Well Brave One, if only you were born a son. Then you would have earned your father’s love. You came kicking and screaming into this world on Winter Solstice day, never knowing how hard your life would be. You caught your uncle’s eye and your peaceful childish dreams became a place of anguish. I want you to know you are brave. You told someone you trusted with those awful things. I want you to know you’re strong even when you think you’re weak. I know some days you seem like you can’t go on, and you want to silence the pain, but do not give up. You will pull through. Yes, Brave One, you were born to atrocities, but victories belong to you, too.

Dear, Lindsey,

I’m writing you to thank you for being you. I understand that many hard situations in life have taken a toll on you mentally, physically, and emotionally, but your resilience to persevere through it all is remarkable. Thank you for your genuineness and authenticity, no matter who is bothered by it. Thank you for continuing the self-improvement work that helps you show up everywhere with kindness and compassion. Thank you for looking for that little girl inside of you. I know at one point you felt as if you couldn’t find her. Then all of a sudden when you least expected it, there she was looking back at you in the mirror. Thank you for remembering that young woman inside who had the whole world to conquer, and all the time in the world to do it. Thank you for sharing the love of Christ with others, although sometimes you’re not quite sure if you’re doing it right. Thank you for caring so deeply toward others but also remembering you matter just as much. Self-care and self-love have kept you moving towards your dreams and the things that call for your gifts and talents. Thank you for forgiving me. Thank you for believing in me again. Thank you for gaining back the faith in me that you lost from all the heartache and pain in your life. Thank you for not giving up on me even though I know you sometimes came close. Thank you for deciding you wouldn’t let the dark things that have happened to you make you bitter, but instead, you choose to love. I’m grateful for you. I know that one day you will understand that you are the inspiration you need to move forward. Keep dreaming. Keep believing BIGGER. Keep showing up for yourself just as much as others. Remember hope is powerful, and faith is life.

Love,
Me

Dear Self,
Thank you for accepting life’s journey and not letting obstacles stop your glory. You’ve triumphed over the hurdles of failure and dismay. Dealing with a toxic partner while trying to maintain and enjoy new motherhood. Through the woes of taking care of your aging parents and as we all know, the bills don’t stop coming! Barely seen are the burdens you bear; a smile in the forefront of all adversity. Thank you for acknowledging and gracefully defeating depression and unhappiness. You decided not only for yourself but for your child, you will have peace. Also, understanding peace requires forgiveness. Thank you for not giving up or breaking when so many would have. Thank you for standing up for me! Thank you for remembering God is always with you in your darkest times. I thank you for having the courage to tell your story so that it may encourage others. Our purpose may not always be obvious to us, but it’s clear in the way we touch other’s lives. Thank you for sharing a piece of you, as others may use it as faith that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you.

