How your life can give light to my mom’s legacy

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To: Gabrielle Union-Wade

From: Vernon Turner

Charity: The National Association for Children of Addiction

Sponsor: Joseph Frimpong is donating $50 The National Association for Children of Addiction in honor of the first 50 shares of this letter

Dear Gabrielle Union-Wade,

You, your husband (Dwyane Wade) along with Ciara and Russ Wilson are producing a movie about my life. It’s important to share my story because of the lessons I learned and the adversity I have overcome. However, most importantly, I want to bring justice, purpose, and understanding to my mother’s life and story, as well as peace and love to our ever-so-complex mother-son relationship.

Gabrielle Union-Wade is among the producers making a movie about Vernon Turner’s life.

Gabrielle, I have a strong preference for the type of woman and actress who will play the role of my mom and I have a good reason for it.

I know that my mother’s life was challenging and full of complications. The actress who plays her role doesn’t have an easy story to convey.

As a child, my mom would look at me sometimes with cold eyes. It was as if she was looking through me. I wouldn’t say she ignored me, but I didn’t feel her love. I couldn’t make sense of it. One day it all came together when she told me how I came into this world.

She was a heavy drug addict but I never saw her do drugs until I was 11 years old. I walked into the bathroom and there she was with a needle in her arm. I froze. I just stared at her and she looked at me. We stared at each other for a good five seconds.

Then, I yelled at her, “Why are you doing that? Why are you doing this?”

She summoned me into the bathroom and told me to sit down and watch her put the needle in her arm.

Vernon’s mother, Jackie, struggled with addiction

“I never want you to be in the position I am in right now. It is going to kill me,” she said as she continued to put the poison in her arm.

I said, “Mom if you know it’s going to kill you. Why are you doing it?”

She paused with tears dripping down her face and said, “It makes the pain go away. It makes me not think about it.”

That’s when she told me about the moment that changed her life. She was coming home from band practice when two men grabbed her and brought her to the top of an abandoned building. There was a third man waiting. Together, they gang-raped her.  They were going to swing her off the roof but they heard someone coming. So they dropped her and they took off.

That was the day I was conceived. That’s how she got pregnant. I was a walking, breathing reminder of what happened to her. From that moment on, I thought I was a huge tragic mistake. For years, I would not look at myself in the mirror.

And while I suffered, she did, too. After the assault, she became a prostitute. That’s when she started doing drugs.

I thought I was a huge tragic mistake. For years, I would not look at myself in the mirror.

Prior to the assault, my mom had a lot of talents. I was told she had an infectious personality. She was athletic – a track runner to be exact – and she had a smile that lit up the room, just like you, Gabrielle. She was an artist and had the potential for greatness.  Sadly, I only saw flashes of these qualities. I didn’t get the opportunity to see her at her best.

Vernon moved to Staten Island at seven years old

Our relationship was heartbreaking. When I was seven years old, she decided to move in with a man who loved her. He was Italian and lived in an all-white neighborhood. Instead of being happy for my mom I was mad that my little brother and I had to move away from my grandmother in an African-American community to live with my stepdad. Then, my mom had three more children and I became the caregiver. By age nine, I was braiding hair, changing diapers and cooking dinner.

Eventually, I found football. Football became an outlet for all my pain. I channeled all of the negativity around me into my craft. However, my mother used the game as a tool to discipline me. One day, at 15 years old, I rushed home to tell her that I was going to play varsity the following year. Before I could speak, she told me I was grounded for some chores I didn’t complete. I tried again to tell her the news.

She said, “You are not playing anything.”

Vernon played football at Curtis High School on Staten Island

All the resentment was building up. I went to my room, got down on my knees beside my bed and put my hands together. I prayed that she would die and I meant it. I wanted her to die. 72 hours later she was gone. She died from pneumonia.

From that day until I go six feet under, I’ll always be broken. I know I didn’t kill my mom but the fact that I prayed that she would die and she did – that’s a guilt that will haunt me for the rest of my life and I will never get past that.

When she died, I didn’t want to leave her grave. I stayed for hours and walked home from the cemetery by myself. It was only after she died that I truly understood her strength. She made the ultimate sacrifice for me. No one would have faulted her if she aborted me or put me up for adoption. But she kept me and she protected me as best she could.

Vernon lost his mother when he was 15 years old.

I know she loved me. While most of the time it was tough love, there were glimpses of real love.

The Christmas before she died, I remember walking into the kitchen and saying “Merry Christmas, mom.”

She stopped cooking. She looked at me and she said, “Merry Christmas baby.”

She gave me a nice long hug. In my 15 years of living, I had never experienced such a warm hug like that from my mother. That memory is proof of my mom’s strength and love.

