What did you want to be when you grew up? A doctor? An astronaut? Maybe a police officer? When I was little, I always said I wanted to be a “typer girl” or a pediatric nurse. But, as I grew older, I realized that I really just wanted to be myself. I was always bullied and gossiped about in school whenever I stuttered during prayer before lunch or when my best friend and I had a secret handshake or when I said I love the Titanic (1997) film. From the music I love to sing to the company I keep, someone always had something to say about it. But, after so long, I learned to ignore those who didn’t like the real me and just focused on those who loved me for me. My advice to is: JUST BE YOU! I always introduce myself as a proudly weird person because I would rather just be myself than someone I’m not. So just remember, always be yourself and don’t ever let anyone tell you any different!
I learned the importance of family and how fleeting life is. How those we love could be with us one moment laughing, smiling and sharing in day to day events to only be gone in the fraction of a moment. No goodbyes, no reasons why. How important I love you’s and I need you’s are when we have no clue what goes on within each others minds even when we think we do. How fragile we really are as human. And how easily we could lose someone we never thought we would, taking for granted all the moments shared. I lost two younger brothers to suicide after Covid had rolled through. While most people were losing loved ones due to health complications I had lost mine in the matter of a blink of the eye without any warning. I struggled with grief and my emotions. They were only 28 still babies in my eyes as I was the oldest child. Angry thoughts thinking them selfish, thoughts they were weak and should have been stronger. Not understanding and never knowing why. I was a mostly emotionally absent person in the lives of those I grew up with. I didn’t share my thoughts or feelings often and kept others at bay. It’s important to share how we feel with those closest to us and share those private moments where we speak our thoughts, feelings and emotions. It sounds cliche all the quotes and things we see about family, thinking they’ll always be here with us. It’s not like cancer claiming them, knowing in advance what will happen and preparing for it. It’s a sudden flash and a phone call throwing you into a tidal wave of shock and despair. A scream abrupting from your core as you punch at your legs and cry why. It’s the freezing up of the throat as you try to force out the torrential outpouring of emotion coursing through you. The subdued overspent sadness you feel, in watercolor shades washing over you as you try and force yourself from bed to do the mundane tasks of living life. It’s one day getting up and discovering every beautiful detail in life again. All the simple things you’ve ignored before now so important. Blades of grass with tiny dew drops, the clouds lazily moving across the sky, the sound of birds flying overhead. So grateful of every breath taken and living life with childlike innocence again. Life is a magical journey to be embraced and explored. A gift from our higher power. Our families a blessing to share with. Covid also was a lesson in family. Being separated from those we love or loved. Not being able to make hospital visits to those important to us, not being able to say goodbye. Funerals held at bay for several months after the loss of those cherished in our lives. Not being able to make peace with it or find closure the way we normally do. Cherish every moment. Make each moment count. Even those that seem mundane. Don’t take those around you for granted. It takes mere seconds to send a text or make a call. Check in, say I love you often. Be the light in someone’s dark. I explained to someone once that the moon had to work harder to be a light and shine bright surrounded by so much darkness. Be a moon in the night sky, a light to guide others.
this is the obituary you won’t write for me
because I want to taste the words first
I dunk them in the well of my soul
and let the cool water wash away the hurts
let the triumphs and the tragedies dance
across the surface like flower petals
the recipe for a good life is passed down
from old tongues to young ones
and each time it gets a little bit better
measure with your heart
or your hands
but never look at the scale
this is what I have learned
watching my ancestors at the cooking hearth:
sprinkle love on everything
first, water the garden with it
and when the stories and lessons are ripe
harvest them gently
this is what I have learned
while throwing things in the fire
and hoping a feast comes out of it;
no meal comes together without a little disaster
and the bitter vinaigrette of sorrow
pairs best with a sticky-sweet bite of happiness
this is what I want you to learn:
write your own recipe
grow your own truth and
sow your own legacy
and remember you can never over season
anything by adding a little more love
I was asked if I had one message for each and every one of you about one thing I’ve learned in life, what would I say. “The pain won’t last forever.”
That horrible gut wrenching darkness that is nearly squeezing the life out of. That feeling won’t last forever. Tell yourself that and keep pushing through. Every moment ends, and a new one begins. Some last longer than others but the pain will end. So hold tight. Don’t give up.
That anxiety through the roof, heart pounding, sweat dripping, head throbbing you’re feeling? The pain won’t last forever. You will feel yourself again. This will pass. Breathe.