Much bravery, much conceal.
The shameful life of a once teenage girl,
An innocent heart, left unguarded.
Experiences you should’ve never had to feel.
If only childhood was satisfactory and in things pure.
Too eager to live life much more mature.
I’ve contemplated time after time,
if I could go back. Press rewind.
I would save you from these heart aches,
Reroute the pain, ultimately creating even greater mistakes.
Instead for this life ado,
I won’t complain, sneer or grunt,
I will declare, I truly thank you.
For not throwing in the towel.
You continue to press through.
You don’t give in when it gets tough,
when your head is bowed, overshadowed,
the crowd shouting, “say you’ve had enough!”
Off the ropes you fly believing in promises of victory.
Though the evidence, with a naked eye, I cannot see.
I’m glad you fought for a baby that would one day break your heart.
Only fit to offer prayers and bitter tears. Groans and weeps because words were ripped apart.
Numerous broken hearts you’ve tasted, the tears they stain never the same.
Yet you choose to continue breathing.
Each comes heavy and shallow drenched in grief, bound with pain.
Your eyes fixed on Heaven, awaiting revival, for there is strength calling on His name.
I admire your pursuit of love, when all turn aside.
Peace has become the gift well sought after, the perfect place to hide.
Holiness, a tapestry well worth its design.
Embroidered with hope, in charity is lined, ever so divine.
Thank you for getting up and getting out of there.
Thank you for standing up for her, ridding your lives of such rage and despair.
The undertaking of miser, Finally choosing to love yourself.
Instead of waiting for guilt and hurt to transform to love and good health.
Finally realizing the definition and understanding you were caught in a loop of insanity.
You learned to love yourself regardless of others. No need to make plans for you and me.
School stayed a priority. I know it was, has, can, and will be a muddle of time and testation.
Tales fail to express the search for someone who’ll lend consolation.
Keep looking to Heaven. God is near, and understands your heart’s meditation.
We’re 35 now, soon to enter 36. 20 years has passed.
You have survived. She is still alive. Both of you have made it.
Many of your fears have subsided. Hopelessness has faded.
You’re a nurse now! And still delight in simplicity.
You’ve done well keeping up with broken parts. Enough remains to still recognize “me.”
Many nights you were afraid, but life hasn’t trampled you under.
Everything is alright, we’ve made it through clouds, rain, and thunder.
Thank you for praying that night, God heard us, and gave what we needed so we wouldn’t fall.
Your heart was softened, and you answered when he called.
For choosing to live everyday, and not loosing your mind when Grandma and Grandpa passed away.
Not drinking this, and smoking that.
For putting the knife down, not swinging that bat.
For not buying a weapon, for putting her first.
Not marrying him, giving him more babies, making matters worse.
Thank you for freeing us from the claustrophobia of that long hall leading to an end dead.
A rotten routine of being alone, with only eggs, bologna, and bread.
She’s 19 now, and has no memory. The hard times had no effect.
One day she’ll appreciate. Then will reveal reasoning for your high level of expect.
You finally learned who is and has always been your best friend.
You’re finally brave enough, stand up for her, love, protect her, and defend.
You taught me memories can be released. It’s okay to forget.
You don’t have to allow it hurt anymore. You can let go of regret.
I can now fight the qualms that wrestle every morning in my head,
They seek my life, desire to drown me leaving my corpse in bed.
I’m so glad you learned how to be a mom, and you finally learned, “NO!”
I’m glad you heard that song, and finally said, ” I have to go!”
And fear became a stepping stone.
I know its not the life you wanted, tattered remnants stitched and re-stitched.
Brava! You finally say what no one else will say to you.
You’ve given me permission to not impress the unimpressible.
I find ways to make myself swoon!
You’ve given me permission to be weak and sorrowful,
because life is disastrously cruel.
You’ve shown loneliness is a strategy to confound inner peace.
Rather, its a golden ticket when your heart is raging and your mind is crumpled and needs release.
Finally we see that it is impossible for a size 12 to fit into a size 8!
That is the most bizarre expectation any man could expect.
Such a requirement, no one should ever create.
Most of all: I thank you for not mistaking this knowledge and understanding was all of your own.
For God held these plans for me. Forever shall I be thankful.
For He remains forevermore answering me from, making a way from His throne.

Thank you for not masking your anger
Or holding your shame
For no longer playing someone else’s game
For holding space
Giving yourself grace
For continuing to love after pain
Finding comfort in the rain
Thank you for killing your old ways
The ones that kept you blue in the face
For finding your voice
Even while shaking staying true to your choice
For rekindling hope and belief
What may seem like such a small feat
Feels like the biggest relief
To release the doubt
Call back your power this time around
Thank you for pushing through
Realizing all the patterns you get to undo
For having dreams
Refusing to settle
Understanding you don’t have to silence your screams
For taking up space
And leaving a trace of words in a world with too much hate
Thank you for the spilled tears
Year after year we’re finally here
Your heart stayed clean
Finally learning to breathe

Dear Self,

I want to say thank you to You! By the way You are beautiful.
Self you have endured many struggles and sleepless nights but you held tight. Thank you!
Self you were laughed at and made fun of and did not know that there was a Light. A light that shined brighter when it is in the correct space and with the right people. That light is inside of You, Thank you! Self, you dreamed a lot when you were an adolescent and then slowly became distracted. I want to thank you because you reacted to the distractions by pushing through and fulfilling your dreams. Self, You were told by others that you were worthless and would not amount to anything but you silenced those voices. You made greater choices and they worked best for you. Thank You! You allowed yourself to persevere through it all and You stood tall. Thank you! Self you were given names and behaviors that were unexplained but You remained a conqueror. Thank you!
Self, you wore many hats and are still trying out new ones that fit properly. You parented single handedly, taught well, and soothe the tears of your little ones. Thank You!
Self I have seen you become your better self and cannot wait until I see your greater self.
Self, Thank you so much for not giving up on You. Self, You continued and still is showing up and looking up. Self continue looking your challenges in the face and take your place in the space that you are so deserving of. Now go to the closest mirror, smile, and shout, “Thank You,” to You!