Despite her struggles, my mom was a fighter. She never ever gave up. She took care of her five kids, including one, me, that was born under horrific circumstances.

Gabrielle, for my mom’s role I want an actress who understands the pain my mother felt from her assault but also someone who embodies her strength.  You know the pain of sexual assault on a deep level. You are a survivor. You are a strong woman. You are relentless.

I want someone who smiles often – someone who has lived their dreams and overcome their fears. I want someone whose inherent talents and positive traits shine through them. I want someone who is living a happy and fulfilled life – the one my mother never got to fully experience.

Gabrielle is a successful actress, advocate and mom.

Gabrielle, Not only are you an accomplished actress but you speak out against injustice. You are a businesswoman and because of your perseverance, you are now also a mom. You are a role model for so many young people.

All of the aforementioned traits are so important to me when it comes to my mother’s role. That’s because I want the person who plays my mom to not only portray who she was as I knew her but also in real life be an example of who that young girl walking home from band practice might have been able to become had I never been born.

Gabrielle, I truly hope that person will be you….

Can’t wait to get started,

Vernon Turner

 

Written with Lauren Brill

About the author:

Vernon Turner is a former NFL player, who exhibited determination and a relentless spirit to overcome a challenging childhood. Gabrielle Union, Dwyane Wade, Ciara Wilson and Russ Wilson are in the process of producing a movie based on Vernon’s life.

About the sponsor and the charity:

The National Association for Children of Addiction (NACoA) aims to eliminate the adverse impact of alcohol and drug use on children and families. Joseph Frimpong is donating $50 to The National Association for Children of Addiction in honor of the first 50 shares of this letter.

The Unsealed will match the donation if we get 100 new subscribers and 100 new Facebook followers by 10/10/19.

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I have learned over my Fifty-Eight years of life, and more specifically over the last 10 that FDR's words about fearing only fear itself ring true; to me, they do, anyway. And, at the same time, how the words of the 23rd Psalm comfort me and my abundant faith in G-d allows me to fear only fear, knowing full well that He is always with me. Growing up in a Non-Orthodox, yet Observant Jewish family nicely brings both together and not only makes me feel more protected but commands me to believe so. You see, I have lived a different kind of life, as we all have to some degree, but mine changes daily. Not that I am ANY BETTER than anyone else, in fact, probably less so... I stray from my stories often. I shouldn't, but since my Stroke in 2012, I have somehow developed some sort of ADD, so please bear with me, the end will justify the means and I will *try* to stick with my story; for you, my readers. I moved my family of the ex-wife and four children Cross-Country in 2002 to be closer to my dad who was turning 75 that year, and while I could not afford both financially as well as mentally to move back to Southern California (where he and my mother lived), I chose the Midbar (Hebrew for Desert) of Arizona. Within just a few short weeks of moving here, I woke up one day with some of the most severe abdominal pain I had ever experienced. I found a local doctor and made an appointment to see him that day. I arrived at the appointment and was ushered into an examination room by their PA (Physician's Assistant), who is supposed to be the same as a Doctor, but not really (?). I was examined and Prescriptions for a Pain Medication and an Antibiotic. They continued to treat me in a like manner for almost six months when I ended up in an Emergency Room, where a CT Scan was performed and Colonoscopy was scheduled. 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I lay in this place crying out in fear for what seemed like days and weeks and months. Suddenly, my cries were replaced by Psalms. I was reciting Psalms, some of which I had never even read before! And the Psalms turned into Prayers; The Kol Nidre, chanted at the beginning of our Day of Atonement, Yom Kippur; every other prayer recited on this Holy of all Holy Days; the Prayers for the Sukkot Holidays that follow the next week and the Readings for every single Torah Portion of the year. I somehow knew them all. By heart. Without hesitation of memory and obviously without any text to look at. I kept reading and chanting day and night; night and day and resting in between. Really resting. Sleeping... until one day, I opened up my eyes to see my beautiful son Zac sitting at my side on my bed. Covering the holes in my throat and on the side of my neck, I managed to spit out "C'était le rêve de dix minutes le plus étrange que j'aie jamais eu"! 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A Stroke in 2012 took my ability to project my voice loudly; I've been hospitalized many times and know how very precious time is. I do not live for today, rather, I live for tomorrow. I do everything I can do today to help others, and pray that I am again awakened tomorrow to do more good. And if so, great! And if not; if G-d decides to take me tonight, I will hang out with my parents and loved ones forever. I win either way. President Roosevelt was right to believe in only fearing fear. Psalm 23 is even more so, as Faith follows all of us.

