To the girl that deserves better,

I know you may not know me right now but we will meet at some point. Our story begins the moment you decide to stop letting people tell you who you are and take the time to find out for yourself. That is when you begin to learn about all the things that truly make you beautiful. Now I will say I still feel as though I’m not enough at times. The feeling that you currently experience still boils at the pit of my stomach and taunts me in the back of my mind. But I am here to let you know that it does get better. At some point you stop settling. At some point you stop beating yourself up for not being society’s idea of “perfect”. At some point you learn what it means to love yourself just as you are.

I’ll take this time to meet you where you’re at right now. I know it hurts and the thief of comparison is swift and diligently drowning out your uniqueness.Those times where you were made fun of when you danced, silenced when you sang, shut down when you shared what was on your heart or mind, began to shape how you view yourself. You decided that it’s best to play it safe, lay low, under the radar. Only allowing your light to shine around a select few. You later learn, whether you hide yourself from the world or actively put yourself out there people will always have their opinions. Please don’t let their thoughts become yours.

Not only did you learn that you’re not enough from the way you were treated by your peers. This was taught at home as well. Your dad leaving, for months or years at a time without a word. Leaving you with nothing but foggy memories and deep wounds of abandonment. You would try so hard to be everything you thought they would like. Even if that meant you had nothing left to give yourself. Thoughts surrounding what they would think consumed your mind and encompassed your every move. Your entire sense of self worth began to revolve around what they thought of you. Any remotely similar experience to your father’s lack of choosing you would trigger those thoughts and feelings sending you into a spiral, into depression and eventually anxiety because you wanted to please everyone at all times and whenever you couldn’t it would remind you that you’re not good enough.

I am here today to let you know that they were wrong. Some people simply didn’t know how to properly treat you. Many of them didn’t know how to properly treat or love themselves let alone another person. Remember, You are the one living this life not them. You are the one living in your heart, mind and body every single day not them. So make sure you are happy there.

I forgive you for not knowing any better in those situations. I forgive you for thinking that you had to wait for someone else to tell you, you’re amazing, beautiful and talented to believe it for yourself. I forgive you because no one ever taught you that the only person who can determine you’re worth is yourself. No one ever taught you how magnificent you are all on your own, or that everything you need is already within you.
You no longer have to try and be someone you’re not. I am here to tell you that you are so beautiful, your kind heart and enamoring mind radiate from the inside out, your humane existence is wondrous. From your brain that acts as an infinite universe in itself, to your body and the intricacies of the inner workings that keep you alive. Being human is truly fascinating and I’m learning to not only accept it but love it.

You were created with a significant purpose at hand no matter how big or small your presence in this world may seem, we all have a role to play. When you find yourself feeling insignificant or unworthy of a beautiful life know this; scientists have estimated that the probability of you being born is at about one in 400 trillion! You are no mistake. It is no accident that you are here today, as you. If that’s not amazing I don’t know what is. Let that fact prove to you that you are not only enough but your existence is truly a miracle. Allow yourself to marvel at the miracle that is you.

Love,
The woman you’re growing into

Dear unforgettable,

You there. Hunched in the dark, chewing your fingers like regrets, hoping no one sees how hollow you feel. I know you. I wore you.
I bled through your eyes for years. The shadow of shame draped over you like revelations in scripture. Confessing not your sins but your lofty ambitions which will never see the light of day.

Let me tell you something that no applause ever could, or that your father would never say ever since those days where he abandoned you to live with another family. You were enough. Even when you lied. Even when you begged. Even when you waited for her to text back, like her attention was oxygen and you were underwater. Like you thought your father’s love was the unconditional truth that infidelity was your signal for love. You thought love would save you, didn’t you? That if you were beautiful enough, clever enough, talented enough— that they would see you, name you, complete you. You could feel Nirvana in whatever sense of the word that may mean.

But they were never your mirror.
And their validation was never your soul. I remember the nights you’d write something brilliant, then delete it, write it again only to lose it because the voice in your head—the one trained by rejection, not reason—told you no one would care. I remember when “artist” felt like a lie you wore to impress strangers who didn’t matter. Or who didn’t care for your expression of self in your artistry.

