the nine years I attended Catholic school, wearing plaid skirts, knee socks, and black Oxford shoes, I can fondly remember playing with my friends and excelling in academics. But I also remember my struggles. I think about the advice I wish I had, and the advice I hope to pass on to my daughter. I wish I knew that what is written on your report card doesn’t matter in adulthood. I wish I knew that most of my classmates were feeling just as awkward as I was. I wish I knew that they made lasers for red cheeks that burned brighter than the fire of a thousand suns. I wish I had these gems of knowledge tucked in my back pocket, or more accurately, tucked in the elastic band of my knee socks. So here it is: the advice I would tell my younger self. Listen up, Little Jessica.
1. Get comfortable saying “No.”
“No” is the most powerful word in the English language. When you say “No,” it doesn’t mean you don’t want to help, that you don’t care about the needs of others, or that you dislike someone. “No” is putting your needs first, and not over-committing to everyone else’s requests. “No” is setting boundaries that you are comfortable with, and acknowledging that it is not your responsibility to make everyone else happy. “No” is asserting yourself to not be coerced into actions, thoughts, or beliefs that don’t suit you. “No” is a part of life, and a freeing part, at that. So say it to the playdates you don’t want. Say it to the group member who won’t do their share of the work. Say it to the lunch lady who gave you mashed potatoes when you asked for fries. Say it kindly. Say it confidently. Say it with respect. But you must learn to say it.
2. If you believe you can’t, then you’re right, you can’t.
One of the greatest tools I have discovered is the ability to manifest, which is the ability to create ideas into reality. You can literally speak your every desire into existence. New cars, healthy relationships, even a cup of coffee. I do it every day. Manifesting is the greatest key to unlocking every hope and dream you have for your life: but you must believe. So make sure your attitude is one of gratitude. Count your blessings. Literally count them. I list 10 things I am thankful for every night before bed. The more you’re thankful for, the more you find you have to be thankful for. The big things, the little things, the seemingly insignificant things. Be thankful for passing your spelling test, the butterfly you saw during recess, or for arriving safely home from school. Being thankful and appreciative is a critical component in the positive attitude that creates continued blessings. So count up those blessings, and manifest a few more while you’re at it.
3. Know your worth.
This is the hardest for me, as it seems to be for many of us. If you asked people what it means to know their worth, they may all have very different answers. For me, it means realizing that you are deserving of respect. It’s having the self-confidence to be able to walk away from a toxic person or situation because you know that you deserve better. You have the ability to determine your worth in every situation: with your friends, your family, and one day at your job or in a relationship. Acknowledging that you are worthy of respect is the greatest gift you can give yourself, and it is truly the gift that keeps on giving. You will walk a little taller and speak a little louder because you have the confidence of self-worth. Remember, you are deserving of all the blessings life has to offer, because you are worthy of receiving them.
It’s hard to be a kid. You’re always told what to do and how to do it. Sit down. Stop talking. Stand in line. Don’t touch that. Play with these people. Kick a dodgeball like you have any athletic ability whatsoever. I’m sure today’s kids have it harder in a world of iPhones, TikTok, and 9-year-olds with contoured makeup. I thought we had it rough in the late ‘90s, when my greatest envy was my friend with her own phone line. Truthfully, I’m grateful that chapter of my life is over. No more gym class, no more math homework, no more plaid uniforms. To this day, I can’t stomach an Oxford shoe. So when I think of Little Jessica, wading through childhood angst in nine long years of “Catholic plaid,” I want to assure her that there are answers to her problems. All that she worries about, has a solution. I want teach her to be humble, to learn to meditate, to appreciate the power of prayer, to learn to laugh at herself, to wear the sunscreen, and to remember that pooping in a public bathroom is not nearly as mortifying as she thinks it is. But mostly, I want to kiss Little Jessica on her bright red cheeks that she hates so much, and say to her, “Sweetheart, they have lasers for that.”
Aww Jessica this is so sweet and so cute!! I love this letter. Your advice is spot on. Being a kid is such a strange time in life as you really are learning to love who you are and be comfortable in your own skin. And the end of your letter made me laugh 🙂 I am so glad you are part of our community. I love reading your letters. <3 Lauren
Jessica, I’m glad you have a list of things to motivate younger you on your self-worth and not to care about what a lot of people do, and being comfortable in your skin. You are amazing and you are doing great I’m glad you have so much confidence now and you’re thriving. not many people could have that mindset it’s either you go up or you fall an…read more
Donna, First things first. Thank you very much for your service. I am so sorry for the loss of your baby sister, but I am glad you have another sister and found joy and love in that relationship. This letter is very well written, and you clearly have a lot of strength and resilience that should make you feel quite proud. Thank you for sharing your…read more
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Lauren, Thank you so much for your support! And thank you, it was definitely the hardest time of my life. But on the flip side I feel like my sister came when my family need her most. I am not trying to sound egotistical, but I am proud of myself. I decided to tell this particular story to hopefully inspire other people, and show that things do…read more
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Thank you so much for your service. You’re younger you would be so proud of where you are today. Not many people can gain such a comeback in life. Especially the struggle of eighth grade it’s always hard moving up because that’s when things start to get a bit serious in life. I’m glad you were able to withstand it all and be strong.
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Thank you for your support. And thank you so much, I try my best to make her and the rest of my family proud. I shared this story to hopefully help other people in a similar situation to show that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that they are not alone. Thank you so much for the encouragement and the support!!!
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Donna thank you so much for your service and thank you so much for sharing how losing your baby sister affected you(and my deepest condolences). I don’t think it’s often that we get to hear the perspective of loss from the child’s point of view and that says a lot. Thank you for sharing that with us! You are so strong and I hope that we’ll hear…read more
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Thank you for your support!! I shared this story in hopes to reach someone who may have been in or are currently going through it, and let them know that there are people out there that they can talk to. And you diffidently will hear more in the future, as I continue to grow in my career and be inspired by those around me (those who do and dont…read more
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