Sincerely,
Self A.K.A. YOU

What do I even call you? Gregory? Lillie? I’ve wrestled with that these last few months as I’ve been finding myself in this world and really trying to figure out WHO I am.
On paper and in pictures and in so many people’s memories, you were a little boy and on some levels that still bothers me that I was robbed of a childhood I only ever was able to dream about and beg for. And for years, I blamed you. I hated you so much. I couldn’t stand you and I called you every single name in the book and I probably made up a few along the way as well.
It was your fault I couldn’t be a girl. You didn’t stand up for me. You didn’t speak up when you had the chance. Who else could I blame? All I could do was turn that anger inward, on you, on us. But the facts are, you existed before the internet. You didn’t know there were people like us out there. And being from a small town certainly didn’t help when you didn’t even know there was a community.
So as part of OUR healing process I need to look at the facts. And Gregory, you did the best you could with what you had. So many of your actions were due to various trauma responses and I can no longer be angry with you for that. Somehow you knew that the world wasn’t ready for me.
So, you kept me safe, and you suffered alone for decades. You gave up your youth to protect me. You became a father because you knew I would never bear children of my own. All this you did for me and so much more. You had to grow up so fast in a world that would never have accepted me back then. And you did all that in order to protect me when I thought you were being selfish.
My hope is that you can forgive me for the bitterness I felt towards you for all those years as you kept me safe. My hope is that through reflection and inner child work that you and I, Gregory and Lillie, can finally be healed and whole. This is so much more than me saying thank you for keeping us safe. For preparing me for the world and giving me the tools to navigate it. This is me asking you for your forgiveness for not understanding the burden you put on yourself and all that you gave up so that one day I could exist. So, thank you Gregory. Thank you for everything. Because of you and your sacrifice, I’m able to exist.

Disclaimer:
This is a warm drink, sip slowly.
Appreciate the notes hidden within the ingredients.

Hey, You…or shall I say Me?

In correspondence with Myself, I offer this Memoir.
The singing of an unsung dedication.
Merits to You; I declare to also be Me.

I’d like to open this letter of appreciation, connect various clues,
While Journeying amidst the gratitude.

You accepted a mission, the lively hood of enduring,
As if it were some kind of trend.

Here in this place, I attach my fist pin, on the day the bronco ride of your life began.

Beyond 4lbs. and 11 oz, You prevailed,
Eluding the proclamation to be “the weaker twin.”
From Struggling to live, to living to defend.
You stood up for Her. Your other half from the womb, Your best friend.

CHEERS!
To making laughter the language I deeply comprehend.
A Smile from ear to ear is always a Means to soothe, express delight, and to amend.

Full is my heart!
Melodies escape the chamber guarded by Your lips.
Melodies made to worship, mourn, and to uplift.

“Hear Hear,”
To Your wanting of more each day.
Reaching higher is a gift. Allow Yourself to imagine, to dream, and occasion to drift.

I concur
Desiring discovery, You inquire with persistence, uncovering one thing and another.

Prompted by a basic, “What if?”

I thank You for being the person that those leaning on You can depend.

Standing Ovation, BRAVO!
You offer presentation of Yourself unapologetically. Classy, Brassy, and Tiff.
Shamelessly portraying yourself, unaware of how to be anyone else.

Much oblige
Clinging on to The Most High,
Resting on assurance of a VICTORIOUS WIN He promised to provide!

Now, Concerning the dreams You were unable to apprehend.

I sigh at the thought of you being given unto love.
A devoted characteristic of You;
Even when they treasured it with the underside of their shoe.