You thought pain was your muse.
You thought being broken made you deep.
You thought your sadness was a virtue. But listen, Your sadness was a cocoon, not a home. A cleansing to perfect your self soothing reality that expectations from others was your own self-esteem breaking from your universe.

You wanted proof you were real.
So you gave your body. You silenced your needs. You sacrificed yourself on altars that weren’t worthy of your talents.

But I’m here to say— You made it out. Not because someone saved you. But because you stopped waiting to be saved. Because one day, deep in that pit, you realized that no woman, no praise, no poem was going to hand you your worth.

You had to forge it. With trembling hands.
With no audience. With silence as your witness. You are not a reaction. You are not an echo fading into the abyss of society.You are not what they think of you, or what she didn’t say back. You are a creator.
A builder of worlds from ash. A voice that sings even when no one listens.

So now—stand up. Not because the world asked you to. Not because she finally texted back or your father came home. But because you are still here. And that is enough.

With love.
The You Who Remembers

Dear Me from January 2023,

If you are reading this then that means you are at the point where the Disney College Program did not work out and you chose to come home. You did the right thing. You went with your gut. You did what you felt was right for you. But remember, this state of rock bottom is only temporary.

Allow me to introduce myself. I am you in June 2025. And if you want some proof, here is something that a lot of people do not know about us, and it is the amount of stuffed animals in our room. Ty Bear the bear, cool girl the bear, Raspberry the monkey, the Hedwig owl that is wearing a Hogwarts outfit, the second owl that we got at the zoo gift shop, and the pink unicorn that was given to us as a gift by our friends that are twins after a dance recital. Those are just all of the stuffed animals we sleep with. We have more at the front of our bed. Knowing myself, that will be enough for you to be convinced that I am who I say I am.

I am writing this to let you know that everything will be okay. Everything will work out the way it should. You will not feel this down for much longer. The only way we go from here is up. You got this. This whole Disney fiasco is what leads to all of the incredible and amazing things that will happen this year. Well, mostly incredible and amazing. This will be the year that you will have a lot of high ups, and some pretty low downs. But do not worry. You are currently going through one of the two downs that take place this year so you just have one more to deal with.

To start, I want to remind you that this letter is something I am writing after all. That should be a hint for what is to come, and it is very exciting, because we love to write after all. I do not want to go into detail on this and I will explain why later.

You do find something to do for the next couple of months before the summer. It is an environment you are so used to where everyone loves, supports, and understands you.

But there is one thing I want to warn you about that happens at the end of the summer. It will be tragic. It will be sad. It will be something that should not have happened in the first place. It will have a huge impact on you, your parents, your brother, and the rest of your family. But you have the support of your entire family, your friends, and remember that you can talk to your therapist about literally anything. (Yes. It is the same therapist that we were seeing at the beginning of 2023).

But you know what? You will still have a great summer. We will be in charge of the same kid we were in charge of last summer and her independence has gotten significantly better! She looks up to us and so do the rest of the kids at camp.

The reason why I am not going into full detail about all of the events I have previously described is because I know me. If I know about something bad that will happen in the future, I will lose my motivation. I will be anxious and scared, and I will not want to keep going, which we know that we have dealt with once already in 2021 where Covid destroyed any motivation we normally have. I do not want you to let the bad stop you from achieving what you will achieve this year and the next two and a half years. Trust me when I say by the time you get to June 2025, you will be the proudest you have ever been in your life.

Remember all that you have been able to accomplish at this point. You will continue to accomplish so much more. One other thing: you can do anything, even with autism. It is just part of who we are. We have our struggles, yes, but we have our strengths too that make us superhuman.

Remember that you got this. And keep asking yourself three things you can see, three things you can hear, three things you can smell, three things you can taste, and three things you can touch. That continues to be super helpful.

I think it is safe for me to close this out by telling you our two mantras that we have by June 2025:
Everything happens for a reason.
You can handle any challenge that comes your way.

Dear Self,

I know you have felt alone and unbalanced over the years, as if abandoned. I understand for I am you.

You were never alone in the world; I was there every step of the way. I could not talk to you for I was afraid you would not understand what I was dealing with. You have endured so much over the years. I am truly sorry for the departure that took place within each of you. I hid from you. It was not fair for your growth and the maturity of life.

