My Dearest Asya,

Let me be the first to say, you’re an amazing person! You’re a great daughter, big sister, and friend. You’re not going to always get it right as the oldest and there will be a long period of time where you feel guilty for leaving home to go to college. You’re going to feel as though your sister and brother hate you for a while too, but you’ll never stop loving them. Dad’s going to go to prison again and things will be hard. They’ll be even harder when he gets out though. In the long run, you two will repair your relationship. You’re going to love people HARD and a lot of them will break your heart. You’ll leave a trail of brokenness as well, but you’ll always be more focused on fixing those souls you encounter. By the time you’re reaching your mid-twenties, life is going to be catastrophic; seeming as though it’ll stay that way until you hit thirty-one. You are going to suffer a lot of loss during this time, including 5 miscarriages. You will feel broken for quite some time. There will be one person in the human realm that is able to help you to begin feeling whole again. I’ll give you a clue as to who that is… Go look in a mirror. You are going to put in A LOT of work. You’re going to read a lot. You’re going to start therapy twice. (Don’t worry, you’ll have your first real stint with therapy in college.) You’re going to go back to church and center yourself back in God. You are going to end up discovering that you are happier and more confident than you have ever been. There are so many things that are going to go wrong, but there are also so many things that are going to go right. By loving hard, you’re going to discover several of your purposes. You are going to have 3 great loves, each one imprinting on your heart and teaching you something new about yourself. You’re going to go to college and grow so much. It’s going to be one of the first times you’re going to feel free. Sophomore year is when you really start to unwind. Freshman year is going to be a mess. Between the time you graduate high school in June and your first day on campus that August, you’re going to lose the only grandparent you’ve ever known, the house your family lived in, and your dad ends up back in the system. It’s actually going to take you 13 years to graduate, but with perseverance and the emotional and financial help of a lovely man, you’re going to get that Bachelor’s Degree that you always said you would. You should be so proud! The desire to be a wife and mother is going to grow larger as you get older. It’s especially going to intensify after you continue to have a series of unexplainable miscarriages during a 5 year period. You will have a lot of questions and contemplate your life, but you’re eventually going to seek help and utilize the strong support system that you built. One thing that won’t change is the fact that writing will still be your coping mechanism and easiest escape from the world. You’ll end up taking it very seriously and creating your own website. People are actually going to read it too! (Go girl!!!) As a result, one of your oldest, most treasured friends is going to replant the seed in your mind that you need to write a poetry book. You’re going to do it too! Guess what else?! Remember how you used to pray that one day you would own your own home? You’re going to! The housing insecurities you faced growing up.. well, you kept your word and are not going to allow your future kids to have to deal with that. You’re going to worry about the future a lot between now and then, but once you hit thirty you’re going to stop worrying so much. You’re going to realize that there is no point in worrying because what will be, will be. Sure, you’re going to look back and realize how much you cried some days, but you’re also going to look back and realize what a good time you had despite all of life’s curveballs. You’re going to make some of the most amazing memories with some of the most amazing people. If you loved someone at one point in time (whether platonic or not), they will always remain in your heart and they’ll always have a piece of yours. It’s a superpower. Your perseverance is going to carry you places you only imagined you’d be. I’m so very proud.