Through my *almost*37 years of life I’ve learned that we suffer a lot. We go through many ups and downs and some people deal with more downs than ups, unfortunately. The one thing that finally clicked with me after years of hearing that I should “take a walk” or “try yoga” or “try painting, you like painting;” was hearing someone say, “the pain won’t last forever.” Those words kept me going. Those words keep me going. They keep me going through low times and also anxiety sometimes. When I’m feeling anxiety I often tell myself “this wont last forever” and it helps me calm down.
So, World, incase you need to hear this: the pain won’t last forever.
Being in love with love
It first starts within
Being in love with self
Then with strangers, family and friends
Learning to love yourself even
When in doubt
Learning to stand alone while figuring everything out
Healing from traumas that others may not know
Stepping into your purpose
Doing your part, so that more love in the world can grow
Being in love with love is spreading peace, happiness and positivity
Being in love with love is loving others outside of me
Being in love with love is loving all……unconditionally
This is the biggest lesson I’ve learned and wanted to share
That no matter what we go through in life
Still show someone else love, and that you’ll always be there
Someone else may have it worse than you
Someone else may need the strength that lives inside of you
So showing love even when you don’t feel it
Is the best healing that you can do
Being in love with love is understanding that within you is where it begins
I am in love with love
Because I know now that in a world full of hurt, evil and pain……..
Spreading love is the only true way we all can win.
From me to you,
which truth is true,
and how to choose between a few,
take this clue and read it through.
When taking pills of red or blue,
when you’re deciding what to do,
you know who will guide you through,
and your perspective He’ll renew,
and give you a new point of view
so you can understand it too.
So, when it comes to what is true,
you should know a thing or two
about how what is new to you
and that you now believe is true,
compared to what you thought you knew,
wasn’t new, just new to you.
Dear Unsealers,
To all those still stuck in addiction, when you stop there’s a big hole missing there are keys to the ignition to higher consciousness to open a closed mind’s vision. Time to cook up some new food for thought when lost dreams awaken I sought it out through prayer and meditation Things will get clearer I’m a witness to trial and error with full dedication. I walked by the side of the Paul Bearer until I had a full revelation. Dropping the ego that was full of frustrations, not mine but thy will be done gives me constant elevation. There’s more to life than just numbing the pain, deeply engraved my scar tissue is being mended and saved. Working through my issues the feeling is brave. Not running from my emotions gives me even better days. Life still happens but freedom from an obsession with things I used to crave is a blessing that I got it before I lay in my grave. I can be better than my past one day at a time at a steady pace. If I keep taking out the trash to create new neural pathways. A simple program for a complicated person if it works it’s working at being a better version. I’m going on an excursion inside of myself throwing out a burden and cleaning house. I know the drill thanks to a higher power and turning over my will is a daily reprieve ‘ a coping skill’. there’s hope to build in the recovery field trying to hold on to old ideas the results were nil. The snake seizes the heel when things seem to have a pleasing appeal. Grab your chest plate, armor, and shield to avoid the triggers, schemes, and treacherous ordeals. We let go absolutely, so I’m here giving freely to fulfill my duties to be a productive member of all communities. The universe is where my immunity lies must stay plugged into the source or my recovery dies .differences of opinions, internal controversy God supplies a higher power to all diversities. Mines, or your understanding of one could set you free from tragedies evil deeds, the planting of a seed. Where excessive greed and compulsion of wants and needs will no longer succeed. I will not Leave the past behind nor wish to shut the doors on our memories. Trust and believe there are therapeutic recipes farther than the eye can see. Research and study a disease that’s been slowly killing me. I take a fearless searching moral inventory so I can process the change slowly surfacing within my story. I found something here that I thought I would never find a gift of gratitude an inner sunshine where love is no longer blind. There was a downhill spiral now it’s an uphill climb but supported at the same time. The journey is being recorded along the way I see the signs. My prayers are being answered as long as I keep reading between the lines. This ain’t a race I see progress through blind faith in a divine. We must not let our fallen die in vain. Recovery is possible when there’s nothing more to lose but everything to gain. We break the chain of insanity and dance in the rain. I feel their pain, I pray they get off the street and find peace. We find strength where we are weak and love once the hate is deceased. This is where it gets twice as deep. I take the cotton out of my ears and put it in my mouth when the speaker speaks. This is where I admit defeat and the newcomer is saved a seat because their life is never obsolete. Have faith to take the leap. The goal is to learn how to stand on our own two feet. Instead of roaming aimlessly, like lost sheep the broader the foundation the higher the peak, and become like that rose that grew from concrete. A true inheritance for the meek, a flood to a leak. We critique the patchwork that is sown into a new lifestyle that flows gently down the creek.
let go.
let go of people.
let go of things.
let go of places.