My first one caused you years of physical and mental pain. I know you’re the most scared of all. I know you don’t understand, and you were too young to understand. I forgive you and I love you with all my heart.

For your protection, I created a barrier around you overtime. It was not fair to you. Your isolation resulted. Protecting you from further harm was necessary. I understand now. I hope you can forgive me someday in your future. My love, you are never alone. There is another here to hold your hand and you are safe with her. It is me, the one who understands the pain and the hardships. If you do not feel me in your presence. Please, there is another; she is older than you and she also understands the pain. She is safe like me, and she will be by your side. It’s OK to play. No one will hurt you and no one will touch you. It’s difficult, I know, and it may not make sense right now.

You have a playmate, and her name is Dawn, just like you. She’s fun-loving and has an outstanding personality, much like you. She will lead you and sit with you when you need time. See love, you are free to grow, and many love you.

I love you very much. I would not be alive today if it was not for you. We grew together and we will always be together. Please let us support you; many of us are here with heartfelt support. I love you so much.

Severe violations should not happen; It is to help you grow into the wonderful person who I know you are and that is me today. I love you for who you are, I know you.

Please remember love,when you see a tree, it is life you can climb it. Colors provide the beauty of life. The dirt under your feet is stability to run free. When you feel the wind against your face, your future is waiting to hold you close. When it gets too loud, it is people cheering you on to be better. See love, it is ok. You are free, be just you. You made it love, and I need you today to show me how to have fun today. Love you

Dear loading…

When did I feel like enough? I am trying to think of that time. I can not figure it out, because it does not exist. Everybody else is Enough. I see how great they are. Let’s make a list of who is enough.

Supermodel ✅
Teenagers not feeling significant✅
Senior feeling overlooking ✅
Women not feeling appreciated✅
Men working hard, trying their best✅
Me…Loading

I waiting to be completely loaded. When Enough is complete!

Signed,
Waiting for loading to complete

There are parts of my story I never thought I’d write.Not because I was ashamed of them but because they hurt too much to touch.
But healing, I’ve learned, asks us to stop running from the noise. And so I write. I lost my innocence before I even understood what it meant to be a child.
It was taken from me by someone who should have never been near me my mother’s boyfriend. And for too long, I carried that pain like a secret folded tight, tucked behind every smile, every silent nod of “I’m okay.”But I wasn’t okay. I was surviving. Day by day. Breath by breath. Until I learned that survival was not the same as living.
I became a mother at sixteen. Twice before I even walked across the high school graduation stage in 2005. People told me I’d never make it, that my life was over before it began. But I showed up anyway. For my kids. For my future. And I graduated on time.
The father of my children chose absence. So I chose presence.I chose to be the one who stayed up all night when they were sick.
The one who worked two jobs and still made it to parent-teacher conferences.The one who cried in the bathroom so my kids wouldn’t see and then wiped her face and kept going.I’ve been a single mom since I was sixteen years old. I’m 38 now, and I’m still standing.
My mother was a functional alcoholic always holding it together just enough in public, and unraveling behind closed doors. I grew up learning how to clean up emotional messes I didn’t make.
How to read moods like weather reports always forecasting the storm before it hit.But even then, I loved her. And that love taught me something powerful: That we are allowed to feel pain and still choose compassion.That we can forgive without forgetting. That we can heal without pretending it didn’t hurt.
It took me longer than most, but I graduated college. With kids, with trauma, with exhaustion in my bones but I did it. I kept my promise to myself. Because even when no one else believed in me, I was quietly planting roots.

And here’s what I want you to know:
Your story does not disqualify you from joy, from success, from peace.
Your scars are not signs of failure—they are proof of survival
You are not broken. You are becoming.

Yes, life hurt me.
But it didn’t end me.

I’ve learned to mother myself in all the ways I wasn’t mothered.
To speak to that little girl inside me with tenderness, to remind her she didn’t deserve what happened but she does deserve everything good that’s coming.

To anyone who’s ever felt like they were too far gone, too tired, too behind
You are not.
You are right on time
You are the hero of your own story.
And this? This is just the middle.
There is still joy ahead. Still laughter. Still magic waiting to meet you.
So keep writing.
Keep healing.
Keep becoming.

You are not your pain.
You are your power.

With all the love in my heart,
You.