PERMISSION GRANTED
Relieve the reservoir.
Release built up pressure,
Allow the dams to overflow.
Rushing down the mural of your face.
Liberate the pain residing deep within.
Mourn those No longer counted to be a friend.

You chose life when poisonous thoughts lusted for an end.
For this I thank you Most of all, you didn’t bend.

I salute Your courage
Being fluid when things got stiff.
You came out swinging. Never considering,
against the wall Your back would be pinned.
deemed unable to recognize the future you had planned.

LOOK AT YOU!
Picking up the pieces and creating a new outlook;
Although the image held up before You had shattered when shook.
You persevered Searching for a line of silver, covered in soot.

CONGRATULATIONS!
No looking back
Once the foot met the pavement, that was that.
Bravery made room for love again this time it fluttered, lingered, and did transcend.
This Love Granted strength,
In turn, advancing Me beyond barriers placed by those who hardly dare to dream.
You have become Immune to the projections of doubt and self-limitations.
Heroically we display our talents
Ever pursuing of The Summit, You were said to ONLY “hope” to reach.

You REFUSED collapse under pressure,
RELUCTANT to buckle,
RELYING firmly on what You believe.

When Deterioration was Determined to Dim my Light.
You were Indestructible, Thank you,
I know you’ve had many rough nights.

I Wish I had the power to step into a memory
Giving appeal to Deja Vu
I’d Place my hand upon your shoulder
Illuminating the illusion that had trapped you

Although adverse,
Possibilities may yet be obtained.
You are a Beacon of inspiration to Me, the future of You.
Thank You for holding Memories as passwords, that unlock the secrets of this constructed identity.

I RAISE A GLASS!!!
Even though the experience tasted sour, I applaud You for making the attempt.
I must say we aren’t half bad considering the story we have lived.
So Here’s to learning from the past, mistakes are the Alma Mater.

Dear Ashley,

I never told you this, but I appreciate your endurance. I wanted to write this letter to thank you for showing me that heartache and pain doesn’t last forever. Back then, he took away our innocence and caused us to be in a dark place. He left us unprotected, alone and afraid. For years we looked over our shoulders and hid from our nightmares, afraid that the boogeyman would come back for us. Somehow, one day, the nightmares faded until they disappeared. Each day since then, you showed me how the pieces of our life should fit again. I remember the fear and terror in our eyes, but it has been replaced with the glimmer of hope shining through.
Thank you for teaching me how to fly. When the heat is rising, all we have to do is spread our wings and fly above the fire. I won’t burn because of you and my scars have healed because you learned how to overcome it. The song that’s written in my heart can flow freely.
Thank you for liberating my mind so I am no longer a slave to the prison of my imaginations. I can exist in a space of wholeness and peace. There is hope here, and fear cannot abide.
I’ll wrap this up by saying thank you for giving life a chance, when the opportunity came to give up and end it all, you pressed through and gave us another chance. Thank you for enduring until our last breath.