let go of yourself & all of the negative inner monologues along with it.
let go of labels.
let go of bad habits.
let go of unfulfilling relationships of all kinds; friendships, family, coworkers, romantic partners, you name it.
let go of mistakes.
let go of the past, future & the fear of living for today.
let go of anything & everything that does not resonate this very day.
let go of old perspectives.
let go of previous wounds.
let go of past hurts.
let go of your first & last lover.
let go of lack mentality.
let go of all that was ever known.
let go of anything & everything that no longer rings true within your heart.
let go in exchange to move forward & welcome the unwritten chapters of your life.
hello to new people.
hello to new things.
hello to new places.
hello to new beginings.
hello to new opportunities.
hello to new chances.
hello to new loves.
hello to abundance.
hello to the present.
hello to myself.
let go to surrender to your destined life.
the story is only yours to create,
what will you choose to write?
Dear 8.1 billion of you that I share this planet with:
The vast majority of you I will never meet. We walk separate paths that statistically – will simply never cross in a meaningful way. To the one waking up on the opposite side of earth than me today. To the one I see on the news. To the one who made a TikTok that made me giggle but I’ll never remember your name. To the one who took their child to the very same park I took my son to hours later, but never met.
We live in an era where we’re more connected than ever, and also more divided than ever. The media spins a tale that we are so very different from one another. And yes, it is somewhat true – we are different. We have different backgrounds, different privileges, different beliefs; but one thing remains more true:
We are more similar than we are different.
In another life, that girl you look down upon could be your best friend. In a parallel universe, the homeless man you silently judge on the street corner could be your brother. In an alternate reality, an older woman bagging your groceries could be your grandmother. If there was a glitch in the matrix, that infant crying in the seat next to you on the flight could be your own child.
We are all human beings with beating hearts. If you were to sit down and have a conversation with an individual you think couldn’t be more unlike yourself, I bet you would leave that conversation feeling otherwise.
We are more similar than we are different, and that is beautiful.
Dear Baby Me,
I had the opportunity to sneak away from my 43 year old life long enough for me to put a bug in yo” ear about what’s to come.
DON’T BELIEVE ANYTHING THAT YOU SEE, LIFE ITSELF IS A FRAUD! Don’t try to save people, GET
THERAPY AS SOON AS POSSIBLE due to that torrid little childhood of yours. It is my request that this
information finds itself to you about 9 years old. That should be a pretty rough time as we lost your
mom when I was 8, a little bit before you turned nine.
It may not feel like it right now, but you’re gonna survive it. It’s gonna cost you a few things
developmentally-wise and has you walking a long and winding road in your emotional intelligence, but
eventually, you’re gonna get it together. Love will come and go, and you’ll be blessed enough to have
some luck at it, hear me loud when I say this however: IT IS NOT LIKE THE MOVIES, they lied to you.
God is gonna be your best bet, all the way around the bat.
You’re not gonna know a lot, but you will eventually figure out da most.
Avoid marriage until you are 100% sure that it’s what God wants you to do and avoid ALL sex outside of
the sanctity. This won’t make your marriage bulletproof, but it will keep you in God’s honor, and with marriage, everything with marriage is GOD-NEEDED!
Always see how the other side lives before you make any major decisions about settling on things.
Love your brother and your sister openly sooner. Accept them for who they are and all they’ve done and
encourage them to always want to go further. We’re gonna have a son, he’s wonderful. He’s a lot like
me, but he starts off a lot like you. Worship his existence from afar, and always keep him one step
underneath God, It’ll be the thing that he needs when he has to remember that you loved him the most
after God. Make sure that he knows that. AVOID dealing with hoes (men and women) in their thoughts
and their behavior, their viewpoints and thoughts will just bring me down. STRIVE, STRIVE, STRIVE!
Always remember to strive to be honest and acceptable to GOD. He’ll have you anyway with a repentant
heart, however, don’t make his job and your angel’s job so hard. Remember to trust the light to be the light and the dark to be dark. Always however remember that it takes the light to depend on the dark so it can be shown to light brighter.
Music never leaves our train, it’s a part of us. Money will come and go, you’ll be busy when you have it
and peaceful when it goes, you’ll always be expecting more, so get in a good financial place in your early
savings. God is the one, thing, entity, universe, Christ, Holy Spirit, Trinity that saved me, nothing more,
nothing less. God as the whole concept, never stop pursuing: Him, Knowledge, Truth, Peace, Joy,
Perpetuity. God isn’t the one that saves us by himself, he uses Jesus and your quest to be a more
enlightened version of you. Keep It Simple In Your Brain & Life, Not Your Furnishings, Spurge on quality
and consistency, make time your luxury, burb every burb, smell every lemon, and don’t forget to let
yourself be a kid again whenever an opportunity presents.