Maybe you were
Maybe you weren’t
Who’s to say?
Cause so were they

Feeling the same
Filled with shame,
Grief, disgust, unloved,
And all of the above

So who’s to say
When we’re all afraid

Dear Me,
(If I could write a letter to me… oh wait—you’re too young to know that Brad Paisley song. Never mind.)

Yes, you.
The girl who doesn’t think she looks good enough, sings well enough (even though, spoiler alert—you’ve got pipes), is too loud, too soft, too awkward, too everything.

This one’s for you.

Life’s gonna be hard.
And I don’t mean like algebra hard. I mean chewing-a-jawbreaker-while-stepping-on-a-Lego-in-the-dark kind of hard.
Like “how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?” hard—spoiler: you never find out because you will bite it.

You, my friend, are a mix between Bugs Bunny and a tea kettle. You’ll smile through absolute chaos, then suddenly pop your top, shriek “THIS IS NOT FAIR,” and stomp around like Yosemite Sam with steam coming out your ears—and honestly? That’s part of your charm.

You’ll feel like a lumpy chunk of coal, but guess what? Even lumpy coal turns into diamonds… eventually… after pressure, fire, and a few nervous breakdowns in the Taco Bell parking lot.

Your running? Still terrible. Truly. You run like a Galápagos turtle doing its taxes. But you do it anyway. And that counts for something.

In your 30s, girl—you start to thrive.
You go back to school (who knew brain cells could regenerate?), you write books, and you become a mom your daughter actually brags about. Yes, she’ll sass you. But she’ll also quote you like a tiny guru in sneakers.

And you know that voice you always worried was too loud?
Turns out, it’s exactly the right volume.
Because people need to hear it.
You’ll use that voice to speak up for grieving parents, for mothers with empty arms, for those wrestling with infertility and invisible grief. You’ll become a voice for the broken-hearted—and girl, you’ll carry it with grit and grace.

Now I won’t sugarcoat it:
You lose people you love.
You bury your son and your best friend in the same year.
You get fired for the first time in your life.
And yes, you do that “uphill both ways in the snow barefoot” thing… metaphorically… and occasionally literally because you forget to wear real shoes.

But you keep going.
You grieve. You break.
You rise like a dusty little phoenix with coffee breath and Walmart mascara. You wear your warrior scars with style.

And you don’t let it steal your joy.
You still laugh.
You still dance in the kitchen.
You still sing—not just loud and proud, but beautifully, boldly, and with purpose.

You’ll remember the warmth of the sun on your skin as you jumped on the trampoline, belting “Soak Up the Sun” like you were the headliner at your own backyard concert. (You were.)

So don’t rush it.
Let time do its weird little thing.
Let them laugh—because spoiler alert: they don’t matter anyway.

And you? You matter so, so much.
Even when you feel like you don’t.

With love,
The girl who still can’t run,
but finally knows her voice was her superpower all along.
– M.

You are always too critical of yourself! You have struggled with this your entire life! Throughout school and into adulthood, you were your harshest critic.You always believed yourself to be unintelligent, unattractive,and awkward. By age 50, I thought you would be done being so hard on yourself. But here you are, still listening to the negative voices telling you that you’re not enough.
You were always quiet, and afraid to speak out in front of people. You were called shy and backward, because you kept to yourself. You kept a small circle of close friends that you liked to laugh and joke around with, a group of people with similar interests and the same goofy sense of humor. You always liked people you could be yourself around. Even as an adult, you were called a misfit.
As you grew older, and gained more life experience, you learned to open your mouth more. You learned you had to stick up for yourself. You worked many jobs over the years, including a factory, fast food, retail, and healthcare.You took college courses, and several classes for advancement in your work place. You raised a family. You suffered many loses, you went through a separation and experienced the deaths of family members and friends, as well as had many wonderful experiences, and made many lovely memories.All the experiences helped you become the person you are today. You started opening your mouth, sticking up for yourself, and started loving the woman you were becoming. Your life has been full of goodness and love.
But now, here you are at 50, and even with all those experiences, you still, at times, struggle with negative voices telling you that you are not enough. The voice points out mistakes. It tells you everything you messed up, how you could have done things better, and you feel judged.
And now on your job you are struggling with the negative voices. Your healthcare experience spans almost 20 years,with CNA certification earned around 2 years ago.Every day you go into work and pour your heart and soul into your job. You try to do everything possible to take care of your residents, and to make them happy, safe and comfortable. Love and respect for your residents and their families keeps you coming back even though you feel overwhelmed, underappreciated, and burned out at times. You try to do the best job for your residents, always keeping in mind their needs. Sometimes you go home after a long shift, feeling exhausted, drained and feeling as if your work was insufficient, as if you could achieve more, or improve on the things you have done.Sometimes you go home and stand in the shower and cry, listening to the negative voices that tear you down.
One of the things you do to relax, release stress, and helps you feel better about your self is expressing yourself in writing, something you have always enjoyed, but unfortunately you let yourself get preoccupied with other pursuits and you put your writing on the back burner. Well now is the time to get back into it. Keep writing, keep expressing yourself, keep fighting the negative voices and keep moving forward and improving. Because you are good enough, you are worthy of good things, and something will come out of your writing!