Funny my mom passed in 1991 as a 13 year old it was hard but she was much more then beauty. She was a fighter from the beginning and I will never be able to explain her impact. It shows you came from a strong famiy and I'm glad you had both a mom and dad because a lot of people don't. I pray your truth can make a difference

This is trying to scare us with more misinformation then actual information but thank you for giving us your reality. I like it a lot.and people just wash your hand like you should be doing anyway 😂

Great discussion, as well as some interesting numbers which I'm not sure are meant to calm us, or install even more fear. I have many of your same concerns. Just yesterday I scheduled a work trip to Miami for late next week, but am unsure if it will happen or not. And while i say or act like i'm not concerned, sub-consciously, i am quite sure it is weighing on my mind each time i cough, or sneeze, or feel "a little warm", or if someone around me does. One of the biggest fears i have is that with all of the media coverage and the additional testing becoming available, the numbers are sure to skyrocket, and this is going to really set some people off. Our country is going to go absolutely bonkers . We are all guilty of taking limited amounts of information and either talking about it like an expert, or completely overreacting. Here's hoping that the number stat to level out, and then drop. Lets hope that the American people can follow simple suggestions. Lets hope that countries from around the world can work together to come up with a viable plan to slow this train down. And last but not least, lets hope our politicians can come together to provide our country guidance as we all try to get through this. Lets hope they can forget about the presidential race for just a minute to remember what their job really is; to serve the American people. And now is their time to really step up and lead by example.

Lauren, like you I have to balance my fear and confusion. I work directly with the public and I have an immune system that is partially suppressed as a by product of treatment for Rheumatoid Arthritis. I fear for my Father the most as his body is much weaker than even mine. I visited the Cleveland Museum of Art on Sunday just to learn three people were positively diagnosed on Monday in Cuyahoga county. You aren't alone in that fear. I think that we must turn to hope to keep us in this trying time. We have to...

Terry, As a man who has lived and breathed baseball, your letter was an absolute joy for me to read. What young boy wouldn't want to be in the clubhouse with his Dad? During your time as manager I've been to quite a few games in Cleveland. None though were as special as July 12th 2014. That was the day I celebrated my 30th birthday. Though the day centered around my birthday it saw me doing something for someone else. It was the day I took my Father to the very first professional sports game in his 59 years of life at the time. It was so touching the certificate that he got from the wonderful folks at Guest Services. And although the home team lost to the White Sox that day, it will always remain one of the best days in my heart. Letters like yours only serve to renew my love for the game of baseball. Thanks for sharing it with the little boy still inside of me wanting to throw that 0-2 curveball to the best hitter in the league.

[…] enough, in the email was your letter to your late father, former NBA basketball star Anthony Mason, talking about your struggles after his death. You wrote […]

Sweet Lauren, I agree completely with the promise that Brian asked you to make. Frankly, it is the only way that I know to love; totally, completely, wholly and unconditionally. You deserve nothing less, nor does your future love.

Wow. What a truly moving and powerful story. We often take for granted the small gifts we give each other just by being present. I'm sad for the heartache. I'm glad you stayed and became. Who knows what little girl or boy will be attributing their life's purpose to some kindness you shared. Peace and Sunshine

You’re welcome Lauren looking forward to all the future stories :)

Thank you Tony. I appreciate all your support.

Thank you Tony. I appreciate all your support.

I’m sorry to hear about Brian but he was right you are too beautiful to not receive roses Lauren:)

[…] Here is why you need to stop being nice and start being loud […]

Thanks for this! So what movie set did you get on?

So nice Roger <3

Pat, Your letter touched me in a very profound way. It left me in tears in the middle of my work day. It made me want to share something with you. On a July morning in 2007 a police officer answered a 911 call I had made when my Mother went into cardiac arrest. Between that officer, my best friend and the fire fighters who showed up minutes later they were able to restart her heart, however at the hospital she passed away an hour later. At the end of his shift that officer stopped by my home to check on the situation and cried when I told him the unfortunate news I received only 4 hours prior. He tried to apologize to me. I looked at the anguish in his eyes and asked him directly what for? He described the ways he felt sorry. What I want to leave you with was my reply to him. I told him he had nothing to be sorry for because he answered the call in what was the darkest moment in my life. I told him that he was a hero regardless because it takes a special person to answer calls like that. You are a hero to people Pat. No one can ever take that away from you. I understand the process you're going through as I've been there myself and like you I still struggle with it when no one is looking. You aren't alone in this. I hope your healing process continues on and you can regain the happiness in this beautiful life. You'll always be a hero to those people, because you were there when the call came Best wishes Roger Chamberlain

Ruth, your letter moved me to tears. Once upon a time I was very closed off about the LGBT community but over a course of several years, I turned my fear into understanding and I actively stand with the community for their equal rights because it is the right thing to do.