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brynno123 submitted a contest entry to Write A Poem About Where And When You Feel Most At Peace 3 months, 4 weeks ago
Record of Youth
To: Us, Seoul
There is rarely a time in my life I feel peace. The incessant dialog on repeat in my head combined with the every evolving chaos I find myself in has always held me captive. In my car, my room, the store, the fields by my house, I am always looking over my shoulder. I have always walked on glass shards, knowing if I am not prepared, if I close my eyes for one second, they will cut me open. The first time I felt my feet on solid ground was the Summer of 2022. A place so far away from my home, yet it felt like the only home I would truly ever know. I traveled by train all the way down to the coast. I thought I saw things clearly my whole life, but it is like the passing mountains and meadows I stared at out the window was the first time I saw life in color. When I arrived at my destination, I saw a tall gray building with sleek tiles. The clouds were thick pillows of tears, waiting to soak the earth. I texted my host and asked how to get in and he must have talked to someone in the apartment because suddenly a tall, slender man came out the door and said, “Are you Brynn?”. It was a question, but it also felt like an answer. Soon, I met 4 other individuals who would be my roommates for the summer. Another man with sea glass eyes and a shy demeanor, A girl with jet black locks and a smile that said “I’m glad you’re here”. Then appeared the girl with a striking laugh and one with reddish brown hair dancing around the most delicate face I had seen. At first, I felt like I was always waiting for something else, for someone else. I could breathe, I could see, but I felt my chest tighten whenever someone spoke to me. I didn’t know what this was. I didn’t want to run, but I was afraid to stay. I guess that when you have never been still, stillness feels much like chaos. It keeps you on edge because you don’t understand why nothing is falling apart. As the days passed, I became very familiar with this feeling. The initial unease I had turned into comfort. It turned into belonging. We spent our days laughing, dancing, exploring and supporting each other through the many journeys we had embarked on outside the moments we spent together. When we ate, we always prepared each other’s plates first. When you cried, there was always a hug that followed. If you smiled, it was always returned with a promise of recognition. A promise that in this place, we could make something special. We didn’t speak the language, we were halfway across the globe, but it felt like it was the only place we’d ever known. I remember every piece of the home we shared. Not the one we physically were in, but the space that we created and enveloped us wherever we were as long as we were together. Nothing ever felt strange or out of place. I often think of all these moments that form a film in my mind’s eye. The places we saw forever on replay. We walked all over the city, finding special spots in every corner. We traveled to the coast, felt the waves grasp our hands and we talked about the lives we had left behind. I discovered that I always looked for the highest point in any building we went into. I sat by the windows, watching the lives of those outside unfold before me. I saw the mountains encircling this beautiful home we built. I saw the miles of houses and buildings that never seemed to end in any direction. It was the, and is the most beautiful thing I have ever bore witness to. I often travel back,not physically, but mentally to this place. I am sitting on a rooftop in Jongro while staring at the N. Seoul Tower. The air is thick and the sun is starting to burn my skin, but I can’t go inside. All the things I saw, and the things I did, was the most magical thing in my life. It was the most magical place. I often wonder if I will ever feel that way again. Will this place be the same? Or is this all magic because it could ever only happen once? These days, when I want to feel peace, there isn’t a place I travel to physically. I put on this film and I watched how beautiful it all was. This place is where I first started living. I see it anytime I feel lost and alone. I remember that it was real, that it was perfect. A record of our youth. I know one day I will arrive there again, open my eyes and breathe as if it is the first time. It may be different, but I know that the peace these moments gave me will inevitably find me again. Maybe in different people, in different seasons, but I know I’ll recognize its presence. A glimmer in the gaze of someone sitting across from me or a song playing over the speakers as I wait for my order. We’re inextricably tied together through memories of the past and through the visions of my future.Sincerely yours,
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This is truly amazing, Brynn. It is so rare that a person can find a place that brings them so much pleasure and peace. My favorite part of your writing would be when you said ” I know one day I will arrive there again, open my eyes and breathe as if it is the first time.” This sentence is very inspirational because returning to the place that…read more
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