Sincerely,
Me

I am writing this letter to remind you that you are an unstoppable warrior, that you are the living image of perseverance, resilience, and humility. I thank you because you have navigated turbulent currents and have never stopped rowing. You are so important to your family and friends that you sometimes forget the meaning of your existence. Thank you for that big and kind heart that God gave you, and above all, thank you for putting into practice those gifts that God placed in your being.
Dear me, always learn to value each of your achievements, because they all deserve to be recognized and applauded. Thank you for your daily struggle and for contributing to forming a better world. I thank you and congratulate you for your tireless spirit. You are truly admirable.
You have gone through dark and gloomy times when there was no light at the end of the tunnel, and thanks to your faith and strength, you overcame every adversity. Thank you for finding that light at the end of the tunnel, where your inner self told you that it was the right thing to do at that time.
Thank you for that humanism that characterizes you. You have a heart of gold, always willing to help without receiving anything in return. Thank you for that divine spark that you reflect in the lives of those around you.
Beloved, you are unique. Thank you for every act of love that you have performed for others. Thank you for not letting anyone extinguish that inner light that you carry within your being.
Thanks for being a genuine inspiration to others. You inspire people to do better, to make a better effort, to appreciate the little things that truly bring permanent joy. Thank you, my dear, for being the most humble, compassionate, and authentic person in the world. Thank you for being the smile to others suffering in pain.
Thank you for being the wonderful mother, the perfect daughter, the exceptional wife that some people found in me. Thank you for anticipating every need. Thank you for forgetting your needs and putting aside your desires to make the time and effort to prioritize others first. Thank you for being an accountable person. Your value is infinite, and your presence is invaluable.
Thank you, my dear, for being a kind, spiritual, and generous soul. Your magnetic presence attracts amazing people into your life. Thank you for your help to those in need. Your perseverance is unmatched.
Thank you, my dear me, for sharing those wonderful dishes with the people you love the most. You delight them with your exquisite culinary skills. Thank you for making them enjoy every gift of yours.
Thank myself for feeding the poor, the unwanted, the hungry, the forgotten people that nobody cares about. Thank you for taking the time, effort, love, and initiative to think about others in need. Thank you for finding those people and having the opportunity to make a difference for them. Thank you for acting in their favor. Thanks for thinking of them. They appreciate your presence, food, and help.
Thank you, my dear self, for being patient in moments of despair and uncertainty. Your patience has allowed God to work in your favor and give you victory. Thank you for being that wrestling woman who breaks down limitations and shows the world that willpower is power, even if you find yourself in the worst circumstances.
Thank you to life for letting me guide, listen to, and comfort sad souls. Thank you for letting me be in the right place at the right time. Thank you for finding those kind words to express to others in sadness, and thank you for being their peace and faith in moments of frustration. I’m pretty sure the Lord helped me. Thank you, God, for that.
Dear, lastly, I want to thank you for doing your best in everything you undertake. You are a clear human example that the limits are only in the head. Thank you for overcoming cultural and language barriers to show that you are a special and intelligent being with an amazing mind. Thank you for those spectacular ideas that have resulted in incredible outcomes. I simply want to say:
Thank you for existing.

I wanna say thank you to me, my forever love and best friend.
You are a rarity none the less. Though we are a complex species to the beings of this world,
In our dimension we mirror gaze inside the double phantom crystal ball that expands inward as if we are some sort of device like a kaleidoc terrarium .
“Knowing that she who smiles back carries more inner beauty , than a quiet walk through a never ending gallery at mid night”.
with halls of ART that stretch in a curvature of explosive colors that are mystique,
In so many words ,.. I wanna thank me for being unique with a blush tone of mysterious Chic.
Like the luminescent gleam that smolders in the shadows of the nebula that stands stuck in the middle of the universes black hole.
I am – bleeding love at the center point.
Meaning I appreciate my shadows that create rainbows like paint to my depth.
A tidal wave of intellect like an ancient farer at sea who aimlessly pondering over the bow of her boat. And over in the waters, lies her mind scrying in the ocean as if its a vast canvas reflecting a light show.
the sparkles from the night, help connect the stars from down below that reflect from her , like a cosmo of fires from up high as i rearrange the light glow with a seashell, like tic tack toe.
Damn,… I wanna say Thank you for your wild thought of an imagination. A safety net from the cumbersome world that we run from , to disconnect and save face as we escape.
I love that we shelter each other from the noise outside as we create movies on the inside with vivid projectors as we roam the portals of divinity to our sacred sensuality , that only you and I are invited too … “ I wanna say Thank you for being my rescue.”
Like timeless music, Your are the lovers rock i cling to in a storm , you sing to me like Sade when she hums and says these words in that one song, “ I will be your friend Til the end of time, I will be your friend, Im here to make you smile … In the mirror face to face as we Sing with a smile as we lock eyes”.
The words in those songs seem to be more like scriptures of the future from you to me at this present as we tango the timeline of this paradigm.
“ I wanna say thank you my love, for always being by my side”
The God in you speaks to me that keeps me going and living with hopes of seeing your eyes every sunrise.
My Partner for life
“Thank you for teaching me how to love, and how to speak up and protect the self. You showed me my worth when my faith in others were failed”

Yours truly with deep love and admiration ,
Always and forever

~ Your Mirror