Dear Past Self,

One day you are going to find that resilience is your best friend. You will see that in the darkest of days that no matter how much that light is not shining to you that God will help you along the way. Angels will be there to guide you along your journey. There will be many times when all you want to do is just give up. Yet, in this resiliency you will see dreams come true…dreams that you will accomplish because you understand that what does not kill you will make you stronger. Your life has not been easy. It is never supposed to be. Although life may seem easy, you will see how much bullying you can take and not take. Here is how you will know.

I know there were times when you felt like you were not good enough, and I remember the struggles you faced between 1997 and 1999. There were nine guys, and only four of them were true friends. The others made you feel small and humiliated you in front of everyone. I remember you playing front yard baseball, and when you said you were going to quit, they asked why, just so they could pick on you again the next day. I remember you riding your bike across the golf course, slamming it down and crying because it was all so hard to deal with.

I know that this will affect you in the deepest of ways. Time comes and time goes, but even where you face adversity there will be times that are fun that seem real to you. You will find out all along that those fun times you thought were good end up being toxic. Toxicity is common. It is common throughout this life in all aspects of so-called friends.

Even in fun moments, like playing ping pong, Jeopardy, or basketball, they still found ways to pick on you and make you feel less than normal. And even a year later, when you were watching a show, they found a way to spoil it and make it worse for you. I remember you going to the gas station, getting a bottle of Smirnoff Ice, and realizing that you wanted to leave that behind because they were never going to change.

You showed incredible strength by writing letters to each of those bullies. In both letters, you started with the words, “I forgive you.” One of them tried to justify his actions and share his opinions, and while you ended up connecting on social media, he never truly became a friend. The other bully laughed in your face, and you stood your ground, knowing he did not deserve a second chance. You let them both know that if they ever treated you poorly again, you would not hesitate to stand up for yourself.

In the midst of all of this, you never lost sight of your dreams. Years later, you tried out for a national dance show and made it to the top 38 out of a thousand dancers, fighting through three rounds to be on national TV. You also auditioned for a national singing show, making it to the top 300 out of three thousand singers, reaching the producer round and coming just one step away from being on TV.

Your journey did not stop there. You poured your heart into writing an inspirational book of reflections, a project that took 15 years to complete. In that book, you shared one of the most important lessons you learned: life is about how you face adversity, and we all have a choice to fall or rise. I hope that you soar.

Falling down is simple. Getting back up is strength. Rising to the occasion is paramount. Failure is one of life’s biggest lessons. You must fail to succeed. Success is many things. They talk about the journey and destination. You will realize that success is not measured by what you accomplished but by how far you have come to get there. You will then realize that success is measured not by the length of time it took you to get there but by seeing how much heart and passion has produced a glorious result through repeated effort and discipline.

Sooner than later, you will look back not at the failures that dragged you down and beat you down, but you will look at the things that helped you rise to success. Remember no matter how far you go in life that you will never stop learning about yourself and the people around you. Life is a gift, and you cannot waste it. Look at it as a present for a kid on Christmas day. You will finally see that resilience is your best friend. You will see that angels and God did guide you along your journey the entirety of your life.

So, hold your head high and know that you are worthy, you are strong, and you are destined for greatness. Your future self is proud of you, and I cannot wait for you to see all the amazing things you will achieve.

With all my love and compassion,
Your Future Self