To the girl that deserves better,

I know you may not know me right now but we will meet at some point. Our story begins the moment you decide to stop letting people tell you who you are and take the time to find out for yourself. That is when you begin to learn about all the things that truly make you beautiful. Now I will say I still feel as though I’m not enough at times. The feeling that you currently experience still boils at the pit of my stomach and taunts me in the back of my mind. But I am here to let you know that it does get better. At some point you stop settling. At some point you stop beating yourself up for not being society’s idea of “perfect”. At some point you learn what it means to love yourself just as you are.

I’ll take this time to meet you where you’re at right now. I know it hurts and the thief of comparison is swift and diligently drowning out your uniqueness.Those times where you were made fun of when you danced, silenced when you sang, shut down when you shared what was on your heart or mind, began to shape how you view yourself. You decided that it’s best to play it safe, lay low, under the radar. Only allowing your light to shine around a select few. You later learn, whether you hide yourself from the world or actively put yourself out there people will always have their opinions. Please don’t let their thoughts become yours.

Not only did you learn that you’re not enough from the way you were treated by your peers. This was taught at home as well. Your dad leaving, for months or years at a time without a word. Leaving you with nothing but foggy memories and deep wounds of abandonment. You would try so hard to be everything you thought they would like. Even if that meant you had nothing left to give yourself. Thoughts surrounding what they would think consumed your mind and encompassed your every move. Your entire sense of self worth began to revolve around what they thought of you. Any remotely similar experience to your father’s lack of choosing you would trigger those thoughts and feelings sending you into a spiral, into depression and eventually anxiety because you wanted to please everyone at all times and whenever you couldn’t it would remind you that you’re not good enough.

I am here today to let you know that they were wrong. Some people simply didn’t know how to properly treat you. Many of them didn’t know how to properly treat or love themselves let alone another person. Remember, You are the one living this life not them. You are the one living in your heart, mind and body every single day not them. So make sure you are happy there.

I forgive you for not knowing any better in those situations. I forgive you for thinking that you had to wait for someone else to tell you, you’re amazing, beautiful and talented to believe it for yourself. I forgive you because no one ever taught you that the only person who can determine you’re worth is yourself. No one ever taught you how magnificent you are all on your own, or that everything you need is already within you.
You no longer have to try and be someone you’re not. I am here to tell you that you are so beautiful, your kind heart and enamoring mind radiate from the inside out, your humane existence is wondrous. From your brain that acts as an infinite universe in itself, to your body and the intricacies of the inner workings that keep you alive. Being human is truly fascinating and I’m learning to not only accept it but love it.

You were created with a significant purpose at hand no matter how big or small your presence in this world may seem, we all have a role to play. When you find yourself feeling insignificant or unworthy of a beautiful life know this; scientists have estimated that the probability of you being born is at about one in 400 trillion! You are no mistake. It is no accident that you are here today, as you. If that’s not amazing I don’t know what is. Let that fact prove to you that you are not only enough but your existence is truly a miracle. Allow yourself to marvel at the miracle that is you.

Love,
The woman you’re growing into

I know you may feel weak at times, but in those moments I want you to remember what makes you strong. It’s your ability to create beauty out of pain. To find wisdom in the aches. And fill the empty spaces of my broken heart with love. What makes you strong is the way you allow yourself to fall apart and break. What makes you strong is the way you put those broken pieces back together like a heart shaped mosaic. This is also what makes you beautiful. Your ability to see the beauty in everything, and share that beauty with those open to receiving.

Like when your home was falling apart and toxicity filled the walls. You made sure that your little sister was still happy. You did what you could to show her the beauties of this life regardless of what was going on around you, which required you yourself to see the beauty in the little things and share that with her. You protected and guarded her with love. Or like the time you were struggling financially yet you still found ways to enjoy life and help her do the same with what we had, and when we lost our home though it was tough, you didn’t give up on life. You still knew that there’s more out there, you still found gratitude for the little things, though you didn’t have much you focused on what you did have and found beauty in the little moments. Like the walks in the park, or our late night bike rides, finding beauty in the warmth of the sun and the twinkles of the stars, finding gratitude for the freedom you felt each time you got on that bike and had the opportunity to go wherever you desired. You remained grateful for each breath you took,  each meal you ate and each person that helped you in any way. You see, your grateful, kind, loving heart & vulnerability is a strength not a weakness. It’s much more daunting to take off the masks, put down the walls, and let your heart love freely. 

Vulnerability is your strength because it gives people something they could potentially use against you. It gives people the opportunity judge and ridicule you for your true feelings and beliefs. 

It’s also allows you the opportunity to connect with others heart to heart. To honor yourself by honoring your truth. 

You also, aren’t afraid to look deep. To acknowledge a feeling as it arises and follow it down to its root, even if it’s one that’s painful, you still do your best to sit with that pain and learn its story. The way you dive deep into the dark seas of the unknown is courageous. Not knowing what lies beneath the surface you take that risk of getting hurt by what you come across when you dive in past the uncertainty. That requires a bravery not everyone has. Though at times you may fall subject to the distractions and forms of suppression towards unpleasant experiences and feelings. You always come around and take a deeper look at them when you regain your consciousness. You are strong because you do your best to honor your feelings. You are strong because you wear your heart on your sleeve. You have the heart to get through anything and find the deeper meaning to it all. You have an undeniable strength, so whenever you feel weak, defeated or depleted, remember this. Feel into your heart, soft and loving yet strong and powerful. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for. So read this as many times as you need, until it’s ingrained in your brain that you are as strong, willful and powerful as can be. 

Love,