DON’T FORGET TO LOVE YOU, SO I CAN LOVE
ME. We’ll be together through eternity.
Sincerely ME
Yes, you can’t and that’s totally ok!
“Average is awesome” is a philosophy that needs to be given its rightful place in urban society.
While the pursuit to excellence comes with immense self-pride /satisfaction at the pinnacle , it also carries with it a heavy mixed bag of insecurities, strife and stress along the way.
Why is one almost always unfairly judged on being content with just being average?
While some may argue the acceptance of mediocrity creates a false sense of acheivement and is the villian to all things great , I believe it is supremely meditative to do so. It nurtures a complete abandon of self doubt and offers the freedom not to hold back on living life to the fullest on one’s own terms.
For some being midway is truly being at the finish point.
As someone who has constantly been working to break free from the ever tightening shackles of self improvement , I am finally begining to embrace the average in all of middle aged me.
There are no more mountains I wish to climb, no more i wish to traverse , just let me lay someplace in the middle as it is my happiest place to be!!
As a recovering perfectionist, there is so much peace in being happy with who you are as you are and not always have to be striving to be the best or perfect or better than average. <3 Lauren
I want to be perfect so you’ll notice me.
I will cut my hair,
Change my clothes,
Say hello,
If you will notice me.
I’ll dance around my room at night,
Write dozens of poems about you that you will never read,
Sing songs about you,
But I will never tell you how I feel.
I’ll wear makeup,
Restrict how much food I eat,
Exercise for hours to stay thin,
All if you’ll notice me.
I’ll take up dance classes,
Not because I want to,
But, because you fancy that one girl from school who dances.
I will change my entire outlook on life,
And change my friends,
And even love you more than I love myself.
But, you will never notice me.
When I was growing up,
I looked up to you.
Looking back, I cannot remember why.
Because I never felt pretty,
And I never felt good enough because of you.
And just because you were right in a lot of ways,
It didn’t make me wrong.
I still felt wrong.
Because I loved the wrong person,
It took me a lifetime to learn how to love myself,
To be myself authentically,
And to believe in myself.
I needed to lose you to love myself.
This illusion surrounding perfection,
It was that everyone had life figured out,
Everyone except me.
Truthfully, no one did.
The moral of my story is do not chase perfection,
I tried to be perfect for someone, and it drained me.
It took everything and returned nothing.
Life is like a stage,
One that I did not rehearse for.
Growing up forced me to perform anyway.
I will watch who I perform for from now on.
You were a page in my story of self-love and discovery.
imposter
concealment
limiting
our lives
our potential
fear…
the world will find us out
public faces
private faces
is there anything in between
how do we negotiate
rigid expectations
pressure
roles
identify
release
overcome
In the mirror, I see a reflection of strength,
A journey embarked, a hundred pounds in length.
The lesson learned, profound and clear,
To love oneself, banish every fear.
I started afresh, on the path to fitness,
Shedding weight, embracing self-witness.
A realization struck, deep and true,
Someone out there, inspired by you.
As I walk this road, each step a feat,
In someone’s eyes, admiration discreet.
Not just a number on the scale,
But a beacon of hope, a heartwarming tale.
I stand here now, proud and free,
Beauty defined by more than what you see.
No matter the weight, big or small,
Self-love shines, the greatest of all.
So to myself, I vow this day,
To cherish, honor, in every way.
For in my journey, I’ve come to see,
The beauty within, the key to me.
When I was just a girl I asked my mother what the point of life was, she told me that the point of life is to experience it, experience it in every way imaginable. From the highest highs to the lowest lows, experience is the point of life.
Mother knows best, maybe an old cliche, but on this, she is right, you know:
The point of life is not the car you drive,
But the people you drove to meet with it.
The point of life is not the money you make,
But the moments you created with it.
It’s not the car that gave me experience, but the memories and moments that came with it:
“Dad’s Truck” came with its own set of nuanced experiences.
– “That Star” I still see in the sky, was a shared moment in the bed of my blue truck,
“The hardest day” will remain a stain on my bones, materials were lost, but never the memories made.
Experience is the point of life, not the money earned or the things we’ve lost. Experience increases in value, while your penny today could be crypto tomorrow. Is it money earned or time spent earning it that you remember the most?
Because for me, I’ve lived a full life with highs and lows, when experience was my only friend. I’ve ridden the waves of beautiful and ugly. The biggest lesson I’ve ever learned – life is experience: the good and the bad mixed in a swirling vortex of individualized experience.